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Post Info TOPIC: My mom...she's headed down that path


~*Service Worker*~

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My mom...she's headed down that path


For all you who don't my story: I have been going down the path of letting go of my mom for several years now. She has been fighting mental illness for a long time as well. Now the time has come to really starting to say my final goodbyes. She is failing & is about 200 miles away from me in assisted living. I can't see her because of the undue stress I would go through & besides I can't because of all of the restrictions. So I really have to dig into the program. I have to remember none of what went down was really nmy fault. She is who she is because she created her own misery. My family can say what they want but I know the truth. Life will go on & the memories will flood. She will be in her last days & will say my goodbyes. In the meantime I have God & all my alanon friends, family & all of you. I am so glad I am part of this wonderful family group. I cherish all the moments I have. I love you all. Thanks for going on my journey w me.

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Hoot Nanny


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Sad and Sorry to hear of your mom fight Hoot.  I rode that trip out with my mother and step-father also and made sure I did the inventory steps in the process.  I owned what I did and had to do with my Higher Power doing the directions and ended with gratitude.  HP and the program as you know are so necessary.  Keep on keeping on.  ((((hugs)))) wink



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Jerry F


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(((Kathleen))) - so, so sorry for this part of your journey. May you feel the positive vibes, prayers and love coming your way! Awesome to hear your strength & courage as you prepare to say good-bye to your mom....keep leaning into your program and know that you are enough - we all are. We always have been and always will be...

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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  hmm having parents who can't parent is a pain in the butt, Kath... blankstare ...

      I suppose it leaves us with a void we take a lot of trouble to fill.

Like you, I had to accept the things I couldn't change, which is a kind of start... aww ...

in our groups we do have each other- as peers, which becomes some sort of compensation. 



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A Universe that Creates Flowers : Has to be Trustworthy.



~*Service Worker*~

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My family of origin did not make a good end. My father ended up in a nursing home where he was miserable. My mother was isolated fearful and completely paranoid by the time she died They both lived and died in chaos. By the time they were on their last legs I had been in therapy for years. I had done a great deal of grief work. I had also confronted what my childhood was which was extremely abusive. Nevertheless when both my parents died I had grief and even more anger I am sure this latest incident is even more difficult. Covid 19 has made all our lives extremely difficult. There is no getting used to it. My plans for this next year have had to be totally revised . I hope you will lean on al anon.at this time Losing a parent is a major event in anyone's life. I know so many oeoole only.ever feel comforable with relating a hallmark version of events. Therefore seeking out those who can validate your feelings is essential. You deserve to be validated and heard Maresie

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Jen


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(((Kathleen))) These situations can dredge up so much pain for us, but I know how resilient you have become. You have amazed and inspired me with the strength and courage of your recovery over the many years I've known you. As hard as this is, I know you will meet it with all the tools I know you have in your Al-Anon box, and you will get through it with grace. I'm here when you want or need to talk.

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~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown



~*Service Worker*~

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((Kathleen))) I'm sorry for the ongoing pain and the bad memories of the past that are resurfacing as your mother's life reaches an end. I'm glad she had you and that you're one of our family and come here to share. Thank you for the love. You are very loved here and you still owe me that pumpkin muffin. I hope that put a smile on your face if just for a moment. With some family of origin relationships, our grieving starts long before that person's death. It can be an exercise in kicking and screaming our way to coming to terms with what is and letting go of expectations of answers to why. Anyway, that's been my personal experience with grief. At times, it can show itself in longing for unanswered questions to be answered. Whether it be a family member trapped in active alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, Alzheimer's disease, the grieving can be ongoing. I have lost my parents. The hardest part of that for me has been lack of closure concerning some things, answers they took with them when they died. You've shared here that you are writing your memoir. Journaling has really been a wonderful tool for me to unstuff and process painful feelings and release them to my higher power to use in a loving and positive way to help me to keep progressing. It can be such a powerful tool especially for feelings of unresolved anger. I hope you'll continue to share here and find peace and closure with time. We're here for you. ((hugs) TT

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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