Last night my "a" had to go to work.  He's been working a third shift job since returning to the home.  He didn't get to sleep until 4 pm because he chose to watch a movie and then hook up with one of his buddies to smoke pot and play music.  I did say to him that I'd like him to work on his sleep schedule because it would allow him to get up by the time we get home and he could spend time with the kids, eat with us, help me out a little.  After hanging up with him I thought to myself was my tone nagging or authoritative, so I called to say I'm sorry if I sounded bitchy just hoping to spend more time with you before you go to work.  He said o.k. 

So last night at ten rolls around and he looks rough, he lays on the couch and says he's not going in.  I was pissed!!  Especially because we had been discussing certain goals for the house and family that involve both of our incomes.  I was angry because he chose to hang out and get stoned instead of going to bed at a decent time.  I had an attitude, but didn't yell or say anything to him.  Before I got a word out he says, " Forget this you have an attitude I'm going to work, I don't even want to be around you tonight, he storms off and slams the door.  Ten minutes later he's dressed and out the door.

He must have called a couple more times to yell at me because his debit card got demagnitized from my purse and he hadn't had food, caffiene or cigarettes.  I simply said well I can see your angry but that is no reason to take your frustration out on me.  "Well you shouldn't have had an attitude".  I did defend myself some by saying I barely got a word out and he said well I didn't want to hear it.  I said, then come home, eat, sleep and start over tomorrow.  He said no he was half way there. 

Later he called back(much calmer) to say he was staying at work because they were busy and not many people showed up.  He apologized for his behavior and agreed that he doesn't need to take it out on me when he's like this.  I feel I am making progress because before I would have blown up at him because I felt chastized, I felt attacked.  I would have felt the deep need to defend myself and set him straight.  I realized he wasn't angry at me he was angry at himself because he didn't make a good choice to sleep and get himself together.  He hates working third shift and that's the real source of frustration for him.  I felt good about telling him how his words and behavior affected me and that was it.  He changed attitudes by the end of his night, text messaging me twice with thoughtful words.  ( Very different for him too).  Maybe we are both making progress. 

Hugs to all,

Twinmom~