Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Good morning, all lovely Al-anon friends. By the grace of our program, in the last few days I have become aware of more of my layer of denial falling away. A sense of seeing the world from a more realistic stand point. I feel a little nervous about it but very pleased. Dealing with people, places and thing...

Lucy125 · Lucy125

I had to distance myself from my brother and his toxic family. He's now got cirrhosis, his friend(POA) is overseeing his care. The kids(nephews and nieces) kept calling so I gave them resources and cut them off. They don't want help, they just want money and me to fix everything. They are lying to m...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for October 23 speaks about the fact that once sobriety is attained in the home. it points out that we believe that the nightmares will be over. However, we discover that alcohol had a tranquilizing effect and now without this the alcoholic is quite difficult to live with.and...

Doingmybest · Doingmybest

Hello All, Recent I have been really struggling with a myriad of things and I am seeking....something...I'm not certain I even know what. Perhaps support or perhaps peace...I'm not really sure. My RAH is over 18 months sober and doing wonderfull in his program. I try to follow the AlAnon principle...

Fooled · Fooled

My mother is very adamant about her feelings regarding alcoholics. She hates them. Her father, her two brothers, and my father were all alcoholics. Her one brother has achieved sobriety of over 20 years. My father and her other brother died from the disease. Her father, my grandfather, wa...

Fancypants · Fancypants

I've been lurking here for awhile. Started attending face to face meetings in August but started reading CAL last year. I want recovery so bad but it's so hard and so slow going sometimes. Just when I'm doing good something will happen and I feel like I take 2 steps backwards. Background: AH was 5 year...

lookingup · lookingup

Reacting to all my sit. Has always been my behavior ways ,never worked like pouring fuel to the sit. Today I'm trying to learn a whole new way of behaving with using responding instead of reacting ,a new tool I'm just finding that I really need help with along with examples of how do I stop reacting( never...

Prissykitty · Prissykitty

I was doing so well last week. I was focusing on me and my happiness. I let my recovering alcoholic have his moods and I didn't judge or get caught up with them. BUT I snapped on Saturday. Our theee year old was being three, and I'm pregnant and I'm just TIRED of being alone and having no joy in our house! I w...

sarahGee · sarahGee

I am proud of myself, but I have realized that I have a loooooong way to go. I haven't had a long conversation with my mom (one of the qualifiers in my life) in about two weeks. This might not seem like long, but we were so intertwined that most days we would only go an hour or two without speaking or being toge...

SDB · SDB

I had to travel for 5 days for work across the country. The night before I left I came home to my husband passed out drunk. I went to Seattle and whenever I called to see how things were going he was drunk. He missed a job interview and then proceeded to lie about going. When I returned home, he was drunk aga...

lookingup · lookingup

hi everybody,my best family on earth today,today I am needing prayers for myself ( I'm ok) just that I'm sorta in a bad predicament that I can only work hard and I mean hard at staying ,keeping detached from,and much needed prayers for my Freind please,he is in a very bad situation.much needed prayers f...

Lucy125 · Lucy125

I am the black sheep of my family. Growing up I could do no right. I was beaten down and suicidal. I went to a psychologist and recovered. I am married and have two teen kids. I take care of my 90 year old mom. I don't take any drugs, I got off all psychiatric drugs about 5 years ago. I had to distance mysel...

el-cee · el-cee

Just thinking out loud. When i think of love before alanon and since alanon i can see a huge difference. I thought love was someone needing you, an alcoholic ticks that box. I thought it was becoming one with another, lifes so enmeshed i lost my individuality, i thought it meant making them happy at any...

hotrod · hotrod

John has indicated, on his Face Book page, that he has been recently been hospitalized for his COPD and is recovering slowly. Please include him in your prayers.

MissM · MissM

Today's c2c notes that some of us begin our al-anon journey sharing only light-hearted or amusing stories about the problems of living with or loving an alcoholic and avoid sharing any real, raw or painful truths. The reading suggests that this is because we don't trust anyone with our truth and it o...

LinSC · LinSC

My qualifier is gone, I am single and I now can make positive choices for my life. Easier said than done. I'll be darn if I am having a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone. Why not just stay home! It's easier on my budget, no traffic, it's cold, my own brewed coffee is cheaper, it's too late to go for a sho...

andromeda · andromeda

Please share with the board how you handle expectations especially in romantic relationships. I am dealing with my own inner demons of trying to determine what is a valid expectation and reasonable or what is just ME trying to satisfy my own ego or my own 'hole in my soul' through someone's behaviors,...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Having reactions (hate that word) from within my relationship with my wife sooooo am trying to reach my sponsor as I was taught. He is a sponsor not a marriage counselor so the focus is on me. That part of the disease where I was discounted and not willingly supported even on a minor issue. My react...

