Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Just wanted to share a little. I notice as time goes on and I live and work my program, nothing is a big deal anymore. Everything is in perspective and manageable. Just going along, living by the Steps, literature etc. Everything falls into place. Yes, even with an active AH in our home. It feels like a m...

CH_Husband_Dad · CH_Husband_Dad

My wife just recently returned from rehab. She is doing well. We have had some issues and they may have been caused by my own insecurities. Anyway, she threw me a birthday party last week. She bought some beer and some wine that she wouldn't have liked for the guests. I had a beer and offered to other...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's reading notes AlAnon's spiritual nature, as opposed to a religious one. While we are free to pursue whatever religious concept we prefer on our own, the purpose of AlAnon is to help us create a 'heavenly' oasis from the effects of alcohol in someone we know.The author notes, however, that som...

joker · joker

Just had another insight. I see my part in this and what treatment I have been receiving from my abf. He will sober up for a bit, get a job, stay focused, church, work at a job, give me money from his pay check to pay his bills, (we have our own bills and bank accounts, as we are not legally married), he gives me...

Searchingforpeace · Searchingforpeace

Today was the first time I have been out of the house by myself in three weeks. I spent some time thinking about why I've done this, and I think I've found those answers, what I don't know, is how to stop the cycle. reasons for isolation: fear of what my A's will think, fear of what I will walk into when I get h...

SDB · SDB

So I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of August - the same week that my husband got a job after 2 years of unemployment, mostly due to his drinking. The binges started once a week and then a few times a week. I tried to do my best to focus on myself and stay calm. This week he took Monday off, worked Tu...

a4l · a4l

Yep, that's me. Having a lovely day. I woke up, came out to my kitchen which partner had insisted on cleaning after dinner while I got the kids ready for bed, and discovered there is a huge difference in understanding of " cleaning the kitchen" between us. The old grumble box started in my head of, wtf, if...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I need help understanding where to go from here. My 8 year old doesn't see her dad much my exAH because he doesn't make the effort to see her except some holidays and Summer time. Since moving in with my boyfriend and his 13 year old daughter, he points out her ride behavior. Which is there, but out of guilt...

BlondieSr · BlondieSr

So I've been sober for 10 years with the help and guidance of AA. My husband, who didn't drink much, has now started drinking excessively. He just gets so mean when he drinks and wants to pick fights so that he can hit and break things. I realized the last time that he broke the glass in the coffee table,...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

good morning everyone- i apologize for not writing about Hope for Today- I am preparing for a move and although I thought I'd set my books aside this morning at 5 I couldn't find it! So instead of opening up boxes I thought I'd write about one of the verses from just for today: JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust m...

tucker · tucker

I went to my very first ACOA/AlAnon meeting today and boy did I find my group. I am officially declaring myself "in recovery" now. There was a good mix of men & women there, and I heard a lot of good things. I related to just about every one and can see that I have a lot to learn. For now I'm taking it one day...

Freetime · Freetime

I heard this for the first time in my meeting last week, loved it, and wanted to share with all of you: Y - You A - Always H - Have O - Other O - Options Are you stuck on a dilemma? What other options do you have?

Thurrayya the Khajiit · Thurrayya the Khajiit

I am at the breaking point in my relationship. SO has always had a drinking problem. But he was so nice in the beginning and was more reserved about drinking around me. Then I noticed little things. I have never been a heavy drinker. A glass of wine or bottle of beer or mixed drink is about my limit. And I hav...

Detached · Detached

After 20 some years of living in craziness the steps, to me, we're such a beautiful gift that it brings tears to my eyes to know the peace I have just for today! When I first started step 1 I took it to all kind of extremes because I am an "all or nothing" kind of person; there is not a single person in my life no...

Ceelee · Ceelee

Today is going to be tough if I let it be. My AH didn't drink yesterday and went to an AA meeting. You think I would be happy but I'm not. Sometimes I wish he would just keep drinking. He couldn't drink because he didn't have any money or beer. He will have money today. He works alone and can drink all day which...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for September 12 speaks about the 3As : . Awareness, Acceptance and Action.It points out that true change can only happen,when we achieve awareness,move to -acceptance and then we can take action. Attempting to cope with the new awareness can be extremely awkward, as mos...

joker · joker

I noticed this weekend, since a cousin came to stay at my house since last week, that the abf has become snappy toward me, trying to start a fight. She is young, pretty, and sexy. All weekend he was snappy toward me, yesterday was worse after church. First he was nice toward me after church then later on wa...

