Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Jerry F · Jerry F

Aloha Kakahiaka family....Good Morning (Hilo time). Dogs are walked, coffee made and my literature came out on the table. Its quiet as my wife continues to slumber getting the morning cob webs detached. The messages and guidance of our ODAT, Courage to Change and our Hope for Today are like spi...

CEH · CEH

Well my husband is 22 days sober today and I am not making it easy on him. I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday and let it all come out on my AH. If you go and read my bio it will explain all that I let out. The day started out upsetting for me and so I sent him an email and he didn't respond. I told him w...

CEH · CEH

I found a meeting in my area, but they only meet on Mondays. I will go next Monday. I can't find a Al-Anonteen meeting in my area only one that is an hour away. My girls are so busy there is no way to get them there. Do any of you have any suggestions on online AnAnonteen supports? I have a 17 year old, 16 ye...

Ceelee · Ceelee

I don't know where else to reach out. The last week or two been horrible. My AH is so bad and I am struggling and so are our kids. My 16 yr old daughter has been struggling with anorexia/ bulimia as well as self mutilation. It all started about 2.5 years ago when I separated from my AH. We found a good dictir th...

Thurrayya the Khajiit · Thurrayya the Khajiit

I made the decision to leave my ABF. I've come to terms with the fact that I've probably been headed this way for a while, ever since he got kicked out of school. But I stood by him and tried to make it work. But, I guess I began to resent the fact that I was trying to work two jobs and go back to school while he wou...

PatG1025 · PatG1025

I feel my problem is probably one that is not experienced much by others, but here goes. My alcoholic husband, who was 20 years sober at the time, died 3 years ago. I didn't realize then how much time, effort and energy I spent taking care of him during his last few years of illness (he suffered from cirrho...

seahorselady · seahorselady

Hi all, I talked to my AS person to person for the first time tonight and it was very difficult to hear him crying and expressing his hopelessness. Through it all I was able to listen, acknowledge and support him while also reiterating how it was not mine to fix and that only he had the power to do that for hi...

Charlotte22 · Charlotte22

Hi There, I was in program for 10 years and then moved to a small canadian city and in the meetings they gossip and cross talk so I am now doing phone meetings but I will try again. Lately, after I had a traumatic event with my ex husband and my 85 year old alcoholic father I was deeply triggered into a Dark...

hope for the hopeless · hope for the hopeless

Hi. My name is Hope. I have been an active AA member for 26 years now. Some of the people at our meetings often talk about "detach with love." My husband is still drinking and making my life miserable. I would love to hear your wisdom of experience, strength and hope of how to deal with him and his drinking a...

CEH · CEH

My story is what I would consider a complicated story. I will start my story with what has happened to bring me to Al-Anon in the present time and then fill in the back story after I have fully explained how my life has turned upside down. On August 19, 2016 I answered the phone at work to hear my husban...

e_i_m · e_i_m

My crazy behavior seeps into many interactions, not just with alcoholics. (Because it's *my* insanity). It's so nice to be able to laugh about it sometimes. I am a host on a home-sharing web site. I was just changing the sheets in anticipation of a new guest and I remembered how my crazy controlling in...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Just wanted to share a little. I notice as time goes on and I live and work my program, nothing is a big deal anymore. Everything is in perspective and manageable. Just going along, living by the Steps, literature etc. Everything falls into place. Yes, even with an active AH in our home. It feels like a m...

CH_Husband_Dad · CH_Husband_Dad

My wife just recently returned from rehab. She is doing well. We have had some issues and they may have been caused by my own insecurities. Anyway, she threw me a birthday party last week. She bought some beer and some wine that she wouldn't have liked for the guests. I had a beer and offered to other...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's reading notes AlAnon's spiritual nature, as opposed to a religious one. While we are free to pursue whatever religious concept we prefer on our own, the purpose of AlAnon is to help us create a 'heavenly' oasis from the effects of alcohol in someone we know.The author notes, however, that som...

joker · joker

Just had another insight. I see my part in this and what treatment I have been receiving from my abf. He will sober up for a bit, get a job, stay focused, church, work at a job, give me money from his pay check to pay his bills, (we have our own bills and bank accounts, as we are not legally married), he gives me...

Searchingforpeace · Searchingforpeace

Today was the first time I have been out of the house by myself in three weeks. I spent some time thinking about why I've done this, and I think I've found those answers, what I don't know, is how to stop the cycle. reasons for isolation: fear of what my A's will think, fear of what I will walk into when I get h...

