Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

kel246 · kel246

Hi. This is my first post. I really don't want to make an outreach call but I don't want to isolate. I actually do want to isolate, stick my head in the sand and feel like a victim but I'm taking contrary action and typing away. Really feel so grateful for Al-Anon and the support I find here. I have a lot goin...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

I'm doing fine these days with emotional detachment with my AH, and being physically separated helps a lot, but the financial mess that my AH has created is not allowing me to stay on "my side of sidewalk." I can't just mind my own business and just work on myself when it comes to the IRS, our ho...

rehprof · rehprof

I've been doing a really good job of detaching from my soon to be ex AH. Then my 15 year old tells me today that "Dad told me he needed money for his car insurance so I lent him $100..he says he will pay me back $150 next week" My A HAS a truck. He hasn't worked in 2 years. The truck is bad on gas so his D...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I'm currently trying to wrap my brain around this... I got married last June. In marriage it's supposed to be about merging 2 lives, and making sacrifices for each other, loving each other and building a life. Currently the series at church is on marriage, based directly off the book the blessed marri...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Happy Heart Day! Here's a short youtube video that might soothe your heart if it's open the the messages. If not, perhaps another day. My wish for all of you is that you don't look at the closed door, but put your focus on the doors that are now open. That is one of the messages in this video that "pi...

lazzykat · lazzykat

Why is it that I am the one the feels like its my fault the my husband drinks? I keep thinking is it something that I did.

Mickki · Mickki

HI there. I have encountered a situation going on with the group I call my home group and I need some input. I have not seen anything like I am encountering in all the posts. Found alanon just when I needed it. I have been in al anon for about 18 months and have been pretty consistant in my weekly meetings. B...

GettingStronger · GettingStronger

Someone used the term "dry drunk" with me to explain when my exAH still exhibits the same thought processes as when he was drinking. We've been divorced nearly two years and he still continues to try to make amends... which would be endearing if it didn't always bring such a stark reality th...

TLD · TLD

well this just got worse. I have now had to involve victim services. He came home in a rage again at 3am on friday in which he virtually baited me to get mad. I chose to leave however, now he is saying i ran him over. Which is a load of crap and now he has phoned MCFD which is the ministry for children here an...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I'm coming to my MIPers for support and positive thoughts, since lord knows I haven't gotten any from my AH. But I don't want to make this post about my AH. My mom called me last night to tell me my brother had been in a bad car accident. Although I don't really identify my brother as my qualifier (he has h...

peacewithin · peacewithin

I been going through some health problems. and they thought I had cancer they wanted to do a biopsy. I was getting scared I never asked my AH for support in years. He knew what I was going through so he said he would go with me. I never told him how scared I was I just acted my strong self as I always been in our 33...

DreamsOver · DreamsOver

If you missed my post I will give you the back ground. I took my addicted son's dog to my home because she was not being cared for properly, I had her for almost two years. I told my son he could have the back when he could feed and care for her, he made no effort to do better. Then about a week and a half ago he c...

canadianguy · canadianguy

Hi All.... was wondering if I could get some information from the larger group regarding an issue that I didn't have to go through... This couple had a baby in early January - a healthy baby boy. Unknown to any of us, it appears that the mom is an alcoholic, and/or suffering from post-partum, or both......

stephaniej · stephaniej

My brother, who was in a car accident on Saturday night, has had substance abuse issues for years. He has said on numerous occasions that he is an atheist. To me, this photo is about as close as you can get to proof that a higher power was with him on Saturday night, regardless of whether he believes... ...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

Hello everyone! I am having an extraordinary Monday, let me tell you. I have been focusing on just a couple things lately because my brain began to malfunction and shut down from Al-Anon overload. Hahahaha! I want to thank everyone who provides me with ESH on this board. This is my life saver when I am...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Just saying...when is it going to end? I am still in a lot of pain & it has been a month! I am getting really impatient & want to stay in bed! I am wanting to stay on this computer so I can't go home yet & lie down. As soon as I get home, I am going to. Tomorrow I am going to my usual alanon meeting &...

emil · emil

I would like to introduce myself and tell my story. I am Emil. It seems like I have living with a family member with addiction issues all of my life. The stories are different, but the feelings are similar. I grew up in a large family; my Dad died when I was a young girl; after a year or two my Mom started...