Aprilc · Aprilc

Does anyone have any insights on the following? My addict daughter has always fantasised about a life based on opulence, and in the past I have engaged with her, and even helped her with her big ideas about becoming a coffee representative for a supplier in Vietnam resulting in financial loss because...

Junenine · Junenine

hi, all. so i've been attending mtgs on and off for a while but now i'm feeling that i'm hitting my own bottom and need help. need some specific guidance/ advice/ feedback on placing myself back at the center of my life and figuring out what's best for me, what i need... so i'm looking for a sponsor and atte...

kspec85 · kspec85

So, he texted me today- said " I am so sorry I am a piece of s**t, I know I love you very very much. Maybe I will call you after while. I am so sorry" This is almost identical to the text I got yesterday around this same time. Oh, maybe you will call me after while? How kind of you. I responded in this way: ""N...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses faith in a higher power, especially for those who struggle with the concept. Wise Al-Anon members may suggest that we surrender our lack of faith to a Higher Power, and ask for faith. When we feel frightened, helpless or hopeless, we have the choice to surrender those fee...

sarahGee · sarahGee

Yet another question for those of you who have been at this longer than I - Have you noticed that you are attracting more solid, steady people into your life as you progress in your program? I laugh every time I see someone talk about the broken picker-outer. It's so very true! Almost all of the relation...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Hey there MIP family. Tomorrow, I am headed out of town for a day trip to visit my friend with cancer. She's currently in treatment and because she was no responding to chemo, they've changed up the cocktail and still battling. She's a spiritual person as well as religious and has been very upbeat th...

kspec85 · kspec85

zIt has been quite the little roller coaster these last few weeks. ABF came home Friday, after 11 days gone, you know, going to start working the steps, doesn't know why he would want to sacrifice his family, blah blah blah. I fell for it hook line and sinker, lol. Home Friday through Monday. Tuesday he...

vvv · vvv

My boyfriend and I recently broke up a few months ago because he got seriously injured after an alcohol related event and then chose to continue to drink. I could not go through another situation like the one I had just been through and I had to distance myself so I moved out. We have still been talking and...

sarahGee · sarahGee

My mom had her surgery today, it went well. Waiting for pathology results Monday. Anyway, I offered to bring her some dinner. I have a f2f meeting tonight at 8, I told her I had to leave around 7:30 to meet a friend for coffee. That was dumb. I really should have thought through every avenue first. "Who are...

KT2015 · KT2015

Ah woke up this morning in what appeared to be a terrible mood. It took me a while to identify it and in that time period he criticized me numerous times. By the time he was ready to leave I was ready to say good riddance. He left one parting criticism about the work I did with my daughter on her spelling pract...

a4l · a4l

Heard some bad news about former alcoholic acquaintances. Three people dead, one a bystander, one an alcoholic the other one of us. Alcoholism distorts normality to a point where crazy becomes do able and there's a point of no return. Amongst the sorrow is gratitude for the saving grace of my angels a...

sweeetr · sweeetr

my exH was a much easier detachment than what I'm living with now. My son 11 yr old. Is driving me as crazy as I use to be. (Starting my steps again.) Detaching from an 11 year old is hard. I find myself depressing again. I'm staying so busy when he's not here I'm so muscle sore I can hardly sleep. But when he...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Has anyone noticed that even when u detach they r not there for u but in a rant that is almost automatic? I keep thinking why can't he just listen to me and not get mad at whatever it is.. He is entitled to feelings but I have to stay neutral or things go bad. Is neutral detaching? Sometimes I wonder? Example:...

interstellarvagabond · interstellarvagabond

Hi, I'm a new member and to be honest I'm not sure if this is where I should be venting or not but my mom always talked about al-anon and I'm in need of some advice so I figured why not? My mother is a recovered alcoholic, three years sober now I think. Her drinking has made me pretty scared of alcohol, not like...

sarahGee · sarahGee

Today HP is throwing me some curveballs to test my patience. I posted earlier about my Amoms cancer diagnosis. She had me believing that it was aggressive, and that there was no hope. We needed to prepare for the end. I found out shortly after that it is a small patch of skin cancer cells. Not to minimize...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about just for today and staying in the present moment. The writer shares about being a small child, watchful on hands/knees perhaps with a bug or caterpillar. Curiosity and the anticipation of movement or change kept our interest as we marveled over the creature, the colors, t...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's reading provides a reminder that we are not responsible for, nor can we alter, things outside of ourselves. This means that when we face a deadline, we can't ensure success by worrying or taking extreme measures. Sometimes that just results in more stress along with a missed deadline.When w...