lookingup · lookingup

hey hey hey everybody so glad to be posting about something takes me a bit to get back in the rythum of it again.so I'm gone from having addicts all around me to having no addicts at all which is a great thing for me,but it's also left me all alone,lonely I keep thinking HALT everyday and it's getting worser...

e_i_m · e_i_m

I've been volunteering at my neighborhood festival this weekend and have had several instances of the gifts of the program that I wanted to share. One of my oldest friends (who is a bit cranky and who could benefit from al-anon, imho), said "boy, you seem really calm" (she knows I'd just broken up with a...

lookingup · lookingup

It seems it's a everyday battle that we as alanoners have to go through fighting this monstrous desease,times I know we all grow tired and weary some trying keep ourselves above water,but yet we still seem to all fall victim,or I know most of us do,I'm greatful for this mip board today to be able to come h...

Stepdad · Stepdad

Hello everyone. I am new to all of this. My stepdaughter went into rehab three weeks ago and should be coming home in about three more weeks. Honestly I am scared to death for her. We are trying to all we can to get things in place to support her but I am still terrified that she will go back to sinking and usin...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Hello all, had been enjoying a pleasant, calm Sunday morning with AH. Getting along well, me in and enjoying Al-anon mode. Then in an instant, a mood swing happens in him. Quite a surprise, useful wake up call for me to witness just how unwell he is. Turned from pleasant to dark faced and snarling in a se...

Zoe197979 · Zoe197979

Hi I've never been on something like this before but I cant take anymore. My husband has had a drink problem for 15 years however 5 years ago he started adding cocaine to the mix. We have had many arguments which resulted in him walking out on me on Thursday to go to the pub rather than try and work out his mar...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for September 11 (a difficult day for me) speaks about working the Fourth Step and making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The reading suggests that many times while we are working the Fourth Step, we will uncover hidden destructive attitudes that we did not r...

Crau · Crau

The word we all need and all have lost I assume along the way. I often think about trust and how it can be repaired with some and lost forever with others. does working our own program help in turn for us to accept, forgive and untimely build back trust with our qualifiers? should trust always be rebui...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

UGH!!!!! So I'm driving home from work and here comes ex ABF in his truck! The road that he takes to his house out in the country goes right by the building I work in. I see his truck from a distance and I'm thinking "Dear God PLEASE DO NOT let that be him!!!" Then I see it's him and I say a cuss word out loud i...

lookingup · lookingup

I don't know where to begin with this story it's something I've been holding back on all my life without any help of what to do with it,so I thought sharing my story with you all might help maybe I can get closure with it ,making a long story short ,I as a young child 4 or 5 years old ,there was 2 teenage boys liv...

Ejskoolaide · Ejskoolaide

My AH is currently in a 30 day inpatient rehab. They wont let me talk to him or see him except for 1 family group session after his 22 day. Then tbe following week he gets out. I saw him in the parking lot yesterday talking with other women. He waved at me and i waved back. I am very fearful that he will meet some...

jocelgp · jocelgp

I'm having trouble with acceptance. I cannot accept his rudeness, his sarcasm, I don't think I should be treated this way. I know this is gonna happen, I learned that this is going to be the behavior even when he promises not to drink or if ever he will not be able to keep up with his promise. How can I sur...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Well...not surprisingly, there are nonrecovering alcoholics in my family. I wrote in another thread months ago that I have a medication refusing bipolar active alcoholic first cousin that continues to come around my elderly parents with his hand held out. There is a long history with him. His fath...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Enjoying my peaceful Sunday morning. Wanted to share some progress with you, AH was chatting away, I listened and then went off to do my own thing. It is only now I am sat quietly enjoying a cup of tea I realise that AH was trying to manipulate me into doing something for him that he couldn't be bothered to d...

lookingup · lookingup

hello again my most bestest freinds of alanon hope all is well,I'm been having my neighbors son doing a lot of my yard work which he is good at,lately he has been talking a lot to me about one thing then another he has told me of his pot smoking that he likes doing,and he has found me not judging him of this hab...

e_i_m · e_i_m

I've been thinking about acceptance, acceptable behavior, boundaries, relationships and changing one's circumstances this morning. One of my (very human) character defects is asking "why?" about lots of things. I would love to reach a state of enlightened acceptance where instead of "why?" be...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for September 10 speaks about the destructive negative tool of "denial". It notes that when we first come into program, many of us are so unaware that we use this tool and often don't even realize that there are alcoholics in our lives. Al-Anon presents a safe place to be able to look at...