John · John

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Onajourney_startingnow · Onajourney_startingnow

Hello, I am new here and want to share my story. I would like some guidance and support as I am working through some major transitions but am scared. My mother was an alcoholic and passed away 8 years ago. She basically gave up on herself a few years before her death. She was a binge drinker and basical...

Debilyn · Debilyn

every one of you who responded was so right. I had written back to all then somehow it disappeared. I hate that. She had been out to dinner, had two beers, came home had another. Opened email. She thought a letter someone had written to me, I had fw to her, was me to her!Hope that made sense. It was my mentor,...

danni · danni

There was a great reading in One Day at a Time in Al Anon today that really address how we react to hangovers. For those of you who know me, you know that the hangovers REALLY bother me, so I was glad to read this morning's passage. Just wanted to pass it along!

Pushka · Pushka

It was a rough weekend, .. I'm glad I had the kids. They kept me busy and we had a good time. I don't know why .. no, ... I do know why it was so hard. I just felt really emotionally raw. It was one simple text, nothing bad, nothing mean, just him reaching out. I am so angry at myself for it meaning so much to...

Ariel · Ariel

Can anyone recommend books other than "Getting Them Sober"? I already have vol 1&2. I am looking for something in the Kindle Store. The nearest bookstore is 35 mins away, but I'd be happy to drive to get some good ones. I also can't find any FTF meetings on Saturday afternoons or Sunda...

Rora · Rora

On a popular social networking site I had a friend making a remark that a well known singer who died after a long struggle with addiction should have seen that coming. It seemed cold to me. Normally I'd ignore it, but given my own experiences with deeply loving somone who suffers from Addiction and wa...

chicartista · chicartista

I have been married to my AH for nearly 10 years.

He has been in and out of recovery too many times for me to count.I knew he was an addict from the beginning.I had a profound love for him from the moment we met.When we were first going out, I caught him in my bathroom smoking crack.I could have dumped...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I know this is an Al-Anon and not AA board. But, I just need to put this somewhere because it is rattling my head and I'm not quite sure where to put it. I came into this program through Al-Anon. My AH is very active in his disease. My life has improved in ways I never imagined by going to F2F meetings, gettin...

nyc018 · nyc018

This isn't about an ultimatum to my AH but rather one my own family seems to be giving me. Long story short - AH's alcoholism hit a crisis point last summer. We got separated and he lost his job which is obviously bad news. After a 2 week stint in patient rehab and working an AA program and a good sponsor...

John · John

Just a quick reminder... see pic below...

Ariel · Ariel

I am in need of some friendly advice. I am doing all of the things it says in "Keeping Them Sober." I am detaching, not arguing, walking away, not letting him hook me in, taking more, doing nice things for myself, and *trying* not to get preoccupied with my ABF. It's really difficult. I told...

shimo · shimo

I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday Al-Anon Meeting (Feb 13) as I am out of town for an appointment at that time. Hoping someone will be able to step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Thanks

Jerry F · Jerry F

One day at a time. I first arrived very oppositional and defiant and my attitude and behavior were unacceptable (but not unusual) for a newbie. I ranted and raved like I knew everything about anything expecially what was wrong with my alcoholic/addict wife and blah blah blah. I went to open AA me...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Tonight I had a relaxed, friends dinner, me and my bus boss - had a bus to pick-up from the shop after a busy day - he mentioned maybe stopping for something to eat and it sounded good, being out at night, gasp, ooooh the wild life (ok so it was 6:30 pm, not exactly wild life at that time of evening). During din...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

Two things #1 I AM A CO-DEPENDENT Feels good to say it out loud. I allow other peoples' emotions, moods, opinions effect me. I worry about what everyone else thinks of me. I work to please others far too much, sacrificing my own sanity and serenity in the process. Ri...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I have a friend I have had for over thirty years. We have been in each others lives since our kids were very little. My husband was the only one she would allow to watch her son. Her and I always have fun, always support each other. Something happened this evening that blew me away. Out of nowher...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I know many of us here with A spouses have been stuck in the cycle of trying to "prove" ourselves and our worth to our A spouses. As I read those sections of Getting Them Sober (and I re-read them a lot, because I find this is a BIG trouble area for me), it put my constant over-achieving in a new li...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Since I haven't lived with him for almost 2 years and my divorce was final in July I have gone over and hung out with my exAH a few times and I admonish myself each time and my sponsor never tells me not to do it, but asks what I get from it. I have been looking at it like this. I think i would be dating already i...