SDB · SDB

So I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of August - the same week that my husband got a job after 2 years of unemployment, mostly due to his drinking. The binges started once a week and then a few times a week. I tried to do my best to focus on myself and stay calm. This week he took Monday off, worked Tu...

a4l · a4l

Yep, that's me. Having a lovely day. I woke up, came out to my kitchen which partner had insisted on cleaning after dinner while I got the kids ready for bed, and discovered there is a huge difference in understanding of " cleaning the kitchen" between us. The old grumble box started in my head of, wtf, if...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I need help understanding where to go from here. My 8 year old doesn't see her dad much my exAH because he doesn't make the effort to see her except some holidays and Summer time. Since moving in with my boyfriend and his 13 year old daughter, he points out her ride behavior. Which is there, but out of guilt...

BlondieSr · BlondieSr

So I've been sober for 10 years with the help and guidance of AA. My husband, who didn't drink much, has now started drinking excessively. He just gets so mean when he drinks and wants to pick fights so that he can hit and break things. I realized the last time that he broke the glass in the coffee table,...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

good morning everyone- i apologize for not writing about Hope for Today- I am preparing for a move and although I thought I'd set my books aside this morning at 5 I couldn't find it! So instead of opening up boxes I thought I'd write about one of the verses from just for today: JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust m...

tucker · tucker

I went to my very first ACOA/AlAnon meeting today and boy did I find my group. I am officially declaring myself "in recovery" now. There was a good mix of men & women there, and I heard a lot of good things. I related to just about every one and can see that I have a lot to learn. For now I'm taking it one day...

Freetime · Freetime

I heard this for the first time in my meeting last week, loved it, and wanted to share with all of you: Y - You A - Always H - Have O - Other O - Options Are you stuck on a dilemma? What other options do you have?

Thurrayya the Khajiit · Thurrayya the Khajiit

I am at the breaking point in my relationship. SO has always had a drinking problem. But he was so nice in the beginning and was more reserved about drinking around me. Then I noticed little things. I have never been a heavy drinker. A glass of wine or bottle of beer or mixed drink is about my limit. And I hav...

Detached · Detached

After 20 some years of living in craziness the steps, to me, we're such a beautiful gift that it brings tears to my eyes to know the peace I have just for today! When I first started step 1 I took it to all kind of extremes because I am an "all or nothing" kind of person; there is not a single person in my life no...

Ceelee · Ceelee

Today is going to be tough if I let it be. My AH didn't drink yesterday and went to an AA meeting. You think I would be happy but I'm not. Sometimes I wish he would just keep drinking. He couldn't drink because he didn't have any money or beer. He will have money today. He works alone and can drink all day which...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for September 12 speaks about the 3As : . Awareness, Acceptance and Action.It points out that true change can only happen,when we achieve awareness,move to -acceptance and then we can take action. Attempting to cope with the new awareness can be extremely awkward, as mos...

joker · joker

I noticed this weekend, since a cousin came to stay at my house since last week, that the abf has become snappy toward me, trying to start a fight. She is young, pretty, and sexy. All weekend he was snappy toward me, yesterday was worse after church. First he was nice toward me after church then later on wa...

lookingup · lookingup

hey hey hey everybody so glad to be posting about something takes me a bit to get back in the rythum of it again.so I'm gone from having addicts all around me to having no addicts at all which is a great thing for me,but it's also left me all alone,lonely I keep thinking HALT everyday and it's getting worser...

e_i_m · e_i_m

I've been volunteering at my neighborhood festival this weekend and have had several instances of the gifts of the program that I wanted to share. One of my oldest friends (who is a bit cranky and who could benefit from al-anon, imho), said "boy, you seem really calm" (she knows I'd just broken up with a...

lookingup · lookingup

It seems it's a everyday battle that we as alanoners have to go through fighting this monstrous desease,times I know we all grow tired and weary some trying keep ourselves above water,but yet we still seem to all fall victim,or I know most of us do,I'm greatful for this mip board today to be able to come h...

Stepdad · Stepdad

Hello everyone. I am new to all of this. My stepdaughter went into rehab three weeks ago and should be coming home in about three more weeks. Honestly I am scared to death for her. We are trying to all we can to get things in place to support her but I am still terrified that she will go back to sinking and usin...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Hello all, had been enjoying a pleasant, calm Sunday morning with AH. Getting along well, me in and enjoying Al-anon mode. Then in an instant, a mood swing happens in him. Quite a surprise, useful wake up call for me to witness just how unwell he is. Turned from pleasant to dark faced and snarling in a se...

