The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A few days ago after a long night of drinking my husband went home injured, lost his front teeth and thinks he broke his ribs, but he really didn't. He blames me, he said he drank too much because of me, because I wouldn't let him go out and drink with his friends that night and the night before that. Thanks to Al-anon I didn't buy that nor did I had any guilt that I somehow has something to do with his drinking. He asked for my help but stood up to my conviction that I will not help him in things that he can do for himself. I didn't accompany him for his medical treatment, he went by himself. I refuse to listen to his story of what happened, I hear but didn't comment and responds briefly and change the topic. I have accepted fact that an alcoholic will deny that he is one, will find all the justification for his drinking, blame me for all his troubles. He keeps on promising it's not gonna happen again, will not drink anymore blah, blah, blah. I just replied with "tell it to yourself and do it for yourself, not to me and not for me". I no longer buy those tactics. When he went home injured he was so mad at me when I refused to help him nor bring him for medical attention, he reversed it by being nice to me afterwards and when I responded calmly he once again asked me to accompany him for treatment but then again I said NO and he was mad again and the cycle went a few times. He ended up taking care of himself, I showed no care, not that I don't care but because I do care and I know I just have to do it this way. He keeps on reiterating he's going to change for the better, to my mind I pray and hope so too. But I have to wait till he has recuperated, if he's gonna be true to his words when he is no longer in pain. I am preparing myself for the unknown, I read in one of the posts here "I'm Done with One". Once again I am setting boundaries and limits for myself, definitely not ultimatum not threat. If God Wills it then so be it. With the help of Al-anon literatures, speaker tapes, readings and this message board, I am on the road to recovery. It's not easy, but again as they say it will work when we work it. Whatever it's going to be, I know I just have to keep coming back. (((Hugs)))
Wow jocel good going, its so hard when
Its your intimate partner to detach with
Love. I am glad you can use your tools
Without having live support from ftf mtgs.
I just Like to listen until it really sinks in
and I still need the same messages Over
and over again before i can change and
Grow. I am very slow to change, many
People are very resistant to change.
Keep working it - it looks good on you! I too thank you for posting - I always learn and grow from success in fellow members!
-- Edited by Iamhere on Thursday 18th of August 2016 08:10:04 PM
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
