Here is the original thread: http://alanon.activeboard.com/t46406455/terrible-thanksgiving-plans-for-dry-christmas/?page=1#lastPostAnchor

So, I hadn't heard anything from my father since our conversation in December about dry Christmas (where I did not engage him and felt very good about dogding his attempts).

On Christmas Eve around 8pm I get a text message that reads:

"I will not be attending Christmas. I have to draw the line. I live you with all of my heart and soul. I am sure we will talk more about this but not for another week or two. I love u"

(that is exact, typo and all)

This text made me have several different reactions. First, relief. I was definitely stressing about having a sober and very hostile father in my house for Christmas dinner. The whole point of having a dry holiday was so that I could enjoy myself, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I was not going to have fun with a dry, miserable, angry alcoholic either.

The other reaction was absolute confirmation that I was finished with my denial over his condition. HE WAS DRAWING A LINE???? What line?? My best guess is that he has somehow created a story in his head that I am attacking him, abusing him, picking on him and just being mean by always insisting he not drink and that he has a problem. He gets things so twisted in his alcoholic, pickled brain that by simply asking him not to drink for 8 hours on one day becomes a reason to NOT ATTEND CHRISTMAS!!! This is a man that talks about nothing else except how important his family is. So hypocritical (and indicative of the true depth of his problem) to not attend Christmas because he is not allowed to drink.

I forwarded the text message to my mother and my brother. I responded only with "I am sorry you are making that choice. I looking forward to working on this with you. Merry Christmas"

We whipped out the wine and beer and got excited about having a small Christmas without dwelling on his absence. Everyone was expected over at 3.

At 3:15, I got a call from my dad. I put it on speaker so that my husband could listen (I will no longer have one to one conversations with him since they get very convoluded in his head). He said that my brother was very very angry that he was not attending and he was wondering if he could stop by. I said yes, but that I would prefer for him not to drink while he is in my home. He said yes and said he was on his way (he lives about an hour away).

We put away all of the alcohol and prepared for whatever was to come. My main goal was to have a good Christmas.

When my brother and his wife came, I found out that he had spent over an hour on the phone with my dad SCREAMING and CURSING at him about his decision not to come. He used a lot of logic and argued for a long time before hanging up with the directive to call me and do whatever he needed to do to be allowed back at Christmas.

This was significant for several reasons, first, my brother had the realization of just how bad my father's condition has gotten. I had the same one on Thanksgiving, and my brother just had his own on Christmas day. Second, he finally took on the role that I had been taking, and I finally was free!! Instead of being the quiet one who just watched me argue with him and get all emotional, my brother was forced to actually engage my father, see how bad and frustrating it really is to argue with him, and confront his own emotions regarding my dad. I think Christmas was very hard on my brother for these reasons, but I am very happy with how I handled everything on Christmas. And that is all that I can control!

SOOOOO about an hour and a half later, after appetizers and gifts, my father walked in the house right after I had opened the last gift. Things were pretty tense at first, and he was pretty hostile. Not openly, but just the tension in the room was quite awkward. He finally broke it a little bit when he asked me to get him a coke and I told him we had root beer. He said he would love one of those, but its not considered beer right? hardy har har. At least we were able to acknowledge it and move on.

The next thing we did was play a board game called Telestrations (HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS GAME!!). It is basically telephone and pictionary combined. You have to draw pictures and guess on other peoples pictures. It was the perfect game to engage him and loosen him up without alcohol or awkward conversations. He was actually having fun... we all were!!

The game also had another positive to it. It helped me to see just how incredible shaky his hands were. He was absolutely showing withdrawal symptoms from alcohol. While my brother was very shaken by this (his realization being only 2 hours old), I saw it as a good thing. My father was truly sober for the first time in YEARS. It was a great thing to see.

He ended up having such a good time (and so did we!) that he stayed for dinner, a honeymoon slideshow, dessert AND the first half of the night football game! He stayed until 10pm.

I honestly never expected Christmas to be so perfect, nor did I expect to actually enjoy spending time with my dad like this. I know that it is not a cure, and that he can easily go right back to his terrible addiction and nasty behavior. But I truly think that he remembered for once what it felt like to be sober. He had said to my brother earlier Christmas morning that he has not been drunk in two years. It sounds so ridiculous but I honestly think he believes that. His normal state is drunkenness, so I don't think he can tell the difference anymore! On Christmas I saw something different... I saw a change. And no matter how shortlived, I had a great Christmas and I can say that I have actually seen my dad sober once more before he goes!

And on December 26th, I got this text:

I had a great time yesterday. U really are special. Thank you.