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Question about "detaching with love"
(Preview)
What exactly does that mean? Does that mean I no longer call or text my alcoholic friend? Should I not answer their texts or calls if they contact me? Do I cut off all communication with them? I want to do what I can to help them get better.....but as I read that I remember "I didn't cause it, I can't cont...
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jojo8466
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9
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621
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This works when ...you work it.
(Preview)
Aloha MIP family and thank you for the gift of your ESH. I woke up this morning and just as I did noticed that a message was coming over my cell. It was from my wife who is still in Central Valley CA. for a little bit. She sent her best wishes and congratulations on our 22 year of marriage...22 years!! th...
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Jerry F
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4
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425
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WHY????
(Preview)
My alcoholic lover text me this afternoon that he "needs me to stay away from him physically because he is getting ready to detox soon. But he wants to stay in touch with me daily to let me know how he is doing and where he is at". Well guess what ???....THAT doesn't work for me!!! WHY is it ALWAYS about the...
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jojo8466
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13
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527
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al-anon tools
(Preview)
i have been reading on line and thought about all the al-anon tools: 1. Do not react 2, Detach and let them be 3. Have a plan B,C,D, when the active alcoholism gets bad and you have to leave for your sanity, either to a friends, a hotel, family, shelter, anywhere safe 4. Do not JADE Justify, Argue, Defend...
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joker
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4
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1884
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More will be revealed...
(Preview)
I just overheard my husband talking to someone about me. It is a conversation that I should not have heard but I am pleased that I did. Now I know how AH represents me to others, how his mind works and how utterly hopeless it is to expect any change in that. I think that I just lost the last grain of respect...
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milkwood
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19
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554
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Courage to Change reading 8-20-2016
(Preview)
The C2C reading for August 20 speaks about the black-and-white thinking that many of us depended upon when entering program . The reading points out that thanks to Al-Anon's principles and tools, we can learn to view situations in a more objective manner and, while keeping an open mind, learn to...
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hotrod
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3
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393
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Heard about this new medical study -I don't buy it!
(Preview)
Hi everyone On my way to work this morning I heard this new medical study that they did on the effects of marriage and problem drinkers. It was by Dr. Sanjay Gupta and I thought when I heard it it was a bunch of bs. Basically what it said was that if you were married the chances are 70% less likely that som...
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gabigail
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7
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450
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Hypervigilance...is this ever going to subside?
(Preview)
I haven't been on the Board for the past few years, luckily, as my AB has been sober since 11.22.13! Working his program, doing well. What I'm struggling with is Hypervigilance....watching him like a Hawk...looking for signs of a slip. At times it abates, but at other times he looks and acts "differe...
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Hopeful925
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5
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528
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Meetings
(Preview)
goodmorning to all my alanon family,has anybody have any info as to what,where and when the mip meetings are??or are they just being postponed for now????.........thank you all.......hugs lu
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lookingup
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2
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287
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eureka....city life is not for me yet.
(Preview)
I've come to realise I'm not a city girl unless I'm free of encumberances such as domesticity and small children.
An opportunity has arisen to leave seeedney and its sparkling harbours which I have not managed to enjoy in almost four years of living here.
I felt attached to this city the moment I firs...
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a4l
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4
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356
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Sis in law [XAH's sis}
(Preview)
Things are still in a tangle here. I let x sis in law help with tax situation and because of XAH's refusal to cooperate, things arent getting done. Werid feeling, having xsis in law describe all his behaviors and all the yelling, drinking and other horrible behavior xah has. Dejavu for me and new for her...
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YARNCRAZY
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2
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302
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Courage to Change (C2C) 8/19/16
(Preview)
Today's reading talks about brutal honesty with ourselves and awareness of reality. So often those of us affected by this disease struggle to 'see' reality as our views, attitudes and values have been distorted by reacting to the disease. The writer discusses the process of realizing that he/sh...
