Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

jojo8466 · Senior Member

Seriously God??!!!!????!!!!

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Message From God:

I love you unconditionally. I would not give you anxiety and will not make you sick to your stomach where you have to lie down unlike your ex ABF. Reach out to me when you feel better. I'm here for you.

Your friend,

God

How was that?

Hope you feel better after you've rested. (((hugs)))) TT

LinSC · Senior Member

Id say God showed you, you have more work to do on yourself to gain peace. linsc

tired of it · Veteran Member

It is okay to yell at and question God. I do it all the time when it comes to my AH. I know He brought us together and I often ask why amidst the binges. It is said that God only gives us what we can handle but seriously God?? I have had enough! All of us on this board have been through enough. Sorry, but only God can answer your question. Pray, keep reading and posting on this board, and try to focus on you.

Doingmybest · Senior Member

Ok, so I hope this isn't going to come across negative to you because I do honestly understand. I can truly say I have felt virtually every emotion in the book living with an active A for 22 years (married 21). RAH is now sober (almost 17 months) and working a program and so am I.

I know keeping that person out of your sight seems like the most important thing in the world to you right now and I get it, but think about this...how important will it be in 5 days, in 5 months, in 5 years? If it will still be important to you in 5 months or 5 years, then perhaps you really do need some Divine intervention. If not, perhaps just some good old fashioned rest and a real laugh with a real person who loves you unconditionally. God is there. He is listening, but there are some things you have to do for yourself.

You can get through this.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I'd say that your HP thinks that you can handle this, and really, in reality, you are handling it.

You drove past without reaching out, went home and rested, i.e. took care of you, and then reached out to us to say 'boy, that was tough' whilst also confirming 'I don't want to see BF for a while'.

It takes time to adjust, to grieve and to seek out the new things that fill your life with positive feelings. So today I hope you have a good day and that you find time to treat yourself to something that makes you feel valued.

((((Hugs))))

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

The great news is that you weren't in that truck with him! You were driving your own car where you wanted to go. That's all down to your courage and determination in your recovery. I hope you can celebrate that very important success.

a4l · ~*Service Worker*~

I've never agreed with God only gives what you can handle. I think hp gives you what you can't so you turn to hp. When I was pregnant with my last baby with a 2 year old and a 1 year old I was so terrified I couldn't imagine how the hell I was going to cope. A lovely Baha'i girl ( who I never saw again) said to me, don't worry, when god gives, he also gives strength. She was right. Xx

Doingmybest · Senior Member

Hi jojo,

You asked which part I was referring to and I can only respond with whichever YOU choose....the seein him or having him in your life. Either one can be seen through this lens.

If you can use the idea of 5's or 10's then you can think more clearly about what is important to you really.

Either 5/10 second, minutes, hours, days, months, years...just plug in whatever you want. You get to choose what you want to consider in these terms.

For me, almost everything is important in seconds, most things in minutes, a few less in hours (when I have taken the time to rest, eat, or laugh), then fewer in days, even less in months, and only the very most important things really matter years from now. It is these things that I want to fight for or concentrate the hardest on. If it won't matter in a few months or years, then is it really worth my time and energy now?

So, only you can answer your question. I am just posing a though about importance and/or perception.

I wish you well.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Great replys here. Im beginning to see my God as my best friend and now when something disturbs me I can feel gratitude for it even when I dont see the lesson or the growth right away. I cant see around corners so I dont know what lessons today will be a Godsend tomorrow if you know what I mean. I also believe there is a lesson for me for within me in everything if I chose to look for it.
Also I think people who kill themselves could actually be getting peace and again maybe thats the plan.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh goodness I am not right .. LOL.

I can't begin to tell you how many of those moments I have had and usually I have a lovely conversation with God and tell Him please do not quit his day job because I sincerely do not find Him FUNNY!!?

Then with a little time usually a few hours I start to giggle at the absurdity of the situation and what it means .. it seriously depends on the situation because some I never find funny and I will be posting that story next.

I find that God has a wicked sense of humor that is an acquired taste. Some days I have that taste and others not so much.

VERY FRUSTRATING to say the least, it really does help me to look for the funny in the situation regardless of how utterly absurd it is .. recently my car battery bit the dust and it sucked big time. I got bailed out by a lovely man. I tease him that he rode in on his black horse (his black truck) and saved the day. I was suppose to have dinner with that week .. he wound up in the hospital due to complications from a previous injury. UGH!! I learned in that lesson that was God's way of saying this is not the man for you. Now this man will always be my friend and I do mean always .. he's got a lovely soul who happens to drink way more than I am comfortable with his right to drink that much .. my right to say I understand and step back.

