Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Lyne · Lyne

The reading for Monday, 9/14, talks about how the author decided it was best not to hope for anything. Life lessons were too painful, hopes became shattered, and despair set in. The writer says eventually they were completely shut down emotionally, and they refused to care or hope for anything. Bu...

Geoff · Geoff

Boundaries these are the guide lines we agreed too when getting together. There were some simple ones like don't commit adultery. When this happened and I chose to try to work it out we setup other boundaries. Like personal issue between the two of us is only meant for therapy or close family not a membe...

DavidG · DavidG

i bike around the valley a fair bit. The bike has about 18 gears. A long way away from the old bone shaker I rode as a kid. About 12 years ago i was biking around the lake. I looked around and realised that the trees were moving around- and even the hills were moving. The hills moved much slower than th...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: The focus of todays reading is self awareness and how it can help us navigate the experiences of our lives. The writer describes having grown up with an alcoholic father who flew into rages. Because of the fear associated with these, the writer often would attack or provoke fi...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's page asks for our reflection to identify what really holds us back from turning things over to a higher power (HP) or God. It may not be an HP issue, or nature of the problems we hold on to. It likely is a growth opportunity to Let Go, Let God/HP.There is a cost to putting faith in something greater:...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is all about denial. It suggests that when we come to Al-Anon, we often don't even recognize the disease of alcoholism in our lives, let alone how far it has affected and impacted us. As denial begins to lift, we often are horrified at the lies we told ourselves and others. The readin...

Freetime · Freetime

Doing the Fourth Step inventory, the author of today's reading thought they were doing it all wrong. Then they realized, with Higher Power's help, that their life-long problem had been that they always felt inadequate -- no matter what they were doing, it wasn't good enough. Now they have a better...

Geoff · Geoff

Well after 4 days of this. She spoke with her sponsor ( a woman) and her counselor/therapist from the center (the only one I trust he is a nice guy). They both recommended that we do a trial separation for 2weeks to see if this is what she and I actually want. I have been broken up all day cause I knew that this...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Hello MIP! In today's reading in C2C, the author shares that they sometimes don't know how to ask for help. And so, instead of asking for help in an Al-Anon meeting, the author sits quietly and listens. From the outside, maybe people think everything is fine because the author might look calm, when in...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

This is the tine of year that I.usually simply slip and slide into wallowing in self pity. I get into comparison with s few se kn ected targets. Of courss I can only imagine wgar other people have. I do not really know Thiz year with Covid 19, having to move out of ny apartment, being sick, being separate...

Geoff · Geoff

She is going to stay here and apparently we are separated but going to stay under the same roof. I told her she needs to decide what to do by the end of the week. I am not sure if I can handle being close to her as I just want to kiss and hold her. All I get to do is watch her walk away and I don't have a clue if this is th...

SunnyFrogs · SunnyFrogs

It's true,all my expectations with/of AH always lead to disappointment. Why is that so hard to accept? Why is it so hard to stop expecting anything better or different? Every single time I expect something I am setting my own self up. He's not doing that to me,I am doing this to myself. I don't know wh...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the strength of alanon literature and the support by others in Alanon, especially when getting to in person meetings is not feasible. The writer describes the Lone Member Service; this is something I am not familiar with but it is described as a way for...

Geoff · Geoff

Well we talked it out this morning over coffee. It turns out I was right she isn't in love with me she was just trying to make it work for convenience and the kids she doesn't share the same feeling I do for her. We are going to try separation see what happens from there.. She cannot invest anytime into our r...

Geoff · Geoff

Well it my AW birthday today. We just finished opening gifts with the kids had a coffee and she just received a text from her guy friend mother saying call me asap please. She did and it turns out he is in the hospital. He OD on his DOC and now because his mother can't drive him and his girl friend also doesn'...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Today's reading is about the after effects of Letting Go. Once we begin focusing on ourselves and let go of the obsession & worry for others, the author found that there was a whole lot of free time that took some time to adjust to. The author states, "We knew how to live in a state of crisis, but it ofte...

Freetime · Freetime

Calmness of mind -- the writer of today's page faced a dilemma of how to fill the extra time gained by not focusing on other people's crises. Now that the mind has become quieter, how to fill it without grabbing for old fears, how to be mentally busy without creating our own crisis which lets us feel bus...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is all about seizing the day, the moment, etc. Many of us put our dreams and promises on hold waiting for that special day - that one day when .... Some of us were waiting for the disease to be cured, others were waiting on something else - no matter. Al-Anon has helped us to see that toda...