Zoe197979 · Zoe197979

Hi I've never been on something like this before but I cant take anymore. My husband has had a drink problem for 15 years however 5 years ago he started adding cocaine to the mix. We have had many arguments which resulted in him walking out on me on Thursday to go to the pub rather than try and work out his mar...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for September 11 (a difficult day for me) speaks about working the Fourth Step and making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The reading suggests that many times while we are working the Fourth Step, we will uncover hidden destructive attitudes that we did not r...

Crau · Crau

The word we all need and all have lost I assume along the way. I often think about trust and how it can be repaired with some and lost forever with others. does working our own program help in turn for us to accept, forgive and untimely build back trust with our qualifiers? should trust always be rebui...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

UGH!!!!! So I'm driving home from work and here comes ex ABF in his truck! The road that he takes to his house out in the country goes right by the building I work in. I see his truck from a distance and I'm thinking "Dear God PLEASE DO NOT let that be him!!!" Then I see it's him and I say a cuss word out loud i...

lookingup · lookingup

I don't know where to begin with this story it's something I've been holding back on all my life without any help of what to do with it,so I thought sharing my story with you all might help maybe I can get closure with it ,making a long story short ,I as a young child 4 or 5 years old ,there was 2 teenage boys liv...

Ejskoolaide · Ejskoolaide

My AH is currently in a 30 day inpatient rehab. They wont let me talk to him or see him except for 1 family group session after his 22 day. Then tbe following week he gets out. I saw him in the parking lot yesterday talking with other women. He waved at me and i waved back. I am very fearful that he will meet some...

jocelgp · jocelgp

I'm having trouble with acceptance. I cannot accept his rudeness, his sarcasm, I don't think I should be treated this way. I know this is gonna happen, I learned that this is going to be the behavior even when he promises not to drink or if ever he will not be able to keep up with his promise. How can I sur...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Well...not surprisingly, there are nonrecovering alcoholics in my family. I wrote in another thread months ago that I have a medication refusing bipolar active alcoholic first cousin that continues to come around my elderly parents with his hand held out. There is a long history with him. His fath...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Enjoying my peaceful Sunday morning. Wanted to share some progress with you, AH was chatting away, I listened and then went off to do my own thing. It is only now I am sat quietly enjoying a cup of tea I realise that AH was trying to manipulate me into doing something for him that he couldn't be bothered to d...

lookingup · lookingup

hello again my most bestest freinds of alanon hope all is well,I'm been having my neighbors son doing a lot of my yard work which he is good at,lately he has been talking a lot to me about one thing then another he has told me of his pot smoking that he likes doing,and he has found me not judging him of this hab...

e_i_m · e_i_m

I've been thinking about acceptance, acceptable behavior, boundaries, relationships and changing one's circumstances this morning. One of my (very human) character defects is asking "why?" about lots of things. I would love to reach a state of enlightened acceptance where instead of "why?" be...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for September 10 speaks about the destructive negative tool of "denial". It notes that when we first come into program, many of us are so unaware that we use this tool and often don't even realize that there are alcoholics in our lives. Al-Anon presents a safe place to be able to look at...

Zoe197979 · Zoe197979

Update - he came back Sunday full of the same old promises - he was done, he had hit his rock bottom etc etc. Fast forward to Thursday and I get a message - I've had 2 beers and "found" some drugs in my wallet so I had to take it!!! Once again another argument and him saying its al over that was the last time... Wi...

Charlotte22 · Charlotte22

Hi Everyone, I have been in the program 10 years from 30-40 but I moved to small city at 40 with very few meetings and they are very gossipy so I use phone meetings and have to start over in my Recovery. I am now 54 but started up at least 3-4 phone meetings per week and want to find a sponsor. I realize my EM...

Aerin · Aerin

So my abf finally went to an AA meeting. He said he found some parts interesting but he doesn't think that it will help him long term because he still feels drinking is a choice and he just has to make better choices. Sadly I told him I can no longer see him until he goes for at least 30 days and then we will re-e...

jocelgp · jocelgp

Just the thought of bars, pubs, people who drink, occasions with drinking makes me feel so negative, disgusted, nauseated at the worse. I know this feeling is "abnormal" and effect of my daily living with AH. But somehow I feel I should be able to remove this feeling, let them be, don't mind them. I n...

Ceelee · Ceelee

I think detachment is one of the strongest tools of the program. But I'm not very good at it yet. I've tried but the resentment and anger or pity always seem to show up eventually. My question is, can I detach without love first? Is any form of detachment a beginning or am I just spinning wheels? Thank you...