I sincerely keep wondering why God continues to place these lessons with alcohol in my way. The next story I will share is a very sad one and my heart breaks over it. The other thing I notice about God's wicked sense of humor is that usually it's the lesson that I need delivered with my caustic sense of humor and in a way I will funny understand and appreciate.

Hugs S :)

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

I work hard to keep it simple. In my program and life, if I am in need of a separate space to process an event, a relationship or my part in an outcome, I take a different route/road to avoid the contact. I responded in another thread that we humans have free will - in my program/experience, when I am uncomfortable at any point in my journey, I feel I am being nudged to take a good look at me, my actions, my reactions and my outlook and attitude.

I too find my God as my best friend. It is an ongoing dialogue seeking the next right action on my part that aligns with his will. I believe this is the path to serenity, peace and contentment. When I seek my will, I am often/always troubled as it's not an authentic way to live my life any longer.

geems · Senior Member

Great insight Iamhere.

jojo8466 · Senior Member

SerenityRUS wrote:
Oh goodness I am not right .. LOL.

I can't begin to tell you how many of those moments I have had and usually I have a lovely conversation with God and tell Him please do not quit his day job because I sincerely do not find Him FUNNY!!?

Then with a little time usually a few hours I start to giggle at the absurdity of the situation and what it means .. it seriously depends on the situation because some I never find funny and I will be posting that story next.

I find that God has a wicked sense of humor that is an acquired taste. Some days I have that taste and others not so much.

VERY FRUSTRATING to say the least, it really does help me to look for the funny in the situation regardless of how utterly absurd it is .. recently my car battery bit the dust and it sucked big time. I got bailed out by a lovely man. I tease him that he rode in on his black horse (his black truck) and saved the day. I was suppose to have dinner with that week .. he wound up in the hospital due to complications from a previous injury. UGH!! I learned in that lesson that was God's way of saying this is not the man for you. Now this man will always be my friend and I do mean always .. he's got a lovely soul who happens to drink way more than I am comfortable with his right to drink that much .. my right to say I understand and step back.

I sincerely keep wondering why God continues to place these lessons with alcohol in my way. The next story I will share is a very sad one and my heart breaks over it. The other thing I notice about God's wicked sense of humor is that usually it's the lesson that I need delivered with my caustic sense of humor and in a way I will funny understand and appreciate.

Hugs S :)

This made me laugh!!! Telling God not to quit his day job!!!! Hilarious! Thanks for this I needed a laugh today!

geems · Senior Member

Struggling with the divine. It's what those affected by alcoholism do until they realize it's the divine that will save us. Before alanon, God was lumped in with "those who are not behaving the way I want in order for me to be happy" somewhere outside of me. I wanted my will and was super mad at God when God didn't behave the way I wanted or give me what I thought I wanted. Now I'm in recovery and listen for the guidance of the divine by meditating and staying close to God moment by moment. God is who grants me the serenity, I have to be open to receive it. Being mad at God won't allow for one to do that.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm going to have to completely disagree geems .. my HP is perfectly fine with me getting angry.

Anger is a feeling it is not a fact and to say that I haven't been put out by some of the lessons I have had to deal with I would be less than honest about my own recovery.

Anger is a process and if I don't process the anger it gets stuck and it's worse when it gets stuck and doesn't move the way it's suppose to.

There have been a lot of unreasonable situation that the correct response IS anger. When my X doesn't pay support .. anger is an appropriate feeling to first have, it moves into disappointment that once again he's doing what an A does by rationalizing that he shouldn't have to pay support, then there is the issue of acceptance as I move through to a healthier form of feeling.

To say I am not ever angry at my HP .. heck .. He made me, He knows my heart and He knows that for me this is how I choose to deal with things. Anger is a very healthy emotion it's what people choose to do with that anger and how to process it that creates the backlash. I don't believe anyone has the right to tell someone not to be angry. For me to be angry 100% is not ok .. anger is a feeling not a fact.

Hugs S :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I must add that when I was angry with my God for about 10 years of my young life, I would not even consider His existence, ask for help, acknowledge my need for help or hear the still small voice within.
As far as I was concerend I was on my own and had to fix everything. Thank heavens I found this program and was able to surrender to a Higher Power . Even in the most difficult of times I could ask for and receive the courage, serenity and wisdom I needed to handle life on life's terms.

Anger was my wall against the world God included

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Serenity - I get what you are saying.....my experience is much like Betty's - I was a very angry person for a very long time. God was top, front and center on my resentment lists. For me, as I worked this program, I learned that anger was not a feeling at all - it was my reaction (immediate and conditioned by habit) to an underlying feeling. For me, it was usually fear - fear of not getting what I wanted, deserved, was owed or needed. Often times, it was sadness or disappointment - yet my first reaction was anger.

