Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Jean4444 · Jean4444

How do you keep the focus on your self and still be in a marriage? This is my main question these days. I have been separated from my AH for 2 years so that each of us can exclusively focus on ourselves. We are now looking at easing back into a life of living together in around 6 months. I know there are no clear...

tenacious · tenacious

Why isn't this getting easier? After a long hard weekend in which promises were broken and boundaries were set (see previous post, "scared of running out of compassion") I am feeling tender and bruised and unsure how to act around A. He is entering rehab which is great but I am worried I d...

MIDGET · MIDGET

Im terrified of the Holidays.I know my A H is going to binge the entire time.Oh he may not be drunk in the am,but by 12n he will be lit like a Christmas tree.Sometimes he doesnt wait till noon.Sometimes he just sleeps it off from the night before ,and starts all over again.Im afraid that he will be drunk on T...

roxygirl5 · roxygirl5

Hi, I have a question? Does the diesease of alcohol seem to rob the alcoholics self-drive and motivation to suceed? Does it seem like they do what they have to do just to get by and nothing more??? My son works at a part-time job as a busser making minimum wage. He rents a room from some guy. Barely ma...

maresie2 · maresie2

I am up for an inerview tomorrow for another job. I really really really really need benefits and more than that I need to be able to take a break. As it is I will not be paid fot the Thanksgiving holiday or for a week and a half over Christmas. If I can get this job I will be in a much much much much better place. F...

omajoy · omajoy

Sitting at computer with coffee and congratulating myself on have had several "good" days in a row...not that what just happened is necessarily bad, but so typical and so much my prediction. Here's how it went: Ex-DIL called again just now to say grandbaby had upchucked twice during th...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I don't know why the holidays have to be so particularly difficult, I remember last year I felt sooo guilty that I didn't want the A to come over. For those of you who remember, he was extorting me with signing the papers on the house. It was hell, I didn't invite him for our son's birthday party and Chris...

roxygirl5 · roxygirl5

Hi, I was wondering what the purpose of a sponsor is? Is it for when a crisis arises you have someone to talk to? Is it a commitment where you have to call every day or once a week? Please explain? Thanks, Roxygirl5

tenacious · tenacious

Hello everyone, well the latest in my life is the my A boyfriend has broken trust blatantly two nights in a row. This comes at the end of a string of incidents and I am rubbed raw, emotionally and physically (battling the same low-level flu forever). Last night I had a lot of tears and bf responded by fir...

souljoy · souljoy

My mom used to spout of this Alanon slogan long ago when I would talk to her. I got pretty tired of the "lessons". But I knew deep down she had wisdom so I filed the things she said in my mind and went on with my life. Now it's eight years later and I'm in Alanon and trying to get my life back together...

roxygirl5 · roxygirl5

Hi I'm having a hard time understanding "detach with love"! My son is the alcoholic who is 24 yrs. old. and he lives on his own. I told him he was not allowed to spend the night at my house unless he asks me first. I have a garage with a combination and he had the combo for emergencies. Well,...

Jeff Reynolds · Jeff Reynolds

A question for those of you with A's that have established a successful long-term recovery (5+ years?) and forgive me if I sound naive. After years of successful recovery with your A, do you still keep your guard up, work your program, and take nothing at face value? In other words, does the Al-Anon a...

rtexas · rtexas

(((((((Everyone))))))) Have not heard that phrase in a long time... it was thown out in my meeting last night and although I heard many other things there that I needed to hear, probably nothing more important than that for me. I have been struggling lately with many feelings that I am trying to unde...

maresie2 · maresie2

When I was with the A I was incredibly achingly lonely. I felt most of the time like I had a huge hole inside. I was afraid to leave him for many reasons, one of them was loneliness. I felt without him I'd be lost and adrift and feel abandoned. Of course during the course of the 7 years I was with him I was abando...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

I'm cleaning through my stuff at Dad's again. I just finished in my bathroom. I again have alot of the old feelings I've had as I cleaned through stuff in the past. Empty. Lonely. Sad. Hurting. The memories are reminding me of the past. And I have enough recovery now to look at the past with much more rea...

roxygirl5 · roxygirl5

Hi I'm having a hard time understanding "detach with love"! My son is the alcoholic who is 24 yrs. old. and he lives on his own. I told him he was not allowed to spend the night at my house unless he asks me first. I have a garage with a combination and he had the combo for emergencies. Well,...

