Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Powerless · Powerless

Last night I had an anxiety attack. Yesterday afternoon my daughter's father called me and told me that I am not to send my daughter any more letters, pictures, cards...I am not to call his home or visit my daughter. That hit me really hard, because I am really powerless of it at this point....

pixel04 · pixel04

My husband works at home. He requires internet access to do his job. For the last two days the internet access has been sporadic at best. He hasn't gotten much done. This morning he called me at work to tell me the internet access was down again. I asked him what he was going to do about it. He got a call on cal...

Jeannie · Jeannie

I have not spoken to my husband in almost a month. I flipped out on him angrily a few weeks ago and told him all of the things I really think about him. He was very hurt and angry and very drunk and ran home to Mommy. I did speak to him the next day and I did tell him that I was not sorry for the things I said, but how m...

maresie · maresie

My landlord is about to start work on the shed behind the house. Nothing seems to go that well with the landlord who is undoubtedly from a dysfunctional home. I have asked him many times to be really super clear about what he needs, when he needs it and what he needs specifically from us.&nb...

JulieLynn · JulieLynn

I feel that part of my recovery is to learn as much as I can about alcoholism. I can be so naive when it comes to typical behavior of an alcoholic. I have only been doing this for four years so I don't have alot of experience under my belt dealing with an alcoholic. My husband and I have sepera...

Jeannie · Jeannie

Boy did I get a rude awakening today. We have had flu and every other fun thing in this house all month and I was taking it a little easier than normal. The kids have all been taking turns getting sick and I have been more concerned with taking care of them than I guess me. I was cleaning this afternoon, b...

serendipity · serendipity

my husband has is a crack addict who's been using now for at least 6 weeks. he's living with a guy from his work who is also a crack addict.we are seperated as of 6 weeks ago.today he says to me that he's living with a crack addict.well duh. but i don't say this.then he says that he's moving back to his mother'...

holly123 · holly123

Hi Again, I am feeling a little better today and realize I really need to get my recovery back on course and find a councelor and maybe try the f2f meetings again. Sorry if I came off as anything but grateful for the program yesterday, thanks for all your responses and don't...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

I would just like to clarify that I do enjoy joking in the chat room. Sometimes it is all the laughter I can find and it helps me so much. I was just hurting and also maybe not so patient. As we all know sometimes we can only be seeing our pain. At the moment I entered the chat that day that is all I could see m...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

Hello Group, Ever notice when you have taken a stance against the darker forces in this world and begin looking to HP to strenthen you and give you courage, more challenges pop up for you to deal with? I was trying to prepare myself for the day when my "a" and I would have a disagreement and how t...

lisafreddyb · lisafreddyb

Had to share this - after noon hour f2f meeting a member and I were helping a new member pick out her daily readers, pamplets, etc. (I chaired our meeting on Powerlessness and letting go, based on some questions in a '98 Forum) S. had these cards laminated in her wallet, and I am going to use t...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

If detaching means NOT allowing the things they do and say penetrate to the point of where they are able to hurt us - then in a sense aren't we learning to close off our feelings? If we are able to close off our feelings, then wouldn't we become rocks? If we become rocks, we end up teaching ours...

lmt123 · lmt123

Just curious...how do you handle when your A (or anyone else for that matter) says stuff to you in a not-so-considerate-maybe-a-little-degrading kind of tone? I try not to take what he or my daughter says to heart, but sometimes when I am being just normally nice, considerate, friendl...

QOD · QOD

I am stuck here in between a rock and a hard place. My husband has a problem with alcohol and cocaine. My question is, should I tell my 12 year old son about it? He knows my husband has a drinking problem, though I don't think he understands the severity of it. He knows that my hus...

doxie · doxie

Hi just wanted to let you all know how it went after I posted about my concerns with my new meeting. The meeting went great. There were three of us there. Even the one I was concerned about. It was a wonderful meeting, everyone was so nice, and respectful. Lots of hugs, chatting, and general good moods....

notsonew1111 · notsonew1111

well my a was staying with me for the time being because it was safer here then anywhere else. too many triggers at the other places. he was going to treatment but cant get in until may. so there was quite a wait. so yesterday which was the one week sober mark. while he only made it one week. the proble...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

Well I let my A join us for state wrestling, since he was such a big part of it all year. He was up and down the whole time. Flipping out on kids sitting quietly at computer in room when rest were running in hallways of motel. What was I suppose to do yell at them for being the good ones? I was so imb...

nmike · nmike

Hi all, Shouldn't dwell on the negative and try to see where I am going. My issues really revolve around taking care of myself. When my A moved out he left all the responsibilies on me. As you know I heat my home with wood and I was getting a little low. Of course, my A offers to rescue me and help (he caused t...