mimihtx · mimihtx

I am just at a loss. I've been debating joining this group for years, but always decided that my personal problems needed to stay behind closed doors. I don't know where to turn anymore... My boyfriend (we have lived together for 4 years- I have 2 children and he also has 2 children. We lost a baby of our ow...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Boundaries seem to be a big theme in my life as of late. We have a new lady in one of my woman's groups and well she just rubs me wrong. She asks persoanl questions and is just too nosy for me. What I am learning from her, is instead to give up any information I am not comfortable with and left feeling violated...

lightblue2 · lightblue2

After separating from my Ah a couple of months ago with quite alot of blame towards him. I am beginning to see that I have not been a happy or content person for quite some time. The home life was confusing for sometime, and I think that is the thing I will bear in mind when I try to make sense of where I am in m...

emmyboo2 · emmyboo2

I am feeling really strong right now because I have created a boundary and plan to stick with it. A little background: AH got arrested DUI, moved to parents house, went to rehab and did really well and we had made a recovery and reconciliation plan, got out of rehab and his parents have been enabling him s...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today is a pretty good day! I am not having as much trouble typing this as I was before. My arms & shoulders still hurt but I am getting along better. Thanks to all who prayed for me. I am going for a follow-up next Thurs. I hope it is only the medicine I have been taking that I stopped last Tues. I am actual...

daisy31 · daisy31

I recently heard this quote and it turned my world upside down for about a week. I have been able to go back to it time and time again and I realize just how much all of my "defending" has really only hurt me in my life. I still catch myself a lot in defense mode but the awareness is getting bette...

All I can be · All I can be

When to retreat? What can I do when I find myself up against someone that is: Angry, Drunk, High, Abusive, or requires conflict in their lives? Maybe it is best to just retreat. I can not negotiate with a terrorist or these mindsets. Serenity in these cases can be proportionate to the distance I am remov...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt

orchidlover · orchidlover

I know after dealing with a certain amount of stress exhaustion sets in. Its been over five years for me and I am still living hand to mouth after leaving the ex A. One of the reasons I feared leaving him was I knew it was going to be so hard. I didn't know it would carry on for so long. Even with working two j...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

QtipQtipQtipQtip! I had to let go of my power today. I keep grabbing hold. I don't think I have any power or control over my AH any longer. I feel pretty detached (with love) but where I am having trouble is at work with people. I keep getting invited to arguments, invited into gossip, and invited into s...

daisy31 · daisy31

Lately I have been really focusing on letting go of all of my pre conceived ideas about a HP that I was raised with and it has been so freeing (it is still a work in progress for sure). I am trying to just let go and not analyze too much of anything...and I tell you it feels absolutely amazing! I have been enj...

Nanauq · Nanauq

I guess one of the worse parts of my disease is that I get my feelings hurt too easily. I have always been like this, ever since a child - long before I ever realized I was an al-anon. This morning he told a stupid joke. "Stuff your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and lock them in for a while. W...

Carly79 · Carly79

Hi all, I just spent an hour going through old posts and learning more about "detachment". It sounds like detachment is the way I've been dealing with my mother's drinking all along. I was feeling guilty for being able to walk away from it and leave her to it, while worrying about her safe...

amyefoy · amyefoy

My name is Amy and I have been in Al Anon before but not for a long time. I chose bad relationships....what I mean is I'm co-dependent. My father was an alcoholic and my last four relationships have been a disaster. My family hasnt spoken to me in two years this May....my mother, my sisters, and my 2 daugh...

sunnysmile · sunnysmile

Hi, everyone! I'm new to the board - a first time poster, but I've been silently visiting and reading the board daily for the past week or so. I've also been reading older posts you've all left as well (I think I've traveled back 'in time' with you all through your posts to at least November. If someone 'bu...

