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Courage to Change, 8/28 - Sponsorship
(Preview)
Today's author learned about trust and worthiness from her first Al-Anon sponsor. She learned she could trust her sponsor to be gentle, and also to say what needed to be said. The sponsor helped her overcome her self-doubt. When our author was in despair of ever feeling better, the sponsor pointed...
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Freetime
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3
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270
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recovery and infidelity
(Preview)
2020 has been the worst year for many, but it has been especially terrible for me. I got to start the year off with planning an intervention for my wife. It all started back in fall of 2019 when her father passed away. I had been busy with doing the lions share of taking the kids to sports volunteering for Ho...
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Geoff
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14
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361
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Hope for Today Aug 23
(Preview)
Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about the important relationship of sponsor/sponsee in the program. It is written from the point of view of the sponsor, and how seeing the growth in recovery of a sponsee is such a big part of the program. I have not had the experience of being a sponsor, but my...
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yanksfan51
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13
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253
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Courage to Change 8/27
(Preview)
Today's reading discusses the first 3 steps in our program. The writer was disappointed when the first meeting attended did not give out a 'do/don't list' on how to change the alcoholic. Instead, the 12 Steps were provided. Desperate for change, she opted to give the steps a try. By the second meet...
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Iamhere
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3
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206
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Shades of 2008
(Preview)
In 2008 I was in this program holding on by bare knuckles. I.left the qualifier, was deeply in debt, barely enoloyed and marginally housed. Nevertheless, largeky because of the chaos he created, I left
When I.leff the qualifier back then with ni job.and no money the economy took a real downturn. I....
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Maresie888
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4
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186
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Mixed signals
(Preview)
While going through the beginnings of divorcing my AH, we have routines from 17 years together, making his lunch, doing his laundry, calling eachother pet names. How do you cope with this? How do you shut this down and tell him he needs to work on getting better. I want to still be his best friend and h...
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Kokopelli
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3
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225
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Second thoughts
(Preview)
I have my first appointment with the lawyers assistant, a financials appointment, next Thursday. My AH has contacted journey pure and said they cant see him till late next week. He even did a couple things around the house, was shocked. I express how happy I am that he reached out and has an appointment...
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Kokopelli
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4
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253
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Courage to Change August 26
(Preview)
Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on one of the chief symptoms of the family disease of Alcoholism - Denial. The author reflects in wonder about how they didn't see what was happening with the addiction - alcoholism had left messy tracks all through the author's life, and at the time...
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Skorpi
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5
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267
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Here I go again
(Preview)
New to this board but not to Al Anon. I was an active member for five years while my wife was drinking heavily. Ultimately the disease won and she passed away two years ago after 26 years of marriage. Assuming that my issues with alcohol were behind me, I stepped away from my group. Fast forward to tod...
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AgainAgain
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5
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223
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When is enough?
(Preview)
Hello,
In January 2020 I finally had the courage to speak up to my AH about how unhappy I was in our marriage and that his drinking and depression left me lonely and unhappy. I had told him for the last 3 years that he needed to start cutting back on drinking and start seeing a counselor for his depression...
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Kokopelli
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5
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285
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8/25/20 ODAT – We Can’t Lose...
(Preview)
...'by stopping to think: Easy Does It,' so recommends today's ODAT author, along with the questions: 'Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that acting on impulse - saying the first thing that pops into my head - defeats my own purposes?'R...
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Enigmatic
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2
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215
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ODAT in alanon, 8/24
(Preview)
The reading for Monday, 8/24, discusses the growth value of honesty and candor. We are then able to admit that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, was not sane or reasonable. If we can do this without shame or embarrassment, we are able to break free. The reminder says that we need alanon not onl...
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Lyne
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6
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228
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The Silent Treatment
(Preview)
I'm usually on the receiving end of AH's silent treatment and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel so insignificant and unloved. Yet,here I am being the one giving him the silent treatment for the 2nd day. I'm not doing it to purposely hurt him though,like he does me. I'm not doing it as a form of contro...
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SunnyFrogs
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6
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333
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Good news
(Preview)
As you all know this year has been horrendous for me. Moving out of ny aoartment. Staying with an abusive alcoholic who was really verbally abusive when I was ill. Really really ill. Living in a construction zone for a year (still ongoing) . Getting a huge unexpected bill that I had to enoty my.savings t...
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Maresie888
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6
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289
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Paying It Forward
(Preview)
Hi all! Its great to still see some familiar names on this board, as I havent checked in for a long time. Im now retired as of July 1st, and my husband of one year and I have moved to a wonderful 55+ community in AZ. I feel very blessed. It was 11 years ago that I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and gave my HP...
