Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change October 7

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 931
Courage to Change October 7

Hello MIP! 

In today's reading the author reflects on life before Al-Anon. The author felt as though life was on hold. They wanted change, and tried to MAKE it happen, but the changes the author wanted weren't changes in their power to make. The author is an action-taker, and feels better when doing something. And there IS is time to act, but in Al-Anon, the author learned that there is also a time to NOT act. As the slogan goes, "Don't just do something, sit there." 

Now, although the author often is impatient with the pace of things, they understand that there might be a reason for that. Great change may be occurring inside, even if it doesn't seem that way on the outside. Today, the author keeps in mind that waiting time doesn't have to be wasted time, and that times of stillness have lessons to teach as well. 

Today's Reminder: The invitation to live life fully is offered to me each day. I can accept the pace of change today, knowing it will bring both times of active involvement and periods of quiet waiting. I will let the surprises of the day open up before me. 

Today's Quote:  "Besides the noble art of getting things done; there is the noble art of leaving undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials." Lin Yutang


Like the author today. I'm happiest when I'm busy. I like to do thinks, fix things, create things. I am not very good at sitting still unless my hands are busy, and even then... I really identify with the part of today's share about great change happening inside when it doesn't seem like anything is happening outside. I would really describe my work in the Al-Anon program this way. Once I had been in the program for a couple years, I stopped seeing that great change. I started to wonder if I should even go to meeting - maybe I'd gotten everything out of the program I could? I didn't see much change in myself, and kept showing up at meetings anyway out of habit and routine. And, I'm glad I did. When I look back on my journals from a year or two ago, I'm surprised by just how much HAS changed, slowly, without me noticing, really. And, to tie in to yesterday's topic, I think that's why I make an effort to keep coming back. I see the positive change, I see myself getting healthier and more content. I'm not necessarily sure when the changes occur, but cumulatively, they are enormous. I'm especially thankful to AlAnon as I enter my 8th month of home quarantine - leaving the house only to walk the dogs early in the morning, for medical appointments, and groceries. I'm so thankful that I have my program to fall back on every day, but Ive been particularly thankful since March. 

I hope you make your day a good one! 



If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 10847

Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I can relate to be action-oriented and before recovery, I was really, really trying to force change around me. I can honestly share that when I first came, I truly thought all were crazy and if I stopped 'my will/ego', all would fall to the ground. It was my thoughts (insane) that I was holding everyone and everything together...I found by practicing what was suggested that this was not so.

When I took myself out of the middle of all the chaos and drama, natural consequences happened instead. While it was not pretty, not fun and at times expensive, this new behavior allowed me to detach from others and rediscover that I am a stand-alone person, who does deserve happiness, good health, peace of mind, joy in spite of what others are/are not doing.

I don't do well with the pace of life at times - I want what I want when I want it. Al-Anon has given me tools to reconsider what are my wants vs. what are my needs, and which are required vs. which are desired. Separating the two and focusing on self-care and healthy living/responses has brought me great peace most of the time. I am grateful for this program, MIP and all who came before me willing to share. Happy hump day all - make it a great day!


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1757

Thank you Skorpi for your service and for both above shares. This is just what Ive needed to hear today. Have had stress with my A and extended family, and I know full well I can only control myself. Im sad my A is not interested in alcohol treatment, but its not up to me. I plan to use all that program has given me to make this a meaningful and positive day.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2413


 Thanks Skorpi, Iam and Lyne...

Not so long I could not remember your names in sequence. Too much brain fog, I suppose- and not helped by the crisis swirling around us at all!

In recent times i have been doing lot of study in to C-PTSD and it's consequences. The bare bones of trauma is that victims lack impulse control.

We tend to go from whoa to go in 2/5th of a second.

Good for me i have used Alanon slogans for years- like "Easy does It" "Think", "One Day At a Time" "First Things First" and so on.

So maybe the key word underpinning these slogans is ~serenity~.

So maybe- despite my disabilities I was always heading in the right direction. biggrin

Today I am looking at auto-immune disease and a raft of psychosomatic conditions that bedevilled my life. Migraine was the most debilitating.

These last two weeks I have taken part in three poetry readings. One was away down in our Port town with old friends- a curtain raiser. beside that- with our local arts festival- I proposed at the opening we follow the speeches with a waiata [song]. I chose one most people would know. As an old choir boy i led the song- and the whole hall took to its feet and joined in. After lock-down etc- this was a very welcome break- and uplifting.

I do sometimes worry about relapse- but less and less so as time goes on. I know the symptoms of panic attacks, mostly- where I lose my glasses, my car keys and my cash card- and go into a blue funk.

My sleeping patterns have improved measurably. I have deep, and mostly satisfying dreams. I can own and more or less nurture my dreams...

...over my married life I felt i had a similar ride to my mum. Except that is was PMS and narcissism- where i was the well trained codependent. yesterday i contacted our daughter and offered to entertain the kids for the afternoon. [It is the school holidays here]. I am looking forward to the day-  where the kids ask to spend time with grand-dad. We played tennis, went to the museum, took in a holiday movie, and bought whacking big ice creams.

Normally I would don't initiate stuff like this.

One time at a time...

Thanks for the topic, Skorpi... aww ...


A Universe that Creates Flowers : Has to be Trustworthy.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 729

I am an essential worker so I have not been party to the oricesd of quarantine.. I kniw with the whole issue of COVID that I have simoly.given up trying to predict when and if things will change In the past that would not have been a possibility for me. Now i find myself having to dig deep for skills. For me that is a revelation because certainly before if it wasnt my way well then I was going to have a very hard time about it Being in the world is very hard. Being in the world without al anon is almost impossibke to consider now Maresie

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.