The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I am reading my One Day at a Time book, my Courage to Change Book but feeling that old familiar feeling of anxiety. I feel it so often when my AH is about to come home or when I am about to walk in the door. It can be months of sobriety and that ugly feeling of what will I find when I walk in the door has left his imprint on my nervous system. I go to counseling, exercise, do deep breathing but I still am plagued by this familiar emotion. It is awful. I'd love you to share what you have done to eliminate this.
It was suggested to me years ago that anxiety would be with me for ever. I don't know that it will be, but I accept that it is something I am prone to.
When I'm quietly angry, I eat. When I'm anxious I eat very little and move more around the house. Im disjointed and tormented. I have noticed that when I don't force myself to eat something, the anxiety is worse. So eating something nourishing and healthy is my first suggestion.
Acceptance of things, people and places as they are is probably the only peace and moving the focus on to me, my self care, my happiness.
Its a rough spot to be in, do take care.
I have bio/physical damage to my brain and nervous system from ongoing childhood trauma that just lasted too long...I would never be stable without my prescribed medication...I have to take it to function...BUT...I exercise, eat well. try to rest enough, detach myself from drama and chaos...REMOVE me from stuff that is mentally and emotionally unhealthy for me...I take real close and good care of me and breath deep, meditate, now I am doing eft tapping to try and re-set my brain , to make it more peaceful....I doubt I will ever NOT need my medication, but because I do such a good job of self care, in 40 years, I have NOT increased my dosage......that is real good.....anxiety can be temporary, situational or it can be the bio/physical permanent damage to the nervous system from sustained and severe trauma.....mine, sadly is the 2nd one....so I manage it the best I can......I am hoping that this tapping will help me be more peaceful and hopeful and centered.....it works on the right and left sides of the brain....I'm giving it a try..I hear good stuff about it......anyway, hoping that yours is situational and meetings and work with a sponsor and step work will keep you so focused on you, your mind will be so "into you" you wont' be able to torment yourself with those scary thoughts of "what if" hes this or that?? You won't CARE because you will be working on you, centered on you and what you need to take good care of you.................please keep coming back
Hey wife - I actually changed up what I was doing so those key times would be different too. If I was wondering what was coming home to me, I'd take a walk so I would not be here for the arrival. If I was wondering what I was coming home to, I'd stop at a meeting or run a quick errand. I am often able to change my emotional state by changing my thinking and changing my thinking happens best with action.
Hoping, like most things, it gets better with time! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I've worn an elastic band on my wrist and pinged it whenever I found myself thinking anxiety provoking negative thoughts.
I have a store of 'happy thoughts' that I turn to when I note my negative thinking.
I treat myself to nice things on a regular basis.
If time allows I sit quietly and say 'hello' to the anxiety and ask it what it needs.
Noting when I don't feel anxiety and doing more of that has been helpful as well.
Passion-flower extract helped me get through the day without palpitations but was a bit of a sticking plaster - useful in the short term only.
Anxiety can be a good tool to tell us when we are not being true or honest with ourself so welcoming it, giving it five minutes of attention, can be helpful. But taking it all at your own pace is so valuable I think. For me, sometimes, it has been important to recognise that just for today I need peace and my 'should-ing' needs to wait while I restore my energy.
Take care of you and do things that you enjoy if you can.
Great suggestions here. Ideally, if you continue to work an alanon program, you will gain so much support and grounding and you will turn the focus on building a healthy version of you. The result of this is that you will know more deeply that you will be ok no matter what you AH does or doesn't do and your anxiety will dissipate. It will take work but you can get there.
All great suggestions above; working a program and taking care of yourself is a great foundation for turning around of anxiety.
some concrete strategies that have helped me in times of anxiety are to concentrate and focus on whatever my next step of the day is. It might be a thought like-'now I am brushing my hair' to 'next I will do the laundry'. I apologize to those of you who have read this from me before-- I know I have written it here many times!! Haha
I remember when I first found this site, and ultimately the program, and for me that began with some high levels of anxiety and sleepless nights. Those small steps helped move away from anxiety and to feeling more of the strength my HP gave me.
Hey Milkwood..oh yea, the elastic band, boy my wrist would be red from all the "pinging" I would do....LOL...but yea, it brings me back into the now....I love what you posted.....very very nice share, thank you so much....i needed the reminders......
and Mark, it is so good to see you again......I am working on me to "convince" me that no matter what, i'm gonna be ok because that is such a big part of my anxiety..that free floating fear, but, again, as I said, I do have actual chemical and physical damage to my brain electricity where the synapses don't "fire" right due to the trauma, but I don't give up on me...I keep on workin on me....I've been on the same dose of my meds for 40 years w/out needing more....so that is a very good thing....................
I think something I have learned with my daughter's high anxiety is to follow the slogan .. move a muscle change a thought. That means when those intrusive thoughts come up .. it's time to do something different .. maybe it's a gratitude list, or coloring, or getting up and going for a walk .. the reality is your AH is going to do what he's going to do ... it becomes about what settles you into the precarious unknown. How do you take care of you?
When I start to worry about things I can't control then I realize I need to do something different whatever that is .. she will also visit with those thoughts for X time and then say ok .. I have done that and now it's time to move forward .. it's not easy and both of us have learned exactly how bad her anxiety is .. she has locked her entire day being trapped by those thoughts.
Acknowledging what she's powerless over and moving on regardless is huge for her because this too shall pass .. it's a feeling not a fact. Sometimes she just needs to verbalize it out loud.
All of what you have received is great information.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Mamalioness - I am right with you. The program helped me immensely but I have an anxiety disorder and have been on meds for it for 20 years. Now I am better able to separate my chemical inbalance from general life issues. I can say "Oh I just feel funky/anxious today" and I don't attribute all the anxiety to my whole life like I used to which made it way worse.