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Iamhere
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7
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396
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Plans for the day
(Preview)
Good morning all As I don't have to put my Superwoman outfit on today to run the world, I thought I would take a ride into town. Have a nice little wander about. The sales are on do I might spot a lovely bargain for myself. I am wearing my smart yet comfortable shoes. Love love love comfortable shoes. Having...
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Calm Lady
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11
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715
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AH and my manipulative and controlling mom, how do i deal with this?
(Preview)
I have posted before that my AH and I lives in my 83 year old mom's house. Because of family circumstances I feel I am morally obliged to stay with my aging mom. It has always been that I find myself caught between my AH and my mom's wanting to control some situations in our life. Where I live there is a cult...
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jocelgp
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4
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2332
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Letting my self get blessed...
(Preview)
Really. My Higher Power loves to bless me...thinks up the times and places and methods and just knows I have lots of gratitude to show for it and then pass it on to others. I was early for the morning meeting and I think it is because I am getting older as the reason and not the I am being manipulated by my...
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Jerry F
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7
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433
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AA ruining my family ... has ruined my family
(Preview)
As I sit here, my alcoholic husband is out looking at an apartment. He says we no longer have a relationship. This, after 45 years of marriage and one-and-a-half years of sobriety. I was looking for advice when I came across this site and saw James letter about how AA ruined his life and felt compelle...
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Spotster
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36
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7904
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If anyone can relate, I am dumbfounded
(Preview)
Hi, I have found enormous support and faith on this board, so I feel comfortable in sharing this..anyway, my fiancé, is an alcoholic, and it's gotten pretty difficult. He knows he needs help, as do I..and we are slowly getting there. Anyway, I have in the past shared with his ex wife, my concerns, and sh...
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Desperateinnyc
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5
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437
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Responsibilities
(Preview)
This has got to be a tough one , responsibilities, what are my resonsibilities and what belongs to them? And in what ways am I accountible for my recovery program? What is mine and what is not my responsibility? Lots of ?s here that are hard to answer I've always taken on all and everybody else's respo...
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lookingup
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6
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375
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Courage to Change (C2C) 8/18/16
(Preview)
Today's daily reading is about Tradition Six which tells us that "Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. So often, we tend to focus on the steps in reco...
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Iamhere
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2
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437
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He just threatened me in restaurant
(
1 2
)
(Preview)
So, this has happen before. He has been drinking and we just went out to eat. He actually asked for beers while we sat there (almost like mocking me that he can still do what he wants) I didnt say anything and continued eating. He is a mean drunk so he starts bringing up more things. Bashing me about all kind...
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Aerin
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51
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1320
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This is unbearable..I am beyond feeling capable in this
(Preview)
hi everyone.. i I feel very scared and alone right now..I cannot handle this anymore. I love this man more then anything in the world..but instead of coming home to me, he sat at a bar, telling me at 7:45 he was leaving soon, at 8:20 he was def leaving..and at 10:00 he came home and I see it right away, and I k...
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Desperateinnyc
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18
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575
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I feel numb. Starting to give up and considering moving on.
(Preview)
My husband is an alcoholic. I am codependant. He has in the past gotten so deep into his alcoholism that he becomes emotionally and verbally abusive, and even a few times physically abusive. This is of course not to say that I haven't gotten equally abusive when in a horrible argument to defend myself...
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Ijusttrytobe
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15
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665
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A Bit of Hope I Want to Share!
(Preview)
My oldest son began his experimenting with substances about 10 years ago. His disease progressed quickly and by 16-17, he was full-blown into H/addiction/alcohol abuse. We had him in 5 treatment centers, 2 mental health facilities and he even went into state custody at one point. I recall a long...
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Iamhere
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8
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495
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NO is a complete sentence
(Preview)
A few days ago after a long night of drinking my husband went home injured, lost his front teeth and thinks he broke his ribs, but he really didn't. He blames me, he said he drank too much because of me, because I wouldn't let him go out and drink with his friends that night and the night before that. Thank...