Zoe197979 · Zoe197979

Update - he came back Sunday full of the same old promises - he was done, he had hit his rock bottom etc etc. Fast forward to Thursday and I get a message - I've had 2 beers and "found" some drugs in my wallet so I had to take it!!! Once again another argument and him saying its al over that was the last time... Wi...

Charlotte22 · Charlotte22

Hi Everyone, I have been in the program 10 years from 30-40 but I moved to small city at 40 with very few meetings and they are very gossipy so I use phone meetings and have to start over in my Recovery. I am now 54 but started up at least 3-4 phone meetings per week and want to find a sponsor. I realize my EM...

Aerin · Aerin

So my abf finally went to an AA meeting. He said he found some parts interesting but he doesn't think that it will help him long term because he still feels drinking is a choice and he just has to make better choices. Sadly I told him I can no longer see him until he goes for at least 30 days and then we will re-e...

jocelgp · jocelgp

Just the thought of bars, pubs, people who drink, occasions with drinking makes me feel so negative, disgusted, nauseated at the worse. I know this feeling is "abnormal" and effect of my daily living with AH. But somehow I feel I should be able to remove this feeling, let them be, don't mind them. I n...

Ceelee · Ceelee

I think detachment is one of the strongest tools of the program. But I'm not very good at it yet. I've tried but the resentment and anger or pity always seem to show up eventually. My question is, can I detach without love first? Is any form of detachment a beginning or am I just spinning wheels? Thank you...

Detached · Detached

I just want to introduce myself, I have been reading the boards for months but just joined last night. My AH has been actively addicted to opiates/alcohol since he was in his teens. We have been married for 22 years and I have spent that time trying to fix him. I have hit my bottom, and when I found al-anon/...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about the power of meetings, shares and how it all works. Often times, we are in pain and just struggle to spill it out - almost held hostage by our pain and fear. The reading discusses how so very often, another member of our fellowship will open up and share, and it's exactly what we...

el-cee · el-cee

I was listening to AA speakers on you tube and the speaker was talking about how this disease has many aspects to it or many symptoms and while we may deal with denial and the obsession with the drinker in our lives what I hadnt realised was that other things crop up and take the place of the original obses...

SpiderArcana · SpiderArcana

...which means I'm fighting the snoop-bug hard. Mostly because if he is, then we're over. But I have to know for sure. I feel like I am paralyzed and can't act without knowing. I hate this.

Desperateinnyc · Desperateinnyc

I'm sitting here full of so much anger that he's not home yet..he's sitting at the bar, being mr friendly and drunk fun guy, while he knows I've expected him for 2 hours already...and when he does decide to walk in, I will get the angry, mean drunk. No one else has to see that. so because I'm only human, I fin...

Ceelee · Ceelee

Hello! I've been reading this board for awhile but Ive never posted. I started going to Alanon about a year ago. I only went to a few meetings because I wasn't really ready. I am very ready now! I am married to an active alcoholic. I grew up with an addicted mother and younger brother. My mother and brother...

El · El

Hi all! Not one of my better days today > program-wise. I have been doing really well detaching, staying on my side of the street, working on me and my interests, focusing on a closer / more consistent communication with my HP. Today, not so much. For some reason I just couldn't pause before respon...

funandsun · funandsun

Hi everyone, I have been going to several F2F Meetings and am not having any luck acquiring a sponsor. I believe I am doing everything correctly and listen/share at meetings and then politely ask people after the meetings if they are taking on any new sponsees. Everyone who I ask tell me that they unfor...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Hi everyone. I was wondering if boundaries and codependency have to do with when they come in and are in a bad mood or when they are constantly negative. How does everyone have boundaries or handle that. I find I start getting depressed after awhile- the therapist just says ignore it and it's not about m...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about trusting a Higher Power and having faith. I'm starting with the quote - because it is powerful and spot on for me today - "Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek, not to understand that thou mayest believe; but believe that thou mayest understand." --- Aurel...

YARNCRAZY · YARNCRAZY

Yeepers..59 and so fine lol. Going to brunch with boyfriend, bro in law,niece and nephew. First time nephew 21 meets my boyfriend. first birthday away from xah Yeah!

jitsuka · jitsuka

I am feeling low, really low. And p*ssed off. And quite angry - all at the same time. I was day dreaming, well more evening dreaming, as I was sat there, another night on my own - like every night. Watching TV / playing computer games / surfing the internet. I was imagining a free-er life, enjoying a day out...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's reading gives us a chance to step out of the standard steps and slogans, into the realm of Traditions and personal opportunity within the program. Tradition seven states that groups should be self-supporting...what does that mean?The author, and I myself for a long time, thought of it only...