TLD · TLD

Well now I'm just angry, this just topped my levels of frustration. I get our television bill and there is 100.00 of pay per view. Hm, really hard to figure out what that is. He can't pitch in for any extra bill yet orders this!!! So, I left the bill on the counter with a total I need to be paid as it comes ou...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Thought some of you might appreciate this:

DadtoCandE · DadtoCandE

My wife has moved back in. We were talking the other night and she mentioned how she had felt deserted during her second stint at rehab which was preceded by an intervention. I now realize that interventions are really for the family and friends, you can't really force anyone into recovery. Back t...

pineapple · pineapple

My A had an accident two weeks ago while drinking. I told two people about his fall/injury. A third friend knew about it because she was here at the time. She helped me get A to the clinic and stayed with me while he was being treated. Yesterday I decided I deserved/NEEDED an outing. I went into town for a n...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

Is it a no-no to post on the AA message board site. I am curious sometimes to ask those on the other side of the coin things but don't know if that is appropriate? Anyone here do this or know if this is allowed or frowned upon?

Pushka · Pushka

Ok .. lol .. here is my little codependent self .. someone decides they are moving out. How long do I have to keep their stuff? Anything that is his I've stuck in trash bags. I've kept dirty clothes and clean clothes separate. It's not so simple that I can put it in a shed or put it in a garage. We have mic...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

So, on Saturday night AH has plans to attend a party with a bunch of buddies. They're his new tennis drinking buddies and it's an organized party downtown, about 20 miles south of our house. Anyway, I was actually hoping that he would do something stupid that night and that maybe he would see how his bi...

wantinganswers · wantinganswers

I am struggling with finding the strength to feel compassion for my AH...we are seperated and going through a divorce,,which he has decided to fight because well, yeah..he wants a divorce because im the cause of all his misery but he doesnt want to have to pay support..thats just crazy..he cant affor...