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jocelgp
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6
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2441
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fear of good things
(Preview)
Hi~So I am in the process of buying a townhouse and when I retire in the spring, I will be living half time away from my A. I am so excited and I can't believe I am taking this step. Of course it is only through alanon that I gained the strength to do this. But occasionally I have this thought of what if I get ...
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Lyne
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7
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412
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My mom is going to die from alcoholism...
(Preview)
My mom is 58 Years old and was brought to the hospital unresponsive 3 weeks ago by her boyfriend. My mom has Bi-polar disease and had been self medicating with alcohol for years. I am her only child and to say our relationship has been confusing is an understatement. She was a great mother until my parent...
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Laurynleigh83
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10
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2575
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Alcohol and paranoia
(Preview)
I know you don't give advice but does anyone have any experience of this?
My parter has been an alcoholic for many years. Over the past 6 months or so there have only been a handful of days she has not drunk. This past run of about 3 weeks has been really bad and I think she is now drinking a litre of vodka a da...
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Clara75
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14
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2977
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Anniversaries
(Preview)
Hi-Tonight my f2f group is celebrating its 13th year, and I am receiving my 3 year coin. I recall hearing AA folks talk about getting a coin, and I didn't understand it at the time. Now I get it! I can't wait to get my coin this evening and I will cherish it always. I have become a better, happier, health...
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Lyne
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5
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379
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feel the need to DO something
(Preview)
Hi all, i have really been digging in to recovery big time since i laid the boundaries down with my AS a week ago along with what we aren't willing to do anymore. no more money,etc. Right at that time, my son was evicted, with no job and about the hit the homeless shelter. i am heartsick over it but know in my s...
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seahorselady
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11
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504
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Ugh...I need help
(Preview)
I have come to this site not to be judged or told what an awful person I am. I need support, understanding and guidance. My story is lengthy so bear with me.... 8 years ago I began an affair with a married man who was a recovering alcoholic. He had been sober for over 30 years. He is married to a recoverin...
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jojo8466
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5
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418
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Things are hard and i dont know what to do
(Preview)
I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. Things have gotten worse and worse as time goes on. I know that making him leave wouldnt help him because his mother is an alcoholic as well. I would say that 5 out of 7 days he is asleep when I get home. I get upset because he will not help with any of the hou...
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Vanellope
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7
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421
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Yuck!
(Preview)
So AH gets hammered last night. Cuts his foot and it won't stop bleeding so he gets the washing up bowl and soaks his foot in it. yuck. I only found out when he casually mentioned it. Ok off to buy a new bowl. He thought this all perfectly reasonable. My dad used to urinate in his washing up bowl as well as was...
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Calm Lady
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6
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424
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Living with a functional alcoholic
(Preview)
Hi im new to the goup, and have been married to a functional alcoholic for 5 years. We recently moved back to the UK so that my partner could be closer to family and although I have a limited support network here, Im struggling. Over the last couple of months, his drinking has increased up to 30 can/bottl...
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sheebee
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5
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1909
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C2C 8/17 How Might We Frame Our Defects of Character?
(Preview)
Our reading notes that, in an attempt to survive in an alcohol affected environment, we may have developed ways to survive that no longer serve us well once away from the alcoholic, or upon learning healthier strategies in AlAnon. Or perhaps we took a well-intended action too far, too often, thus los...
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Enigmatic
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2
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337
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AA destroyed our family??? Cult?
(Preview)
After many years in both AA and Al-Anon I can say that many marriages or relationships don't survive. Why? Because to start with... neither program is a professional marriage or relationship counseling service. Many times people get sober and realize that they don't like or love their spouse any...
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John
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28
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6236
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f**k me...back on the merry-go-round
(Preview)
My son has been clean for close to two years, it's been a true blessing to have that kid back in our lives. Yesterday it crashed down, he lives with his sister and she found him lying on his bedroom floor barely conscious. My daughter was gone all day but knows he came home the night before, my son has no me...