MidnightOwl · MidnightOwl

Hi all, What a wonderful group, I'm so grateful to be a part of this :) So I've been married to a functional alco for 7 years, and like so many others have run to gamut of trying to cope with/change the situation. I found peace when I learned that none of my tactics had any effect (other then tiring me out), s...

tired of it · tired of it

So, my binge AH is almost done with his latest binge. Tonight he complimented me on how I handled it! In the past I would have done the usual arguing, crying, pleading, hiding and throwing away alcohol. This time I have really focused on detaching, at least trying to. I have not argued and not reacte...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Prayer Under PressureWhenever I find myself under acute tensions,I lengthen my daily walks and slowly repeat our Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps and breathing.If I feel that my pain has in part been occasioned by others, I try to repeat, God grant me the serenity to love their best, and never fea...

a4l · a4l

Tonight the ah and I went out with the kids for dinner at a local pub. I don't know if Americans do pubs but basically pubs have full kitchens and bars, its all very casual. Kind of. Some are nicer than others and I've never been to our local, but I didn't feel like cooking and they do 12 dollar steaks on Wedne...

I love my son · I love my son

my first post not sure what's really going on. My adult teenage is in rehab both drugs and alcohol. I have not and will not enable him. His mom does the opposite of me she wants to be his friend and make me look bad. This is just a green light for him to do as he wants even in her house. Does she not care what it's d...

likemyheart · likemyheart

I'm wrestling with a big (to me) issue and writing about it to myself to try to get the scope of things out in the open so that I can hopefully come to some sort of resolution/decision about it. This sentence - Let it go to God and trust in God's will for guidance came off of my fingers and onto the page. I love f...

jocelgp · jocelgp

I've been thru so much lately with my AH and have been working so hard just to keep focus on my self care and serenity. I am trying very hard not to mind my AH, whatever he is doing, planning, or up to; what he thinks of himself and what he plans for himself. I keep on reminding myself to Let Go and Let God, God...

