The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to the boards and fairly new to this whole area. My husband has been drinking for well over a decade and we we have been together for 11 years. We had a pretty rocky marriage for many of those years, but then I got very sick with a debilitating illnesss. For many years I could barely get out of bed. I have been on the mend this past year and it seems like things have begun to flare up again with some of the fighting between us. I/ we went to counseling together a few years back and while that didn't seem to be what helped, things got better since then, at least with our relationship. We began to forgive one another more easily and not hold onto our hurts.
He has never fully admitted a drinking problem, but has from time to time admitted he needs to cut back, has tried and then after a few days or possibly a week, will begin drinking again. He is a highly functional alcoholic, which almost makes me forget sometimes what beast I am dealing with. As long as he is drinking, he really is easier to deal with. I would love to have my husband back and not have to compete with the alcohol. I know that I am powerless to control his drinking, but I am still confused as to how to live with him in a healthy way. Should I only ignore the drinking? Only confront him in love once every couple of months? I know bringing it up when I am angry only makes things worse. I recently started going to a local support group (Celebrate Recoery) to work on my CD (is that the proper abreviation for codependency?) I need to figure out what role I am playing in all of this. I am so sad watching him get sicker as his drinking intensifies.
I have started doing some personal healing. Letting go of the anger, which I have found likes to try to creep back in when I feel hurt again. Trying to take better care of myself and pursuing more of my individual interests. I am also in a good relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ. He gives me comfort and forgiveness when I mess up. I owe the Lord the glory for anything good that happens in my life. Because of Him, I have hope that no matter what happens in this life, He will be with me. He will work all things together for my good.
Anyone know a good resource that I can start with for dealing with my codependency issues? How does the spouse interact with the alcoholic spouse that is still in denial? Do any of you have personal experience with this?
I love your signature quote. I am glad you found MIP as you are now connected to a group of people who understand as few others an the difficulty and pain fof living with the disease of alcoholism.
We belieeve that alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. We who live with the disease become isolated, angry resentful and fearful We need our own program of recovery. Alanon was founded for this purpose.
Please check out your telephone directory for the number of your local chapter When you call they will direct you to meetings in your community. At meetings you will find a great deal of literature that is very helpful and a group of people who also understand.
Grace, I am a Christian woman who also attends Al Anon and I find it does not conflict with my Christian faith. You will find lots of support there and love and no judgements against you or your husband. Grace is extended to all who enter those rooms. One thing you probably know by now is that you have to do what is right for you. Al Anon helps you figure out what God wants for you and it helps you realize that God is in control and that we must trust in him one day at a time. Keep coming back, this is a great message board and I hope you keep posting.
With boundaries. There are lots of resources for those who live with alcoholics. One I really recommend is Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Davies. There is a web site too.
Hi "gracealone"...do you love that song? I do. Your story sounds like mine. Im gonna read the other replies but I encourage you to read my posts. I too live with a functioning alc hus. Been tog for 13yrs. Its not easy...its grace alone that sees me through some days. Joyce Meyer says grace is Gods power ...that God gives what is needed to each one of us to help us through..day to day...one struggle at a time.
I will priv message (pm) you and you can me...anytime. We need each other...sending your prayers and hugs
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