Powerless · Powerless

The other day someone posted about forgiveness and I replied that I really liked what they said. I am having a hard time with forgiveness, anger and resentment. I repeated the line to myself all day that day and I could feel my anger melt. I am sitting here crying and feeling panicke...

T47 · T47

Let me start by saying thank you for being here. This looks like it could be such a nice place. I’ve been married for 24 years, Im a homemaker, but I just quit my job thanks to a spanned ankle. My husband is an alcoholic (his parents are too). We have four adult children and a teen aged child. Plus three gra...

Faith73 · Faith73

Hi (((friends))) My computer has been down for the past week and I've not been able to get to the chatroom. I do miss it there and listening and sharing es&h. I'm at the library right now and am wondering if anyone knows the newer web page address for getting into chat, b/c it doesn't seem to work hit...

debilyn · debilyn

TT please let us know what the decision was and if you are ok. Please. It is ok if you are not feeling real good. I want to support you. Got to the wedding at four. It started at four. It was very simple and nice. My son had the biggest smile on his face when he saw his bride. She looked like a little pixie fairy...

Powerless · Powerless

I was reading a recovery book today that was recommended to my husband through NA. I won't say the name because I don't know if it's approved and don't want to get in trouble. But there was something in there that caught my eye... "Narcotics Anonymous is a save-your-own-life fellowshi...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

I have thought about the topic of feeling hurt in the chat . I went back and re-read things. I see their is alot of others that have felt the same/simular way. Am I supposed to apologise for expressing my feelings of my 1st experience in chat ? I've thought and thought, thats how I felt. I see where it...

sdisnie · sdisnie

For those of you who remember the movie, when Harry told Sally that men can't be friends with women because the sex part always gets in the way. I have always believed that, does anyone else? I think that is true, especially because I was in that situation once. If you hang out with someon...

Powerless · Powerless

I have felt very focused the past couple of weeks and feel as if I am struggling to get my focus back. Excuse me while I vent...My husband smoked weed yesterday and I didn't mean to and knew I shouldn't, but I ended up telling him I was angry and exactly why. I ended up telling him that I didn't f...

lisafreddyb · lisafreddyb

Since I am still so new to Al-Anon I want to ask other people about Spiritual Weekends and retreats, how they are conducted, etc. in other areas, trade ideas for facilitators, etc. I have only been to one last fall, and it was such an amazing growth experience I offered to be on the committee for th...

rtexas · rtexas

I have worked very hard on taking care of me and making sure I am respectful of her for the past few weeks. I did something by myself this weekend that ment alot to me and she and the kids went to the rodeo again... we went together last weekend. When she started attacking me as a father for not going...

nmike · nmike

One of my biggest challenges is turning that tape off in my head. My A runs through my head all day long. My readings say that this is the unmanageability mentioned in the 12 steps and obsessing about the A. My realization is that I replay conversations with my A in an attempt to make a better argument this...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Thanks to all for the warm welcome I've received here! Just before I found this site, I was in the process of understanding what detachment was and in the process of trying it - to save my own reality - which I've come to see as more necessary than ever before. Thanks to reading the posts here - I un...

sahm3 · sahm3

Hi, I have been reading a few of the posts and replies, I have been though very similar situations. I think I am at my breaking point. We have been married for 6 years this yr. and have been together since High School 1991. I moved up to a state I could care less about because of him. Bu...

QOD · QOD

Have been spending my day reading posts from everyone. I have come across some that shed some light and others that cause me confusion. First some background: My "A" is a coke addict & alcoholic. We've been for 13 years (since I was 18) and we have a 12 year old son & 3 year old daug...

mastiff · mastiff

I agree, jokes dont fix pain and desperation, but then again, no one else in the room is going to fix that for you either. Pain and desperation are an inside job, between you and HP. I remember when i was new to alanon, i had so much pain, so much disappointment, so much hurt and anger and res...

aunitedway · aunitedway

I love the Chat room. It is just that to me. " A Chat Room that discusses Alanon issues." Yes, there is alot of joking around. Yes, there is alot of smileys and laughter. And Yes, I really truly love and respect everyone. I have found many friends and confidences there....