kissers · kissers

My A BF started distancing from me. I give him plenty of space and I never ask for anything. It dawned on me that this is my life too and I want someone who has both feet in a relationship, wants to work things out, and doesn't bail at the first sign of discord. So, I asked for what I wanted. I was told to have a ni...

roxygirl5 · roxygirl5

Hi, I'm new to Alanon and I went to a meeting this weekend. Someone commented when dealing with the alcoholic, you need to know what your part is. Does this mean, if your an enabler? Thanks, Roxygirl5

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

will you call my mom and tell I said "what happened" ?I might have a job, but it is in Kansas.... I am mad, I can't understand it. I ca't geta job here with out a DR LC. I told this place that I can't drive because I am blind in left eye. At least I will be able to send you money. I am never going to see my k...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, Thanks to all who attended the meeting last night. It was great. One of the best meetings I have been to lately. I appreciate all the wonderful ESH, the laughs (even though at times it was hard to see my screen through the fits of laughter), and the fellowship. Once again, I woouldn't be where I am...

maresie · maresie

For the last few months since the A left the trailer I had paid for all summer he has led me to think he is homeless and has been living in his car. Today I found out he is not. He has been staying with his uncle. Admittedly it is a longlong way from where I am and hardly comfortable. At the same time he has to wor...

norwood · norwood

Our Sunday night meeting was a blast with the topic of using humor, and I was asked to share a limerick I came up with on the message board There once was a person in Alanon Who felt that their life was all but gone They went to a meeting And their anguish went fleeting And the music that played then went on and...

shadow1 · shadow1

(((((((((((((Family))))))))))))) I just thought I would stop by and give you an update. As some of you know on Sunday night he was drunk (as usual) and got very angry with me. I'm still not sure why. He was so angry that I started to fear for my safety so I called the police. They arrived and spoke to him...

cen616 · cen616

I haven't posted in a while--still trying to catch up on reading the threads. My first was just an introduction, but now I have an issue on my mind and really would like some help developing the proper perspective. This might be a bit long. My clean A and I have been together a little less than 6 month...

java · java

Thanksgiving and the holidays are such a hard time of year it seems. It puts so much stress on having the perfect holiday, when there is no such thing. The A seems to pick this time of year to go on more binges and more excuses for holiday drinking. It's got to the point that holidays are not as enjoyable for...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Today is day 12 of non smoking and it has been pulling on me for the past 3 or 4 days just one just one just one... I have been good! I have been working my booty off at 2 jobs! I work today - I got up at 6 am and will not get home until 10:30 or 11 tonight! I'm working wed, fri, and all day Sat. at the 2nd job and I am w...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, I have so much to be thankful for: my life, my job, my kids, my recovery program. This was a week from hell at work. I got thru it and I know that I have better boundaries. My AHsober came last weekend to "help" and as he was leaving dropped a bomb that he was buying land with a frien...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I just got the following two emails from my A Message header was Thanksgiving I am not invited, whats up. Your new boyfried is an ass and wont let me see my kids. I filed for the devorce and they changed the amount for support to 25 a month and said unless I am wanted on charges. I can see the kids every other w...

leenyanna · leenyanna

Does anyone know someone who has taken Ativan to help quit drinking. It is to prevents headaches and shaking.

Chetch · Chetch

Hi All, I'm back again. As my husband tells me nothing about his upcoming DUI hearing/trial, I was home alone last night and took the oppurtunity to look at his email. I know his attorney's name, so I just looked for those emails. Well, he had emailed his attorney, now bear in mind that my husband is an...

stormie · stormie

I'm new to this board. I just spent about a hour reading posts and decided to give this a whirl. I've been separated from my AH for almost 6 months. After 30-something years of marriage, I decided that I could not live with alcoholism any longer. My once gentle, soft-spoken, good-hearted husband ha...

optimistundone · optimistundone

A quick review of my situation. H and I have been together since high school (15 years) and married 7. We have a 6 year old and an 8 month old baby. He abused drugs before he met me, quit when we started dating for 2 years, smoked pot and binge drank pretty much every day in college, quit smoking pot so that...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi family, Just a gentle reminder that the Sunday night meeting starts earlier, 4pm pacific. Hope to see you all there :) And just a heads up. The Topics will be Humor and Healing in alanon. Pages 322 and 323 in a Courage to Change :). Hope to see you there. Yours in recovery, Mandy

twinkie · twinkie

Have been working the program for about a year and a half now - so great and learned to detach with Love. My A went into rehab and has been working a program for himself now for the past 4 months. After he got out I set some strong boundaries and said I would be willing to date but it had to be at a slow pace unti...