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

So my AH is saying he is going to fight for the house after twice now he said I could have it, back and forth this is going. No kids, dogs with special needs, been in the house for 25 years. I'm worried to fight for the house if he wants it to becuase the judge can say sell it and split the money, were in FL. He do...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

One of the traits I have seen with the alcoholic qualifier is the need to make me feel insecure and jealous After the qualifier wooed me and appeared to be a devoted boyfriend he switched lkterally overnught to quite deliberately trying to make me feel insecure and absolutely comoulsively discount...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on step 1: We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Over the years, the author did a lot of thinking about step 1, and recently, began to do a lot of feeling about the step as well. The primary emotion the author shared was g...

DavidG · DavidG

Disease, illness, sickness, malaise. It is cunning and baffling. I have heard the word "dysfunctional" bandied about. I think that that is far too soft a word. Damaging, dangerous, even life threatening, describes it better. I have been involved with my nephew G. His two kids have been taken int...

Fedora · Fedora

I just told AH that I'm getting the kids signed up for counseling. He is Furious. I am standing my ground. I know enough about this disease now to know that my kids are going to need to have tools in place. They're too young for Al-A-Teen. (At least the littler one is). I want them to have someone they can t...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm going to any ways. Basically long story short this has been a year of revelation of how much I get to control myself and not others. My latest run in with my X involved my youngest and an iPad for singing lessons. S/he (cause I'm pretty sure his wife was involved) was very entertaining. They overp...

2HP · 2HP

From the beginning, I was told that "the instructions" for recovery were in the Twelve steps. Sometimes (and especially when nothing feels like its working anymore) I like to re-read the instructions. Many of us are facing challenges this year, and I thought a discussion on the instructions coul...

Geoff · Geoff

I just wanted to say good morning to you all. My wife an I have our couples session today and the previous ones usually end up with us worse off than when we start. We usually right after just talk about it without our therapist and always work it out on our own. I feel like today will be different it will only...

Seahorse7 · Seahorse7

Whenever my AH takes vacation days I know we are in for daily drinking because every day off is a drinking day. And I also expect that at some point during vacation he will lash out at me. This time, we are vacationing at home because of Covid, though we are able to go do things outdoors. I have been tellin...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's page addresses the loneliness that may come from feeling that no one truly understands what we are going through. We are reminded, however, that we can free ourselves from this at any time by refocusing our mind on blessings, rather than the real or perceived deficits in our life.Nothing has...

Geoff · Geoff

This weekend stared off on a sour note for my spouse and I. I did realize it was all due to me and my attitude. I was letting the what if's control my days and by the end of the week I was in a terrible mood even staurday morning when we have coffee together on the porch and she reads from her daily book it was not e...

Lyne · Lyne

The reading for Monday, 8/31, reflects upon people saying its a nice day when the weather is fine. What we learn in alanon is that the kind of day it is, does not depend upon the weather. Instead, the kind of day we are having is attributed to our attitudes and reactions to what s going on around us. The...

Matoma · Matoma

I am reading all of these posts and thinking do I really want to do this? I feel very naive and, quite frankly, stupid. I started seeing someone last fall. I work with him and knew that he went through a 30 day rehab and 60 day IOP last year, before we started seeing each other. I worked with his family to h...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: I wouldnt typically start with the Thought for the Day at the end of todays page, but it is such a powerful statement Im thinking about it like bookends for each day, a morning and evening reflection. It reads: In Al-Anon Ive learned to savor the tiny, specific, beautiful momen...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Sorry for the late start, MIP Family! Today's reading is from Courage to Change. It speaks about Step 8. "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." The author describes Step 8 as "the means to release myself from unrelenting guilt." They go onto say that by m...

DavidG · DavidG

I picked up the three A's here. I was always cautious about not using conference approved material. Maybe hypervigilant, even. So- the three A's appear in a reading for Courage To Change. Through our three daily readers there are over 1000 entries. So there is a fair bit of scope here. I believe that...