Pushka · Pushka

Well reality has set in and acceptance, panic and fear are starting to set in. I never thought of myself recently as someone who needed to be in a relationship and now I'm thinking OMGosh .. I think I am which scares the life out of me. My mom, .. God love her .. was in a relationship at all costs and I just ca...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	you can take away the substance but the behavior remains. self-absorbed alcoholic alcoholic marriage getting married losing myself needs (Preview) Hi. This is my first post. I really don't want to make an outreach call but I don't want to isolate. I actually do want to isolate, stick my head in the sand and feel like a victim but I'm taking contrary action and typing away. Really feel so grateful for Al-Anon and the support I find here. I have a lot goin...	kel246	6	452	Feb 15, 2012 by surfgirl123
	Detachment Challenges When Finances are at Issue (Preview) I'm doing fine these days with emotional detachment with my AH, and being physically separated helps a lot, but the financial mess that my AH has created is not allowing me to stay on "my side of sidewalk." I can't just mind my own business and just work on myself when it comes to the IRS, our ho...	Green Eyes	7	551	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	TICKED OFF! (Preview) I've been doing a really good job of detaching from my soon to be ex AH. Then my 15 year old tells me today that "Dad told me he needed money for his car insurance so I lent him $100..he says he will pay me back $150 next week" My A HAS a truck. He hasn't worked in 2 years. The truck is bad on gas so his D...	rehprof	5	433	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Conundrum (Preview) I'm currently trying to wrap my brain around this... I got married last June. In marriage it's supposed to be about merging 2 lives, and making sacrifices for each other, loving each other and building a life. Currently the series at church is on marriage, based directly off the book the blessed marri...	Jackie11	13	583	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	A Few Messages For Your Heart (Preview) Happy Heart Day! Here's a short youtube video that might soothe your heart if it's open the the messages. If not, perhaps another day. My wish for all of you is that you don't look at the closed door, but put your focus on the doors that are now open. That is one of the messages in this video that "pi...	GailMichelle	4	403	Feb 15, 2012 by Yllek
	guilt (Preview) Why is it that I am the one the feels like its my fault the my husband drinks? I keep thinking is it something that I did.	lazzykat	10	448	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Just how anonymous is the meeting supposed to be? (Preview) HI there. I have encountered a situation going on with the group I call my home group and I need some input. I have not seen anything like I am encountering in all the posts. Found alanon just when I needed it. I have been in al anon for about 18 months and have been pretty consistant in my weekly meetings. B...	Mickki	10	765	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Why can't I just walk away? (Preview) Someone used the term "dry drunk" with me to explain when my exAH still exhibits the same thought processes as when he was drinking. We've been divorced nearly two years and he still continues to try to make amends... which would be endearing if it didn't always bring such a stark reality th...	GettingStronger	3	610	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	From bad to worse (Preview) well this just got worse. I have now had to involve victim services. He came home in a rage again at 3am on friday in which he virtually baited me to get mad. I chose to leave however, now he is saying i ran him over. Which is a load of crap and now he has phoned MCFD which is the ministry for children here an...	TLD	10	559	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Car Accident (Preview) I'm coming to my MIPers for support and positive thoughts, since lord knows I haven't gotten any from my AH. But I don't want to make this post about my AH. My mom called me last night to tell me my brother had been in a bad car accident. Although I don't really identify my brother as my qualifier (he has h...	stephaniej	6	599	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Needed Support Should not of asked. (Preview) I been going through some health problems. and they thought I had cancer they wanted to do a biopsy. I was getting scared I never asked my AH for support in years. He knew what I was going through so he said he would go with me. I never told him how scared I was I just acted my strong self as I always been in our 33...	peacewithin	8	576	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	I Got The Dog Back !! (Preview) If you missed my post I will give you the back ground. I took my addicted son's dog to my home because she was not being cared for properly, I had her for almost two years. I told my son he could have the back when he could feed and care for her, he made no effort to do better. Then about a week and a half ago he c...	DreamsOver	10	555	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	alcoholism & breastfeeding (Preview) Hi All.... was wondering if I could get some information from the larger group regarding an issue that I didn't have to go through... This couple had a baby in early January - a healthy baby boy. Unknown to any of us, it appears that the mom is an alcoholic, and/or suffering from post-partum, or both......	canadianguy	7	4065	Feb 15, 2012 by Breakingfree