Powerless · Powerless

I thought I was going to have a terrible day, but am feeling pretty great. I had some issues this morning and I would like to thank those in chat who helped me put the focus back on me. I was worried about my husband possibly relapsing and felt that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach.&nbs...

kitty · kitty

Okay, if there were warnings on everything... there literally would be warnings on everything! We would need a license to get pregnant, cross the street, take personal emotional risks. Even going to the grocery store could be potentially dangerous to your health ~ in my state most p...

hudsond · hudsond

Today is Sunday. Like the past several Sundays a said he would show up for church, but then didn't. Wasn't surprised!!! Just see him slipping away more and more everyday and it hurts so bad. When I think that just about 1 yr. ago--April 5th he checked himself into rehab.&nbs...

debilyn · debilyn

My dear alanon friend. Remember in chat when someone who came in who neede alanon wisdom and support, we "all" stopped and focused on alanon???? Have things changed? You made it clear it was our number one service, to always drop the playing when we were needed. Play is VITAL to us, but our main purp...

maresie · maresie

Right now I am up against a lot of stressors. Finding a job has proved difficult. I seem to get the run around on a lot of stuff. I put in a lot of effort to get a long term temp job and it got cancelled out of nowhere. I had really tried to put in effort so I had more than one choice but it didn't turn out that way and...

emma · emma

I'm trying to sort through working on my issues combined with the reality that almost all of us are a work in progress in this world and being true to myself. I've been divorced several years and have sought to try and work through some key issues of mine so that I can learn from history rather than repeat i...

marmare · marmare

It's sad to know how far I have come......and my A still does the same thing over and over and over........BUT I am ever changing, I am in charge of me and my feelings, I will have no regrets, I like myself again........I am thinking positive thoughts. I AM KEEPING MY CHIN UP!!!! Hugs Mary

mastiff · mastiff

hi all, went to my f2f meeting last night, and it was probably the best f2f i have been to in my little town. We read the reading for March 21st out of ODAT and i felt like screamin YES!!!!!! tytytyty!!! In my small home group, we can have a tendancy to stay in the problem rather then the solutio...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

I had a 1st experience with chat last night on this site. I saw no directions, warnings, or instructions about the chat room b4 I entered. I had no idea what to expect. As a suggestion, maybe there should be some like I've seen on other boards. This may save alot of innocent people their feelings and avoid...

Cilla · Cilla

I was reading through the board today and saw a few messages about how there were a few of our chat room members that felt insulted or ignored in the chat room. Fortunately it wasn’t during a meeting in chat. A lot of the responses I read were wonderful in expressing their perspective of wha...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

I know that we all like to have fun and joke in the room. Tonight I went there because I really and truely needed some support. Everyone was so busy joking around that they did not give a damn. I thought that we were here to help each other. I am more mad and hurt from this than I am about my hub using again....

artygirl · artygirl

Hello This is my first time posting to a message board. I'm just starting this process of being the wife of an addict, or I guess admitting that I'm the wife of an addict. I'm planning on attending my first meeting next week. I'm scared and actually I'm kind of angry that I need to do this. My husband...

cdb · cdb

I see that after 500 posts/replies a person here becomes a guru. I am not sure exactly what a guru is. For me, guru is a strange name in alanon since the program speaks of all of us being equals. We are on our own journeys and we work our program differently. We learn from each other, old and new the same. We ar...

Iko · Iko

Last night I had a talk with A. I told him I had been thinking a lot and since he is continuing to drink, I needed some boundaries. I gave him a few and explained that they are for ME. I was not placing blame, or making him out to be a bad guy, just that I needed them in order for me to function better within the r...

debilyn · debilyn

wear overalls to my sons wedding? And bring Tavish with a nice bow on him? Ok this is raw and gross.the truth I woke up from a night of nightmares. One huge long one. I wrote it in my journal to get it out.It was very bad. I called mac and told him I just cannot do this p...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Hi - I'm new here. I've lived with an alcoholic for almost 11 years. I've been emotionally and verbally abused - had all of my boundaries knocked down, and am finally understanding that it isn't about me. I think I always knew it wasn't but I was so caught up in it, that I couldn't think clearly. We are now s...

debilyn · debilyn

I hope of all places I can say this here. It is true everyone here I love in my family is dead or moved far away. mostly they are dead. I hate the disease/A. I hate him so much. I cannot feel love anymore. I cannot feel the way I did when we got married anymore. It is so gone. I always wished it would go away...