CalVal · CalVal

Hello I'm new here, I have been married to an alcoholic for 30 years (my god it has been a LONG time). Anyway we have been through all the ups and downs through the years of him being sober for long periods of time and then binges for months on end. But right now I am at a loss as what to do and so fed up with what he...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Ok so I quit smoking last Wednesday night so this is technically day nine. Yay for me! No cigarettes... Last night for some reason I was having VERY strong cravings and I tried to go out the door and the kids barricaded me in LOL one on the inside and one outside holding the door closed. Then when I final...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

I HAVE a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have been getting tons of emails from the A lately and the last few have been interesting. One said we need to get together and talk about filing for divorce (I get those about once a week) and this time he added that if he doesn't hear from me by next week he's going to go ahead and file himself. My thinkin...

Positivelydee · Positivelydee

As many of you know, I had to put my precious Buster Cat down a week and a half ago ~ and it has been excruciatingly painful. My husband and I have been doing nothing but eating and crying and eating some more. This past Wednesday we picked up his ashes - which in a weird sort of way was comforting - he was home....

kikgirl517 · kikgirl517

I'm new to this board. I am 25 years old and am from Michigan. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and recovering cocaine addict. He also smoked pot daily for the first two and a half years of our relationship. I am a non-alcoholic non-drinker. I have been to some Al-Anon meetings but have a hard time g...

Jill · Jill

help! something so trivial has robbed me of my day. I am reacting to minor day to day irritations at work - it's really embarassing to react to them but today they add up to to much. well from there it spiralled into other topics and by the time I reached my office I was not my highest self. I spent the day tryi...

lynnMat · lynnMat

I posted my dilemma about my husband who is an A and didn't stop drinking even after my daughter was born. Last night we got into an arguement and I locked my bedroom door. He has never been violent in the past, but he tried to storm into the room and when he found out that it was locked, he kicked in the door...

marmare · marmare

My daughter in-law is home. We have had to jump through many hoops to get assitance with her perscriptions. One perscription is $1200!!! Her medicade did not follow her from GA because medicade is state...so no insurance (my son is union but his medical doesn't start for 30 or 60 days...I made lots o...

omajoy · omajoy

I read two posts this morning where the action mentioned to get rid of the A was to "send him home to his mom". I know this is just desperation talking to get rid of him. Moms can't handle your A any better than you can. If she could, she would have by now. She didn't cause it, she can't contro...

Hopeless in AZ · Hopeless in AZ

Hello All, I haven't been here in a while, but I'm back for some thoughts and advice. The Alcoholic in my life is my dad. He's drank my entire life (I'm 27), and after almost 30 years of marriage my mom finally left my dad early this year. She just packed her and my little brother's things one day after o...

lynnMat · lynnMat

this is my first post. i grew up with an alcoholic father and ended up marrying an A too. he's a doctor and drinks 1-2 bottles of wine after work. he promised to quit after we had our baby, about a year ago, but the drinking and isolation in his home office has continued. I used to drink occ. but was neve...

ddub · ddub

I am so frustrated with the levels of acceptance there are. I had compassion for awhile but now I am having a temper tantrum (in my head) because I want to change things I cannot change. I have to accept my fantasy is not reality - fine, phooey!! Not much is going to change but me......at least there is t...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

A Letter to my daughter/son My dear child It is never too late, I am told for anything, but sometimes it is too little just to admit that I was not a good mother during your formative years. However, I am attempting to say I am so sorry. For not being there when you needed me to beFor shouting at you [althoug...

maresie2 · maresie2

The holidays are a tough time for me. From day one on the holidays the A never did take me into consideraiton. Back in the day when we had money I once arranged a wonderful vacation for us. I have made all kinds of excuses but basically he allowed his addiction to ruin the holiday. I had my own issues around m...

spirit · spirit

Hi, I am living with an alcholic and at times it is not good. The verbal assalts are so rough, I find myself apoligizing for things that i didnt do and i fear the abandonment due to childhood stuff. This weekend I was really not good but I found comfort and people to talk with in the chat room here at alanon. T...