	HP is with us, whether or not we believe. (Preview) My brother, who was in a car accident on Saturday night, has had substance abuse issues for years. He has said on numerous occasions that he is an atheist. To me, this photo is about as close as you can get to proof that a higher power was with him on Saturday night, regardless of whether he believes... ...	stephaniej	3	272	Feb 14, 2012 by usedtobeanyer
	UP UP UP (Preview) Hello everyone! I am having an extraordinary Monday, let me tell you. I have been focusing on just a couple things lately because my brain began to malfunction and shut down from Al-Anon overload. Hahahaha! I want to thank everyone who provides me with ESH on this board. This is my life saver when I am...	Michelle814	3	362	Feb 14, 2012 by daisy31
	when is it going to end? (Preview) Just saying...when is it going to end? I am still in a lot of pain & it has been a month! I am getting really impatient & want to stay in bed! I am wanting to stay on this computer so I can't go home yet & lie down. As soon as I get home, I am going to. Tomorrow I am going to my usual alanon meeting &...	Hoot Nanny	1	310	Feb 14, 2012 by danni
	Introduce myself Hi I am Emil (Preview) I would like to introduce myself and tell my story. I am Emil. It seems like I have living with a family member with addiction issues all of my life. The stories are different, but the feelings are similar. I grew up in a large family; my Dad died when I was a young girl; after a year or two my Mom started...	emil	11	562	Feb 14, 2012 by SeekingAscension
	Physiology of Addiction (Video) (Preview) [video=]	John	1	351	Feb 14, 2012 by Debilyn
	New & looking for support :0) (Preview) Hello, I am new here and want to share my story. I would like some guidance and support as I am working through some major transitions but am scared. My mother was an alcoholic and passed away 8 years ago. She basically gave up on herself a few years before her death. She was a binge drinker and basical...	Onajourney_startingnow	3	526	Feb 14, 2012 by danni
	get the nail puller outer thing, experience with pain managemet anyone? (Preview) every one of you who responded was so right. I had written back to all then somehow it disappeared. I hate that. She had been out to dinner, had two beers, came home had another. Opened email. She thought a letter someone had written to me, I had fw to her, was me to her!Hope that made sense. It was my mentor,...	Debilyn	3	454	Feb 14, 2012 by Iris lover of dogs
	Hangover Helper (Preview) There was a great reading in One Day at a Time in Al Anon today that really address how we react to hangovers. For those of you who know me, you know that the hangovers REALLY bother me, so I was glad to read this morning's passage. Just wanted to pass it along!	danni	2	310	Feb 14, 2012 by danni
	My own worst enemy .. (Preview) It was a rough weekend, .. I'm glad I had the kids. They kept me busy and we had a good time. I don't know why .. no, ... I do know why it was so hard. I just felt really emotionally raw. It was one simple text, nothing bad, nothing mean, just him reaching out. I am so angry at myself for it meaning so much to...	Pushka	3	565	Feb 13, 2012 by danni
	Books & FTF Meetings (Preview) Can anyone recommend books other than "Getting Them Sober"? I already have vol 1&2. I am looking for something in the Kindle Store. The nearest bookstore is 35 mins away, but I'd be happy to drive to get some good ones. I also can't find any FTF meetings on Saturday afternoons or Sunda...	Ariel	7	836	Feb 13, 2012 by danni
	Addiction and the Media (Preview) On a popular social networking site I had a friend making a remark that a well known singer who died after a long struggle with addiction should have seen that coming. It seemed cold to me. Normally I'd ignore it, but given my own experiences with deeply loving somone who suffers from Addiction and wa...	Rora	8	698	Feb 13, 2012 by Jackie11
	Reestablishing Sexual Intimacy in Recovery sexual intimacy recovery sobriety alcoholic Al-Anon (Preview) I have been married to my AH for nearly 10 years. He has been in and out of recovery too many times for me to count.I knew he was an addict from the beginning.I had a profound love for him from the moment we met.When we were first going out, I caught him in my bathroom smoking crack.I could have dumped...	chicartista	7	9582	Feb 13, 2012 by All I can be
	Inventorying my own drinking (Preview) I know this is an Al-Anon and not AA board. But, I just need to put this somewhere because it is rattling my head and I'm not quite sure where to put it. I came into this program through Al-Anon. My AH is very active in his disease. My life has improved in ways I never imagined by going to F2F meetings, gettin...	Very Very Tired	23	647	Feb 13, 2012 by Michelle814
	Ultimatums (Preview) This isn't about an ultimatum to my AH but rather one my own family seems to be giving me. Long story short - AH's alcoholism hit a crisis point last summer. We got separated and he lost his job which is obviously bad news. After a 2 week stint in patient rehab and working an AA program and a good sponsor...	nyc018	7	551	Feb 13, 2012 by danni
	Remember.... (Preview) Just a quick reminder... see pic below...	John	5	431	Feb 13, 2012 by Pushka
	Solutions? (Preview) I am in need of some friendly advice. I am doing all of the things it says in "Keeping Them Sober." I am detaching, not arguing, walking away, not letting him hook me in, taking more, doing nice things for myself, and trying not to get preoccupied with my ABF. It's really difficult. I told...	Ariel	15	856	Feb 13, 2012 by Ariel