KT2015 · KT2015

Good Morning all. I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and having difficulty with detachment from AH lately. The anxiety has been intense at times and I have been using the slogan "this too shall pass" when I get too overwhelmed by it. I've been reflecting a lot on why I feel anxious and I think it ha...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Moving forward (Preview) Just wanted to share a little. I notice as time goes on and I live and work my program, nothing is a big deal anymore. Everything is in perspective and manageable. Just going along, living by the Steps, literature etc. Everything falls into place. Yes, even with an active AH in our home. It feels like a m...	Calm Lady	5	409	Sep 14, 2016 by Ceelee
	Should I refrain from drinking? (Preview) My wife just recently returned from rehab. She is doing well. We have had some issues and they may have been caused by my own insecurities. Anyway, she threw me a birthday party last week. She bought some beer and some wine that she wouldn't have liked for the guests. I had a beer and offered to other...	CH_Husband_Dad	18	847	Sep 14, 2016 by CH_Husband_Dad
	One Day at a Time in AlAnon (ODAT) 9-14-16 What About Religion? (Preview) Today's reading notes AlAnon's spiritual nature, as opposed to a religious one. While we are free to pursue whatever religious concept we prefer on our own, the purpose of AlAnon is to help us create a 'heavenly' oasis from the effects of alcohol in someone we know.The author notes, however, that som...	Enigmatic	5	521	Sep 14, 2016 by Iamhere
	seeing cycle (Preview) Just had another insight. I see my part in this and what treatment I have been receiving from my abf. He will sober up for a bit, get a job, stay focused, church, work at a job, give me money from his pay check to pay his bills, (we have our own bills and bank accounts, as we are not legally married), he gives me...	joker	11	569	Sep 14, 2016 by 2HP
	Isolation (Preview) Today was the first time I have been out of the house by myself in three weeks. I spent some time thinking about why I've done this, and I think I've found those answers, what I don't know, is how to stop the cycle. reasons for isolation: fear of what my A's will think, fear of what I will walk into when I get h...	Searchingforpeace	7	614	Sep 14, 2016 by geems
	Two months pregnant and husband actively drinking again (Preview) So I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of August - the same week that my husband got a job after 2 years of unemployment, mostly due to his drinking. The binges started once a week and then a few times a week. I tried to do my best to focus on myself and stay calm. This week he took Monday off, worked Tu...	SDB	35	906	Sep 14, 2016 by milkwood
	having a lovely day (Preview) Yep, that's me. Having a lovely day. I woke up, came out to my kitchen which partner had insisted on cleaning after dinner while I got the kids ready for bed, and discovered there is a huge difference in understanding of " cleaning the kitchen" between us. The old grumble box started in my head of, wtf, if...	a4l	9	596	Sep 13, 2016 by KT2015
	My 8 year old is being rude now (Preview) I need help understanding where to go from here. My 8 year old doesn't see her dad much my exAH because he doesn't make the effort to see her except some holidays and Summer time. Since moving in with my boyfriend and his 13 year old daughter, he points out her ride behavior. Which is there, but out of guilt...	Breakingfree	8	666	Sep 13, 2016 by tiredtonite
	First time here (Preview) So I've been sober for 10 years with the help and guidance of AA. My husband, who didn't drink much, has now started drinking excessively. He just gets so mean when he drinks and wants to pick fights so that he can hit and break things. I realized the last time that he broke the glass in the coffee table,...	BlondieSr	7	579	Sep 13, 2016 by BlondieSr
	Just for Today (Preview) good morning everyone- i apologize for not writing about Hope for Today- I am preparing for a move and although I thought I'd set my books aside this morning at 5 I couldn't find it! So instead of opening up boxes I thought I'd write about one of the verses from just for today: JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust m...	yanksfan51	4	601	Sep 13, 2016 by Iamhere
	My first ACOA/AlAnon Meeting meetings ACOA (Preview) I went to my very first ACOA/AlAnon meeting today and boy did I find my group. I am officially declaring myself "in recovery" now. There was a good mix of men & women there, and I heard a lot of good things. I related to just about every one and can see that I have a lot to learn. For now I'm taking it one day...	tucker	6	6570	Sep 13, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Yahoo (Preview) I heard this for the first time in my meeting last week, loved it, and wanted to share with all of you: Y - You A - Always H - Have O - Other O - Options Are you stuck on a dilemma? What other options do you have?	Freetime	4	580	Sep 12, 2016 by Iamhere
	Is this normal? (Preview) I am at the breaking point in my relationship. SO has always had a drinking problem. But he was so nice in the beginning and was more reserved about drinking around me. Then I noticed little things. I have never been a heavy drinker. A glass of wine or bottle of beer or mixed drink is about my limit. And I hav...	Thurrayya the Khajiit	7	445	Sep 12, 2016 by Iamhere
	Step 1 Extremes (Preview) After 20 some years of living in craziness the steps, to me, we're such a beautiful gift that it brings tears to my eyes to know the peace I have just for today! When I first started step 1 I took it to all kind of extremes because I am an "all or nothing" kind of person; there is not a single person in my life no...	Detached	5	447	Sep 12, 2016 by tucker