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Green Eyes
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2
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204
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08/22/20
(Preview)
Responsibility for Family Members Melody Beatty speaks of the idea that many of us have the idea that we are responsible for other people's feelings. That it can have it's roots in childhood, and was established by members of our nuclear family. Perhaps a parent has told you that you make them miserab...
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PosiesandPuppies
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5
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291
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this is creepy
(Preview)
I was reading some old posts and decided to google my nickname. I was surprised at what came up. I chose the nick because irises are one of my favorite flowers and 52 is the year I was born.The things that came up for iris 52 are things I am not sure I want people to think I am connected to. Actually I am not rea...
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iris52
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6
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281
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Oh MY!! its been a while
(Preview)
I don't even know where to start, but up the street the guy who used to be my handyman, alcoholic major dropped dead from heart attack last week forensics were out investigating, police, you name it because they had to be shore the body on the porch was not anything but natural causes (pathologist van t...
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mamalioness
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4
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209
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Just another "common or garden" share...
(Preview)
Hi y'all... ...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis. I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them. And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. B...
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DavidG
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2
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255
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Lessons Betty taught me
(Preview)
My decision to stay married to my A is not an easy life. Although it has important benefits, it is not easy by any means. This union of almost 29 years, brings me back to teachings from Betty, over and over and over again--I cannot force solutions, and I should not have expectations. And it's not that I...
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Lyne
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7
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261
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Expectations /punushment
(Preview)
For me what is critical is to check not only my exoectations but to look at other people's expectations too.
It is quite clear to me that all the people I had relationships with had completely unreal expectations of a relatiobship
For sone reason (probably because of my own expectations) I jouned...
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Maresie888
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2
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200
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8/18/20 ODAT - Stop Tending a Garden of Grievances
(Preview)
Some arrive at AlAnon with a list of reasons for ill will toward the alcoholic.Today's author suggests that using this list to polish our Martyr's halo and keep unpleasant events fresh in our minds is a harmful practice; neither is it our right or responsibility.Getting rid of such a list daily is bes...
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Enigmatic
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7
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330
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Courage to Change 8/20
(Preview)
Good morning MIP - apologies for the later than usual post - I have quarantine brain - thought it was Wednesday... Today's reminder: Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exa...
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Iamhere
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4
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202
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Courage to Change - 8/21 - Live and Let Live
(Preview)
The slogan Live and Let Live is an instruction to stop obsessing about other people's business, and focus on our own. But how to do that? Once we stop focusing on others, what do we pay attention to? The author of today's page had a hard time with this question. A sponsor suggested to focus on what they h...
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Freetime
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5
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291
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It's been a long time!
(Preview)
I haven't been here in a while, but making a commitment to get back to investing time on my program, and cutting from areas that really don't improve my life. I didn't post here too often, but did do the morning meetings almost every day as grace99. It's been about a year, a lot has happened, but I still sho...
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Finding grace
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17
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405
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Feeling Like A Crisis VS An Actual Crisis
(Preview)
Something I really struggle with is everything feels like a major crisis when it happens. I react as if it is,I behave as if it is,it feels like the end of the world. Most times it's not an actual crisis and I end up feeling (and probably looking ) like an idiot and I am ashamed. I'm not really sure how much o...
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SunnyFrogs
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11
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331
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Courage to Change August 19
(Preview)
Hello MIP! In today's reading the author reflects on a piece of their reality that they didn't want to see: that they could not trust someone they loved. Every time their loved one made a promise, the author would trust them wholeheartedly, and be crushed when the promise was broken. But then, the au...
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Skorpi
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4
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229
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What I Get From It
(Preview)
Years ago,in therapy,my therapist said we all do things,whether good or bad,because of what we get out of them. That if we have repetitive behavior that we want to change we first must understand the purpose it serves. So I've been reflecting on my anger lately, especially my explosive anger. I've b...
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SunnyFrogs
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8
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320
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Hands up- help!
(Preview)
Hi y'all... kia ora koutou... I always had trouble reaching out for help. In my world the parents- the the grandparents always needed help. And they always seemed to have the highest priority. Kids were seen, and not heard- and me, personally always seemed to be a waste of space. Just being present...
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DavidG
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9
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254
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Daily management
(Preview)
When I first came into.these rooms I was on overwhelm every day. My qualifier was someone who.had been addicted for many years. His addiction had already taken him to some real lows. Furthermore he was completely enmeshed with his mother.
That was made clear to me early in the relationshio. I had no i...