	MONDAY AL-ANON MEETING (Preview) I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday Al-Anon Meeting (Feb 13) as I am out of town for an appointment at that time. Hoping someone will be able to step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Thanks	shimo	0	254	Feb 13, 2012 by shimo
	No matter how long's its been you can only do it (Preview) One day at a time. I first arrived very oppositional and defiant and my attitude and behavior were unacceptable (but not unusual) for a newbie. I ranted and raved like I knew everything about anything expecially what was wrong with my alcoholic/addict wife and blah blah blah. I went to open AA me...	Jerry F	10	518	Feb 13, 2012 by Jozie
	The Board (Preview) Tonight I had a relaxed, friends dinner, me and my bus boss - had a bus to pick-up from the shop after a busy day - he mentioned maybe stopping for something to eat and it sounded good, being out at night, gasp, ooooh the wild life (ok so it was 6:30 pm, not exactly wild life at that time of evening). During din...	likemyheart	14	669	Feb 12, 2012 by Michelle814
	Two Things (Preview) Two things #1 I AM A CO-DEPENDENT Feels good to say it out loud. I allow other peoples' emotions, moods, opinions effect me. I worry about what everyone else thinks of me. I work to please others far too much, sacrificing my own sanity and serenity in the process. Ri...	Michelle814	18	727	Feb 12, 2012 by peacewithin
	Just take a hammer and drive a freaken nail into my heart! (Preview) I have a friend I have had for over thirty years. We have been in each others lives since our kids were very little. My husband was the only one she would allow to watch her son. Her and I always have fun, always support each other. Something happened this evening that blew me away. Out of nowher...	Debilyn	16	718	Feb 12, 2012 by John
	Valentine's Day (Preview) I know many of us here with A spouses have been stuck in the cycle of trying to "prove" ourselves and our worth to our A spouses. As I read those sections of Getting Them Sober (and I re-read them a lot, because I find this is a BIG trouble area for me), it put my constant over-achieving in a new li...	stephaniej	10	619	Feb 12, 2012 by Cc9214
	Vulnerable post here (Preview) Since I haven't lived with him for almost 2 years and my divorce was final in July I have gone over and hung out with my exAH a few times and I admonish myself each time and my sponsor never tells me not to do it, but asks what I get from it. I have been looking at it like this. I think i would be dating already i...	Breakingfree	8	642	Feb 12, 2012 by Ariel
	He decided to get sober, and now he doesn't want to be with me?! (Preview) I am just at a loss. I've been debating joining this group for years, but always decided that my personal problems needed to stay behind closed doors. I don't know where to turn anymore... My boyfriend (we have lived together for 4 years- I have 2 children and he also has 2 children. We lost a baby of our ow...	mimihtx	26	7839	Feb 11, 2012 by orchidlover
	Good ol boundaries (Preview) Boundaries seem to be a big theme in my life as of late. We have a new lady in one of my woman's groups and well she just rubs me wrong. She asks persoanl questions and is just too nosy for me. What I am learning from her, is instead to give up any information I am not comfortable with and left feeling violated...	Breakingfree	7	485	Feb 11, 2012 by orchidlover
	changes (Preview) After separating from my Ah a couple of months ago with quite alot of blame towards him. I am beginning to see that I have not been a happy or content person for quite some time. The home life was confusing for sometime, and I think that is the thing I will bear in mind when I try to make sense of where I am in m...	lightblue2	5	405	Feb 11, 2012 by Green Eyes
	Feeling good about my boundary! (Preview) I am feeling really strong right now because I have created a boundary and plan to stick with it. A little background: AH got arrested DUI, moved to parents house, went to rehab and did really well and we had made a recovery and reconciliation plan, got out of rehab and his parents have been enabling him s...	emmyboo2	7	421	Feb 11, 2012 by sunnysmile
	slowly but surely; I feel better! (Preview) Today is a pretty good day! I am not having as much trouble typing this as I was before. My arms & shoulders still hurt but I am getting along better. Thanks to all who prayed for me. I am going for a follow-up next Thurs. I hope it is only the medicine I have been taking that I stopped last Tues. I am actual...	Hoot Nanny	2	371	Feb 11, 2012 by Pushka
	A quote I love (Preview) I recently heard this quote and it turned my world upside down for about a week. I have been able to go back to it time and time again and I realize just how much all of my "defending" has really only hurt me in my life. I still catch myself a lot in defense mode but the awareness is getting bette...	daisy31	4	402	Feb 11, 2012 by Breakingfree
	When to retreat? (Preview) When to retreat? What can I do when I find myself up against someone that is: Angry, Drunk, High, Abusive, or requires conflict in their lives? Maybe it is best to just retreat. I can not negotiate with a terrorist or these mindsets. Serenity in these cases can be proportionate to the distance I am remov...	All I can be	8	581	Feb 11, 2012 by maryjane
	Quote in Reading from C2C 2/10/12 (Preview) Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt	Jackie11	13	455	Feb 11, 2012 by Green Eyes
	update (Preview) I know after dealing with a certain amount of stress exhaustion sets in. Its been over five years for me and I am still living hand to mouth after leaving the ex A. One of the reasons I feared leaving him was I knew it was going to be so hard. I didn't know it would carry on for so long. Even with working two j...	orchidlover	7	575	Feb 10, 2012 by Pushka