Powerless · Powerless

Last night I planned a really romantic evening for my husband to show him I appreciate all of the hard work he has put into getting off of drugs by detoxing at home and working a program. When he got home all of the lights were out and I had candles burning. At one point he turned on a lamp in the b...

CindyR · CindyR

THis is my first time in the chat room. My brother in law is so sick I'm not sure he can survive alcohol detox. He's drinking 24 hours a day. He is 41 and living with his mother who buys the liquor because 'having him at home and cooking for him' (although he's pretty much stopped eating) is her way of helping...

Ria · Ria

Hi everyone

I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have done for many years. It follows a pattern of relapse and remittance. I have applied the tools of the program where I can to my illness. I have accepted the impact of profound debilitation seriously reducing the quality of...

paintthinnr · paintthinnr

I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading and keeping up with you all. I have kind of crawled in a hole the past couple weeks. Haven't gone to meetings or talked much. I found out last thursday that a man I have known for five years and was once close friends with stole my ident...

flintfeet · flintfeet

my family has always enabled my father by doing everything for him. we would go to the bank, grocery store, pay his bills,...ect. he just pawned everything off on everyone around him. he knew we would never leave him homeless without food. he took advantage of that. he had such bad credit that no one wou...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

In previous posts I have talked about my anger and my worry. Living with an alcoholic or with someone who has mental health and is out of control can be so overwhelming that the other people in the home can't help but hold on tight and bear another blow of bad news. I have lived my life like thi...

debilyn · debilyn

Well as some know I gave the A a chance, allowing him to stay in my rental and cont. with its fixing up. The rental is on the corner of my property. My son had patched every hole in the place and they were ready to texture and paint. A was drunk last night. I said you are already blowing it. Well now this mor...

maresie · maresie

Yesterday the A called me and told me he was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Now keep in mind that the A was sick most of last y ear and I footed all the bills for months on end. Subsequently I had to go to the hospital and he did not even return my calls. And keep in mind tha...