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Maresie888
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1
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206
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ODAT in alanon, 8/17
(Preview)
The reading for Monday, August 17, reflects upon what a painful experience the first alanon meeting can be. The writer says that we might have had whirling thoughts, fear, uncertainty, and questions about if this was a good choice. Am I a disgrace, and what if the A finds out? And that is the importan...
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Lyne
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2
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216
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Step 10 and gratitude...
(Preview)
There is a side to me- my dark side; my shadow side. If I was a newcomer I would have a sponsor, or a beginners group to start to deal with this. Through lock-down I have attended a number of zoom meetings- in different places- and got a sense of perspective. I am no longer bright eyed and bushy tailed- a...
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DavidG
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0
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203
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The only qualifier I bring to Alanon is myself.
(Preview)
My title idea I say so often. Not so sure if it fits. At the moment- within my unconscious, stuff is surfacing fairly regularly. It don't have words and ideas attached to it. These sometimes come later. A lot of my life i was scared- terrified- of saying things. I had learned that with active al...
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DavidG
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2
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402
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Hope for Today Aug 16
(Preview)
Good morning everyone: Todays reading is about Tradition 6: taking care that we are not distracted from our primary spiritual aim in the program. The writer states that the way to ensure we follow the singular purpose of Alanon, to help families and friends of alcoholics, is to focus. We may read ou...
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yanksfan51
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5
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205
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Spam on the Al Anon Step Board
(Preview)
Will someone with admin rights please check the Al Anon step board and remove the spam :(
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AudreyO
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1
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237
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Home group anniversary
(Preview)
Last night my home group celebrated 17 years. I would have gotten my 7 year coin but alas, we were on zoom. I felt disappointed as our celebrations each year are very enjoyable, and I am someone who cherishes my coins representing each year of alanon. I must confess I went to the meeting with a poor atti...
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Lyne
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5
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260
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Courage to Change 08/15/2020
(Preview)
"How Important Is it?" That is what the daily is about. This simple slogan. The author recalls that after living in the chaos of an alcoholic relationship, it can be hard to know the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major crisis. This slogan helps many of us to regain some sense of proport...
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PosiesandPuppies
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4
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250
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Moving forward but to where?
(Preview)
Hello again and I'm glad to be checking in with some positive changes but confusing choices are involved. I'm asking for ESH here because I fear that time won't permit me a lot of self examination on this. It's lengthy and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. After 9 years, I've made the terrible deci...
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Paloma Negra
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5
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408
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Courage to Change 8/14
(Preview)
In Al-Anon, today's author discovered that they had choices -- that if they felt uncomfortable with something, they could try to discover their true feelings before making a decision. Also, with things that truly have to be done but we don't want to, we have to feel our feelings and then do the thing a...
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Freetime
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4
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245
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Courage to Change 8/13
(Preview)
"Sponsorship is a friendship made up of two members learning from one another, two people learning a new way to live - one day at a time." ~~~~ from Sponsorship--What It's All About Today's Reminder: Have I put someone on a pedestal? Am I encouraging anyone to have an exaggerated view of me? Al-Anon he...
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Iamhere
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4
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381
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Courage to Change August 12
(Preview)
Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on step 3 - turning my will over to a Higher Power. The author feels a true sense of surrender when they take step 3. This sense of surrender is like the one the author felt when their sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The author was frustrated by t...
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Skorpi
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5
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293
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Old Stuff- learning to live well...
(Preview)
In the day our town had burgeoning Alanon and AA groups. I helped an AA member to start up a second AA group. It operated in its first years as a combined Steps Group. The gummint were building a huge dam downtime river from here. The workers were state employees- and they had a support and assis...
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DavidG
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4
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237
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8/11/20 ODAT Changing Ourselves, Not Others
(Preview)
When I am feeling trapped or unhappy with my circumstances, today's reading accurately predicts my tendency to seek change in people and things around me in an attempt to find happiness. Serenity, however, comes only when I make changes in myself by adjusting attitudes that act to keep me chained to...
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Enigmatic
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5
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282
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ODAT in alanon, 8/10
(Preview)
The reading for Monday, 8/10, compares alanon to the Bible in regards to how we use our words: The stroke of the tongue breaketh bones. Envy and wrath shorten life. Alanon reminds us that we work to improve ourselves, and to protect ourselves from confusion, anger, and resentment. We are reminde...
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Lyne
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4
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305
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Denial denial denial
(Preview)
I am in a whole other place on.denial.
When I come up.against other people's denial I.am not able to see how long tetm it.is Moreover I am not able to respect it.
I spent decades in therapy raging against my.sister's denial. I mean years and years just on my family of origin (which was of course violent...