Kerowyn · Kerowyn

I was coming on here regularly for a while - right about the time that I realized that the A in my life (live-in bf) was really an alcoholic and out of control. RIght now I'm just venting - and breathing a sigh of relief. We lived together for about a year and 4 days. WOW!! Many episodes transpired, car a...

klm4446 · klm4446

I have not been to board for about 2 mos. Was feeling stronger and very busy with kids but seem to have crashed again recently. Just got the police report back on my BF's 8/1 fatal DUI crash. Blood alcohol was .23. Still having incredible guilt that I did not hear him leave the house that night or fores...

startingtoseethelight · startingtoseethelight

AH and I both had meltdowns Friday night. He'd lost his 3rd job this year and I told him when he started it that when this job is over so are we. When I left for work Friday morning I told him we needed to talk when I get home about splitting up. He took the opportunity to hit the bar and get drunk. He left me a...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

I gotta make it so that if the AH screws everything up, I don't get screwed up right along it. Sometimes I have to reword things so that they will sink in. Maybe I just need to cover my ears with my hands and sing: (to the tune of "figaro") not my problem not my problem not my problem I actually feel...

maresie2 · maresie2

As you all know I really sweated to get the current job I have now which is a pretty long commute from my house. I leave my house at 6:00 a.m and rarely get back to the house till 7:00 p.m Then I often do another 2 hours or so at the 2nd job on top of that. I've been putting feelers out for a better job for a while. I d...

omajoy · omajoy

I have spent my entire life being a helpful, compassionate person. Most of the time those with whom I have a relationship return that to me. I have no experience with being hated. Now my worst case scenario has happened. Last night my ex DIL came to pick up the grandbaby as she does each day; my husband and...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I took a second job delivering pizzas for Dominos (don't freak out Diva :) so now I am working an insane amount and trying to figure out if I can really balance all this. I worked the last two days on my days off from the regular job which I am at now. I will probably be working nights from 7-9 during the week...

Godsgrl · Godsgrl

My hubby is a drug user and an occasional drinker. He got drunk this last weekend and became very verbal abusive (again) I've had enough so I've decided to kick him out. He is playing on my heartstring and I feel lower than a snakes belly right now. He says where will I go? I have no place to stay. I want to yel...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

This is how I feel. If I sleep my brain won't hurt! I have worked on Step 4 for a couple of hours looking at my inventory. And I simply do not know what to do with it. It seems like I will NEVER ever get past this step as I simply have too much to put right. I just do not know what to do next. ...