rtexas · rtexas

I have been reading alot about this because it is definitely something I use alot, but I don't want it to be counter-productive (or cruel). When my A has an off color comment I try to smile and keep doing what I'm doing, not grunt and stomp off. Sometimes it is not that clear cut. She is very...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Anxiety last night (Preview) Last night I had an anxiety attack. Yesterday afternoon my daughter's father called me and told me that I am not to send my daughter any more letters, pictures, cards...I am not to call his home or visit my daughter. That hit me really hard, because I am really powerless of it at this point....	Powerless	7	310	Mar 29, 2006 by Ria
	me? controlling? (Preview) My husband works at home. He requires internet access to do his job. For the last two days the internet access has been sporadic at best. He hasn't gotten much done. This morning he called me at work to tell me the internet access was down again. I asked him what he was going to do about it. He got a call on cal...	pixel04	3	311	Mar 28, 2006 by doxie
	Don't have anything to say to him (Preview) I have not spoken to my husband in almost a month. I flipped out on him angrily a few weeks ago and told him all of the things I really think about him. He was very hurt and angry and very drunk and ran home to Mommy. I did speak to him the next day and I did tell him that I was not sorry for the things I said, but how m...	Jeannie	8	393	Mar 28, 2006 by Jennifer
	dealing with a dysfunctional landlord (Preview) My landlord is about to start work on the shed behind the house. Nothing seems to go that well with the landlord who is undoubtedly from a dysfunctional home. I have asked him many times to be really super clear about what he needs, when he needs it and what he needs specifically from us.&nb...	maresie	2	289	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	Is this typical behavior of an alcoholic (Preview) I feel that part of my recovery is to learn as much as I can about alcoholism. I can be so naive when it comes to typical behavior of an alcoholic. I have only been doing this for four years so I don't have alot of experience under my belt dealing with an alcoholic. My husband and I have sepera...	JulieLynn	5	497	Mar 28, 2006 by gknee
	Dr yelled at me (Preview) Boy did I get a rude awakening today. We have had flu and every other fun thing in this house all month and I was taking it a little easier than normal. The kids have all been taking turns getting sick and I have been more concerned with taking care of them than I guess me. I was cleaning this afternoon, b...	Jeannie	9	418	Mar 28, 2006 by QOD
	should i do nothing? (Preview) my husband has is a crack addict who's been using now for at least 6 weeks. he's living with a guy from his work who is also a crack addict.we are seperated as of 6 weeks ago.today he says to me that he's living with a crack addict.well duh. but i don't say this.then he says that he's moving back to his mother'...	serendipity	4	284	Mar 28, 2006 by holly123
	Thanks Everyone (Preview) Hi Again, I am feeling a little better today and realize I really need to get my recovery back on course and find a councelor and maybe try the f2f meetings again. Sorry if I came off as anything but grateful for the program yesterday, thanks for all your responses and don't...	holly123	3	330	Mar 28, 2006 by holly123
	My experience in Chat Room (Preview) I would just like to clarify that I do enjoy joking in the chat room. Sometimes it is all the laughter I can find and it helps me so much. I was just hurting and also maybe not so patient. As we all know sometimes we can only be seeing our pain. At the moment I entered the chat that day that is all I could see m...	Andrea12	9	460	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	Challenging Weekend, Old Ghosts Popping Up (Preview) Hello Group, Ever notice when you have taken a stance against the darker forces in this world and begin looking to HP to strenthen you and give you courage, more challenges pop up for you to deal with? I was trying to prepare myself for the day when my "a" and I would have a disagreement and how t...	twinmom2	4	289	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	Powerlessness-Let go (Preview) Had to share this - after noon hour f2f meeting a member and I were helping a new member pick out her daily readers, pamplets, etc. (I chaired our meeting on Powerlessness and letting go, based on some questions in a '98 Forum) S. had these cards laminated in her wallet, and I am going to use t...	lisafreddyb	3	326	Mar 28, 2006 by maresie
	The Art of Detaching ... (Preview) If detaching means NOT allowing the things they do and say penetrate to the point of where they are able to hurt us - then in a sense aren't we learning to close off our feelings? If we are able to close off our feelings, then wouldn't we become rocks? If we become rocks, we end up teaching ours...	HadEnuff	6	432	Mar 28, 2006 by mebjk
	how do you handle... (Preview) Just curious...how do you handle when your A (or anyone else for that matter) says stuff to you in a not-so-considerate-maybe-a-little-degrading kind of tone? I try not to take what he or my daughter says to heart, but sometimes when I am being just normally nice, considerate, friendl...	lmt123	11	514	Mar 28, 2006 by Christy
	Should I tell my son? (Preview) I am stuck here in between a rock and a hard place. My husband has a problem with alcohol and cocaine. My question is, should I tell my 12 year old son about it? He knows my husband has a drinking problem, though I don't think he understands the severity of it. He knows that my hus...	QOD	12	586	Mar 28, 2006 by QOD