Fedora · Fedora

This morning the police called me out of my class to alert me that my AH had been taken to the local jail because of DUI. This is number 2. The city police called the campus police to try to find me. The campus police officer was so kind. The city police officer were so kind. I appreciated that. They had to go...

dragonfly04 · dragonfly04

I haven't posted in awhile and I have been so busy with work lately. It's a busy time right now. I haven't kept up with my readings or self care the last 2 weeks. My feelings are all over the place. My bf is an active alcoholic and it's putting a strain on me. I try not to argue with him. I will excuse myself from...

DavidG · DavidG

Or close to home, anyway. I visited my nephew and his partner yesterday. His partner is going away to rehab. on Monday morning- for 12 or 16 weeks. Their kids have been taken off of them- and they want their kids back. I think they have along long way to go. To use a cricketing term- I am a wee way out o...

Freetime · Freetime

Today's author learned about trust and worthiness from her first Al-Anon sponsor. She learned she could trust her sponsor to be gentle, and also to say what needed to be said. The sponsor helped her overcome her self-doubt. When our author was in despair of ever feeling better, the sponsor pointed...

Geoff · Geoff

2020 has been the worst year for many, but it has been especially terrible for me. I got to start the year off with planning an intervention for my wife. It all started back in fall of 2019 when her father passed away. I had been busy with doing the lions share of taking the kids to sports volunteering for Ho...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the important relationship of sponsor/sponsee in the program. It is written from the point of view of the sponsor, and how seeing the growth in recovery of a sponsee is such a big part of the program. I have not had the experience of being a sponsor, but my...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses the first 3 steps in our program. The writer was disappointed when the first meeting attended did not give out a 'do/don't list' on how to change the alcoholic. Instead, the 12 Steps were provided. Desperate for change, she opted to give the steps a try. By the second meet...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

In 2008 I was in this program holding on by bare knuckles. I.left the qualifier, was deeply in debt, barely enoloyed and marginally housed. Nevertheless, largeky because of the chaos he created, I left When I.leff the qualifier back then with ni job.and no money the economy took a real downturn. I....

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

While going through the beginnings of divorcing my AH, we have routines from 17 years together, making his lunch, doing his laundry, calling eachother pet names. How do you cope with this? How do you shut this down and tell him he needs to work on getting better. I want to still be his best friend and h...

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

I have my first appointment with the lawyers assistant, a financials appointment, next Thursday. My AH has contacted journey pure and said they cant see him till late next week. He even did a couple things around the house, was shocked. I express how happy I am that he reached out and has an appointment...

Skorpi · Skorpi

Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on one of the chief symptoms of the family disease of Alcoholism - Denial. The author reflects in wonder about how they didn't see what was happening with the addiction - alcoholism had left messy tracks all through the author's life, and at the time...

AgainAgain · AgainAgain

New to this board but not to Al Anon. I was an active member for five years while my wife was drinking heavily. Ultimately the disease won and she passed away two years ago after 26 years of marriage. Assuming that my issues with alcohol were behind me, I stepped away from my group. Fast forward to tod...

Kokopelli · Kokopelli

Hello, In January 2020 I finally had the courage to speak up to my AH about how unhappy I was in our marriage and that his drinking and depression left me lonely and unhappy. I had told him for the last 3 years that he needed to start cutting back on drinking and start seeing a counselor for his depression...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

...'by stopping to think: Easy Does It,' so recommends today's ODAT author, along with the questions: 'Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that acting on impulse - saying the first thing that pops into my head - defeats my own purposes?'R...

Lyne · Lyne

The reading for Monday, 8/24, discusses the growth value of honesty and candor. We are then able to admit that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, was not sane or reasonable. If we can do this without shame or embarrassment, we are able to break free. The reminder says that we need alanon not onl...

SunnyFrogs · SunnyFrogs

I'm usually on the receiving end of AH's silent treatment and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel so insignificant and unloved. Yet,here I am being the one giving him the silent treatment for the 2nd day. I'm not doing it to purposely hurt him though,like he does me. I'm not doing it as a form of contro...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

As you all know this year has been horrendous for me. Moving out of ny aoartment. Staying with an abusive alcoholic who was really verbally abusive when I was ill. Really really ill. Living in a construction zone for a year (still ongoing) . Getting a huge unexpected bill that I had to enoty my.savings t...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

Hi all! Its great to still see some familiar names on this board, as I havent checked in for a long time. Im now retired as of July 1st, and my husband of one year and I have moved to a wonderful 55+ community in AZ. I feel very blessed. It was 11 years ago that I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and gave my HP...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Responsibility for Family Members Melody Beatty speaks of the idea that many of us have the idea that we are responsible for other people's feelings. That it can have it's roots in childhood, and was established by members of our nuclear family. Perhaps a parent has told you that you make them miserab...