lin0606 · lin0606

I've got a difficult situation to deal with, and I'd like some input on the alanon perspective. It's a long story, but I'd like to lay it out to get it straight in my own mind. My husband's younger sister was a world traveller in her youth, moved back to their home city about 20 years ago, pregnant and sing...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Being married yet staying focused on myself/working my program/taking care of myself first. (Preview) How do you keep the focus on your self and still be in a marriage? This is my main question these days. I have been separated from my AH for 2 years so that each of us can exclusively focus on ourselves. We are now looking at easing back into a life of living together in around 6 months. I know there are no clear...	Jean4444	7	510	Nov 20, 2007 by nmike
	Feeling pressured to make a decision by A (Preview) Why isn't this getting easier? After a long hard weekend in which promises were broken and boundaries were set (see previous post, "scared of running out of compassion") I am feeling tender and bruised and unsure how to act around A. He is entering rehab which is great but I am worried I d...	tenacious	7	580	Nov 20, 2007 by stormie
	THE " HAPPY HOLIDAYS" ARENT AT MY HOUSE (Preview) Im terrified of the Holidays.I know my A H is going to binge the entire time.Oh he may not be drunk in the am,but by 12n he will be lit like a Christmas tree.Sometimes he doesnt wait till noon.Sometimes he just sleeps it off from the night before ,and starts all over again.Im afraid that he will be drunk on T...	MIDGET	7	926	Nov 20, 2007 by nmike
	QUICK QUESTION??? (Preview) Hi, I have a question? Does the diesease of alcohol seem to rob the alcoholics self-drive and motivation to suceed? Does it seem like they do what they have to do just to get by and nothing more??? My son works at a part-time job as a busser making minimum wage. He rents a room from some guy. Barely ma...	roxygirl5	6	722	Nov 20, 2007 by nmike
	prayers please in this moring on process (Preview) I am up for an inerview tomorrow for another job. I really really really really need benefits and more than that I need to be able to take a break. As it is I will not be paid fot the Thanksgiving holiday or for a week and a half over Christmas. If I can get this job I will be in a much much much much better place. F...	maresie2	11	649	Nov 20, 2007 by Jean4444
	typical behavior! (Preview) Sitting at computer with coffee and congratulating myself on have had several "good" days in a row...not that what just happened is necessarily bad, but so typical and so much my prediction. Here's how it went: Ex-DIL called again just now to say grandbaby had upchucked twice during th...	omajoy	5	533	Nov 20, 2007 by Leetle
	Why are the holidays so difficult? (Preview) I don't know why the holidays have to be so particularly difficult, I remember last year I felt sooo guilty that I didn't want the A to come over. For those of you who remember, he was extorting me with signing the papers on the house. It was hell, I didn't invite him for our son's birthday party and Chris...	carolinagirl	5	586	Nov 20, 2007 by Jen
	PURPOSE OF A SPONSOR? (Preview) Hi, I was wondering what the purpose of a sponsor is? Is it for when a crisis arises you have someone to talk to? Is it a commitment where you have to call every day or once a week? Please explain? Thanks, Roxygirl5	roxygirl5	2	2106	Nov 20, 2007 by Jen
	Scared out running out of compassion (Preview) Hello everyone, well the latest in my life is the my A boyfriend has broken trust blatantly two nights in a row. This comes at the end of a string of incidents and I am rubbed raw, emotionally and physically (battling the same low-level flu forever). Last night I had a lot of tears and bf responded by fir...	tenacious	7	1068	Nov 20, 2007 by tenacious
	HALT (Preview) My mom used to spout of this Alanon slogan long ago when I would talk to her. I got pretty tired of the "lessons". But I knew deep down she had wisdom so I filed the things she said in my mind and went on with my life. Now it's eight years later and I'm in Alanon and trying to get my life back together...	souljoy	1	493	Nov 20, 2007 by rtexas
	HOW TO DETACH WITH LOVE? (Preview) Hi I'm having a hard time understanding "detach with love"! My son is the alcoholic who is 24 yrs. old. and he lives on his own. I told him he was not allowed to spend the night at my house unless he asks me first. I have a garage with a combination and he had the combo for emergencies. Well,...	roxygirl5	3	1775	Nov 20, 2007 by rtexas
	What Do You Do in Year 5? (Preview) A question for those of you with A's that have established a successful long-term recovery (5+ years?) and forgive me if I sound naive. After years of successful recovery with your A, do you still keep your guard up, work your program, and take nothing at face value? In other words, does the Al-Anon a...	Jeff Reynolds	8	508	Nov 20, 2007 by Jean4444
	Feelings are not Facts... (Preview) (((((((Everyone))))))) Have not heard that phrase in a long time... it was thown out in my meeting last night and although I heard many other things there that I needed to hear, probably nothing more important than that for me. I have been struggling lately with many feelings that I am trying to unde...	rtexas	5	728	Nov 20, 2007 by Karilynn