	New F2F meeting update (Preview) Hi just wanted to let you all know how it went after I posted about my concerns with my new meeting. The meeting went great. There were three of us there. Even the one I was concerned about. It was a wonderful meeting, everyone was so nice, and respectful. Lots of hugs, chatting, and general good moods....	doxie	9	332	Mar 28, 2006 by bobump
	current situation (Preview) well my a was staying with me for the time being because it was safer here then anywhere else. too many triggers at the other places. he was going to treatment but cant get in until may. so there was quite a wait. so yesterday which was the one week sober mark. while he only made it one week. the proble...	notsonew1111	5	299	Mar 28, 2006 by leo
	the devil is here (Preview) Well I let my A join us for state wrestling, since he was such a big part of it all year. He was up and down the whole time. Flipping out on kids sitting quietly at computer in room when rest were running in hallways of motel. What was I suppose to do yell at them for being the good ones? I was so imb...	jrtjosey	10	512	Mar 28, 2006 by Andrea12
	making progress (Preview) Hi all, Shouldn't dwell on the negative and try to see where I am going. My issues really revolve around taking care of myself. When my A moved out he left all the responsibilies on me. As you know I heat my home with wood and I was getting a little low. Of course, my A offers to rescue me and help (he caused t...	nmike	9	298	Mar 28, 2006 by leo
	Everyone please read and help me (Preview) The other day someone posted about forgiveness and I replied that I really liked what they said. I am having a hard time with forgiveness, anger and resentment. I repeated the line to myself all day that day and I could feel my anger melt. I am sitting here crying and feeling panicke...	Powerless	8	408	Mar 28, 2006 by leo
	what do I do now (Preview) Let me start by saying thank you for being here. This looks like it could be such a nice place. I’ve been married for 24 years, Im a homemaker, but I just quit my job thanks to a spanned ankle. My husband is an alcoholic (his parents are too). We have four adult children and a teen aged child. Plus three gra...	T47	14	452	Mar 28, 2006 by debilyn
	address for chatroom, anyone? (Preview) Hi (((friends))) My computer has been down for the past week and I've not been able to get to the chatroom. I do miss it there and listening and sharing es&h. I'm at the library right now and am wondering if anyone knows the newer web page address for getting into chat, b/c it doesn't seem to work hit...	Faith73	5	264	Mar 27, 2006 by Ria
	TT and little update (Preview) TT please let us know what the decision was and if you are ok. Please. It is ok if you are not feeling real good. I want to support you. Got to the wedding at four. It started at four. It was very simple and nice. My son had the biggest smile on his face when he saw his bride. She looked like a little pixie fairy...	debilyn	7	421	Mar 27, 2006 by Jeannie
	Mind your own business (Preview) I was reading a recovery book today that was recommended to my husband through NA. I won't say the name because I don't know if it's approved and don't want to get in trouble. But there was something in there that caught my eye... "Narcotics Anonymous is a save-your-own-life fellowshi...	Powerless	3	1044	Mar 27, 2006 by marmare
	Newcomers in chat revisited (Preview) I have thought about the topic of feeling hurt in the chat . I went back and re-read things. I see their is alot of others that have felt the same/simular way. Am I supposed to apologise for expressing my feelings of my 1st experience in chat ? I've thought and thought, thats how I felt. I see where it...	d53sjurne	4	398	Mar 27, 2006 by debilyn
	When Harry Met Sally (Preview) For those of you who remember the movie, when Harry told Sally that men can't be friends with women because the sex part always gets in the way. I have always believed that, does anyone else? I think that is true, especially because I was in that situation once. If you hang out with someon...	sdisnie	7	431	Mar 27, 2006 by debilyn
	Trying to get my focus back (Preview) I have felt very focused the past couple of weeks and feel as if I am struggling to get my focus back. Excuse me while I vent...My husband smoked weed yesterday and I didn't mean to and knew I shouldn't, but I ended up telling him I was angry and exactly why. I ended up telling him that I didn't f...	Powerless	4	443	Mar 27, 2006 by Jeannie
	Spiritual Weekends/Retreats (Preview) Since I am still so new to Al-Anon I want to ask other people about Spiritual Weekends and retreats, how they are conducted, etc. in other areas, trade ideas for facilitators, etc. I have only been to one last fall, and it was such an amazing growth experience I offered to be on the committee for th...	lisafreddyb	4	1124	Mar 27, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	One step forward and 2 steps back... (Preview) I have worked very hard on taking care of me and making sure I am respectful of her for the past few weeks. I did something by myself this weekend that ment alot to me and she and the kids went to the rodeo again... we went together last weekend. When she started attacking me as a father for not going...	rtexas	6	353	Mar 27, 2006 by nmike
	turning off the tape in my head (Preview) One of my biggest challenges is turning that tape off in my head. My A runs through my head all day long. My readings say that this is the unmanageability mentioned in the 12 steps and obsessing about the A. My realization is that I replay conversations with my A in an attempt to make a better argument this...	nmike	8	358	Mar 27, 2006 by emma
	How Would YOU React to This??? (Preview) Thanks to all for the warm welcome I've received here! Just before I found this site, I was in the process of understanding what detachment was and in the process of trying it - to save my own reality - which I've come to see as more necessary than ever before. Thanks to reading the posts here - I un...	HadEnuff	10	455	Mar 27, 2006 by HadEnuff