iris52 · iris52

I was reading some old posts and decided to google my nickname. I was surprised at what came up. I chose the nick because irises are one of my favorite flowers and 52 is the year I was born.The things that came up for iris 52 are things I am not sure I want people to think I am connected to. Actually I am not rea...

mamalioness · mamalioness

I don't even know where to start, but up the street the guy who used to be my handyman, alcoholic major dropped dead from heart attack last week forensics were out investigating, police, you name it because they had to be shore the body on the porch was not anything but natural causes (pathologist van t...

DavidG · DavidG

Hi y'all... ...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis. I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them. And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. B...

Lyne · Lyne

My decision to stay married to my A is not an easy life. Although it has important benefits, it is not easy by any means. This union of almost 29 years, brings me back to teachings from Betty, over and over and over again--I cannot force solutions, and I should not have expectations. And it's not that I...

Maresie888 · Maresie888

For me what is critical is to check not only my exoectations but to look at other people's expectations too. It is quite clear to me that all the people I had relationships with had completely unreal expectations of a relatiobship For sone reason (probably because of my own expectations) I jouned...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Some arrive at AlAnon with a list of reasons for ill will toward the alcoholic.Today's author suggests that using this list to polish our Martyr's halo and keep unpleasant events fresh in our minds is a harmful practice; neither is it our right or responsibility.Getting rid of such a list daily is bes...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning MIP - apologies for the later than usual post - I have quarantine brain - thought it was Wednesday... Today's reminder: Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exa...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	C2C, 9/14 (Preview) The reading for Monday, 9/14, talks about how the author decided it was best not to hope for anything. Life lessons were too painful, hopes became shattered, and despair set in. The writer says eventually they were completely shut down emotionally, and they refused to care or hope for anything. Bu...	Lyne	2	282	Sep 13, 2020 by Iamhere
	Boundaries (Preview) Boundaries these are the guide lines we agreed too when getting together. There were some simple ones like don't commit adultery. When this happened and I chose to try to work it out we setup other boundaries. Like personal issue between the two of us is only meant for therapy or close family not a membe...	Geoff	8	2176	Sep 13, 2020 by Maresie888
	Steps one and twelve. (Preview) i bike around the valley a fair bit. The bike has about 18 gears. A long way away from the old bone shaker I rode as a kid. About 12 years ago i was biking around the lake. I looked around and realised that the trees were moving around- and even the hills were moving. The hills moved much slower than th...	DavidG	6	1619	Sep 13, 2020 by serenity47
	Hope for Today Sept 13 (Preview) Good morning everyone: The focus of todays reading is self awareness and how it can help us navigate the experiences of our lives. The writer describes having grown up with an alcoholic father who flew into rages. Because of the fear associated with these, the writer often would attack or provoke fi...	yanksfan51	0	258	Sep 13, 2020 by yanksfan51
	9/8/20 – C2C Struggle w/HP? Might be Control... (Preview) Today's page asks for our reflection to identify what really holds us back from turning things over to a higher power (HP) or God. It may not be an HP issue, or nature of the problems we hold on to. It likely is a growth opportunity to Let Go, Let God/HP.There is a cost to putting faith in something greater:...	Enigmatic	7	5286	Sep 13, 2020 by Maresie888
	Courage to Change 9/10 (Preview) Today's reading is all about denial. It suggests that when we come to Al-Anon, we often don't even recognize the disease of alcoholism in our lives, let alone how far it has affected and impacted us. As denial begins to lift, we often are horrified at the lies we told ourselves and others. The readin...	Iamhere	3	356	Sep 12, 2020 by mamalioness
	Courage to Change - 9/11 (Preview) Doing the Fourth Step inventory, the author of today's reading thought they were doing it all wrong. Then they realized, with Higher Power's help, that their life-long problem had been that they always felt inadequate -- no matter what they were doing, it wasn't good enough. Now they have a better...	Freetime	5	702	Sep 12, 2020 by mamalioness