MissM · MissM

Saturday night last, now-definitely-ex-abf turned up at my house extremely drunk and falling over. I told him to leave so he went away and came back crying. I made him give me his keys to my house (big relief; that was troubling me) and told him he was not coming in and he was not welcome to be anywhere near...

el-cee · el-cee

Why have i surrounded myself with crazy people? Then an even better question, why do i then expect these crazy people to behave normally? Whose the craziest, them or me?

Helpangel · Helpangel

I posted about detachment a couple of days ago and man was it an eye opener! Thank u everyone! It got me thinking...if they rant so easy about so many topics what do you consider a safe topic? I know my job is a sore subject so Tonight I tried to talk about how my brother in law has gotten a promotion. My sister...

El · El

Hi all! So, I have "known" for a while that my AH has been sneaking alcohol. He will freely drink beer in front of me, but a couple of years ago he swore off scotch and no longer sips it with his beer here in the house. He will order it when we go out....he has given himself permission to order something harde...

KT2015 · KT2015

Last week I had an incident at work where I missed something medium sized in importance because I wasn't really on top of my work. I've been very distracted for a long time and I have a horrible habit of avoiding things I don't want to face and procrastinating. The issue worked out ok and I think it was a l...

e_i_m · e_i_m

I have major expectations around other people's behavior when it comes to friendship and I'm trying to let this go, but it comes up again and again and is going to take a long time to change. I have a scorecard in my mind about who has called whom, who has initiated an activity, who has invited whom over or o...

shimo · shimo

Al-Anon meeting in the chat room in approximately 30 minutes (9:00 a.m. EST). Come on in and join us! Link to the chat room: https://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html If you come into the room without selecting a nickname for yourself, you would need to type /nick space followed by the nicknam...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Feeling very grateful for my program right now. AH in bad place so unfortunately he is taking up his efforts to drag me into a fight or to listen to his pity party. To ease his stress, make him feel better. Because of my program, I was able to see this and be aware of it. Therefore I am able to take appropriate...

sarahGee · sarahGee

I am not quite at that stage of my recovery yet, but it has been on my mind a lot recently. When it comes to your qualifier, and those who enable your qualifier, do your amends reflect your own participation in the situation? One that I can think of, and would like to approach when the time is right, is my da...

lookingup · lookingup

as most of you here know that I've recently had 2 of my live in qualifiers leave my home permanantly ,it's been going on 3 mths since the traumatizeing event happened thought it had ended there ,guess not,I've recently blocked both which its breaking my heart into peices cause one is my closest sister,...

Snippetvilla · Snippetvilla

Do all alcoholic families have members who think they have powers to change and manipulate other people's reality or is this sickness of abilities just in my family?

lookingup · lookingup

I guess I must love my foo more than myself at times to fall right back into the ,having an addict in my home again,really!,here he is with his own groceries to do him for a while,my father which is 83 y/0 ,has my a/ sister living with him ,got her an apartment close to him,be a mth before she can move in to it,h...

sarahGee · sarahGee

As I go along and learn more about this program, I wonder who am I supposed to turn to when I need to vent, or get some advice? I realize that (as someone else put it so spot on) my "picker outer" is broken. So my friendships, romantic relationships and those with my family (qualifiers) aren't ideal places...

Taraxacum · Taraxacum

I recently reached out to a family member who has been estranged for almost two years. I had heard she was ill and decided to send her a potted plant and a note because I wanted to show my compassion for her illness. She responded a few days later with a text, and it seems we may be moving towards some reconci...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: Today's reading focuses on the Serenity Prayer. The reading points out that the prayer is a reminder that we do not have control over alohol or alcoholic behavior. Many of us have expended and extraordinary amount of energy trying to manage events which were completely out o...

tealfighter · tealfighter

my recovering alcoholic withdrawls often. I honestly think its just part of the alcoholism. If I give him a couple of days. He is fine. My problem is when something significant happens in my life I feel the need to share it with him. and then I feel bad for it. But I am not sure what is healthy and what isn't a...

Sarah_E_S · Sarah_E_S

This is my first post...my first encounter with alcoholism and what feels like my final straw. I am drowning in his disease, suffocating on trying to help him. I am loosing myself and my sanity. I attend al-anon meeting when my work schedule allows me too, but I don't have a sponsor. I am the spouse of the...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

AlAnon is not rule driven, to the surprise of many newcomers. For some of us, rules were a mainstay before we arrived, imposed upon us or by us. Strict rules and rule enforcers would not allow the very thing that makes the program, and our recovery, so much better: freedom to move in the way that is best fo...

