There's a good chance that my job will end in December due to funding issues. I've known this since late June and have been pretty fine with it -- I actually haven't been stressed at all about the potential job loss, and have been leaving that up to HP. (I really think I work my program best in all areas that are not dealing with an alcoholic love partner) Anyway, I've been sort of looking around at various jobs and have applied for a few that sounded good and do-able and have some interviews coming up. Because of my massive student loans, I need to work for a non-profit for the next 7 years. However, my dream job would be doing something with antiques or auctions. I was recently discussing this with someone while dog walking and said "if only there were a non-profit job in an antique store", knowing full well (bc I always know everything) that there was no such thing. I've also been wanting to purchase some kind of country home (with what money? I can't afford this in any way, it's a total dream) in a rural community about 30 minutes from my house

Well..... I saw a job posting yesterday for the manager of an antique store which is a non-profit that employs people with disabilities and it's in that town. What??? How perfect is that? So now, I am in the weird position of being both really excited about this opportunity and really scared of this opportunity. I applied for the job. But I'm scared of various vague things -- I'm using the al-anon tools of introspection to try to understand what's going on. This is something I really want for myself. Not for anyone else. Some of my fears are letting my current team down (if we don't all get laid off in December), taking a lower-status job, and generally making a big mistake. So I'm examining each one of these fears and seeing the character defects that are related to them (care-taking of others, unrealistic sense of responsibility for others, control freak, and caring more about what others think of me than what my HP and I think of me). If I got this job, it would really be all about me -- I'd be doing something I have said I've wanted to do for a long time. I'd be in a community that I've wanted to be part of. And I'd be chipping away at my blasted student loans. I would get what I want! And I'm scared!

It's such an interesting position to be in and I'm soooo grateful to have these al-anon tools to examine my crazy mind. You never ever know what's coming next in life, do you? Well, I don't. I'm giving thanks to HP for this opportunity and hoping to have a chance to move forward in understanding myself.