	If they love you. They will run back not walk. That's what you deserve. (Preview) Well after 4 days of this. She spoke with her sponsor ( a woman) and her counselor/therapist from the center (the only one I trust he is a nice guy). They both recommended that we do a trial separation for 2weeks to see if this is what she and I actually want. I have been broken up all day cause I knew that this...	Geoff	10	3042	Sep 12, 2020 by mamalioness
	Courage to Change September 9 (Preview) Hello MIP! In today's reading in C2C, the author shares that they sometimes don't know how to ask for help. And so, instead of asking for help in an Al-Anon meeting, the author sits quietly and listens. From the outside, maybe people think everything is fine because the author might look calm, when in...	Skorpi	7	3175	Sep 12, 2020 by mamalioness
	Responsibiity /the holidays (Preview) This is the tine of year that I.usually simply slip and slide into wallowing in self pity. I get into comparison with s few se kn ected targets. Of courss I can only imagine wgar other people have. I do not really know Thiz year with Covid 19, having to move out of ny apartment, being sick, being separate...	Maresie888	0	1063	Sep 11, 2020 by Maresie888
	what now (Preview) She is going to stay here and apparently we are separated but going to stay under the same roof. I told her she needs to decide what to do by the end of the week. I am not sure if I can handle being close to her as I just want to kiss and hold her. All I get to do is watch her walk away and I don't have a clue if this is th...	Geoff	7	1187	Sep 8, 2020 by Maresie888
	Expectations Are ALWAYS A Disappointment (Preview) It's true,all my expectations with/of AH always lead to disappointment. Why is that so hard to accept? Why is it so hard to stop expecting anything better or different? Every single time I expect something I am setting my own self up. He's not doing that to me,I am doing this to myself. I don't know wh...	SunnyFrogs	11	1353	Sep 6, 2020 by Iamhere
	Hope for Today Sept 6 (Preview) Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the strength of alanon literature and the support by others in Alanon, especially when getting to in person meetings is not feasible. The writer describes the Lone Member Service; this is something I am not familiar with but it is described as a way for...	yanksfan51	2	1026	Sep 6, 2020 by Iamhere
	Changes (Preview) Well we talked it out this morning over coffee. It turns out I was right she isn't in love with me she was just trying to make it work for convenience and the kids she doesn't share the same feeling I do for her. We are going to try separation see what happens from there.. She cannot invest anytime into our r...	Geoff	5	1107	Sep 6, 2020 by Iamhere
	So frustrated (Preview) Well it my AW birthday today. We just finished opening gifts with the kids had a coffee and she just received a text from her guy friend mother saying call me asap please. She did and it turns out he is in the hospital. He OD on his DOC and now because his mother can't drive him and his girl friend also doesn'...	Geoff	8	1226	Sep 6, 2020 by Iamhere
	Courage to change Saturday, 9/5 (Preview) Today's reading is about the after effects of Letting Go. Once we begin focusing on ourselves and let go of the obsession & worry for others, the author found that there was a whole lot of free time that took some time to adjust to. The author states, "We knew how to live in a state of crisis, but it ofte...	PosiesandPuppies	5	1298	Sep 6, 2020 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change - September 4 (Preview) Calmness of mind -- the writer of today's page faced a dilemma of how to fill the extra time gained by not focusing on other people's crises. Now that the mind has become quieter, how to fill it without grabbing for old fears, how to be mentally busy without creating our own crisis which lets us feel bus...	Freetime	7	322	Sep 6, 2020 by Maresie888
	Courage to Change 9/3 (Preview) Today's reading is all about seizing the day, the moment, etc. Many of us put our dreams and promises on hold waiting for that special day - that one day when .... Some of us were waiting for the disease to be cured, others were waiting on something else - no matter. Al-Anon has helped us to see that toda...	Iamhere	3	313	Sep 5, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	Calling their bluff (Preview) So my AH is saying he is going to fight for the house after twice now he said I could have it, back and forth this is going. No kids, dogs with special needs, been in the house for 25 years. I'm worried to fight for the house if he wants it to becuase the judge can say sell it and split the money, were in FL. He do...	Kokopelli	8	412	Sep 4, 2020 by Maresie888
	Jealousy (Preview) One of the traits I have seen with the alcoholic qualifier is the need to make me feel insecure and jealous After the qualifier wooed me and appeared to be a devoted boyfriend he switched lkterally overnught to quite deliberately trying to make me feel insecure and absolutely comoulsively discount...	Maresie888	0	295	Sep 4, 2020 by Maresie888