	Lonelinesss (Preview) When I was with the A I was incredibly achingly lonely. I felt most of the time like I had a huge hole inside. I was afraid to leave him for many reasons, one of them was loneliness. I felt without him I'd be lost and adrift and feel abandoned. Of course during the course of the 7 years I was with him I was abando...	maresie2	8	438	Nov 20, 2007 by bobbo
	Cleaning again (Preview) I'm cleaning through my stuff at Dad's again. I just finished in my bathroom. I again have alot of the old feelings I've had as I cleaned through stuff in the past. Empty. Lonely. Sad. Hurting. The memories are reminding me of the past. And I have enough recovery now to look at the past with much more rea...	Tiger2006	2	385	Nov 19, 2007 by Tenderheartsks
	HOW TO DETACH WITH LOVE? (Preview) Hi I'm having a hard time understanding "detach with love"! My son is the alcoholic who is 24 yrs. old. and he lives on his own. I told him he was not allowed to spend the night at my house unless he asks me first. I have a garage with a combination and he had the combo for emergencies. Well,...	roxygirl5	0	277	Nov 19, 2007 by roxygirl5
	He ended the relationship (Preview) My A BF started distancing from me. I give him plenty of space and I never ask for anything. It dawned on me that this is my life too and I want someone who has both feet in a relationship, wants to work things out, and doesn't bail at the first sign of discord. So, I asked for what I wanted. I was told to have a ni...	kissers	8	707	Nov 19, 2007 by Jean4444
	NEW TO ALANON...QUESTION? (Preview) Hi, I'm new to Alanon and I went to a meeting this weekend. Someone commented when dealing with the alcoholic, you need to know what your part is. Does this mean, if your an enabler? Thanks, Roxygirl5	roxygirl5	4	385	Nov 19, 2007 by Jean4444
	And then I get this... (Preview) will you call my mom and tell I said "what happened" ?I might have a job, but it is in Kansas.... I am mad, I can't understand it. I ca't geta job here with out a DR LC. I told this place that I can't drive because I am blind in left eye. At least I will be able to send you money. I am never going to see my k...	carolinagirl	6	487	Nov 19, 2007 by Jean4444
	RE: Sunday Night Meeting (LOL you all crack me up) (Preview) Hi all, Thanks to all who attended the meeting last night. It was great. One of the best meetings I have been to lately. I appreciate all the wonderful ESH, the laughs (even though at times it was hard to see my screen through the fits of laughter), and the fellowship. Once again, I woouldn't be where I am...	Mandy123	1	576	Nov 19, 2007 by rtexas
	update another lie upon lie upon lie (Preview) For the last few months since the A left the trailer I had paid for all summer he has led me to think he is homeless and has been living in his car. Today I found out he is not. He has been staying with his uncle. Admittedly it is a longlong way from where I am and hardly comfortable. At the same time he has to wor...	maresie	4	521	Nov 19, 2007 by maresie2
	An Alanon Limerick (Preview) Our Sunday night meeting was a blast with the topic of using humor, and I was asked to share a limerick I came up with on the message board There once was a person in Alanon Who felt that their life was all but gone They went to a meeting And their anguish went fleeting And the music that played then went on and...	norwood	0	1405	Nov 19, 2007 by norwood
	Update (Preview) (((((((((((((Family))))))))))))) I just thought I would stop by and give you an update. As some of you know on Sunday night he was drunk (as usual) and got very angry with me. I'm still not sure why. He was so angry that I started to fear for my safety so I called the police. They arrived and spoke to him...	shadow1	13	654	Nov 19, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Relapse: ESH, please (Preview) I haven't posted in a while--still trying to catch up on reading the threads. My first was just an introduction, but now I have an issue on my mind and really would like some help developing the proper perspective. This might be a bit long. My clean A and I have been together a little less than 6 month...	cen616	18	511	Nov 19, 2007 by hudsond
	Thanksgiving (Preview) Thanksgiving and the holidays are such a hard time of year it seems. It puts so much stress on having the perfect holiday, when there is no such thing. The A seems to pick this time of year to go on more binges and more excuses for holiday drinking. It's got to the point that holidays are not as enjoyable for...	java	5	361	Nov 19, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Still pushing through (Preview) Today is day 12 of non smoking and it has been pulling on me for the past 3 or 4 days just one just one just one... I have been good! I have been working my booty off at 2 jobs! I work today - I got up at 6 am and will not get home until 10:30 or 11 tonight! I'm working wed, fri, and all day Sat. at the 2nd job and I am w...	carolinagirl	0	299	Nov 19, 2007 by carolinagirl
	It stings-any esh? (Preview) Hi Alanoners, I have so much to be thankful for: my life, my job, my kids, my recovery program. This was a week from hell at work. I got thru it and I know that I have better boundaries. My AHsober came last weekend to "help" and as he was leaving dropped a bomb that he was buying land with a frien...	nmike	8	606	Nov 19, 2007 by debilyn
	I'm so ANGRY! (Preview) I just got the following two emails from my A Message header was Thanksgiving I am not invited, whats up. Your new boyfried is an ass and wont let me see my kids. I filed for the devorce and they changed the amount for support to 25 a month and said unless I am wanted on charges. I can see the kids every other w...	carolinagirl	8	427	Nov 19, 2007 by Lunamoth