Detached · Detached

I just want to introduce myself, I have been reading the boards for months but just joined last night. My AH has been actively addicted to opiates/alcohol since he was in his teens. We have been married for 22 years and I have spent that time trying to fix him. I have hit my bottom, and when I found al-anon/...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about the power of meetings, shares and how it all works. Often times, we are in pain and just struggle to spill it out - almost held hostage by our pain and fear. The reading discusses how so very often, another member of our fellowship will open up and share, and it's exactly what we...

el-cee · el-cee

I was listening to AA speakers on you tube and the speaker was talking about how this disease has many aspects to it or many symptoms and while we may deal with denial and the obsession with the drinker in our lives what I hadnt realised was that other things crop up and take the place of the original obses...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

...which means I'm fighting the snoop-bug hard. Mostly because if he is, then we're over. But I have to know for sure. I feel like I am paralyzed and can't act without knowing. I hate this.

Desperateinnyc · Desperateinnyc

I'm sitting here full of so much anger that he's not home yet..he's sitting at the bar, being mr friendly and drunk fun guy, while he knows I've expected him for 2 hours already...and when he does decide to walk in, I will get the angry, mean drunk. No one else has to see that. so because I'm only human, I fin...

Ceelee · Ceelee

Hello! I've been reading this board for awhile but Ive never posted. I started going to Alanon about a year ago. I only went to a few meetings because I wasn't really ready. I am very ready now! I am married to an active alcoholic. I grew up with an addicted mother and younger brother. My mother and brother...

El · El

Hi all! Not one of my better days today > program-wise. I have been doing really well detaching, staying on my side of the street, working on me and my interests, focusing on a closer / more consistent communication with my HP. Today, not so much. For some reason I just couldn't pause before respon...