	So the battle begins (Preview) Today is going to be tough if I let it be. My AH didn't drink yesterday and went to an AA meeting. You think I would be happy but I'm not. Sometimes I wish he would just keep drinking. He couldn't drink because he didn't have any money or beer. He will have money today. He works alone and can drink all day which...	Ceelee	7	492	Sep 12, 2016 by Ceelee
	Courage to Change Reading 9-12-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for September 12 speaks about the 3As : . Awareness, Acceptance and Action.It points out that true change can only happen,when we achieve awareness,move to -acceptance and then we can take action. Attempting to cope with the new awareness can be extremely awkward, as mos...	hotrod	2	933	Sep 12, 2016 by El
	QTP (Preview) I noticed this weekend, since a cousin came to stay at my house since last week, that the abf has become snappy toward me, trying to start a fight. She is young, pretty, and sexy. All weekend he was snappy toward me, yesterday was worse after church. First he was nice toward me after church then later on wa...	joker	2	420	Sep 12, 2016 by 2HP
	Transitioning and balance (Preview) hey hey hey everybody so glad to be posting about something takes me a bit to get back in the rythum of it again.so I'm gone from having addicts all around me to having no addicts at all which is a great thing for me,but it's also left me all alone,lonely I keep thinking HALT everyday and it's getting worser...	lookingup	7	701	Sep 12, 2016 by Iamhere
	Recovery (Preview) I've been volunteering at my neighborhood festival this weekend and have had several instances of the gifts of the program that I wanted to share. One of my oldest friends (who is a bit cranky and who could benefit from al-anon, imho), said "boy, you seem really calm" (she knows I'd just broken up with a...	e_i_m	6	505	Sep 12, 2016 by el-cee
	Every day battles with this desease (Preview) It seems it's a everyday battle that we as alanoners have to go through fighting this monstrous desease,times I know we all grow tired and weary some trying keep ourselves above water,but yet we still seem to all fall victim,or I know most of us do,I'm greatful for this mip board today to be able to come h...	lookingup	2	439	Sep 12, 2016 by Calm Lady
	scared about child coming home from rehab (Preview) Hello everyone. I am new to all of this. My stepdaughter went into rehab three weeks ago and should be coming home in about three more weeks. Honestly I am scared to death for her. We are trying to all we can to get things in place to support her but I am still terrified that she will go back to sinking and usin...	Stepdad	15	710	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	Sunday morning (Preview) Hello all, had been enjoying a pleasant, calm Sunday morning with AH. Getting along well, me in and enjoying Al-anon mode. Then in an instant, a mood swing happens in him. Quite a surprise, useful wake up call for me to witness just how unwell he is. Turned from pleasant to dark faced and snarling in a se...	Calm Lady	2	485	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	New here (Preview) Hi I've never been on something like this before but I cant take anymore. My husband has had a drink problem for 15 years however 5 years ago he started adding cocaine to the mix. We have had many arguments which resulted in him walking out on me on Thursday to go to the pub rather than try and work out his mar...	Zoe197979	14	613	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change Reading 9-11-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for September 11 (a difficult day for me) speaks about working the Fourth Step and making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The reading suggests that many times while we are working the Fourth Step, we will uncover hidden destructive attitudes that we did not r...	hotrod	2	482	Sep 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	Trust (Preview) The word we all need and all have lost I assume along the way. I often think about trust and how it can be repaired with some and lost forever with others. does working our own program help in turn for us to accept, forgive and untimely build back trust with our qualifiers? should trust always be rebui...	Crau	8	935	Sep 11, 2016 by Ceelee
	Seriously God??!!!!????!!!! (Preview) UGH!!!!! So I'm driving home from work and here comes ex ABF in his truck! The road that he takes to his house out in the country goes right by the building I work in. I see his truck from a distance and I'm thinking "Dear God PLEASE DO NOT let that be him!!!" Then I see it's him and I say a cuss word out loud i...	jojo8466	28	939	Sep 11, 2016 by lookingup
	Shame,sadness and anger (Preview) I don't know where to begin with this story it's something I've been holding back on all my life without any help of what to do with it,so I thought sharing my story with you all might help maybe I can get closure with it ,making a long story short ,I as a young child 4 or 5 years old ,there was 2 teenage boys liv...	lookingup	20	592	Sep 11, 2016 by lookingup
	Please help...need positive thoughts (Preview) My AH is currently in a 30 day inpatient rehab. They wont let me talk to him or see him except for 1 family group session after his 22 day. Then tbe following week he gets out. I saw him in the parking lot yesterday talking with other women. He waved at me and i waved back. I am very fearful that he will meet some...	Ejskoolaide	10	719	Sep 11, 2016 by Doingmybest
	trouble with acceptance (Preview) I'm having trouble with acceptance. I cannot accept his rudeness, his sarcasm, I don't think I should be treated this way. I know this is gonna happen, I learned that this is going to be the behavior even when he promises not to drink or if ever he will not be able to keep up with his promise. How can I sur...	jocelgp	15	869	Sep 11, 2016 by Doingmybest
	Family Drama (Preview) Well...not surprisingly, there are nonrecovering alcoholics in my family. I wrote in another thread months ago that I have a medication refusing bipolar active alcoholic first cousin that continues to come around my elderly parents with his hand held out. There is a long history with him. His fath...	pinkchip	10	611	Sep 10, 2016 by lookingup
