The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is going to be tough if I let it be. My AH didn't drink yesterday and went to an AA meeting. You think I would be happy but I'm not. Sometimes I wish he would just keep drinking. He couldn't drink because he didn't have any money or beer.
He will have money today. He works alone and can drink all day which he usually does. So now I will sit here and stew all day wondering which AH will come home today: sober or drunk?
I think this is about expectations or me predicting the future. I just can't shake it! I will be trying hard to stay distracted but I also work alone and from home.
Hi Ceelee Just remember that alanon suggests that we stay in our own lives and hula hoop. Use the serenity prayer and a slogan to keep you focused on what is pleasant and enriching in your day. Let go of his actions and Let God.
Many times when I was in fear/anxious of what would happen when my AH came home, I would just leave and not come home until I knew he was settled in for the night. It may sound like avoidance but in my reality I was keeping my peace. I didn't need to argue, become upset, or grow some resentments. I did need to take care of myself and not let other people's problems rule my thoughts and reactions.
Know that you are loved and not alone in this journey and there is always someone here to reach out to.
I remember this so well, the inability to stop focusing on everyone else (obsession.) They were there for them and I was there for them and there was never anyone "home" for me. Nothing makes me crazier than my outward focus, where I have no control. I'd become soo angry because their disease controlled me...
But I do have some power. the power to take care of me. Early in recovery, I began my daily walks. Nature is so soothing for me, like God's own medicine. Just keep doing the next most nurturing thing for myself.
Whenever I find myself saying, "They're not doing recovery..." or something similar, the same is actually true of me. I am not doing recovery. because I'm focusing outside of myself and not inside, on my own precious life (((peace)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 12th of September 2016 10:00:53 AM
I like that thought process - if I am thinking about them not working on recovery, than I'm not working on my own! Love these short little phrases to add to my toolbox.
Thank you so much. I have been working really hard on this. Whenever I think about all the things my AH is doing wrong I try to refocus on what I am doing wrong instead. I know I should just focus on my good and bad but I'm still kind if stuck in negativity land.
However, just for today, when he comes home I will return to this thread and all of your responses will help get me thru. I am so glad I found this place!