Jerry F · Jerry F

My wife and I keep the Forum; the AFG monthly magazine in the house and often bring home older issues we have not yet read. Let me make a suggestion to those who do not or have not yet read and used this Al-Anon tool because it will broaden your own recovery and increase the amount of ESH in your daily progr...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

So I realized the other day that it has been 2 years since my divorce sort of became final .. and let us be clear that is because the God of my understanding has a horribly wicked sense of humor. LOL .. I appreciate it so much more than I used to. While I was told and thought my divorce was final .. it turns out...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

It seems to me that sometimes I find myself needing more. I guess I always wanted more. I can't believe that I never got it until recently. I always thought that that didn't apply to me. I am in the process of letting go of some things. I think there is an app called Let it go! I wonder if I really can. I have men...

PrettyPink · PrettyPink

New to this. I just am so depressed I need help. Do alcoholics understand how much they hurt you? Do they care? Can they really love you? Every single thing that he says makes him drink can be fixed, and pretty easily. So why does he choose the path that makes him miserable rather than the path of happi...

starcatcher2 · starcatcher2

Hi, I'm new to this forum. Last week I posted about trying to move on from an alcoholic ex. Well yesterday he called me asking for help. I helped him out, picked him up and dropped him off. He texted me this morning asking if he could come over and be with me. I caved and said yes (he was coming off a 6 day binge)...

Jerry F · Jerry F

We got communication from my family that my younger brother was in serious condition in the hospital up there transfused with 9 liters of blood and surgery to clip off and artery that was failing to cancer and that the cancer is pancreatic and also in his liver. They brought him around and the family...