	When do you know for sure that it's over??? (Preview) Hi, I have been reading a few of the posts and replies, I have been though very similar situations. I think I am at my breaking point. We have been married for 6 years this yr. and have been together since High School 1991. I moved up to a state I could care less about because of him. Bu...	sahm3	13	458	Mar 27, 2006 by sahm3
	Detachment & Anger (Preview) Have been spending my day reading posts from everyone. I have come across some that shed some light and others that cause me confusion. First some background: My "A" is a coke addict & alcoholic. We've been for 13 years (since I was 18) and we have a 12 year old son & 3 year old daug...	QOD	6	451	Mar 27, 2006 by QOD
	jokes in the room-not all bad (Preview) I agree, jokes dont fix pain and desperation, but then again, no one else in the room is going to fix that for you either. Pain and desperation are an inside job, between you and HP. I remember when i was new to alanon, i had so much pain, so much disappointment, so much hurt and anger and res...	mastiff	8	571	Mar 27, 2006 by mastiff
	The Chat Room (Preview) I love the Chat room. It is just that to me. " A Chat Room that discusses Alanon issues." Yes, there is alot of joking around. Yes, there is alot of smileys and laughter. And Yes, I really truly love and respect everyone. I have found many friends and confidences there....	aunitedway	3	384	Mar 27, 2006 by Andrea12
	Feeling the program working (Preview) I thought I was going to have a terrible day, but am feeling pretty great. I had some issues this morning and I would like to thank those in chat who helped me put the focus back on me. I was worried about my husband possibly relapsing and felt that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach.&nbs...	Powerless	6	312	Mar 27, 2006 by Andrea12
	~ Warning ~ Life is a BUMPY ride! (Preview) Okay, if there were warnings on everything... there literally would be warnings on everything! We would need a license to get pregnant, cross the street, take personal emotional risks. Even going to the grocery store could be potentially dangerous to your health ~ in my state most p...	kitty	7	400	Mar 27, 2006 by Andrea12
	Needed to do something different today! (Preview) Today is Sunday. Like the past several Sundays a said he would show up for church, but then didn't. Wasn't surprised!!! Just see him slipping away more and more everyday and it hurts so bad. When I think that just about 1 yr. ago--April 5th he checked himself into rehab.&nbs...	hudsond	7	308	Mar 27, 2006 by hudsond
	DEAREST JOHN (Preview) My dear alanon friend. Remember in chat when someone who came in who neede alanon wisdom and support, we "all" stopped and focused on alanon???? Have things changed? You made it clear it was our number one service, to always drop the playing when we were needed. Play is VITAL to us, but our main purp...	debilyn	1	389	Mar 26, 2006 by John
	stressors (Preview) Right now I am up against a lot of stressors. Finding a job has proved difficult. I seem to get the run around on a lot of stuff. I put in a lot of effort to get a long term temp job and it got cancelled out of nowhere. I had really tried to put in effort so I had more than one choice but it didn't turn out that way and...	maresie	5	337	Mar 26, 2006 by emma
	dating and boundaries (Preview) I'm trying to sort through working on my issues combined with the reality that almost all of us are a work in progress in this world and being true to myself. I've been divorced several years and have sought to try and work through some key issues of mine so that I can learn from history rather than repeat i...	emma	5	294	Mar 26, 2006 by debilyn
	Keeping my chin up! (Preview) It's sad to know how far I have come......and my A still does the same thing over and over and over........BUT I am ever changing, I am in charge of me and my feelings, I will have no regrets, I like myself again........I am thinking positive thoughts. I AM KEEPING MY CHIN UP!!!! Hugs Mary	marmare	4	271	Mar 26, 2006 by debilyn
	note to self - take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!! (Preview) hi all, went to my f2f meeting last night, and it was probably the best f2f i have been to in my little town. We read the reading for March 21st out of ODAT and i felt like screamin YES!!!!!! tytytyty!!! In my small home group, we can have a tendancy to stay in the problem rather then the solutio...	mastiff	6	1011	Mar 26, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	Like boundaries, No guidelines visible (Preview) I had a 1st experience with chat last night on this site. I saw no directions, warnings, or instructions about the chat room b4 I entered. I had no idea what to expect. As a suggestion, maybe there should be some like I've seen on other boards. This may save alot of innocent people their feelings and avoid...	d53sjurne	8	424	Mar 26, 2006 by lin0606
	Principles Above Personalities (Preview) I was reading through the board today and saw a few messages about how there were a few of our chat room members that felt insulted or ignored in the chat room. Fortunately it wasn’t during a meeting in chat. A lot of the responses I read were wonderful in expressing their perspective of wha...	Cilla	5	375	Mar 26, 2006 by maresie
	When someone is hurting it is not a joke the room should help (Preview) I know that we all like to have fun and joke in the room. Tonight I went there because I really and truely needed some support. Everyone was so busy joking around that they did not give a damn. I thought that we were here to help each other. I am more mad and hurt from this than I am about my hub using again....	Andrea12	23	726	Mar 26, 2006 by gardengal
