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Post Info TOPIC: 9/29/20 ODAT – Listen and Learn

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 657
9/29/20 ODAT – Listen and Learn

Can we Listen and Learn from all shares in AlAnon? Today's writer first thought not, as not all in AlAnon follow suggestions such as not giving advice to others, or they may choose to constantly blame the alcoholic for how they feel.

The page suggests, however, that this is the perfect time to analyze our own behaviors: do we unknowingly or unintentionally engage in similar behavior?  

Reminder: Listen and Learn works if we work it.

"I pray that I may learn from listening - whether or not I agree with what I hear." Unknown
Such a good reminder as I can find myself thinking this at times if I am not careful. The reality is that I do learn something from every person, every interaction, every post I read... one way or another.

In AlAnon, it has certainly been the case where I have recognized my own unpleasant behavior when at first felt negatively about someone else's statement or comment.

The wisdom of the program is so important, I am very grateful



"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1757

Thanks Paul for your service and honest share. With an open mind I can gain something from every persons share, no matter what age or anything different from myself. To master the ability to listen and learn is truly an accomplishment. Sometimes I tune my A out when I believe I am listening to alcoholic talk. I can still practice this slogan even with my A. I dont have to agree, nor confront with a different point of view. Offering respect means just listening. My former sponsor always reminded me: principles above personalities.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 10847

Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. My Tuesday went way too fast - so I am a day late and a dollar short. It is in recovery that I finally figured out I was not a good listener. I had been told that before, yet quickly dismissed it away as I didn't 'see it'...

As it happens in recovery, through inventory and willingness, I came to see I was not listening, but rather planning my defense or answer. I am and will always be a work in progress, yet this, for me, was a perfect example of the 3 A's. I wasn't ready/willing/able to change something until I became aware.

As part of acceptance and action, I try really hard to focus on the intent of others. If I focus on the content, I'm able to miss the intent. Even when another appears crazy, emotional, ranting, etc. I try to listen for what I might need to hear. I learned that when I am in meetings, I listen better if I actually keep focus on the person sharing and stay focused as best I can. So, so often, my self-will wants to suggest that there's nothing to hear and yet I know better through experience.

I can honestly say that many times, when I did not think something applies to me, at some point in the near or far future, life will happen and it will be recalled. I don't believe anything happens by happenstance, so try to be a better listener. I readily admit that it's very difficult to listen when I feel piled upon or ranted at as well as when another is giving unsolicited advice. I still try so I can practice consistency. Progress, not perfection....

Thanks to both for your shares & ESH. (((Hugs)))


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



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