JackieR · JackieR

My Name is Jackie, and I just started using Al-Anon a few months ago. My first serious boyfriend was an alcoholic and PTSD. He was in the Marines and had toured twice to other countries and seen some pretty horrific things. WHen he came home, he used drinking as a coping mechanism. Unknown to how serious...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Layer (Preview) Good morning, all lovely Al-anon friends. By the grace of our program, in the last few days I have become aware of more of my layer of denial falling away. A sense of seeing the world from a more realistic stand point. I feel a little nervous about it but very pleased. Dealing with people, places and thing...	Calm Lady	17	705	Oct 23, 2016 by Calm Lady
	My brother's addiction problem is spreading to my family (Preview) I had to distance myself from my brother and his toxic family. He's now got cirrhosis, his friend(POA) is overseeing his care. The kids(nephews and nieces) kept calling so I gave them resources and cut them off. They don't want help, they just want money and me to fix everything. They are lying to m...	Lucy125	4	579	Oct 23, 2016 by Lucy125
	Courage to Change reading 10-23 (Preview) The C2C reading for October 23 speaks about the fact that once sobriety is attained in the home. it points out that we believe that the nightmares will be over. However, we discover that alcohol had a tranquilizing effect and now without this the alcoholic is quite difficult to live with.and...	hotrod	5	735	Oct 23, 2016 by Jerry F
	Struggling - lost *very long post* (Preview) Hello All, Recent I have been really struggling with a myriad of things and I am seeking....something...I'm not certain I even know what. Perhaps support or perhaps peace...I'm not really sure. My RAH is over 18 months sober and doing wonderfull in his program. I try to follow the AlAnon principle...	Doingmybest	7	600	Oct 23, 2016 by Jerry F
	My mother (Preview) My mother is very adamant about her feelings regarding alcoholics. She hates them. Her father, her two brothers, and my father were all alcoholics. Her one brother has achieved sobriety of over 20 years. My father and her other brother died from the disease. Her father, my grandfather, wa...	Fooled	39	1310	Oct 23, 2016 by Fooled
	Trying not to be crazy (Preview) I've been lurking here for awhile. Started attending face to face meetings in August but started reading CAL last year. I want recovery so bad but it's so hard and so slow going sometimes. Just when I'm doing good something will happen and I feel like I take 2 steps backwards. Background: AH was 5 year...	Fancypants	8	596	Oct 23, 2016 by Lyne
	Responding instead of reacting (Preview) Reacting to all my sit. Has always been my behavior ways ,never worked like pouring fuel to the sit. Today I'm trying to learn a whole new way of behaving with using responding instead of reacting ,a new tool I'm just finding that I really need help with along with examples of how do I stop reacting( never...	lookingup	4	823	Oct 23, 2016 by lookingup
	How do you do this with a toddler??? (Preview) I was doing so well last week. I was focusing on me and my happiness. I let my recovering alcoholic have his moods and I didn't judge or get caught up with them. BUT I snapped on Saturday. Our theee year old was being three, and I'm pregnant and I'm just TIRED of being alone and having no joy in our house! I w...	Prissykitty	15	722	Oct 22, 2016 by Hopeful2112
	First contact with my alcoholic since I started Al Anon. (Preview) I am proud of myself, but I have realized that I have a loooooong way to go. I haven't had a long conversation with my mom (one of the qualifiers in my life) in about two weeks. This might not seem like long, but we were so intertwined that most days we would only go an hour or two without speaking or being toge...	sarahGee	3	677	Oct 22, 2016 by Lucy125
	Husband in detox, trying to figure out what's next (Preview) I had to travel for 5 days for work across the country. The night before I left I came home to my husband passed out drunk. I went to Seattle and whenever I called to see how things were going he was drunk. He missed a job interview and then proceeded to lie about going. When I returned home, he was drunk aga...	SDB	8	671	Oct 22, 2016 by Lucy125
	Prayers needed please ! (Preview) hi everybody,my best family on earth today,today I am needing prayers for myself ( I'm ok) just that I'm sorta in a bad predicament that I can only work hard and I mean hard at staying ,keeping detached from,and much needed prayers for my Freind please,he is in a very bad situation.much needed prayers f...	lookingup	8	565	Oct 22, 2016 by lookingup
	Somebody please help!!! (Preview) I am the black sheep of my family. Growing up I could do no right. I was beaten down and suicidal. I went to a psychologist and recovered. I am married and have two teen kids. I take care of my 90 year old mom. I don't take any drugs, I got off all psychiatric drugs about 5 years ago. I had to distance mysel...	Lucy125	12	729	Oct 22, 2016 by Lucy125
	Can love exist alongside fear? (Preview) Just thinking out loud. When i think of love before alanon and since alanon i can see a huge difference. I thought love was someone needing you, an alcoholic ticks that box. I thought it was becoming one with another, lifes so enmeshed i lost my individuality, i thought it meant making them happy at any...	el-cee	9	640	Oct 22, 2016 by Hope4Healing
	MIP Owner (Preview) John has indicated, on his Face Book page, that he has been recently been hospitalized for his COPD and is recovering slowly. Please include him in your prayers.	hotrod	28	954	Oct 22, 2016 by Truth