	newbie (Preview) Hello This is my first time posting to a message board. I'm just starting this process of being the wife of an addict, or I guess admitting that I'm the wife of an addict. I'm planning on attending my first meeting next week. I'm scared and actually I'm kind of angry that I need to do this. My husband...	artygirl	8	542	Mar 26, 2006 by lmt123
	What is a guru? (Preview) I see that after 500 posts/replies a person here becomes a guru. I am not sure exactly what a guru is. For me, guru is a strange name in alanon since the program speaks of all of us being equals. We are on our own journeys and we work our program differently. We learn from each other, old and new the same. We ar...	cdb	20	668	Mar 26, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	Boundaries (Preview) Last night I had a talk with A. I told him I had been thinking a lot and since he is continuing to drink, I needed some boundaries. I gave him a few and explained that they are for ME. I was not placing blame, or making him out to be a bad guy, just that I needed them in order for me to function better within the r...	Iko	5	418	Mar 26, 2006 by mm
	and on and on (c: (Preview) wear overalls to my sons wedding? And bring Tavish with a nice bow on him? Ok this is raw and gross.the truth I woke up from a night of nightmares. One huge long one. I wrote it in my journal to get it out.It was very bad. I called mac and told him I just cannot do this p...	debilyn	9	361	Mar 26, 2006 by whitie
	Does Anyone Else Notice this??? (Preview) Hi - I'm new here. I've lived with an alcoholic for almost 11 years. I've been emotionally and verbally abused - had all of my boundaries knocked down, and am finally understanding that it isn't about me. I think I always knew it wasn't but I was so caught up in it, that I couldn't think clearly. We are now s...	HadEnuff	8	444	Mar 26, 2006 by nmike
	Gotta vent please. (Preview) I hope of all places I can say this here. It is true everyone here I love in my family is dead or moved far away. mostly they are dead. I hate the disease/A. I hate him so much. I cannot feel love anymore. I cannot feel the way I did when we got married anymore. It is so gone. I always wished it would go away...	debilyn	6	437	Mar 26, 2006 by marmare
	Feeling the same old fear (Preview) Last night I planned a really romantic evening for my husband to show him I appreciate all of the hard work he has put into getting off of drugs by detoxing at home and working a program. When he got home all of the lights were out and I had candles burning. At one point he turned on a lamp in the b...	Powerless	2	298	Mar 25, 2006 by jrtjosey
	How dangerous is detox? (Preview) THis is my first time in the chat room. My brother in law is so sick I'm not sure he can survive alcohol detox. He's drinking 24 hours a day. He is 41 and living with his mother who buys the liquor because 'having him at home and cooking for him' (although he's pretty much stopped eating) is her way of helping...	CindyR	8	427	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	Heart-felt Thanks and to share a small success (Preview) Hi everyone I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have done for many years. It follows a pattern of relapse and remittance. I have applied the tools of the program where I can to my illness. I have accepted the impact of profound debilitation seriously reducing the quality of...	Ria	6	333	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	grrrr (Preview) I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading and keeping up with you all. I have kind of crawled in a hole the past couple weeks. Haven't gone to meetings or talked much. I found out last thursday that a man I have known for five years and was once close friends with stole my ident...	paintthinnr	7	298	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	i knew it would happen (Preview) my family has always enabled my father by doing everything for him. we would go to the bank, grocery store, pay his bills,...ect. he just pawned everything off on everyone around him. he knew we would never leave him homeless without food. he took advantage of that. he had such bad credit that no one wou...	flintfeet	9	344	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	Do you worry like me? (Preview) In previous posts I have talked about my anger and my worry. Living with an alcoholic or with someone who has mental health and is out of control can be so overwhelming that the other people in the home can't help but hold on tight and bear another blow of bad news. I have lived my life like thi...	twinmom2	3	373	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	Eden?? update )c: (Preview) Well as some know I gave the A a chance, allowing him to stay in my rental and cont. with its fixing up. The rental is on the corner of my property. My son had patched every hole in the place and they were ready to texture and paint. A was drunk last night. I said you are already blowing it. Well now this mor...	debilyn	5	355	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	the A's heart attack (Preview) Yesterday the A called me and told me he was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Now keep in mind that the A was sick most of last y ear and I footed all the bills for months on end. Subsequently I had to go to the hospital and he did not even return my calls. And keep in mind tha...	maresie	5	315	Mar 25, 2006 by aunitedway
	Silence... (Preview) I have been reading alot about this because it is definitely something I use alot, but I don't want it to be counter-productive (or cruel). When my A has an off color comment I try to smile and keep doing what I'm doing, not grunt and stomp off. Sometimes it is not that clear cut. She is very...	rtexas	6	378	Mar 25, 2006 by abbyal
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.