	Courage to Change September 2 (Preview) Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on step 1: We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Over the years, the author did a lot of thinking about step 1, and recently, began to do a lot of feeling about the step as well. The primary emotion the author shared was g...	Skorpi	5	322	Sep 4, 2020 by Maresie888
	Dealing to the disease. (Preview) Disease, illness, sickness, malaise. It is cunning and baffling. I have heard the word "dysfunctional" bandied about. I think that that is far too soft a word. Damaging, dangerous, even life threatening, describes it better. I have been involved with my nephew G. His two kids have been taken int...	DavidG	3	328	Sep 3, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	AH angry that children are getting counseling (Preview) I just told AH that I'm getting the kids signed up for counseling. He is Furious. I am standing my ground. I know enough about this disease now to know that my kids are going to need to have tools in place. They're too young for Al-A-Teen. (At least the littler one is). I want them to have someone they can t...	Fedora	7	386	Sep 3, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	I hesitate to share .. (Preview) I'm going to any ways. Basically long story short this has been a year of revelation of how much I get to control myself and not others. My latest run in with my X involved my youngest and an iPad for singing lessons. S/he (cause I'm pretty sure his wife was involved) was very entertaining. They overp...	SerenityRUS	4	542	Sep 2, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	Step One (Preview) From the beginning, I was told that "the instructions" for recovery were in the Twelve steps. Sometimes (and especially when nothing feels like its working anymore) I like to re-read the instructions. Many of us are facing challenges this year, and I thought a discussion on the instructions coul...	2HP	10	462	Sep 2, 2020 by 2HP
	Good Morning to you all (Preview) I just wanted to say good morning to you all. My wife an I have our couples session today and the previous ones usually end up with us worse off than when we start. We usually right after just talk about it without our therapist and always work it out on our own. I feel like today will be different it will only...	Geoff	4	273	Sep 1, 2020 by DavidG
	Backlash over self care (Preview) Whenever my AH takes vacation days I know we are in for daily drinking because every day off is a drinking day. And I also expect that at some point during vacation he will lash out at me. This time, we are vacationing at home because of Covid, though we are able to go do things outdoors. I have been tellin...	Seahorse7	11	429	Sep 1, 2020 by SerenityRUS
	9/1/20 ODAT - Refocus -> Freedom (Preview) Today's page addresses the loneliness that may come from feeling that no one truly understands what we are going through. We are reminded, however, that we can free ourselves from this at any time by refocusing our mind on blessings, rather than the real or perceived deficits in our life.Nothing has...	Enigmatic	3	394	Sep 1, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	Self (Preview) This weekend stared off on a sour note for my spouse and I. I did realize it was all due to me and my attitude. I was letting the what if's control my days and by the end of the week I was in a terrible mood even staurday morning when we have coffee together on the porch and she reads from her daily book it was not e...	Geoff	3	287	Aug 31, 2020 by DavidG
	ODAT in alanon, 8/31 (Preview) The reading for Monday, 8/31, reflects upon people saying its a nice day when the weather is fine. What we learn in alanon is that the kind of day it is, does not depend upon the weather. Instead, the kind of day we are having is attributed to our attitudes and reactions to what s going on around us. The...	Lyne	2	361	Aug 31, 2020 by Iamhere
	Do I really want to do this? (Preview) I am reading all of these posts and thinking do I really want to do this? I feel very naive and, quite frankly, stupid. I started seeing someone last fall. I work with him and knew that he went through a 30 day rehab and 60 day IOP last year, before we started seeing each other. I worked with his family to h...	Matoma	13	530	Aug 30, 2020 by Iamhere
	Hope for Today Aug 30 (Preview) Good morning everyone: I wouldnt typically start with the Thought for the Day at the end of todays page, but it is such a powerful statement Im thinking about it like bookends for each day, a morning and evening reflection. It reads: In Al-Anon Ive learned to savor the tiny, specific, beautiful momen...	yanksfan51	2	281	Aug 30, 2020 by Iamhere
	Saturday's Daily 8/29/20 (Preview) Sorry for the late start, MIP Family! Today's reading is from Courage to Change. It speaks about Step 8. "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." The author describes Step 8 as "the means to release myself from unrelenting guilt." They go onto say that by m...	PosiesandPuppies	3	271	Aug 30, 2020 by Iamhere