	Courage to Change 22/10 (Preview) Today's c2c notes that some of us begin our al-anon journey sharing only light-hearted or amusing stories about the problems of living with or loving an alcoholic and avoid sharing any real, raw or painful truths. The reading suggests that this is because we don't trust anyone with our truth and it o...	MissM	3	568	Oct 22, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Comfort Zone (Preview) My qualifier is gone, I am single and I now can make positive choices for my life. Easier said than done. I'll be darn if I am having a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone. Why not just stay home! It's easier on my budget, no traffic, it's cold, my own brewed coffee is cheaper, it's too late to go for a sho...	LinSC	13	790	Oct 22, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Expectations and defensiveness (Preview) Please share with the board how you handle expectations especially in romantic relationships. I am dealing with my own inner demons of trying to determine what is a valid expectation and reasonable or what is just ME trying to satisfy my own ego or my own 'hole in my soul' through someone's behaviors,...	andromeda	10	1052	Oct 22, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	There is no end to my dis-ease. (Preview) Having reactions (hate that word) from within my relationship with my wife sooooo am trying to reach my sponsor as I was taught. He is a sponsor not a marriage counselor so the focus is on me. That part of the disease where I was discounted and not willingly supported even on a minor issue. My react...	Jerry F	6	587	Oct 22, 2016 by Jerry F
	DEALING WITH A BUDDING ADDICT (Preview) Does anyone have any insights on the following? My addict daughter has always fantasised about a life based on opulence, and in the past I have engaged with her, and even helped her with her big ideas about becoming a coffee representative for a supplier in Vietnam resulting in financial loss because...	Aprilc	5	546	Oct 22, 2016 by Aprilc
	Al-Anon lingo questions (Preview) hi, all. so i've been attending mtgs on and off for a while but now i'm feeling that i'm hitting my own bottom and need help. need some specific guidance/ advice/ feedback on placing myself back at the center of my life and figuring out what's best for me, what i need... so i'm looking for a sponsor and atte...	Junenine	14	3094	Oct 21, 2016 by Junenine
	Proud of Myself (Preview) So, he texted me today- said " I am so sorry I am a piece of s**t, I know I love you very very much. Maybe I will call you after while. I am so sorry" This is almost identical to the text I got yesterday around this same time. Oh, maybe you will call me after while? How kind of you. I responded in this way: ""N...	kspec85	2	529	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 10/21/16 (Preview) Today's reading discusses faith in a higher power, especially for those who struggle with the concept. Wise Al-Anon members may suggest that we surrender our lack of faith to a Higher Power, and ask for faith. When we feel frightened, helpless or hopeless, we have the choice to surrender those fee...	Iamhere	4	570	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Attraction (Preview) Yet another question for those of you who have been at this longer than I - Have you noticed that you are attracting more solid, steady people into your life as you progress in your program? I laugh every time I see someone talk about the broken picker-outer. It's so very true! Almost all of the relation...	sarahGee	13	648	Oct 21, 2016 by a4l
	Road Trip - Need ESH or Prayers! (Preview) Hey there MIP family. Tomorrow, I am headed out of town for a day trip to visit my friend with cancer. She's currently in treatment and because she was no responding to chemo, they've changed up the cocktail and still battling. She's a spiritual person as well as religious and has been very upbeat th...	Iamhere	18	634	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Making Plans (Preview) zIt has been quite the little roller coaster these last few weeks. ABF came home Friday, after 11 days gone, you know, going to start working the steps, doesn't know why he would want to sacrifice his family, blah blah blah. I fell for it hook line and sinker, lol. Home Friday through Monday. Tuesday he...	kspec85	6	602	Oct 21, 2016 by starcatcher2
	Alcoholic ExBf "Needs Me to Stop Drinking" (Preview) My boyfriend and I recently broke up a few months ago because he got seriously injured after an alcohol related event and then chose to continue to drink. I could not go through another situation like the one I had just been through and I had to distance myself so I moved out. We have still been talking and...	vvv	7	1077	Oct 21, 2016 by Jerry F
	Help! I want to STAY anon! (Preview) My mom had her surgery today, it went well. Waiting for pathology results Monday. Anyway, I offered to bring her some dinner. I have a f2f meeting tonight at 8, I told her I had to leave around 7:30 to meet a friend for coffee. That was dumb. I really should have thought through every avenue first. "Who are...	sarahGee	6	628	Oct 21, 2016 by sarahGee
	Feeling nitpicked (Preview) Ah woke up this morning in what appeared to be a terrible mood. It took me a while to identify it and in that time period he criticized me numerous times. By the time he was ready to leave I was ready to say good riddance. He left one parting criticism about the work I did with my daughter on her spelling pract...	KT2015	13	3099	Oct 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	senseless yet graced. (Preview) Heard some bad news about former alcoholic acquaintances. Three people dead, one a bystander, one an alcoholic the other one of us. Alcoholism distorts normality to a point where crazy becomes do able and there's a point of no return. Amongst the sorrow is gratitude for the saving grace of my angels a...	a4l	6	536	Oct 20, 2016 by a4l
	11 year old son (Preview) my exH was a much easier detachment than what I'm living with now. My son 11 yr old. Is driving me as crazy as I use to be. (Starting my steps again.) Detaching from an 11 year old is hard. I find myself depressing again. I'm staying so busy when he's not here I'm so muscle sore I can hardly sleep. But when he...	sweeetr	6	604	Oct 20, 2016 by pinkchip
