I feel this is a tricky subject to navigate so I'm hoping to read about some of the experiences others have had in relation to dating within the Al Anon/AA communities.

Here's my deal in a nutshell: My ex and I split a few months after he entered recovery (less than a year ago). We remain friends and coworkers.

Another coworker (and mutual friend) and I have recently developed an intense interest in each other beyond platonic boundaries but haven't acted on any of these mutual inclinations - we did however acknowledge our feelings toward each other. He's in AA (with over 20 years sobriety), and he and my ex are "friends" (not close, but they're friendly). The main reason we didn't just "go for it" is that we're both aware that the circumstances may become complicated without knowing actually what can/will happen or why we're feeling reticent.

I know this isn't exactly "13th step" territory (or is it?), but after analyzing my own feelings, I find myself justifying "going for it" by telling myself that I have to stop "taking care" of my ex (i.e. I don't want to hurt his feelings or potentially jeopardize his recovery process by getting involved with someone right under his nose). So, at what point am I still his caretaker and at what point am I just being socially appropriate? I really REALLY want to explore a more intimate relationship with this 20-year sober guy, and I know the feeling is mutual. What gives? Why so complicated? What would you do in this situation?