The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all, i'm new to al anon in general. I'm a married father of three children. Here's my story. My wife has addiction issues. She was into heroin and oxy's prior to us meeting. She went through rehab, a few times, and was placed on suboxone. She's been on suboxone for 7 years. I'm a graduate student and was diagnosed with ADHD in 1989. I'm on adderal to help me with school. So a few years ago my wife started stealing adderal and eventually I started noticing I was running out way before I used to. Prior to that a 1 month script usually lasted 6 weeks or so. Anyhow the problem progressed recently she took 20 30mg pills in 3 days. I've tried hiding them, locking them in various things all of which has failed. The most recent problem she ran out of sub early, so she decided to take herself off the med contacted another physician and got clonidine to help with the process. Today she decided she couldn't stop and I helped her find 1/2 of a sub she still had (she has an appt with her psychiatrist tomorrow) only to find out she had obtained a few oxymorphone pills "just in-case the withdrawals were too bad, or if she were to need to care for our children". This enraged me as I can't see how one could consider coming off of a medicine for addiction and continue with this sort of addictive behavior. So I'm here for advice on how to deal. I would like any suggestions on how I can keep the adderal from here and best course for helping her with her addiction?
Welcome to MIP scareddadof3 - glad you found us and glad that you shared. My best suggestion is that you find and start attending Al-Anon, so that you can learn more about the disease. As most of her issues are related to substances other than alcohol, you might seek out Nar-Anon but it's newer and may have less meetings available. With less meetings, that's less support.
For me, any mind/mood-altering substance is not a good choice for a person with addictive tendencies. I have two sons - they both were H addicts, and one went to treatment and quit cold turkey while the other went the suboxone route. There is no one size fits all for solutions with addictive persons - and they must choose their own path - recovery or not. I will not pass judgement on your spouse, but will say that she's certainly showing behaviors consistent with active addiction.
So - in my case, I locked any/all substances in my car - and I had the only keys. That was my go-to place beyond bank deposit box (for jewelry, valuables). Both of my sons were 'on the hunt' for things they could pawn when I cut off any/all $$ support.
We do not give advice in Al-Anon but we do share our ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope). My hope for you is that you find local meetings so you have local support. Keep coming back here too - and read around to get a better feel for the disease and the recovery we try to find.
You are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Addiction is addiction, sex, drugs, gambling, alcohol all have the same underlying physiology. So I agree that SA is SA. Odd her therapist recommended this in order to learn how to deal. I like the idea of others with similar experience. It's a beast to deal with makes me real powerless and alone.
You touched on Step 1 for them and us - powerlessness. You are absolutely correct that you are powerless over her, her choices, her disease, etc. You are not powerless over you! That's where Al-Anon was so helpful to me. I truly (in my mind) felt like a failure and much more because I could not get my qualifier(s) to see the damage they were causing themselves and the family unit. Al-Anon gives us the three C's - We did not cause this, we can not control this and we can not cure this....
Those 3 little statements said to me at my first meeting (2nd time around) gave me the ability to breathe deep for the first time in a long while. I was so wrapped up in their chaos, disease and drama and truly thought I could affect a change and heard the reality - I can not and should not.
We often, by helping, stand between them and their bottom. It's been said, and I've found it to be true that they need to hit a bottom and understand consequences to see a change is needed. So - please research local meetings and attend with an open mind - it does work if you work it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks, you give good advice. I'm aware of the limitations. Might first degree was in psychology. I worked in a psych hospital for 6 years. Unfortunately none of this matters or equips me to do anything. I've worked in several er's and witnessed multiple deaths at the hands of this stuff. Same as previous. It's hard to watch it's like watching a train coming to mow her down. Standing with our children as she is destroyed. Yet I can't push her out of the way. The insanity is heartbreaking. I hate that I feel this way but if she chooses that path I'd rather she just disappeared. That would be easier than the kids finding her dead from overdose. The frustration and anger fills me with rage and no outlet. Though I suppose that is what this is.