	Detachment (Preview) Has anyone noticed that even when u detach they r not there for u but in a rant that is almost automatic? I keep thinking why can't he just listen to me and not get mad at whatever it is.. He is entitled to feelings but I have to stay neutral or things go bad. Is neutral detaching? Sometimes I wonder? Example:...	Helpangel	8	814	Oct 20, 2016 by danielle44
	my girlfriend drinks, but she's not the alcoholic in my life advice needed help please (Preview) Hi, I'm a new member and to be honest I'm not sure if this is where I should be venting or not but my mom always talked about al-anon and I'm in need of some advice so I figured why not? My mother is a recovered alcoholic, three years sober now I think. Her drinking has made me pretty scared of alcohol, not like...	interstellarvagabond	6	3805	Oct 20, 2016 by ItsAllAboutMeMC
	Patience (Preview) Today HP is throwing me some curveballs to test my patience. I posted earlier about my Amoms cancer diagnosis. She had me believing that it was aggressive, and that there was no hope. We needed to prepare for the end. I found out shortly after that it is a small patch of skin cancer cells. Not to minimize...	sarahGee	9	814	Oct 20, 2016 by andromeda
	Courage to Change (C2C) 10/20/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about just for today and staying in the present moment. The writer shares about being a small child, watchful on hands/knees perhaps with a bug or caterpillar. Curiosity and the anticipation of movement or change kept our interest as we marveled over the creature, the colors, t...	Iamhere	2	515	Oct 20, 2016 by Iamhere
	C2C 10/19/16 (Preview) Today's reading provides a reminder that we are not responsible for, nor can we alter, things outside of ourselves. This means that when we face a deadline, we can't ensure success by worrying or taking extreme measures. Sometimes that just results in more stress along with a missed deadline.When w...	Enigmatic	4	551	Oct 19, 2016 by e_i_m
	Need a label-maker for my monkeys. (Preview) Saturday night last, now-definitely-ex-abf turned up at my house extremely drunk and falling over. I told him to leave so he went away and came back crying. I made him give me his keys to my house (big relief; that was troubling me) and told him he was not coming in and he was not welcome to be anywhere near...	MissM	13	854	Oct 19, 2016 by starcatcher2
	Aaaaaaargh (Preview) Why have i surrounded myself with crazy people? Then an even better question, why do i then expect these crazy people to behave normally? Whose the craziest, them or me?	el-cee	8	678	Oct 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	The common Ranting --what topics are safe? (Preview) I posted about detachment a couple of days ago and man was it an eye opener! Thank u everyone! It got me thinking...if they rant so easy about so many topics what do you consider a safe topic? I know my job is a sore subject so Tonight I tried to talk about how my brother in law has gotten a promotion. My sister...	Helpangel	24	768	Oct 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	Seeing the proof hurts (Preview) Hi all! So, I have "known" for a while that my AH has been sneaking alcohol. He will freely drink beer in front of me, but a couple of years ago he swore off scotch and no longer sips it with his beer here in the house. He will order it when we go out....he has given himself permission to order something harde...	El	13	760	Oct 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	Keeping the focus on myself (Preview) Last week I had an incident at work where I missed something medium sized in importance because I wasn't really on top of my work. I've been very distracted for a long time and I have a horrible habit of avoiding things I don't want to face and procrastinating. The issue worked out ok and I think it was a l...	KT2015	5	4289	Oct 19, 2016 by 2HP
	Expectations, working on it. (Preview) I have major expectations around other people's behavior when it comes to friendship and I'm trying to let this go, but it comes up again and again and is going to take a long time to change. I have a scorecard in my mind about who has called whom, who has initiated an activity, who has invited whom over or o...	e_i_m	24	886	Oct 19, 2016 by 2HP
	WEDNESDAY AL-ANON MEETING 9:00 A.M. EST (Preview) Al-Anon meeting in the chat room in approximately 30 minutes (9:00 a.m. EST). Come on in and join us! Link to the chat room: https://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html If you come into the room without selecting a nickname for yourself, you would need to type /nick space followed by the nicknam...	shimo	1	474	Oct 19, 2016 by hotrod
	Grateful (Preview) Feeling very grateful for my program right now. AH in bad place so unfortunately he is taking up his efforts to drag me into a fight or to listen to his pity party. To ease his stress, make him feel better. Because of my program, I was able to see this and be aware of it. Therefore I am able to take appropriate...	Calm Lady	12	711	Oct 19, 2016 by el-cee
	Making amends (Preview) I am not quite at that stage of my recovery yet, but it has been on my mind a lot recently. When it comes to your qualifier, and those who enable your qualifier, do your amends reflect your own participation in the situation? One that I can think of, and would like to approach when the time is right, is my da...	sarahGee	4	713	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	Reputation (Preview) as most of you here know that I've recently had 2 of my live in qualifiers leave my home permanantly ,it's been going on 3 mths since the traumatizeing event happened thought it had ended there ,guess not,I've recently blocked both which its breaking my heart into peices cause one is my closest sister,...	lookingup	4	539	Oct 18, 2016 by sarahGee