	Ativan (Preview) Does anyone know someone who has taken Ativan to help quit drinking. It is to prevents headaches and shaking.	leenyanna	8	680	Nov 18, 2007 by debilyn
	My husband's DUI (Preview) Hi All, I'm back again. As my husband tells me nothing about his upcoming DUI hearing/trial, I was home alone last night and took the oppurtunity to look at his email. I know his attorney's name, so I just looked for those emails. Well, he had emailed his attorney, now bear in mind that my husband is an...	Chetch	9	402	Nov 18, 2007 by maresie
	Recently Separated from My AH of 33 Years (Preview) I'm new to this board. I just spent about a hour reading posts and decided to give this a whirl. I've been separated from my AH for almost 6 months. After 30-something years of marriage, I decided that I could not live with alcoholism any longer. My once gentle, soft-spoken, good-hearted husband ha...	stormie	5	589	Nov 18, 2007 by stormie
	New here and some questions....... (Preview) A quick review of my situation. H and I have been together since high school (15 years) and married 7. We have a 6 year old and an 8 month old baby. He abused drugs before he met me, quit when we started dating for 2 years, smoked pot and binge drank pretty much every day in college, quit smoking pot so that...	optimistundone	5	490	Nov 18, 2007 by optimistundone
	Sunday Night Meeting (Preview) Hi family, Just a gentle reminder that the Sunday night meeting starts earlier, 4pm pacific. Hope to see you all there :) And just a heads up. The Topics will be Humor and Healing in alanon. Pages 322 and 323 in a Courage to Change :). Hope to see you there. Yours in recovery, Mandy	Mandy123	0	271	Nov 18, 2007 by Mandy123
	so painful.. (Preview) Have been working the program for about a year and a half now - so great and learned to detach with Love. My A went into rehab and has been working a program for himself now for the past 4 months. After he got out I set some strong boundaries and said I would be willing to date but it had to be at a slow pace unti...	twinkie	3	372	Nov 18, 2007 by Karilynn
	New here and feeling LOST! (Preview) Hello I'm new here, I have been married to an alcoholic for 30 years (my god it has been a LONG time). Anyway we have been through all the ups and downs through the years of him being sober for long periods of time and then binges for months on end. But right now I am at a loss as what to do and so fed up with what he...	CalVal	7	573	Nov 18, 2007 by Jean4444
	Day NINE! (Preview) Ok so I quit smoking last Wednesday night so this is technically day nine. Yay for me! No cigarettes... Last night for some reason I was having VERY strong cravings and I tried to go out the door and the kids barricaded me in LOL one on the inside and one outside holding the door closed. Then when I final...	carolinagirl	7	450	Nov 17, 2007 by Diva
	Learning to lighten up and mellow out (Preview) I HAVE a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the...	Tiger2006	6	893	Nov 17, 2007 by Jean4444
	Venting (Preview) I have been getting tons of emails from the A lately and the last few have been interesting. One said we need to get together and talk about filing for divorce (I get those about once a week) and this time he added that if he doesn't hear from me by next week he's going to go ahead and file himself. My thinkin...	carolinagirl	8	375	Nov 17, 2007 by Jean4444
	Eating out of control (Preview) As many of you know, I had to put my precious Buster Cat down a week and a half ago ~ and it has been excruciatingly painful. My husband and I have been doing nothing but eating and crying and eating some more. This past Wednesday we picked up his ashes - which in a weird sort of way was comforting - he was home....	Positivelydee	2	407	Nov 17, 2007 by bob6502
	Hey everyone :) (Preview) I'm new to this board. I am 25 years old and am from Michigan. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and recovering cocaine addict. He also smoked pot daily for the first two and a half years of our relationship. I am a non-alcoholic non-drinker. I have been to some Al-Anon meetings but have a hard time g...	kikgirl517	3	309	Nov 16, 2007 by Positivelydee
	need ESH on resenting (Preview) help! something so trivial has robbed me of my day. I am reacting to minor day to day irritations at work - it's really embarassing to react to them but today they add up to to much. well from there it spiralled into other topics and by the time I reached my office I was not my highest self. I spent the day tryi...	Jill	5	727	Nov 16, 2007 by Jill
	so upset i can't eat (Preview) I posted my dilemma about my husband who is an A and didn't stop drinking even after my daughter was born. Last night we got into an arguement and I locked my bedroom door. He has never been violent in the past, but he tried to storm into the room and when he found out that it was locked, he kicked in the door...	lynnMat	2	415	Nov 16, 2007 by debilyn
	Daughter in-law update (Preview) My daughter in-law is home. We have had to jump through many hoops to get assitance with her perscriptions. One perscription is $1200!!! Her medicade did not follow her from GA because medicade is state...so no insurance (my son is union but his medical doesn't start for 30 or 60 days...I made lots o...	marmare	4	402	Nov 16, 2007 by belle1