funandsun · funandsun

Hi everyone, I have been going to several F2F Meetings and am not having any luck acquiring a sponsor. I believe I am doing everything correctly and listen/share at meetings and then politely ask people after the meetings if they are taking on any new sponsees. Everyone who I ask tell me that they unfor...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Hi everyone. I was wondering if boundaries and codependency have to do with when they come in and are in a bad mood or when they are constantly negative. How does everyone have boundaries or handle that. I find I start getting depressed after awhile- the therapist just says ignore it and it's not about m...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about trusting a Higher Power and having faith. I'm starting with the quote - because it is powerful and spot on for me today - "Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek, not to understand that thou mayest believe; but believe that thou mayest understand." --- Aurel...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	a cup of coffee with our literature (Preview) Aloha Kakahiaka family....Good Morning (Hilo time). Dogs are walked, coffee made and my literature came out on the table. Its quiet as my wife continues to slumber getting the morning cob webs detached. The messages and guidance of our ODAT, Courage to Change and our Hope for Today are like spi...	Jerry F	5	874	Sep 15, 2016 by KT2015
	I have had better days. (Preview) Well my husband is 22 days sober today and I am not making it easy on him. I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday and let it all come out on my AH. If you go and read my bio it will explain all that I let out. The day started out upsetting for me and so I sent him an email and he didn't respond. I told him w...	CEH	23	1055	Sep 15, 2016 by hotrod
	Al-Anon Teen Meetings (Preview) I found a meeting in my area, but they only meet on Mondays. I will go next Monday. I can't find a Al-Anonteen meeting in my area only one that is an hour away. My girls are so busy there is no way to get them there. Do any of you have any suggestions on online AnAnonteen supports? I have a 17 year old, 16 ye...	CEH	9	981	Sep 15, 2016 by CEH
	Taking my daughter to a treatment center for an eating disorder (Preview) I don't know where else to reach out. The last week or two been horrible. My AH is so bad and I am struggling and so are our kids. My 16 yr old daughter has been struggling with anorexia/ bulimia as well as self mutilation. It all started about 2.5 years ago when I separated from my AH. We found a good dictir th...	Ceelee	10	1090	Sep 15, 2016 by Ceelee
	Am I making the right call (Preview) I made the decision to leave my ABF. I've come to terms with the fact that I've probably been headed this way for a while, ever since he got kicked out of school. But I stood by him and tried to make it work. But, I guess I began to resent the fact that I was trying to work two jobs and go back to school while he wou...	Thurrayya the Khajiit	6	734	Sep 15, 2016 by Iamhere
	Life After (Preview) I feel my problem is probably one that is not experienced much by others, but here goes. My alcoholic husband, who was 20 years sober at the time, died 3 years ago. I didn't realize then how much time, effort and energy I spent taking care of him during his last few years of illness (he suffered from cirrho...	PatG1025	10	1320	Sep 15, 2016 by Iamhere
	first time is the hardest (Preview) Hi all, I talked to my AS person to person for the first time tonight and it was very difficult to hear him crying and expressing his hopelessness. Through it all I was able to listen, acknowledge and support him while also reiterating how it was not mine to fix and that only he had the power to do that for hi...	seahorselady	13	693	Sep 15, 2016 by Jerry F
	Has Anyone Experienced a Dark Night of the Soul - Al Anon Help! (Preview) Hi There, I was in program for 10 years and then moved to a small canadian city and in the meetings they gossip and cross talk so I am now doing phone meetings but I will try again. Lately, after I had a traumatic event with my ex husband and my 85 year old alcoholic father I was deeply triggered into a Dark...	Charlotte22	10	756	Sep 15, 2016 by milkwood
	Al-anon wisdom (Preview) Hi. My name is Hope. I have been an active AA member for 26 years now. Some of the people at our meetings often talk about "detach with love." My husband is still drinking and making my life miserable. I would love to hear your wisdom of experience, strength and hope of how to deal with him and his drinking a...	hope for the hopeless	2	685	Sep 14, 2016 by hotrod
	I am new Al-Anon I am embarrassed to say "anger" has brought me here. (Preview) My story is what I would consider a complicated story. I will start my story with what has happened to bring me to Al-Anon in the present time and then fill in the back story after I have fully explained how my life has turned upside down. On August 19, 2016 I answered the phone at work to hear my husban...	CEH	19	1097	Sep 14, 2016 by CEH
	A little ESH (funny/crazy) (Preview) My crazy behavior seeps into many interactions, not just with alcoholics. (Because it's my insanity). It's so nice to be able to laugh about it sometimes. I am a host on a home-sharing web site. I was just changing the sheets in anticipation of a new guest and I remembered how my crazy controlling in...	e_i_m	2	481	Sep 14, 2016 by Iamhere
	Moving forward (Preview) Just wanted to share a little. I notice as time goes on and I live and work my program, nothing is a big deal anymore. Everything is in perspective and manageable. Just going along, living by the Steps, literature etc. Everything falls into place. Yes, even with an active AH in our home. It feels like a m...	Calm Lady	5	425	Sep 14, 2016 by Ceelee
	Should I refrain from drinking? (Preview) My wife just recently returned from rehab. She is doing well. We have had some issues and they may have been caused by my own insecurities. Anyway, she threw me a birthday party last week. She bought some beer and some wine that she wouldn't have liked for the guests. I had a beer and offered to other...	CH_Husband_Dad	18	860	Sep 14, 2016 by CH_Husband_Dad