	Alcoholic "powers" (Preview) Do all alcoholic families have members who think they have powers to change and manipulate other people's reality or is this sickness of abilities just in my family?	Snippetvilla	2	790	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	Youngest brother come to stay (Preview) I guess I must love my foo more than myself at times to fall right back into the ,having an addict in my home again,really!,here he is with his own groceries to do him for a while,my father which is 83 y/0 ,has my a/ sister living with him ,got her an apartment close to him,be a mth before she can move in to it,h...	lookingup	6	689	Oct 18, 2016 by lookingup
	Who do you turn to? (Preview) As I go along and learn more about this program, I wonder who am I supposed to turn to when I need to vent, or get some advice? I realize that (as someone else put it so spot on) my "picker outer" is broken. So my friendships, romantic relationships and those with my family (qualifiers) aren't ideal places...	sarahGee	10	608	Oct 18, 2016 by sarahGee
	Seeking your wisdom and courage (Preview) I recently reached out to a family member who has been estranged for almost two years. I had heard she was ill and decided to send her a potted plant and a note because I wanted to show my compassion for her illness. She responded a few days later with a text, and it seems we may be moving towards some reconci...	Taraxacum	5	572	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	Hope for Today oct 18 (Preview) Good morning everyone: Today's reading focuses on the Serenity Prayer. The reading points out that the prayer is a reminder that we do not have control over alohol or alcoholic behavior. Many of us have expended and extraordinary amount of energy trying to manage events which were completely out o...	yanksfan51	2	605	Oct 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	How do you not? (Preview) my recovering alcoholic withdrawls often. I honestly think its just part of the alcoholism. If I give him a couple of days. He is fine. My problem is when something significant happens in my life I feel the need to share it with him. and then I feel bad for it. But I am not sure what is healthy and what isn't a...	tealfighter	7	631	Oct 18, 2016 by Calm Lady
	i'm drowning in his disease (Preview) This is my first post...my first encounter with alcoholism and what feels like my final straw. I am drowning in his disease, suffocating on trying to help him. I am loosing myself and my sanity. I attend al-anon meeting when my work schedule allows me too, but I don't have a sponsor. I am the spouse of the...	Sarah_E_S	24	861	Oct 17, 2016 by Sarah_E_S
	C2C 10-17-16 (Preview) AlAnon is not rule driven, to the surprise of many newcomers. For some of us, rules were a mainstay before we arrived, imposed upon us or by us. Strict rules and rule enforcers would not allow the very thing that makes the program, and our recovery, so much better: freedom to move in the way that is best fo...	Enigmatic	6	602	Oct 17, 2016 by Enigmatic
	The Forum... (Preview) My wife and I keep the Forum; the AFG monthly magazine in the house and often bring home older issues we have not yet read. Let me make a suggestion to those who do not or have not yet read and used this Al-Anon tool because it will broaden your own recovery and increase the amount of ESH in your daily progr...	Jerry F	4	598	Oct 17, 2016 by Jerry F
	New Chapter - About TIME! (Preview) So I realized the other day that it has been 2 years since my divorce sort of became final .. and let us be clear that is because the God of my understanding has a horribly wicked sense of humor. LOL .. I appreciate it so much more than I used to. While I was told and thought my divorce was final .. it turns out...	SerenityRUS	8	622	Oct 17, 2016 by Green Eyes
	just stopped by to say HI! (Preview) It seems to me that sometimes I find myself needing more. I guess I always wanted more. I can't believe that I never got it until recently. I always thought that that didn't apply to me. I am in the process of letting go of some things. I think there is an app called Let it go! I wonder if I really can. I have men...	Hoot Nanny	6	2893	Oct 17, 2016 by Freetime
	Do they understand how much they hurt you? ( 1 2 ) (Preview) New to this. I just am so depressed I need help. Do alcoholics understand how much they hurt you? Do they care? Can they really love you? Every single thing that he says makes him drink can be fixed, and pretty easily. So why does he choose the path that makes him miserable rather than the path of happi...	PrettyPink	42	1435	Oct 17, 2016 by KennyFenderjazz
	The storm turned into a hurricane. (Preview) Hi, I'm new to this forum. Last week I posted about trying to move on from an alcoholic ex. Well yesterday he called me asking for help. I helped him out, picked him up and dropped him off. He texted me this morning asking if he could come over and be with me. I caved and said yes (he was coming off a 6 day binge)...	starcatcher2	20	747	Oct 17, 2016 by starcatcher2
	My generation coming to an end... (Preview) We got communication from my family that my younger brother was in serious condition in the hospital up there transfused with 9 liters of blood and surgery to clip off and artery that was failing to cancer and that the cancer is pancreatic and also in his liver. They brought him around and the family...	Jerry F	25	734	Oct 17, 2016 by Jerry F
	You Can't Fix Anyone But Yourself (Preview) My Name is Jackie, and I just started using Al-Anon a few months ago. My first serious boyfriend was an alcoholic and PTSD. He was in the Marines and had toured twice to other countries and seen some pretty horrific things. WHen he came home, he used drinking as a coping mechanism. Unknown to how serious...	JackieR	4	719	Oct 17, 2016 by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.