	3 A's and 4 P's... a step 11... (Preview) I picked up the three A's here. I was always cautious about not using conference approved material. Maybe hypervigilant, even. So- the three A's appear in a reading for Courage To Change. Through our three daily readers there are over 1000 entries. So there is a fair bit of scope here. I believe that...	DavidG	2	872	Aug 30, 2020 by DavidG
	2nd DUI (Preview) This morning the police called me out of my class to alert me that my AH had been taken to the local jail because of DUI. This is number 2. The city police called the campus police to try to find me. The campus police officer was so kind. The city police officer were so kind. I appreciated that. They had to go...	Fedora	9	525	Aug 30, 2020 by Maresie888
	Feelings (Preview) I haven't posted in awhile and I have been so busy with work lately. It's a busy time right now. I haven't kept up with my readings or self care the last 2 weeks. My feelings are all over the place. My bf is an active alcoholic and it's putting a strain on me. I try not to argue with him. I will excuse myself from...	dragonfly04	3	336	Aug 29, 2020 by DavidG
	Charity begins at home... (Preview) Or close to home, anyway. I visited my nephew and his partner yesterday. His partner is going away to rehab. on Monday morning- for 12 or 16 weeks. Their kids have been taken off of them- and they want their kids back. I think they have along long way to go. To use a cricketing term- I am a wee way out o...	DavidG	0	237	Aug 29, 2020 by DavidG
	Courage to Change, 8/28 - Sponsorship (Preview) Today's author learned about trust and worthiness from her first Al-Anon sponsor. She learned she could trust her sponsor to be gentle, and also to say what needed to be said. The sponsor helped her overcome her self-doubt. When our author was in despair of ever feeling better, the sponsor pointed...	Freetime	3	339	Aug 29, 2020 by DavidG
	recovery and infidelity (Preview) 2020 has been the worst year for many, but it has been especially terrible for me. I got to start the year off with planning an intervention for my wife. It all started back in fall of 2019 when her father passed away. I had been busy with doing the lions share of taking the kids to sports volunteering for Ho...	Geoff	14	436	Aug 28, 2020 by Maresie888
	Hope for Today Aug 23 (Preview) Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the important relationship of sponsor/sponsee in the program. It is written from the point of view of the sponsor, and how seeing the growth in recovery of a sponsee is such a big part of the program. I have not had the experience of being a sponsor, but my...	yanksfan51	13	350	Aug 28, 2020 by Geoff
	Courage to Change 8/27 (Preview) Today's reading discusses the first 3 steps in our program. The writer was disappointed when the first meeting attended did not give out a 'do/don't list' on how to change the alcoholic. Instead, the 12 Steps were provided. Desperate for change, she opted to give the steps a try. By the second meet...	Iamhere	3	281	Aug 28, 2020 by Enigmatic
	Shades of 2008 (Preview) In 2008 I was in this program holding on by bare knuckles. I.left the qualifier, was deeply in debt, barely enoloyed and marginally housed. Nevertheless, largeky because of the chaos he created, I left When I.leff the qualifier back then with ni job.and no money the economy took a real downturn. I....	Maresie888	4	259	Aug 27, 2020 by Maresie888
	Mixed signals (Preview) While going through the beginnings of divorcing my AH, we have routines from 17 years together, making his lunch, doing his laundry, calling eachother pet names. How do you cope with this? How do you shut this down and tell him he needs to work on getting better. I want to still be his best friend and h...	Kokopelli	3	286	Aug 27, 2020 by Maresie888
	Second thoughts (Preview) I have my first appointment with the lawyers assistant, a financials appointment, next Thursday. My AH has contacted journey pure and said they cant see him till late next week. He even did a couple things around the house, was shocked. I express how happy I am that he reached out and has an appointment...	Kokopelli	4	328	Aug 27, 2020 by Maresie888
	Courage to Change August 26 (Preview) Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on one of the chief symptoms of the family disease of Alcoholism - Denial. The author reflects in wonder about how they didn't see what was happening with the addiction - alcoholism had left messy tracks all through the author's life, and at the time...	Skorpi	5	344	Aug 26, 2020 by JerryF
	Here I go again (Preview) New to this board but not to Al Anon. I was an active member for five years while my wife was drinking heavily. Ultimately the disease won and she passed away two years ago after 26 years of marriage. Assuming that my issues with alcohol were behind me, I stepped away from my group. Fast forward to tod...	AgainAgain	5	283	Aug 26, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	When is enough? (Preview) Hello, In January 2020 I finally had the courage to speak up to my AH about how unhappy I was in our marriage and that his drinking and depression left me lonely and unhappy. I had told him for the last 3 years that he needed to start cutting back on drinking and start seeing a counselor for his depression...	Kokopelli	5	366	Aug 25, 2020 by JerryF
