The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really need to start setting up boundaries. My DIL and son are separated. My son is the A. I am trying very hard to support her in this time that is so very hard for her. There are also 2 beautiful children involved. I am trying to work my program to the best of my ability at this time. I am trying not to lecture, control or get into the business of my son...for my own sanity!!! She called his cell phone today and he did not go to work. He also sounded drunk to her. The first thing she said to me was "WHAT'S GOING ON"? She preceded to tell me about her phone call to son. I explained the best I could what I thought was going on with him because he had called me earlier. She told me she cannot talk now and had to hang up the phone. I feel so very bad for her. I cannot help her. She will not go to Alanon. That is her choice. I also cannot help myself when I have to be in the middle. I know what you guys are going to say...it is just so hard for me to tell her I cannot deal with it anymore. I think she depends on me to help her through and of course I feel a responsibility to be there for her since it is my son that has screwed up her family. I could really use some ESH right now. I don't know where to go with this right now. I don't want to answer ANYONE's question about ANYTHING going on with him. I just want to take care of me. I just want to be selfish. I just want some peace in my life.
You are not being selfish by working your own program and not dealing with him, he is an adult.
My husband and I are seperated and have 6 children. My MIL is a complete enabler. My husband has been babied by his parents and his drinking protected throughout our marriage. He has never suffered any consequenses, and has aways known that his parents would make it alright. They have gotten very involved in our marriage over the years. I have always wished that they would work a program and leave him to his HP.
Okay your son screwed up his family. But that is not your fault. My MIL has always told me that as long as their is a breath left in her, my husband will never hit bottom, she will not allow it. That has taken away so much hope for me, that he will ever truly seek recovery.
By working your own program, and staying out of their marriage, you are not being selfish, you are giving them the greatest gift of all, the chance to hit bottom and find their own way.
Work it because your Worth it! (the program) You Are Worth It! I have learned, some the hard way, that "detaching" is a form of loving too. It may not seem like it at the time....our children, the A in our life, always want us to have all the answers. Even the (adult) grown ones. But staying out of the things we know are not our business are not only helping them make thier own decisions and grow. Is also helping You to do the same..Taking care of You. We will never stop learning in this life. Not even when we're older. Let Go and Let God. Keep it Simple Keep looking uP! Dont forget to breathe....(step 11) lol (((BigHug)))
It may not seem like it at the time....our children, the A in our life, always want us to have all the answers. Even the (adult) grown ones. But staying out of the things we know are not our business are not only helping them make thier own decisions and grow. Is also helping You to do the same..Taking care of You. We will never stop learning in this life. Not even when we're older.
Let Go and Let God. Keep it Simple 
Keep looking uP! 
Dont forget to breathe....(step 11) lol (((BigHug)))