I rarely ever get angry any longer. For me, and my recovery, it's not a feeling I can afford, and is a superficial feeling/response. Resentments are considered the number one cause for relapse/slips on both sides of the program. Don't get me wrong - there have been painful moments in my life where my first response was anger, and it propelled me to change 'me' or something I could work on and control with fierce effort and energy but it's not a feeling that I can carry for any extended period of time.

Out of curiosity and because I love to dig into great topics, I googled Anger - this was the # 1 post via Google...

Anger: A Secondary Emotion. Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. A primary feeling is what is what is felt immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first before we get angry.

For those of us affected by this disease, I've heard that we suffer from identifying that first feeling, and go straight to anger. This is why PAUSE is so helpful - we can back up, assess and regroup. The consensus is anger is not a feeling - it's an emotion.

"Emotions play out in the theater of the body. Feelings play out in the theater of the mind." ... Dr. Sarah McKay

For me, anger blocks me from the sunlight of the spirit. I agree that my HP knows me and knows what's in my heart. I also don't believe my HP wants me to hold onto anything or anyone that blocks me from the sunlight of the spirit - a/k/a serenity.

geems · Senior Member

SerenityRUS wrote:
I'm going to have to completely disagree geems .. my HP is perfectly fine with me getting angry.

Anger is a feeling it is not a fact and to say that I haven't been put out by some of the lessons I have had to deal with I would be less than honest about my own recovery.

Anger is a process and if I don't process the anger it gets stuck and it's worse when it gets stuck and doesn't move the way it's suppose to.

There have been a lot of unreasonable situation that the correct response IS anger. When my X doesn't pay support .. anger is an appropriate feeling to first have, it moves into disappointment that once again he's doing what an A does by rationalizing that he shouldn't have to pay support, then there is the issue of acceptance as I move through to a healthier form of feeling.

To say I am not ever angry at my HP .. heck .. He made me, He knows my heart and He knows that for me this is how I choose to deal with things. Anger is a very healthy emotion it's what people choose to do with that anger and how to process it that creates the backlash. I don't believe anyone has the right to tell someone not to be angry. For me to be angry 100% is not ok .. anger is a feeling not a fact.

Hugs S :)

I know I have the power and am responsible to myself and to others to choose my emotional response to any situation. I will choose serenity over anger every time.

jojo8466 · Senior Member

SerenityRUS wrote:
I'm going to have to completely disagree geems .. my HP is perfectly fine with me getting angry.

Anger is a feeling it is not a fact and to say that I haven't been put out by some of the lessons I have had to deal with I would be less than honest about my own recovery.

Anger is a process and if I don't process the anger it gets stuck and it's worse when it gets stuck and doesn't move the way it's suppose to.

There have been a lot of unreasonable situation that the correct response IS anger. When my X doesn't pay support .. anger is an appropriate feeling to first have, it moves into disappointment that once again he's doing what an A does by rationalizing that he shouldn't have to pay support, then there is the issue of acceptance as I move through to a healthier form of feeling.

To say I am not ever angry at my HP .. heck .. He made me, He knows my heart and He knows that for me this is how I choose to deal with things. Anger is a very healthy emotion it's what people choose to do with that anger and how to process it that creates the backlash. I don't believe anyone has the right to tell someone not to be angry. For me to be angry 100% is not ok .. anger is a feeling not a fact.

Hugs S :)

Thanks for saying this SerenityRUS. I know everyone was raised differently in regards to what they believe their HP is OK with and what HP is not OK with. I was raised that no matter what we do, how we feel, God still LOVES us and is there for us! He is ALWAYS there for us. And in my religion God is OK with us getting angry at Him and understands that we will get angry with Him. He made me, He loves me and He is always there for me...even when I'm angry at Him he still loves me and won't desert me. He knew every decision and choice in my life I was going to make the day He created me and yet He created me anyway even knowing at times I would be angry at Him. Even Jesus got angry and He was God's son!!

Your words and examples are very inspirational.

And just in case anyone cares or is wondering my anger with God only lasted for a few hours that day----it has now subsided---I have never had days or years of being angry with God but for those who I have I can understand and don't judge them.