	One Day at a Time in AlAnon (ODAT) 9-14-16 What About Religion? (Preview) Today's reading notes AlAnon's spiritual nature, as opposed to a religious one. While we are free to pursue whatever religious concept we prefer on our own, the purpose of AlAnon is to help us create a 'heavenly' oasis from the effects of alcohol in someone we know.The author notes, however, that som...	Enigmatic	5	532	Sep 14, 2016 by Iamhere
	seeing cycle (Preview) Just had another insight. I see my part in this and what treatment I have been receiving from my abf. He will sober up for a bit, get a job, stay focused, church, work at a job, give me money from his pay check to pay his bills, (we have our own bills and bank accounts, as we are not legally married), he gives me...	joker	11	587	Sep 14, 2016 by 2HP
	Isolation (Preview) Today was the first time I have been out of the house by myself in three weeks. I spent some time thinking about why I've done this, and I think I've found those answers, what I don't know, is how to stop the cycle. reasons for isolation: fear of what my A's will think, fear of what I will walk into when I get h...	Searchingforpeace	7	628	Sep 14, 2016 by geems
	Two months pregnant and husband actively drinking again (Preview) So I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of August - the same week that my husband got a job after 2 years of unemployment, mostly due to his drinking. The binges started once a week and then a few times a week. I tried to do my best to focus on myself and stay calm. This week he took Monday off, worked Tu...	SDB	35	918	Sep 14, 2016 by milkwood
	having a lovely day (Preview) Yep, that's me. Having a lovely day. I woke up, came out to my kitchen which partner had insisted on cleaning after dinner while I got the kids ready for bed, and discovered there is a huge difference in understanding of " cleaning the kitchen" between us. The old grumble box started in my head of, wtf, if...	a4l	9	608	Sep 13, 2016 by KT2015
	My 8 year old is being rude now (Preview) I need help understanding where to go from here. My 8 year old doesn't see her dad much my exAH because he doesn't make the effort to see her except some holidays and Summer time. Since moving in with my boyfriend and his 13 year old daughter, he points out her ride behavior. Which is there, but out of guilt...	Breakingfree	8	685	Sep 13, 2016 by tiredtonite
	First time here (Preview) So I've been sober for 10 years with the help and guidance of AA. My husband, who didn't drink much, has now started drinking excessively. He just gets so mean when he drinks and wants to pick fights so that he can hit and break things. I realized the last time that he broke the glass in the coffee table,...	BlondieSr	7	599	Sep 13, 2016 by BlondieSr
	Just for Today (Preview) good morning everyone- i apologize for not writing about Hope for Today- I am preparing for a move and although I thought I'd set my books aside this morning at 5 I couldn't find it! So instead of opening up boxes I thought I'd write about one of the verses from just for today: JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust m...	yanksfan51	4	616	Sep 13, 2016 by Iamhere
	My first ACOA/AlAnon Meeting meetings ACOA (Preview) I went to my very first ACOA/AlAnon meeting today and boy did I find my group. I am officially declaring myself "in recovery" now. There was a good mix of men & women there, and I heard a lot of good things. I related to just about every one and can see that I have a lot to learn. For now I'm taking it one day...	tucker	6	6769	Sep 13, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Yahoo (Preview) I heard this for the first time in my meeting last week, loved it, and wanted to share with all of you: Y - You A - Always H - Have O - Other O - Options Are you stuck on a dilemma? What other options do you have?	Freetime	4	596	Sep 12, 2016 by Iamhere
	Is this normal? (Preview) I am at the breaking point in my relationship. SO has always had a drinking problem. But he was so nice in the beginning and was more reserved about drinking around me. Then I noticed little things. I have never been a heavy drinker. A glass of wine or bottle of beer or mixed drink is about my limit. And I hav...	Thurrayya the Khajiit	7	463	Sep 12, 2016 by Iamhere
	Step 1 Extremes (Preview) After 20 some years of living in craziness the steps, to me, we're such a beautiful gift that it brings tears to my eyes to know the peace I have just for today! When I first started step 1 I took it to all kind of extremes because I am an "all or nothing" kind of person; there is not a single person in my life no...	Detached	5	459	Sep 12, 2016 by tucker
	So the battle begins (Preview) Today is going to be tough if I let it be. My AH didn't drink yesterday and went to an AA meeting. You think I would be happy but I'm not. Sometimes I wish he would just keep drinking. He couldn't drink because he didn't have any money or beer. He will have money today. He works alone and can drink all day which...	Ceelee	7	505	Sep 12, 2016 by Ceelee
	Courage to Change Reading 9-12-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for September 12 speaks about the 3As : . Awareness, Acceptance and Action.It points out that true change can only happen,when we achieve awareness,move to -acceptance and then we can take action. Attempting to cope with the new awareness can be extremely awkward, as mos...	hotrod	2	958	Sep 12, 2016 by El
	QTP (Preview) I noticed this weekend, since a cousin came to stay at my house since last week, that the abf has become snappy toward me, trying to start a fight. She is young, pretty, and sexy. All weekend he was snappy toward me, yesterday was worse after church. First he was nice toward me after church then later on wa...	joker	2	432	Sep 12, 2016 by 2HP
	Transitioning and balance (Preview) hey hey hey everybody so glad to be posting about something takes me a bit to get back in the rythum of it again.so I'm gone from having addicts all around me to having no addicts at all which is a great thing for me,but it's also left me all alone,lonely I keep thinking HALT everyday and it's getting worser...	lookingup	7	717	Sep 12, 2016 by Iamhere