	8/25/20 ODAT – We Can’t Lose... (Preview) ...'by stopping to think: Easy Does It,' so recommends today's ODAT author, along with the questions: 'Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that acting on impulse - saying the first thing that pops into my head - defeats my own purposes?'R...	Enigmatic	2	282	Aug 25, 2020 by Iamhere
	ODAT in alanon, 8/24 (Preview) The reading for Monday, 8/24, discusses the growth value of honesty and candor. We are then able to admit that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, was not sane or reasonable. If we can do this without shame or embarrassment, we are able to break free. The reminder says that we need alanon not onl...	Lyne	6	307	Aug 25, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	The Silent Treatment (Preview) I'm usually on the receiving end of AH's silent treatment and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel so insignificant and unloved. Yet,here I am being the one giving him the silent treatment for the 2nd day. I'm not doing it to purposely hurt him though,like he does me. I'm not doing it as a form of contro...	SunnyFrogs	6	451	Aug 25, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	Good news (Preview) As you all know this year has been horrendous for me. Moving out of ny aoartment. Staying with an abusive alcoholic who was really verbally abusive when I was ill. Really really ill. Living in a construction zone for a year (still ongoing) . Getting a huge unexpected bill that I had to enoty my.savings t...	Maresie888	6	366	Aug 24, 2020 by Maresie888
	Paying It Forward (Preview) Hi all! Its great to still see some familiar names on this board, as I havent checked in for a long time. Im now retired as of July 1st, and my husband of one year and I have moved to a wonderful 55+ community in AZ. I feel very blessed. It was 11 years ago that I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and gave my HP...	Green Eyes	2	293	Aug 24, 2020 by Green Eyes
	08/22/20 (Preview) Responsibility for Family Members Melody Beatty speaks of the idea that many of us have the idea that we are responsible for other people's feelings. That it can have it's roots in childhood, and was established by members of our nuclear family. Perhaps a parent has told you that you make them miserab...	PosiesandPuppies	5	368	Aug 24, 2020 by PosiesandPuppies
	this is creepy (Preview) I was reading some old posts and decided to google my nickname. I was surprised at what came up. I chose the nick because irises are one of my favorite flowers and 52 is the year I was born.The things that came up for iris 52 are things I am not sure I want people to think I am connected to. Actually I am not rea...	iris52	6	353	Aug 23, 2020 by ClearTheFog
	Oh MY!! its been a while (Preview) I don't even know where to start, but up the street the guy who used to be my handyman, alcoholic major dropped dead from heart attack last week forensics were out investigating, police, you name it because they had to be shore the body on the porch was not anything but natural causes (pathologist van t...	mamalioness	4	305	Aug 23, 2020 by Iamhere
	Just another "common or garden" share... (Preview) Hi y'all... ...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis. I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them. And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. B...	DavidG	2	331	Aug 23, 2020 by Maresie888
	Lessons Betty taught me (Preview) My decision to stay married to my A is not an easy life. Although it has important benefits, it is not easy by any means. This union of almost 29 years, brings me back to teachings from Betty, over and over and over again--I cannot force solutions, and I should not have expectations. And it's not that I...	Lyne	7	326	Aug 22, 2020 by Maresie888
	Expectations /punushment (Preview) For me what is critical is to check not only my exoectations but to look at other people's expectations too. It is quite clear to me that all the people I had relationships with had completely unreal expectations of a relatiobship For sone reason (probably because of my own expectations) I jouned...	Maresie888	2	283	Aug 22, 2020 by Maresie888
	8/18/20 ODAT - Stop Tending a Garden of Grievances (Preview) Some arrive at AlAnon with a list of reasons for ill will toward the alcoholic.Today's author suggests that using this list to polish our Martyr's halo and keep unpleasant events fresh in our minds is a harmful practice; neither is it our right or responsibility.Getting rid of such a list daily is bes...	Enigmatic	7	387	Aug 22, 2020 by Maresie888
	Courage to Change 8/20 (Preview) Good morning MIP - apologies for the later than usual post - I have quarantine brain - thought it was Wednesday... Today's reminder: Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exa...	Iamhere	4	263	Aug 22, 2020 by Lyne
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.