	QTIP, man (Preview) QtipQtipQtipQtip! I had to let go of my power today. I keep grabbing hold. I don't think I have any power or control over my AH any longer. I feel pretty detached (with love) but where I am having trouble is at work with people. I keep getting invited to arguments, invited into gossip, and invited into s...	Michelle814	5	876	Feb 10, 2012 by daisy31
	learning to dance with my HP (Preview) Lately I have been really focusing on letting go of all of my pre conceived ideas about a HP that I was raised with and it has been so freeing (it is still a work in progress for sure). I am trying to just let go and not analyze too much of anything...and I tell you it feels absolutely amazing! I have been enj...	daisy31	8	815	Feb 10, 2012 by sunnysmile
	Hurt feelings (Preview) I guess one of the worse parts of my disease is that I get my feelings hurt too easily. I have always been like this, ever since a child - long before I ever realized I was an al-anon. This morning he told a stupid joke. "Stuff your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and lock them in for a while. W...	Nanauq	12	3038	Feb 10, 2012 by Nanauq
	So have I been doing it right all along? (Preview) Hi all, I just spent an hour going through old posts and learning more about "detachment". It sounds like detachment is the way I've been dealing with my mother's drinking all along. I was feeling guilty for being able to walk away from it and leave her to it, while worrying about her safe...	Carly79	1	305	Feb 10, 2012 by hotrod
	New here and I'm ready to begin to put my life back together (Preview) My name is Amy and I have been in Al Anon before but not for a long time. I chose bad relationships....what I mean is I'm co-dependent. My father was an alcoholic and my last four relationships have been a disaster. My family hasnt spoken to me in two years this May....my mother, my sisters, and my 2 daugh...	amyefoy	7	392	Feb 10, 2012 by Michelle814
	Hi - and thank you - from a newbie to the board! (Preview) Hi, everyone! I'm new to the board - a first time poster, but I've been silently visiting and reading the board daily for the past week or so. I've also been reading older posts you've all left as well (I think I've traveled back 'in time' with you all through your posts to at least November. If someone 'bu...	sunnysmile	11	552	Feb 10, 2012 by sunnysmile
	Just plain angry (Preview) Well now I'm just angry, this just topped my levels of frustration. I get our television bill and there is 100.00 of pay per view. Hm, really hard to figure out what that is. He can't pitch in for any extra bill yet orders this!!! So, I left the bill on the counter with a total I need to be paid as it comes ou...	TLD	12	722	Feb 10, 2012 by Pushka
	Awesome Message (Preview) Thought some of you might appreciate this:	GailMichelle	1	374	Feb 10, 2012 by Breakingfree
	It's not that I want to be the hero (anymore) (Preview) My wife has moved back in. We were talking the other night and she mentioned how she had felt deserted during her second stint at rehab which was preceded by an intervention. I now realize that interventions are really for the family and friends, you can't really force anyone into recovery. Back t...	DadtoCandE	6	362	Feb 10, 2012 by Michelle814
	hurtful words (Preview) My A had an accident two weeks ago while drinking. I told two people about his fall/injury. A third friend knew about it because she was here at the time. She helped me get A to the clinic and stayed with me while he was being treated. Yesterday I decided I deserved/NEEDED an outing. I went into town for a n...	pineapple	14	1168	Feb 10, 2012 by Nanauq
	Posting on AA Site (Preview) Is it a no-no to post on the AA message board site. I am curious sometimes to ask those on the other side of the coin things but don't know if that is appropriate? Anyone here do this or know if this is allowed or frowned upon?	surfgirl123	4	450	Feb 10, 2012 by pinkchip
	Fair? (Preview) Ok .. lol .. here is my little codependent self .. someone decides they are moving out. How long do I have to keep their stuff? Anything that is his I've stuck in trash bags. I've kept dirty clothes and clean clothes separate. It's not so simple that I can put it in a shed or put it in a garage. We have mic...	Pushka	9	558	Feb 10, 2012 by danni
	Darn (Preview) So, on Saturday night AH has plans to attend a party with a bunch of buddies. They're his new tennis drinking buddies and it's an organized party downtown, about 20 miles south of our house. Anyway, I was actually hoping that he would do something stupid that night and that maybe he would see how his bi...	ilovedogs	5	529	Feb 10, 2012 by danni
	compassion....really??? do I have to????? (Preview) I am struggling with finding the strength to feel compassion for my AH...we are seperated and going through a divorce,,which he has decided to fight because well, yeah..he wants a divorce because im the cause of all his misery but he doesnt want to have to pay support..thats just crazy..he cant affor...	wantinganswers	13	651	Feb 10, 2012 by Lindaoakford
	Ouch (Preview) Well reality has set in and acceptance, panic and fear are starting to set in. I never thought of myself recently as someone who needed to be in a relationship and now I'm thinking OMGosh .. I think I am which scares the life out of me. My mom, .. God love her .. was in a relationship at all costs and I just ca...	Pushka	17	659	Feb 9, 2012 by Jackie11
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.