	Hello all (Preview) Enjoying my peaceful Sunday morning. Wanted to share some progress with you, AH was chatting away, I listened and then went off to do my own thing. It is only now I am sat quietly enjoying a cup of tea I realise that AH was trying to manipulate me into doing something for him that he couldn't be bothered to d...	Calm Lady	10	603	Sep 10, 2016 by EGET2009
	Judging (Preview) hello again my most bestest freinds of alanon hope all is well,I'm been having my neighbors son doing a lot of my yard work which he is good at,lately he has been talking a lot to me about one thing then another he has told me of his pot smoking that he likes doing,and he has found me not judging him of this hab...	lookingup	3	559	Sep 10, 2016 by lookingup
	Thoughts on relationships and leaving. (Preview) I've been thinking about acceptance, acceptable behavior, boundaries, relationships and changing one's circumstances this morning. One of my (very human) character defects is asking "why?" about lots of things. I would love to reach a state of enlightened acceptance where instead of "why?" be...	e_i_m	4	589	Sep 10, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change Reading 9-10-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for September 10 speaks about the destructive negative tool of "denial". It notes that when we first come into program, many of us are so unaware that we use this tool and often don't even realize that there are alcoholics in our lives. Al-Anon presents a safe place to be able to look at...	hotrod	2	495	Sep 10, 2016 by Iamhere
	Update (Preview) Update - he came back Sunday full of the same old promises - he was done, he had hit his rock bottom etc etc. Fast forward to Thursday and I get a message - I've had 2 beers and "found" some drugs in my wallet so I had to take it!!! Once again another argument and him saying its al over that was the last time... Wi...	Zoe197979	5	394	Sep 10, 2016 by Jerry F
	Feeling Deep Anger at Alcoholic Father (Preview) Hi Everyone, I have been in the program 10 years from 30-40 but I moved to small city at 40 with very few meetings and they are very gossipy so I use phone meetings and have to start over in my Recovery. I am now 54 but started up at least 3-4 phone meetings per week and want to find a sponsor. I realize my EM...	Charlotte22	2	390	Sep 10, 2016 by e_i_m
	ABF started AA but thinks it will not help (Preview) So my abf finally went to an AA meeting. He said he found some parts interesting but he doesn't think that it will help him long term because he still feels drinking is a choice and he just has to make better choices. Sadly I told him I can no longer see him until he goes for at least 30 days and then we will re-e...	Aerin	12	513	Sep 10, 2016 by Jerry F
	what do i do with my despise for bars, alcohol and people who drink? (Preview) Just the thought of bars, pubs, people who drink, occasions with drinking makes me feel so negative, disgusted, nauseated at the worse. I know this feeling is "abnormal" and effect of my daily living with AH. But somehow I feel I should be able to remove this feeling, let them be, don't mind them. I n...	jocelgp	13	495	Sep 10, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Detachment question? (Preview) I think detachment is one of the strongest tools of the program. But I'm not very good at it yet. I've tried but the resentment and anger or pity always seem to show up eventually. My question is, can I detach without love first? Is any form of detachment a beginning or am I just spinning wheels? Thank you...	Ceelee	12	655	Sep 9, 2016 by MidnightOwl
	Just saying hi and Thank You! (Preview) I just want to introduce myself, I have been reading the boards for months but just joined last night. My AH has been actively addicted to opiates/alcohol since he was in his teens. We have been married for 22 years and I have spent that time trying to fix him. I have hit my bottom, and when I found al-anon/...	Detached	6	392	Sep 9, 2016 by MidnightOwl
	Courage to Change (C2C) 9/9/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about the power of meetings, shares and how it all works. Often times, we are in pain and just struggle to spill it out - almost held hostage by our pain and fear. The reading discusses how so very often, another member of our fellowship will open up and share, and it's exactly what we...	Iamhere	7	586	Sep 9, 2016 by hotrod
	Still sick?? (Preview) I was listening to AA speakers on you tube and the speaker was talking about how this disease has many aspects to it or many symptoms and while we may deal with denial and the obsession with the drinker in our lives what I hadnt realised was that other things crop up and take the place of the original obses...	el-cee	5	457	Sep 9, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Gut is screaming that he's drinking again... (Preview) ...which means I'm fighting the snoop-bug hard. Mostly because if he is, then we're over. But I have to know for sure. I feel like I am paralyzed and can't act without knowing. I hate this.	SpiderArcana	12	537	Sep 9, 2016 by Jazzie18
	Is this wrong? (Preview) I'm sitting here full of so much anger that he's not home yet..he's sitting at the bar, being mr friendly and drunk fun guy, while he knows I've expected him for 2 hours already...and when he does decide to walk in, I will get the angry, mean drunk. No one else has to see that. so because I'm only human, I fin...	Desperateinnyc	9	450	Sep 9, 2016 by Iamhere
	My first post here (Preview) Hello! I've been reading this board for awhile but Ive never posted. I started going to Alanon about a year ago. I only went to a few meetings because I wasn't really ready. I am very ready now! I am married to an active alcoholic. I grew up with an addicted mother and younger brother. My mother and brother...	Ceelee	6	451	Sep 9, 2016 by Ceelee
