Hello Zoe197979 and welcome! I agree with geems - Al-anon is a place where you can find others who have lived with or love(d) an alcoholic and have been affected by the devastation this disease brings. You are not alone and there is help and hope in recovery.

We learn in Al-Anon how to establish boundaries and how to detach with love. We learn to work on ourselves and to recognize the disease and the person are not one and the same. We learn new ways of healing and dealing with the disease and the diseased.

I am so glad that you hare here and hope that you keep coming back!

Welcome Zoe Please do search out alanon face o face meeting and attend You will find the support and tools you need to restore yourself to a healthy reasonable life.

 

 

Our "right nows" become "later ons" with more experiences and new awarenesses from those who came before us.   I know what you are saying and how you are feeling because that was me "back then" and then I found the program and learned to live in the moment and I wouldn't surrender these moments for anything now.  Of course I had to learn how to work this program and then live it on a daily basis.   Welcome home to MIP and the MIP family.  Let us know if and when you find that Al-Anon meeting.   ((((hugs))))

jojo8466 wrote:

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I just discovered this site a couple of weeks ago and it has helped me immensely! I'm sure it can do the same for you! Come here to cry, vent, rant, rave etc. People are always willing to listen and tell you about their experiences so you know you aren't alone! WELCOME! You are where you need to be to better yourself! Hugs to you!

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 I second this comment wholeheartedly!  Great place to vent, ask questions, hear familiar stories, and most important know that you are not alone!  We are all dealing with A's and in some cases a combo of A and addict.  My AH is also addicted to painkillers.  He gets them legally and does have pain but he mostly uses them like he uses alcohol, as an escape from reality.

Yep. All of this sounds familiar... I'm new myself here. Like I only found this site today and this is the only thing I've ever posted besides poping in the chat room. I im pretty fed up too :( my husband is an alcoholic. I too wonder if it will ever end. His father was a TERRIBLE phisical, verbal abuser and neglector. His dad ended up in prison back in the 70's because he got so many DUI's in a year... His dad "got sober" after that and is a faithful AA leader now. Only thing is, his dad is still a prick to him... Granted my husband is a jerk too, but the botched relationship has led to a HATRED of ANYTHING AA/recovery related. He himself was forced into rehab after a DUI after his first daughter was born and his first wife cheated on him in the early-mid 90's. His mother died right before we met. After that, he has consciously and deliberately devoted himself to drinking himself to death-no joke. "I will never quit drinking" he says... Needless to say, it's difficult enough to handle our business and his kids (who are also damaged from his drinking) as well as him. The constant insults and negatively. Unwillingness to WORK (not even for his own business that was his mom's- I do it all pretty much) to participate in life in general. All of this having to know that he will NEVER STOP. I can live with the drinking-not the abuse and neglect. He is as controlling as he is manipulative. He is not a good person. He is a good LIAR... And he gets away with it-every time. I've never even TRIED (not REALLY anyway) to insist or bring up the idea of him quitting drinking because I don't see the point- the answer is, was and will always be "no". I am at the end of my rope. I have issues of my own and even if i told him I wanted to and my life, he would tell me to just do it- if he even acknowledged me at all. His favorite personal rule is "I don't say sorry."... Not even when he calls me a "worthless fuc!#$ whore" because he had found an old vibrator I took home after I cleaned out my storage shed while searching my drawers when I wasn't home... He took his wedding ring off and wouldn't speak to me for a week... Coming from my background, (another whole, long story) I don't even know where to begin to "change" my own behavior- and I am afraid I am so tired and bitter now, I'm not sure I have the WILLINGNESS to change MY behavior or attitude... I know I have held as much integrity as I possibly could All these years. I have never cheated on him. Never lied to him-about anything major anyway. Only have ever let him down when I was too overwhelmed taking care of everything else, or if it was out of my hands. I have done everything I could ever possibly do- and at this point, I feel like if it had made any difference at all, things wouldn't be this way :( All I know is im dammed if I stay and dammed if I go... Which sucks because this WAS all I ever wanted- was supposed to be anyway. I want to be married, my husband, I want my home, my family, my small business that I've put 10 years of blood, sweat and tears into... I WANT WHAT I WORKED SO HARD FOR. I love where we live, I love our lifestyle and our hobbies (which he no longer wants to do half the time. No more fishing, hiking or hunting trips hardly- few and far between. They also usually get ruined anymore. He will always find a way to throw a rage fit) I've been almost cationic since yesterday. I'm just so tired and feel so hopeless... He has been bothered all day and when my stepdaughter asked "what's wrong with her?" he replied coldly, "I have no fuc#% clue, I don't know, I don't care." My visibly upset demeanor and depressed state just makes him shrug his shoulders and get irritated. I haven't even cleaned the house in two weeks (as if I have a maid or a family that pitches in their share-he asked my stepdaughter who is 23 but mildly mentally challenged to do the dishes. She did, but only half of them. No garbage taken out or picked up, no counters wiped or floor swept etc) she went right back to her spot on the couch. He has no clue why I'm so upset. I'm supposed to just "get over myself". If I give in and "buck up", he says "see, she was just being a drama queen. If I give up and let it out, he continues to say "what's your problem?". And guarenteed, if it goes on long enough, and I don't cheer up, he will actively do things he knows will hurt me just to "get me". To kick me when I'm down. Like spontaneously taking the kids on a fun trip he didn't tell me about and I come home to an empty house. When he KNOWS that something as simple as that from him would make all the difference for me :( I guess what I'm saying is, I feel your pain... I wonder where it all stops too- without having to throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak... Without turning my life upside down even worse and having to start all over again with less than half of what I went in with... After all ive been through in my life, I just don't know if I could psych myself into accepting that... If I could even consciously decide to survive or not.

 

 

Ann the program of the Al-Anon Family Groups is very wide in California and I got in, in the Central Valley area.  That was a miracle for me and while I didn't have a husband like you have in my life I did have an alcoholic/addict wife who along with me made life a horror story.  I cannot even imagine having lived thru it to be still alive today and then I am.   Look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number for Al-Anon just so you know we are close and within reach along with your computer.  The alcoholic you describe as your husband sounds classic and you need and deserve help.   Call soonest and keep coming back here also.  

Just a note...the obscenities that he uses on you are considered spousal abuse and the police and courts will get involved as they become aware.   ((((hugs))))