-- Edited by jojo8466 on Wednesday 7th of September 2016 06:08:14 AM

John · ~*Service Worker*~

I get upset, and sometimes need to let the God of my understanding know all about it... sometimes not real spiritual about it either... and well...

jojo8466 · Senior Member

John that is HILARIOUS!!!! Thanks for posting the picture of the angel with her hand on her forehead!!! The next time I get upset / angry with God I will envision that and laugh about my anger! LOL

mariamaria · Newbie

The wrong thing to do would have been to scream the cuss word at him loud out of the window...but how i feel i would have done it for you if i was there...maybe be thankful to god i was not...hope that made you smile

jojo8466 · Senior Member

mariamaria wrote:
The wrong thing to do would have been to scream the cuss word at him loud out of the window...but how i feel i would have done it for you if i was there...maybe be thankful to god i was not...hope that made you smile

Mariamaria - that didn't make me smile. That made me LAUGH outloud at work!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!

geems · Senior Member

JoJo I just broke up with my A "obsession" of 30 plus years. I just sent him a text a half hour ago after a week of no communication from him. "It's going to be a rest of our lives thing recovery from alcoholism as a family and as individuals. I'm committed to investing heavily because of the changes it's already brought. It's clear from your lack of communication that you are ambivalent at best about us and our welfare. We won't be needing you for the rest of the journey. We release you with love. Bye Wayne." I feel happy, sad, excited, and can't wait to go to a meeting because this time I know I've let him go.

jojo8466 · Senior Member

geems wrote:
JoJo I just broke up with my A "obsession" of 30 plus years. I just sent him a text a half hour ago after a week of no communication from him. "It's going to be a rest of our lives thing recovery from alcoholism as a family and as individuals. I'm committed to investing heavily because of the changes it's already brought. It's clear from your lack of communication that you are ambivalent at best about us and our welfare. We won't be needing you for the rest of the journey. We release you with love. Bye Wayne." I feel happy, sad, excited, and can't wait to go to a meeting because this time I know I've let him go.

I'm glad you feel in your heart that you have done the right thing. It will be interesting to see if he replies. The last two days I have been feeling very strong in regards to not contacting my ex ABF and better yet not wanting to contact him. I've been reading some books (none of them would be Al-Anon approved) but they are really helping me and in ways making me laugh at this whole mess I allowed myself to get into....again.

Hope all works out for you!

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Jojo I can so relate to your post here for I've been right in your shoes so many times with my a xbf,sick to my stomach having to lie down all of it,I now ,thanks to working my steps to the best of my ability and sponsor and this board I've gained so much strength and am lots stronger now ,so it ,he my xbf don't bother me as much now and today I see him everyday for he stays next door at my neighbors all day long and it just don't bother me as much anymore,guess my program is working well for me,this I do know that it's taken time ,it didn't happen all at onced nor did my disease .wished there were more I could share with you that would help you ,hope something here has helped ,,,,,do you attend meetings? That's my next step is getting myself to a meeting which I'm gonna make happen tomorrow ,yay me.im sorry your having to go through this ,it's not easy I feel your pain,your post stood out to me ,and your doing great with posting and sharing,thanks for posting .......wishing you well and strength.....((((((jojo))))))).....lu

jojo8466 · Senior Member

lookingup wrote:
Jojo I can so relate to your post here for I've been right in your shoes so many times with my a xbf,sick to my stomach having to lie down all of it,I now ,thanks to working my steps to the best of my ability and sponsor and this board I've gained so much strength and am lots stronger now ,so it ,he my xbf don't bother me as much now and today I see him everyday for he stays next door at my neighbors all day long and it just don't bother me as much anymore,guess my program is working well for me,this I do know that it's taken time ,it didn't happen all at onced nor did my disease .wished there were more I could share with you that would help you ,hope something here has helped ,,,,,do you attend meetings? That's my next step is getting myself to a meeting which I'm gonna make happen tomorrow ,yay me.im sorry your having to go through this ,it's not easy I feel your pain,your post stood out to me ,and your doing great with posting and sharing,thanks for posting .......wishing you well and strength.....((((((jojo))))))).....lu

Thanks for sharing lookingup ~ honestly I'm doing much better. I've started taking a different route home when I leave work - a road he doesn't drive down and each day I get stronger in regards to not texting him but more importantly not wanting to text him. I've been looking at the good times between us (which have been far and few between since he allowed himself to become consumed with alcohol) and the bad times between us (which have been very frequent since he quit working the program and decided to drink again) and right now for this moment in time I am better off without him. He made his choice in regards to his drinking and ending our relationship and now he can live with his decision. I'm moving on with this glorious life that God has given me! For me life is too short to live in the misery of dealing with the on again off again relationship of being involved with an alcholic....but to each their own and I don't judge.

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

And your so right jojo,same thing with me here,his choice not mine,I've decided to take the high road just like you jojo,sounds like your doing all the right things in feeling better,I've even started parking my car in a diff. Place of my home to where my qualifier is non visible to me .......yay you and yay me.......happy to see your doing better......your sharing helps me to stay stronger......lu

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene