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Courage to Change August 30
(Preview)
In today's reading, the author shares their sponsor's suggestion to a low day - making a list of all things that made them unhappy - and the sponsor's suggestion to a good day - making a gratitude list. When the author compared both lists, they found that the lists were almost identical. The people, pla...
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Skorpi
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7
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664
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Terms: qualifier, crosstalk, codependent
(Preview)
The WSO suggests Alanon does not use these three terms: qualifier, codependent, crosstalk. They are terms used in counseling, therapy. In Alanon the focus is on me and I belong because I have been affected by a friend or family who drinks. The A drinks and I am affected by/ obsessed to the A. I need help a...
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Lee43stan
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5
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1334
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Detaching vs. detaching with love
(Preview)
I've stopped financially enabling my A and mostly have a good handle on detachment, now I'm wondering how "with love" comes into this. Might be I'm just letting his negative attitude get to me (what a shocker that would be!) and I'm actually doing ok with this part as well... I'm not sure. Recently our i...
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Aline
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9
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2494
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Loving step 4
(Preview)
Ive realised that I cant ride on my early days step work forever, I've got to keep on with the step 4 inventory, the self searching seems to be so important for our recovery and for our continued quest towards emotional sobriety. Alcoholism seems to come into my life like an earthquake and shakes me to t...
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el-cee
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3
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384
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No logic available
(Preview)
For about 26 years I have been devoted to my A. I have not been her priority, she had an emotional affair, lied, snuck around, and had other priorities , especially drinking. Towards the end of 2016 I bought a condo to live half time near my son and granddaughter . NOW she is devastated and feels fear an...
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Lyne
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11
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1201
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Hope for Today aug 29
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone: Today's reading is about setting boundaries and detachment with love. The writer describes a relationship with his/her mother which is affected by alcoholism, even after the mother is no longer drinking. One phrase used to describe the relationship is 'I didn't know wher...
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yanksfan51
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6
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1722
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New to group with questions about aging parents
(Preview)
So, I've been around alcoholics my whole life. Intend to be an enabler... I was married 21 years to an alcoholic who's had 3 DUIs... walked the road of those financially and legal consequences with him for 2 of those while married. The other one was while divorced and walked the road legally by refusing...
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Ruthie050573
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4
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735
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Hate the disease
(Preview)
Good morning all. I have just been feeling so sad the last couple of days at the destruction the disease causes in the sufferer and in the relationships around the alcoholic. I know that's why we have al-anon but it doesn't take away the pain of a loved one drinking themselves to death or of the hurtful st...
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Sorcha
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5
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501
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I Now Have a Sponsor
(Preview)
I've been slowly easing into Al-Anon since around April. I'm happy to say that it has been quite helpful. Both the face-to-face meetings and this forum (thank you) have been very good for me. I've been keeping my eyes and ears open for someone who might be a potential sponsor. I wasn't in a hurry but hav...
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WestMan
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8
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1124
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A week .. just a week ..
(Preview)
We are finally getting some answers to what has been going on with my girl. First off she's doing great .. it's really been a crazy ride, I have learned soooo much. I was finally able to get her into the pysch which I am never thrilled with only because it has been my experience in a small town based upon th...
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SerenityRUS
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4
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1762
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Emotional infidelity
(Preview)
can someone tell me at what stage 'in the rooms' of AA do phone numbers get exchanged. Is it something that happens between members when they are having cosy one to one chats with each other. I can't for the life of me see where amongst the sharing and quoting of working the programme etc, it is suggested t...
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Peetzie
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9
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1238
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what do u think ?
(Preview)
ive been living with my boyfriend happily for the past 5 mths but he has this werid situation that is tearing me up. i have tried to give the thing back to him,tried to ignore it,give it to higher power with no results basically a few years ago, he co signed on a friend of a friend's apartment lease. he knows...
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YARNCRAZY
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6
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398
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Perspective on reaching out!
(Preview)
My adult daughter has relapsed for the second time in 3 months. She went to a 30 day rehab and got back together during that time with her ex boyfriend who had dumped her. She was sober for a few weeks, and they were back together, until she went on a several day binge, and the boyfriend dumped her again. I th...
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Buckeye Girl
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6
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795
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Need a little ESH
(Preview)
So I had to bolt from our shared home this past weekend. The reality of Kid and I moving out hit AH and things just got to emotional... not angry mind you, just emotional and I began to feel sorrow and guilt for what I KNOW in my heart to be the next right thing for me and Kid. I knew I was in danger of listening to...
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PosiesandPuppies
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7
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2245
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When you are struggling...
(Preview)
We face so many things as a result of this disease...but I face many things as a result of me. It could be my "stinking thinking" or my expectations, or me wanting to be right, wanting what I want, which is always something good, perhaps I just want the alcoholic to want to get better. Who knows. Often, som...
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Bo
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2
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396
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Old Fear on an Old Topic
(Preview)
Good morning all. I almost feel badly posting my concern while there is so much devastation in Texas. My problems aren't even problems compared to what that area of the country is going through.....so forgive my whining here today! This fear of mine rears its head every time we are going to have out o...
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El
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3
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691
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AH is dry, but living in La La Land
(Preview)
Dear MIP Family, I had to send a letter to my AH's family yesterday. Even though my husband is dry for now, he has not really done anything about his responsibilities. Long story long, almost a month ago my AH was fired from his job. According to him, it was after he went to his boss to say he needed help for...
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PosiesandPuppies
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25
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4686
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C2C-8/28
(Preview)
Learning about trust: The author spoke of her difficulty trusting other people, and expected rejection when she asked someone to sponsor her. But she was accepted by the sponsor, guided through the steps, and over time received so many positive responses. The author remarks that she was willing...
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Lyne
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3
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736
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Need for clarity
(Preview)
Hi all need for ESH. I am trying to have clarity in my thinking. My response to my AH has changed. I went away last week end when I came back I noticed I have very little patience for his nonsense. Thursday evening he left and didn't return with my car till Saturday morning. Constantly says he loves me and he...
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Flyfree
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3
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638
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Angry and Despondent
(Preview)
I am so upset. Got up this morning, did my prayers and quiet time. The thoughts roaming through my head negative. I was suppose to do something with my sister and what does she do, what she always does, think about herself. She sends me a random text and then when I text back she doesn't reply. I have a...
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Thunder
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7
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929
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Children in house--need suggestions when there is excessive drinking.
(Preview)
Hello and thank you all for being so welcoming. Looking for suggestions here. So my husband is not a typical alcoholic--but definite problem with alcohol (drinks 3-5 beens in a sitting, drinks at least 5-6 days a week, is loud, obnoxious, can be insensitive with what he says, slurs words at times....
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Dancer66
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3
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441
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Howdy all (checking in)
(Preview)
Have not been here for a while, but just wanted to say hi. This whole year's major AA/alanon work was all about working on anger and developing more patience to not snap qhen I feel slighted or condescended to. I didn't know those were defects that were so bad until it started biting me in the ass. Other...
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pinkchip
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15
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1186
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Courage to Change (C2C) 8/27/17
(Preview)
Since today's share was posted later than desired, I decided to post for tomorrow early!!! Perhaps they can balance out in some way! Tomorrow's reading talks about what was expected at a member's first meeting vs. what was delivered. The writer shares disappointment that the Twelve Steps were pr...
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Iamhere
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4
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893
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Any suggestions for anxiety?
(Preview)
Hi, I am reading my One Day at a Time book, my Courage to Change Book but feeling that old familiar feeling of anxiety. I feel it so often when my AH is about to come home or when I am about to walk in the door. It can be months of sobriety and that ugly feeling of what will I find when I walk in the door has left hi...
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wifeofalcoholic
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11
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2270
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When it rains...Just venting
(Preview)
Good morning everyone, it's 10am and I'm still in bed. I work a late shift but usually would be up by now. Today however the anxiety and maybe depression have had their way. The last time I checked in my MI son had just come home and the A was having a good tantrum. My own drama is that I'm supposed to be having...
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Paloma Negra
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10
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1991
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Just need to say this
(Preview)
Yesterday I learnt that my husband relapsed and that this happened a year ago. Not my problem, just sad. With this awareness comes awareness of a lot of lies and those do hurt, although not as much as they used to. I've been away studying for ten months with occasional visits home. Now after my course ha...
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milkwood
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11
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1125
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Banging my head on a brick wall
(Preview)
Hi everyone- just need to vent a little. My AH & I are in marriage counseling. He's desperately unhappy and depressed (surprise!) and I truly want to be support and loving. But-I'm starting to wonder if I'm stuck on step one and thinking I can do something to fix him. Like maybe he'll wake up &...
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BethBethBeth
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14
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2529
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Courage to Change (C2C) 8/26/17
(Preview)
Better late than not at all !!! Today's reading is a great one - it's about denial. For many of us, when we find recovery, we are amazed how many signs were right in front of us, yet we acted as if there was not a problem. Some deny the alcoholic has a drinking issue, others are willing to blame the drinker f...
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Iamhere
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2
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804
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ODAT Reading 8-25-2017
(Preview)
The ODAT reading for today speaks about the confusion that many of us live in prior to finding alanon. It suggests that swirling thoughts and inappropriate actions were our go to reactions when confronted with choices. We did not know that "Easy Does It' or the serenity prayer could interrupt the...
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hotrod
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1
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1977
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Musing on life.
(Preview)
Well, I'm almost done with the project I bit off and I'm glad.
Its clarified a lot of things for me and my soul journey, which is looking to be rather a lonely one, but one I willingly embrace because I will never fit in with typical and its ridiculous to try. I have to be me.
Four months ago, I wrote a length...
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a4l
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6
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979
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Tired
(Preview)
My alcoholic mother fell and broke her leg for the second time this year. This time she admitted to the ER doctors that she had been mixing pills and vodka. They wouldn't let her go home at discharge for safety reasons so now she's in a skilled nursing facility to rehab her leg. She required a weaning prot...
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LKSG8R
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6
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455
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He's looking for women online
(Preview)
I'm feeling so sick. I've been lamenting and feeling horrible and having hope against hope for a reconciliation. He still has my things at his house and he's looking for someone else.
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bud
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14
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3689
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Dry-Ish BF and Lease Ending - Semi Long
(Preview)
Hi all, Newbie here! My BF and I have been dating for almost 4 years, aside from a short breakup after some infidelity on his part. He has always had an affection for alcohol and comes from a line of addicts, but I did not notice how bad until we moved in together about two years ago. About 3 months ago, I star...
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curiouskate
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12
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3525
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Hate the commercials and advertisements for alcohol
(Preview)
Just wondering if anyone else gets upset over seeing commercials and advertising for alcohol. It really angers me. We went to visit my son in another state. Every where you looked there was a billboard or a liquor/beer store. Seriously, how can anyone with an alcohol addiction try to move on when...
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hummingbird1094
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4
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1838
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Scared 20+ yr old child maybe going back down that road again
(Preview)
My son abused alcohol for years while living at home. Always denied he had a problem. Drank bottles of vodka, whiskey, etc. then would get mean and aggressive to his girlfriend. Vowed he would stop only to start again. We wanted to kick him out but he was finishing his college degree in a few months s...
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hummingbird1094
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8
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2699
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What do you say when they relapse?
(Preview)
Hi, brand new here. Looked through the sticky posts and didn't see this covered, but I'm fairly upset and may have just missed it -- please point me in the right direction if so, and I apologize. So, my wife is a high-functioning alcoholic who's been sober for 2+ years. She was able to hold down a high-p...
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floatyaway
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10
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3446
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ODAT Reading 8-24-2017
(Preview)
The ODAT reading for August 24. speaks about the importance of honesty and candor. The reading suggests that as we practice the program, using the slogans and steps we come to the acceptance of the fact that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, has been far from sane and reasonable. It points out t...
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hotrod
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1
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599
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Courage To Change. August 23
(Preview)
Good morning MIP!
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about the fear of making mistakes. The author explains how even the smallest mistake could lead to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from the alcoholic and eventually themselves. Avoiding mistakes, covering every possible outcome, s...
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Skorpi
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8
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509
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First Al-anon Face to Face meeting
(Preview)
Hey Everyone! Thank you so much for everyone's great advice about how to support my ABF when he returns from rehab. It has help me mentally prepare to everything and to support him the best I can. I am planning to go to my first face to face al-anon meeting with my Future MIL. I am a little nervous about w...
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NCJo
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5
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2858
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Everything Old is New Again...
(Preview)
Including me. I've started and stopped (support and self help) so many times I lost count but it's never too late to start anew on a clean page. Maybe, it has given me time to put more things into perspective. This time, however, I'm not really sure exactly how much perspective I need. (A little back hist...
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Paloma Negra
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3
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1739
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battling FEAR of loneliness, not loneliness itself
(Preview)
Good morning, I woke up thinking about this personal challenge for me and wondered if anyone on this board had some helpful thoughts. I have taken the step of moving out of my home and leaving my AH and I feel good about that. It was the right choice for me. I am happy with my apartment and blessed to have...
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gratefulforafuture
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11
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4184
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New here. Lost in a lost world.
(Preview)
HiLast year I met the most wonderful women. Beautiful, witty, charming etc. We just clicked and have fallen madly in love. She was open from the start, she liked to drink. I enjoy a drink. But over the year i have realised there is drinking and drinking. I won't bore you as I am sure many members have a sim...
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Ledclone
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8
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4181
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HELP please!
(Preview)
For those of you who have read my previous posts, you know my adult daughter is an alcoholic. She lives far away from me, and that has caused numerous problems between us. This is my current situation. She relapsed again a couple of weeks ago. That was her second relapse in the last 3 months. She had compl...
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Buckeye Girl
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12
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2689
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Hope for Today aug 22
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone: This reading is about looking to our Higher Power and within ourselves to find everything we need. The writer mentions going to meetings in the beginning and looking for instruction on how to feel self respect and self esteem. The writer was looking to everyone in his/her li...
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yanksfan51
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3
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3561
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Newbie. Need help how to handle situations
(Preview)
hi. I am new to alanon. Just went to my first face to face mtg last week. Different. Still looking around. Glad I found this site. ok. I am underatanding about the general rules, principles, but hazy on home to put into real world practice. Example: my husband brinks frequntly at night, usually 2...
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Dancer66
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11
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4335
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C2C 8/21/17
(Preview)
Live your own life: Today's reading speaks about learning to stop focusing on others, and living in our life. We can accomplish this by practicing detachment, stop minding everyone else's business, developing awareness about ourselves, and learning to love ourselves. Searching for the real "...
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Lyne
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6
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1269
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when hope leaves - ESH please
(Preview)
I worked hard to sweep my side of the street and was prepared and looking forwawrd to practice keeping it clean. .... and I'll have that chance but not today and not with him. I had hope for reconciliation - nothing bad happened, he just said he lost his desire for me and for a relationship. He said he hates...
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bud
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21
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3732
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Unnecessary Drama
(Preview)
One big red flag for me anymore are people who say I don't do drama .. LOL .. I look for the keyholes of drama going on in their life. I have drama in mine that is not mine and it irritates me a great deal. Trust me when I say yes .. I have drama and no I really don't enjoy it .. I think it's one of those things I have...
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SerenityRUS
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7
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2008
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Stress and triggering
(Preview)
Hi all, I'm having an issue that is "eating " at me. Home is good and many things are on the right path otherwise, but I am projecting in the worst kind of way right now. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated....though advice is not usually an aspect of Al-Anon. Anyway, I can not address this is...
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Doingmybest
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5
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3811
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I don't even know what to say or what to do! (Long)
(Preview)
I don't know what is going on with my husband. I don't know if his decisions are due to his alcoholism, some form of ADHD or Narcissism, but I am on the verge of a breakdown with his actions. I'll start by saying the only reason I find anything out is because I snoop on my husband's online bank account, our ph...
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Mapper
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17
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4621
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Courage to Change 19/8
(Preview)
Today's reading talks about loving someone who cant be trusted, this reality is difficult for us to face and so we suffer from 'disappointment of broken promises, contradictions and outright lies.' Each time it happens we feel crushed and outraged. Then hours or days later we put the incident out ou...
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el-cee
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4
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749
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Surrounded by alcoholics
(Preview)
I haven't been to a meeting before, but I think I'm overdue for one. I grew up literally surrounded by alcoholics. My Biological Father's side of the family. My parents divorced when I was 6 (in large part because of substance abuse). I would spend every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer (as wel...
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Rockburn
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5
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848
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What does an AA member do differently to stay sober???
(Preview)
I've always wondered how some of the AA members stay sober and recover after many years. Many go to meetings but relapse. I wonder what the difference is and what they do differently. My husband has been going to meetings for years and some counseling and every few months or less has a relapse. No bi...
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wifeofalcoholic
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10
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2834
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ODAT Reading 8-20-2017
(Preview)
The ODAT reading for August 20 speaks about our tendency to keep the focus on others. It suggests that we do this because we believe we are always right, and want to fight for wha t"WE believe " is the right way and that others should do and believe what we believe. The reading suggests that we are not...
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hotrod
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2
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3237
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Various thoughts
(Preview)
Hey, guys :) Some stuff going on I want to share about. I have been true to my boundary so far of not giving my abf any money, not paying any of his bills and not buying him anything except maybe some food sometimes. Today I was brave enough to refuse lending him some money. He wrote me a message with this requ...
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Aline
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6
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2075
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ODAT Reading 8-19-2017
(Preview)
The ODA T reading for August 19 speaks about attitudes. The reading points out that our attitudes toward another, drunk or not has a huge influence on our relationships. . It points out that with our habits of blaming, judging and showing contempt for their actions such as their neglect of obligati...
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hotrod
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2
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1496
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Our "relapse" and "slips"
(Preview)
I've spoke about emotional sobriety, how long I've been "clean and sober" from my unhealthy thinking, behavior, etc. To me, this is important. I have my triggers too -- I can be triggered by people, places, things, an innocent passing comment, who knows what else. I know when I have a "slip" -- I have to...
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Bo
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12
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3219
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Read, Write, Talk...
(Preview)
Good morning Family...hope all is well with your all. You ever go to a Read, Write, Talk meeting? I attended my first one last evening and we used the Survival to Recovery book which is one that I like much. Instruction was to read first and then write and then share. Booo I begged out from the firs...
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Jerry F
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4
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1740
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At a loss..
(Preview)
Hi there, I'm new to this. I have a sister, 39, who is an alcoholic. She is 7 days out of rehab and has already been drunk twice. She called me this morning at 7am and I had a feeling she had been drinking but didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. When she's drunk she repeats herself within minutes...
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Jbella
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4
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2457
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Trying to stay sane living with AH
(Preview)
It has been many years of sobriety, relapses, apologies, getting serious about meetings and counseling. You can't live life without hope and I have hung onto hope that this rotten disease would be managed and my husband would be sober like some people we have met. Unfortunately, I have been in the u...
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wifeofalcoholic
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11
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2290
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