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Maresie888
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5
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296
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Self Respect
(Preview)
Hi All, I recently visited with a friend whose son is currently staying with them due to having limited employment. My friend and I have been friends more than fifteen years. We visited outside her home and we social distanced. Her family was home but inside the home at the time. My friend's son has some...
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tiredtonite
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10
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502
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new revelation
(Preview)
My sober husband ( 30 years) has dementia and I am currently working at moving him to a nursing home.During these difficult times in the country, and world, everything moves much more slowly.Meanwhile I am finding new ways to reduce the stress on me for the constant care he needs.One day a strange thou...
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iris52
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4
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320
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Sunday share...
(Preview)
This is a great place to learn boundaries. Not so much personal boundaries- but group boundaries... and small 'p' group politics. Being in a place where we get to get stuff done... and where, after years of internal battling, get to do stuff together... :D I am baching at home, at the moment. '...
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DavidG
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1
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245
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Hope for Today Aug 9
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone: Todays reading is about how the program honors all who would like to be heard, and also does not impose opinions on others. The writer describes having come into the program with very low levels of self esteem. He/she does not feel any value, and was convinced anything he/she sa...
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yanksfan51
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2
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217
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Courage to Change 8/8/20
(Preview)
Good morning (or afternoon) MIP Family! Today's reading from C2C is about Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. "In Step 6 I contemplate my life undergoing change -- tremendous change. The great fear is this: If I shed many characteristics that stand in my wh...
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PosiesandPuppies
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2
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248
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A Saturday share...
(Preview)
Steps 10,11,12... The sun is streaming through my window, as I write. Gratitude is a great asset... and it does start with baby steps- we fake it til we make it. Our national programme radio playing in the background... wallpaper. 5 or 6 years ago I still thought and believed that I was 'god's gift to...
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DavidG
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2
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232
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Tevising expectations
(Preview)
I grew up in a family where anything could happen any minute. Violence was common, alcohol, gamblimg, projection were all.ways they managed their turmoil.
I have no idea how I survived that. Somehow I did.
So you.would think growimg up like that that I would be able to live quite normally in these t...
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Maresie888
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6
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267
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Courage to Change 8/6
(Preview)
Tomorrow's Courage to Change is about courage. The page discusses hesitating at times, hoping for a miracle, instead of trusting Higher Power. We often forget that the miracle is already here. With Al-Anon recovery, we each have a Higher Power who is always here for us, helping us to cope with fea...
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Iamhere
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4
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270
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Hope For Today - August 7
(Preview)
Unable to be true to oneself, letting people take advantage in order to please them -- and then feeling either depressed or guilty -- the author was walking this tightrope. As a result of working the Al-Anon program, the author discovered their rights as a person: the right to speak without being int...
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Freetime
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3
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255
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Personal messaging here- does or don'ts?
(Preview)
Would I walk into someone's home- without knocking? Without an invitation? Here, in this group I do do a certain amount of personal messaging. It is a really good practise in boundaries. We too have white board messaging as well- which anyone can see. In another group there was a discussion about l...
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DavidG
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6
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353
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TID BITS OF WISDOM_WEDNESDAY
(Preview)
Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who sohopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles.--Samuel SmilesIt is better to live one day wisely and reflectively than to live ahundred years in ignorance and indulgence."--BuddhaWithout forgiveness life is governed...by an e...
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mamalioness
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1
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211
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Courage to Change August 5
(Preview)
Hello MIP! In today's reading from C2C, the author reflects on resentments. Prior to Al-Anon, resentments occupied and poisoned most of the author's waking moments. The author could think about resentments for days, weeks, months, or years, constantly justifying why they felt the way they did a...
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Skorpi
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3
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282
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Step 8, in reverse... tradition 4, too...
(Preview)
8.b. Made a list of those who had harmed us and vowed to get even. I can picture an old timer i knew- with hands on her hips- and saying:- "now what have we got here? !!!" In the USA people might have a sponsor- and do the steps away from the group. Larger groups seem to be a place where people come to show-ca...
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DavidG
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0
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255
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Support needed please
(Preview)
Dear All, I would appreciate your support please as I am feeling emotionally very low. I have been living with my active AH while we have been saving some money for us to separate. Unfortunately his behaviour has become more and more unacceptable and I have asked him to leave this week on Tuesday (to ...
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Bettertomorrow
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11
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389
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Need ESH
(Preview)
Anyone have stories to share about divorcing an alcoholic mentally abusive spouse who refuse to work and children were involved?
Im at the point of wanting out or maybe I could just say reality. Ive watched many out patient and inpatient attempts end the same way. I feel like Ive been kidding myself t...
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sunmustshine
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3
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276
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