	Recovery (Preview) I've been volunteering at my neighborhood festival this weekend and have had several instances of the gifts of the program that I wanted to share. One of my oldest friends (who is a bit cranky and who could benefit from al-anon, imho), said "boy, you seem really calm" (she knows I'd just broken up with a...	e_i_m	6	521	Sep 12, 2016 by el-cee
	Every day battles with this desease (Preview) It seems it's a everyday battle that we as alanoners have to go through fighting this monstrous desease,times I know we all grow tired and weary some trying keep ourselves above water,but yet we still seem to all fall victim,or I know most of us do,I'm greatful for this mip board today to be able to come h...	lookingup	2	454	Sep 12, 2016 by Calm Lady
	scared about child coming home from rehab (Preview) Hello everyone. I am new to all of this. My stepdaughter went into rehab three weeks ago and should be coming home in about three more weeks. Honestly I am scared to death for her. We are trying to all we can to get things in place to support her but I am still terrified that she will go back to sinking and usin...	Stepdad	15	728	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	Sunday morning (Preview) Hello all, had been enjoying a pleasant, calm Sunday morning with AH. Getting along well, me in and enjoying Al-anon mode. Then in an instant, a mood swing happens in him. Quite a surprise, useful wake up call for me to witness just how unwell he is. Turned from pleasant to dark faced and snarling in a se...	Calm Lady	2	502	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	New here (Preview) Hi I've never been on something like this before but I cant take anymore. My husband has had a drink problem for 15 years however 5 years ago he started adding cocaine to the mix. We have had many arguments which resulted in him walking out on me on Thursday to go to the pub rather than try and work out his mar...	Zoe197979	14	628	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change Reading 9-11-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for September 11 (a difficult day for me) speaks about working the Fourth Step and making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The reading suggests that many times while we are working the Fourth Step, we will uncover hidden destructive attitudes that we did not r...	hotrod	2	493	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	Trust (Preview) The word we all need and all have lost I assume along the way. I often think about trust and how it can be repaired with some and lost forever with others. does working our own program help in turn for us to accept, forgive and untimely build back trust with our qualifiers? should trust always be rebui...	Crau	8	950	Sep 11, 2016 by Ceelee
	Seriously God??!!!!????!!!! (Preview) UGH!!!!! So I'm driving home from work and here comes ex ABF in his truck! The road that he takes to his house out in the country goes right by the building I work in. I see his truck from a distance and I'm thinking "Dear God PLEASE DO NOT let that be him!!!" Then I see it's him and I say a cuss word out loud i...	jojo8466	28	957	Sep 11, 2016 by lookingup
	Shame,sadness and anger (Preview) I don't know where to begin with this story it's something I've been holding back on all my life without any help of what to do with it,so I thought sharing my story with you all might help maybe I can get closure with it ,making a long story short ,I as a young child 4 or 5 years old ,there was 2 teenage boys liv...	lookingup	20	610	Sep 11, 2016 by lookingup
	Please help...need positive thoughts (Preview) My AH is currently in a 30 day inpatient rehab. They wont let me talk to him or see him except for 1 family group session after his 22 day. Then tbe following week he gets out. I saw him in the parking lot yesterday talking with other women. He waved at me and i waved back. I am very fearful that he will meet some...	Ejskoolaide	10	732	Sep 11, 2016 by Doingmybest
	trouble with acceptance (Preview) I'm having trouble with acceptance. I cannot accept his rudeness, his sarcasm, I don't think I should be treated this way. I know this is gonna happen, I learned that this is going to be the behavior even when he promises not to drink or if ever he will not be able to keep up with his promise. How can I sur...	jocelgp	15	888	Sep 11, 2016 by Doingmybest
	Family Drama (Preview) Well...not surprisingly, there are nonrecovering alcoholics in my family. I wrote in another thread months ago that I have a medication refusing bipolar active alcoholic first cousin that continues to come around my elderly parents with his hand held out. There is a long history with him. His fath...	pinkchip	10	626	Sep 10, 2016 by lookingup
	Hello all (Preview) Enjoying my peaceful Sunday morning. Wanted to share some progress with you, AH was chatting away, I listened and then went off to do my own thing. It is only now I am sat quietly enjoying a cup of tea I realise that AH was trying to manipulate me into doing something for him that he couldn't be bothered to d...	Calm Lady	10	616	Sep 10, 2016 by EGET2009
	Judging (Preview) hello again my most bestest freinds of alanon hope all is well,I'm been having my neighbors son doing a lot of my yard work which he is good at,lately he has been talking a lot to me about one thing then another he has told me of his pot smoking that he likes doing,and he has found me not judging him of this hab...	lookingup	3	573	Sep 10, 2016 by lookingup
	Thoughts on relationships and leaving. (Preview) I've been thinking about acceptance, acceptable behavior, boundaries, relationships and changing one's circumstances this morning. One of my (very human) character defects is asking "why?" about lots of things. I would love to reach a state of enlightened acceptance where instead of "why?" be...	e_i_m	4	610	Sep 10, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change Reading 9-10-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for September 10 speaks about the destructive negative tool of "denial". It notes that when we first come into program, many of us are so unaware that we use this tool and often don't even realize that there are alcoholics in our lives. Al-Anon presents a safe place to be able to look at...	hotrod	2	508	Sep 10, 2016 by Iamhere