	Two steps forward and one back (Preview) Hi all! Not one of my better days today > program-wise. I have been doing really well detaching, staying on my side of the street, working on me and my interests, focusing on a closer / more consistent communication with my HP. Today, not so much. For some reason I just couldn't pause before respon...	El	3	411	Sep 9, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Can't get a sponsor! (Preview) Hi everyone, I have been going to several F2F Meetings and am not having any luck acquiring a sponsor. I believe I am doing everything correctly and listen/share at meetings and then politely ask people after the meetings if they are taking on any new sponsees. Everyone who I ask tell me that they unfor...	funandsun	7	537	Sep 9, 2016 by Jerry F
	codependent and what they say boundaries (Preview) Hi everyone. I was wondering if boundaries and codependency have to do with when they come in and are in a bad mood or when they are constantly negative. How does everyone have boundaries or handle that. I find I start getting depressed after awhile- the therapist just says ignore it and it's not about m...	Helpangel	2	1571	Sep 8, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 9/8/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about trusting a Higher Power and having faith. I'm starting with the quote - because it is powerful and spot on for me today - "Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek, not to understand that thou mayest believe; but believe that thou mayest understand." --- Aurel...	Iamhere	5	472	Sep 8, 2016 by lookingup
	iTS MY BIRTHDAY (Preview) Yeepers..59 and so fine lol. Going to brunch with boyfriend, bro in law,niece and nephew. First time nephew 21 meets my boyfriend. first birthday away from xah Yeah!	YARNCRAZY	16	481	Sep 8, 2016 by lookingup
	Imaging a free life (Preview) I am feeling low, really low. And p*ssed off. And quite angry - all at the same time. I was day dreaming, well more evening dreaming, as I was sat there, another night on my own - like every night. Watching TV / playing computer games / surfing the internet. I was imagining a free-er life, enjoying a day out...	jitsuka	7	414	Sep 8, 2016 by Iamhere
	C2C 9-7-16 Tradition Seven (Preview) Today's reading gives us a chance to step out of the standard steps and slogans, into the realm of Traditions and personal opportunity within the program. Tradition seven states that groups should be self-supporting...what does that mean?The author, and I myself for a long time, thought of it only...	Enigmatic	4	447	Sep 8, 2016 by Taraxacum
	Sticking to boundaries can be tiring (Preview) Hi all, What a wonderful group, I'm so grateful to be a part of this :) So I've been married to a functional alco for 7 years, and like so many others have run to gamut of trying to cope with/change the situation. I found peace when I learned that none of my tactics had any effect (other then tiring me out), s...	MidnightOwl	10	610	Sep 8, 2016 by MidnightOwl
	compliment from AH (Preview) So, my binge AH is almost done with his latest binge. Tonight he complimented me on how I handled it! In the past I would have done the usual arguing, crying, pleading, hiding and throwing away alcohol. This time I have really focused on detaching, at least trying to. I have not argued and not reacte...	tired of it	4	427	Sep 8, 2016 by milkwood
	Prayer Under Pressure - From Bill W., 1962 (Preview) Prayer Under PressureWhenever I find myself under acute tensions,I lengthen my daily walks and slowly repeat our Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps and breathing.If I feel that my pain has in part been occasioned by others, I try to repeat, God grant me the serenity to love their best, and never fea...	Iamhere	1	344	Sep 8, 2016 by hotrod
	grateful (Preview) Tonight the ah and I went out with the kids for dinner at a local pub. I don't know if Americans do pubs but basically pubs have full kitchens and bars, its all very casual. Kind of. Some are nicer than others and I've never been to our local, but I didn't feel like cooking and they do 12 dollar steaks on Wedne...	a4l	6	394	Sep 8, 2016 by Iamhere
	Is it for real? (Preview) my first post not sure what's really going on. My adult teenage is in rehab both drugs and alcohol. I have not and will not enable him. His mom does the opposite of me she wants to be his friend and make me look bad. This is just a green light for him to do as he wants even in her house. Does she not care what it's d...	I love my son	4	522	Sep 7, 2016 by I love my son
	Let it go to God and trust in God's will for guidance (Preview) I'm wrestling with a big (to me) issue and writing about it to myself to try to get the scope of things out in the open so that I can hopefully come to some sort of resolution/decision about it. This sentence - Let it go to God and trust in God's will for guidance came off of my fingers and onto the page. I love f...	likemyheart	4	548	Sep 7, 2016 by jocelgp
	why is AH seeming to disturb the serenity I am working so hard for myself (Preview) I've been thru so much lately with my AH and have been working so hard just to keep focus on my self care and serenity. I am trying very hard not to mind my AH, whatever he is doing, planning, or up to; what he thinks of himself and what he plans for himself. I keep on reminding myself to Let Go and Let God, God...	jocelgp	17	572	Sep 7, 2016 by jocelgp
	riding the waves of anxiety (Preview) Good Morning all. I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and having difficulty with detachment from AH lately. The anxiety has been intense at times and I have been using the slogan "this too shall pass" when I get too overwhelmed by it. I've been reflecting a lot on why I feel anxious and I think it ha...	KT2015	8	612	Sep 7, 2016 by Charlotte22
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.