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Cooper
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16
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628
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Feeling the sanity being restored
(Preview)
Hi All, I just spent a week off with my family. In the past a week away with AH and my daughter and all our family coming on different days to visit would have been a nightmare for me. All the anxiety about his drinking, the monitoring, the need to feel like I had to confront every miss step he made and poin...
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KT2015
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14
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517
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My slip up, but more awareness/ teachable moment
(Preview)
hi everyone- This weekend was interesting and eye-opening to my recovery. I so have a long way to go! I get a call at the hospital from my A that she needs me to come up immediately to the hospital. She's scared and she just needs to see me. This was on Friday and her friend that she's been staying with for t...
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gabigail
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5
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603
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Sick and tired
(Preview)
Hey, sorry for the woe is me post, I thi k I just need a vent.
I'm an adult child and kind of struggled my whole life, in my early 20's tried to commit suicide and struggled with self esteem, bad relationships and generally feeling like life is just one hard slog. I coped up till now by keeping my feelings pu...
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Hopeful2112
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1
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224
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C2C for 8/16
(Preview)
Today's topic in Courage to Change is a good one. It talks about remembering to take care of ourselves during times of stress and dont ignore your basic needs. During times of crisis it's probably more important to take time out for a f2f meeting, calling your sponsor or getting a breath of fresh air. Do...
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gabigail
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1
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308
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Al Anon, AA and Dating
(Preview)
I feel this is a tricky subject to navigate so I'm hoping to read about some of the experiences others have had in relation to dating within the Al Anon/AA communities. Here's my deal in a nutshell: My ex and I split a few months after he entered recovery (less than a year ago). We remain friends and cowork...
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greentomato
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2
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589
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Worrying is like a rocking chair
(Preview)
I had read the following quote is conference approved literature in AlAnon, but can't find it in my books. Someone said they read it in C2C. I check all the "worrying" and "fear" pages, but can't find it. I also know I read it somewhere, too. Can anyone help me? I am chairing soon and would like to use it as...
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Goatchild
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5
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396
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Forcing Inpatient Rehab for Adult Child
(Preview)
Hi, everyone, I have been here more quietly as things had calmed down a bit with my alcoholic daughter. She is 27 and lives out of the house. I was mostly reading the twelve steps and working on things myself. But we had a crisis Wednesday, in which my daughter was taking pills and cutting herself in a publ...
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Hope4Healing
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8
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467
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Had some laughs today
(Preview)
I have been reading a lot on detachment here on line and its helping me a lot. I just remembered what the abf said the other day. He went on a bender and I had left him for 5 days and during that time I went and got an apartment for myself, and even went camping for the night with my sister and daughter. I told him...
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joker
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4
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358
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Plan B
(Preview)
I am so grateful for my plan B! My own apartment. I have not moved furniture in it but I know its there and can escape to it any time. I feel detached from my ABF. He has been sober now for 5 days and is doing a lot of sleeping and just watching TV. Not my problem. Yesterday, I bought myself pots and pans for the ap...
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joker
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10
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549
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Hope for Today August 16
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone- Today's reading is on the topic of emotions and feelings. Many of us who grew up in an alcoholic home or live/lived with an alcoholic partner have become experts at denying our feelings. For some of us that may mean ignoring feelings and emotions, for others it may be recognizi...
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yanksfan51
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1
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391
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fEELING BLUE
(Preview)
Just a little sat nite pity party. i have a cough/laryngitus and im so annoyed because i have an interview tuesday. All i want is a small job i can do with an average salary and somehow helping people. the world requires driving,computer skills,lifting or other degrees and other certificates. Im a sma...
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YARNCRAZY
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5
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456
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Courage to Change 15/8
(Preview)
Today's c2c speaks about how living in the chaos of alcoholism can bring us to the point where we can't tell the difference between an inconvenience and a crisis; we can tend to react dramatically all the same. The slogan 'how important is it" is suggested to try to regain perspective and bring us back i...