	Update (Preview) Update - he came back Sunday full of the same old promises - he was done, he had hit his rock bottom etc etc. Fast forward to Thursday and I get a message - I've had 2 beers and "found" some drugs in my wallet so I had to take it!!! Once again another argument and him saying its al over that was the last time... Wi...	Zoe197979	5	407	Sep 10, 2016 by Jerry F
	Feeling Deep Anger at Alcoholic Father (Preview) Hi Everyone, I have been in the program 10 years from 30-40 but I moved to small city at 40 with very few meetings and they are very gossipy so I use phone meetings and have to start over in my Recovery. I am now 54 but started up at least 3-4 phone meetings per week and want to find a sponsor. I realize my EM...	Charlotte22	2	407	Sep 10, 2016 by e_i_m
	ABF started AA but thinks it will not help (Preview) So my abf finally went to an AA meeting. He said he found some parts interesting but he doesn't think that it will help him long term because he still feels drinking is a choice and he just has to make better choices. Sadly I told him I can no longer see him until he goes for at least 30 days and then we will re-e...	Aerin	12	528	Sep 10, 2016 by Jerry F
	what do i do with my despise for bars, alcohol and people who drink? (Preview) Just the thought of bars, pubs, people who drink, occasions with drinking makes me feel so negative, disgusted, nauseated at the worse. I know this feeling is "abnormal" and effect of my daily living with AH. But somehow I feel I should be able to remove this feeling, let them be, don't mind them. I n...	jocelgp	13	511	Sep 10, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Detachment question? (Preview) I think detachment is one of the strongest tools of the program. But I'm not very good at it yet. I've tried but the resentment and anger or pity always seem to show up eventually. My question is, can I detach without love first? Is any form of detachment a beginning or am I just spinning wheels? Thank you...	Ceelee	12	668	Sep 9, 2016 by MidnightOwl
	Just saying hi and Thank You! (Preview) I just want to introduce myself, I have been reading the boards for months but just joined last night. My AH has been actively addicted to opiates/alcohol since he was in his teens. We have been married for 22 years and I have spent that time trying to fix him. I have hit my bottom, and when I found al-anon/...	Detached	6	409	Sep 9, 2016 by MidnightOwl
	Courage to Change (C2C) 9/9/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about the power of meetings, shares and how it all works. Often times, we are in pain and just struggle to spill it out - almost held hostage by our pain and fear. The reading discusses how so very often, another member of our fellowship will open up and share, and it's exactly what we...	Iamhere	7	598	Sep 9, 2016 by hotrod
	Still sick?? (Preview) I was listening to AA speakers on you tube and the speaker was talking about how this disease has many aspects to it or many symptoms and while we may deal with denial and the obsession with the drinker in our lives what I hadnt realised was that other things crop up and take the place of the original obses...	el-cee	5	469	Sep 9, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Gut is screaming that he's drinking again... (Preview) ...which means I'm fighting the snoop-bug hard. Mostly because if he is, then we're over. But I have to know for sure. I feel like I am paralyzed and can't act without knowing. I hate this.	SpiderArcana	12	552	Sep 9, 2016 by Jazzie18
	Is this wrong? (Preview) I'm sitting here full of so much anger that he's not home yet..he's sitting at the bar, being mr friendly and drunk fun guy, while he knows I've expected him for 2 hours already...and when he does decide to walk in, I will get the angry, mean drunk. No one else has to see that. so because I'm only human, I fin...	Desperateinnyc	9	463	Sep 9, 2016 by Iamhere
	My first post here (Preview) Hello! I've been reading this board for awhile but Ive never posted. I started going to Alanon about a year ago. I only went to a few meetings because I wasn't really ready. I am very ready now! I am married to an active alcoholic. I grew up with an addicted mother and younger brother. My mother and brother...	Ceelee	6	463	Sep 9, 2016 by Ceelee
	Two steps forward and one back (Preview) Hi all! Not one of my better days today > program-wise. I have been doing really well detaching, staying on my side of the street, working on me and my interests, focusing on a closer / more consistent communication with my HP. Today, not so much. For some reason I just couldn't pause before respon...	El	3	426	Sep 9, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Can't get a sponsor! (Preview) Hi everyone, I have been going to several F2F Meetings and am not having any luck acquiring a sponsor. I believe I am doing everything correctly and listen/share at meetings and then politely ask people after the meetings if they are taking on any new sponsees. Everyone who I ask tell me that they unfor...	funandsun	7	550	Sep 9, 2016 by Jerry F
	codependent and what they say boundaries (Preview) Hi everyone. I was wondering if boundaries and codependency have to do with when they come in and are in a bad mood or when they are constantly negative. How does everyone have boundaries or handle that. I find I start getting depressed after awhile- the therapist just says ignore it and it's not about m...	Helpangel	2	1633	Sep 8, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 9/8/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about trusting a Higher Power and having faith. I'm starting with the quote - because it is powerful and spot on for me today - "Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek, not to understand that thou mayest believe; but believe that thou mayest understand." --- Aurel...	Iamhere	5	484	Sep 8, 2016 by lookingup
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.