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missmeliss
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4
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416
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new here and just need to share
(Preview)
Thank you all for being here = I am finding a lot of intermittent relief from what feels like grief after detaching from my son. I havent heard anything from him in many days and keeping my head in recovery is helping me to keep the focus on me. Going to sleep at night seems to be the hardest for me because the...
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seahorselady
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5
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440
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Feelings of guilt?
(Preview)
Strange I have feelings of guilt when I'm not the one that committed the crime,xbf is still in jail under a stiff bond,while I'm not knowing when he gets out or if he does,no need in my feeling guilty ,I guess it's because I'm always to blame for everything in my qaulifiers lives,insane but insanity it is...
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lookingup
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2
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347
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Vaccine for Alcoholism?
(Preview)
I just read a news report today that said that researchers have developed a heroin vaccine. Wouldn't it be awesome if they would to the same for alcohol? What a different world we would all live in. It's okay to dream, right? http://www.10news.com/print/28746862/detail.html -- Edited by Green Ey...
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Green Eyes
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8
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799
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ODAT 8-13
(Preview)
Part of the reading said, "what if he said this, Even if it was meant to hurt, it cannot reach the real me, if I stand guard at the door of my mind." So about standing guard. What does this really mean? I am already tense and alert for those little signs that he might be ready to verbally attack me. I frea...
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MovieGal
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1
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340
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Is he an alcoholic?
(Preview)
HI I'm new and for the past four months have been with a new man. He's loving and caring and kind but in the first week I noticed that he smelled of alcohol in the morning and I put it down to maybe a spilled drink on his coat or something. Then when he was staying over he would be up and down all night taking his...
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Geraldine
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18
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937
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where do I start
(Preview)
and why am I terrified? Hello, I'm new here.. My life is a roller coaster and I'm sick of it! I am not the type to reach out and go to meetings but I feel I need to in my life. I know of a meeting in my area and every Sunday I say I'm going to go.. I don't. My fear takes over me!! I feel like I don't belong.. I grew up i...
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Jen444
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5
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358
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new to board
(Preview)
Hi everyone, Im new to the board and new to the behavior of not enabling. I am here to learn how to detach with love, let go and let god, learn how to set healthy boundaries and feel ok about doing that. Days ago, I have stopped all enabling with my son who lives hundreds of miles away and all hell and homeless...
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seahorselady
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13
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540
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Help with Online meetings
(Preview)
Hi all - I'm new to online and am having trouble finding the online meetings. Are they still active? When I sign into the Meeting/Chat Room at the time when there's supposed to be a meeting, I'm the only one there. Tonight I'm trying to find the 7pm EST Sunday evening meeting, but no one else is signed i...
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birdlady
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2
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276
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help, i think i'm in need of a sponsor
(Preview)
hello everyone, i heard of "online sponsor" in the online meeting. we have no al-anon in my country thus no f2f meetings. how do i look for an online sponsor, how does it work? thanks
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jocelgp
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6
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404
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More drama
(Preview)
As most of you know I've had to make my a/sister move from my home,got my peace back in my home so I thought,my sister and xa/bf hook up and start hanging out at my neighbors next door ,also addicts,I lose my billfold the other day thought I'd just misplaced it only to find out later that I'd dropped it in my y...
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lookingup
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10
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476
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Dad worried about wifes addictions
(Preview)
Hello all, i'm new to al anon in general. I'm a married father of three children. Here's my story. My wife has addiction issues. She was into heroin and oxy's prior to us meeting. She went through rehab, a few times, and was placed on suboxone. She's been on suboxone for 7 years. I'm a graduate student and...
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scareddadof3
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4
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368
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Feeling Super Anxious and Confused about my Ex
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, I have been separated for 7 months and my ex wants to 'get back together' without going to therapy or program. He comes by and helps cook and clean to see our son and frankly I am feeling so low I am accepting the help for now. My therapist says it is okay for now as we are not intimate. he want...
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Charlotte22
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1
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285
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