	sending the A home to mom (Preview) I read two posts this morning where the action mentioned to get rid of the A was to "send him home to his mom". I know this is just desperation talking to get rid of him. Moms can't handle your A any better than you can. If she could, she would have by now. She didn't cause it, she can't contro...	omajoy	3	500	Nov 16, 2007 by lilms
	How do you prepare yourself? (Preview) Hello All, I haven't been here in a while, but I'm back for some thoughts and advice. The Alcoholic in my life is my dad. He's drank my entire life (I'm 27), and after almost 30 years of marriage my mom finally left my dad early this year. She just packed her and my little brother's things one day after o...	Hopeless in AZ	9	557	Nov 16, 2007 by Jeff Reynolds
	beginning phases (Preview) this is my first post. i grew up with an alcoholic father and ended up marrying an A too. he's a doctor and drinks 1-2 bottles of wine after work. he promised to quit after we had our baby, about a year ago, but the drinking and isolation in his home office has continued. I used to drink occ. but was neve...	lynnMat	3	535	Nov 16, 2007 by carolinagirl
	Acceptance (Preview) I am so frustrated with the levels of acceptance there are. I had compassion for awhile but now I am having a temper tantrum (in my head) because I want to change things I cannot change. I have to accept my fantasy is not reality - fine, phooey!! Not much is going to change but me......at least there is t...	ddub	2	331	Nov 15, 2007 by nmike
	Unconditional apology... (Preview) A Letter to my daughter/son My dear child It is never too late, I am told for anything, but sometimes it is too little just to admit that I was not a good mother during your formative years. However, I am attempting to say I am so sorry. For not being there when you needed me to beFor shouting at you [althoug...	Heartbroken	2	604	Nov 15, 2007 by Positivelydee
	Grief the holidays (Preview) The holidays are a tough time for me. From day one on the holidays the A never did take me into consideraiton. Back in the day when we had money I once arranged a wonderful vacation for us. I have made all kinds of excuses but basically he allowed his addiction to ruin the holiday. I had my own issues around m...	maresie2	1	387	Nov 15, 2007 by Positivelydee
	Thank you everyone in Chat room (Preview) Hi, I am living with an alcholic and at times it is not good. The verbal assalts are so rough, I find myself apoligizing for things that i didnt do and i fear the abandonment due to childhood stuff. This weekend I was really not good but I found comfort and people to talk with in the chat room here at alanon. T...	spirit	3	434	Nov 15, 2007 by spirit
	Finally had it (Preview) I was coming on here regularly for a while - right about the time that I realized that the A in my life (live-in bf) was really an alcoholic and out of control. RIght now I'm just venting - and breathing a sigh of relief. We lived together for about a year and 4 days. WOW!! Many episodes transpired, car a...	Kerowyn	3	321	Nov 15, 2007 by Kim65
	3 months later (Preview) I have not been to board for about 2 mos. Was feeling stronger and very busy with kids but seem to have crashed again recently. Just got the police report back on my BF's 8/1 fatal DUI crash. Blood alcohol was .23. Still having incredible guilt that I did not hear him leave the house that night or fores...	klm4446	6	490	Nov 15, 2007 by maresie2
	Glad I found you (Preview) AH and I both had meltdowns Friday night. He'd lost his 3rd job this year and I told him when he started it that when this job is over so are we. When I left for work Friday morning I told him we needed to talk when I get home about splitting up. He took the opportunity to hit the bar and get drunk. He left me a...	startingtoseethelight	3	492	Nov 15, 2007 by Kerowyn
	self help (Preview) I gotta make it so that if the AH screws everything up, I don't get screwed up right along it. Sometimes I have to reword things so that they will sink in. Maybe I just need to cover my ears with my hands and sing: (to the tune of "figaro") not my problem not my problem not my problem I actually feel...	RainyJamie	2	341	Nov 15, 2007 by canadianguy
	hard times and more hard times (Preview) As you all know I really sweated to get the current job I have now which is a pretty long commute from my house. I leave my house at 6:00 a.m and rarely get back to the house till 7:00 p.m Then I often do another 2 hours or so at the 2nd job on top of that. I've been putting feelers out for a better job for a while. I d...	maresie2	4	567	Nov 15, 2007 by maire rua
	worst case scenario reality (Preview) I have spent my entire life being a helpful, compassionate person. Most of the time those with whom I have a relationship return that to me. I have no experience with being hated. Now my worst case scenario has happened. Last night my ex DIL came to pick up the grandbaby as she does each day; my husband and...	omajoy	9	606	Nov 15, 2007 by DD
	Second Job and MAMA guilt (Preview) I took a second job delivering pizzas for Dominos (don't freak out Diva :) so now I am working an insane amount and trying to figure out if I can really balance all this. I worked the last two days on my days off from the regular job which I am at now. I will probably be working nights from 7-9 during the week...	carolinagirl	3	552	Nov 14, 2007 by maresie2
	New here (Preview) My hubby is a drug user and an occasional drinker. He got drunk this last weekend and became very verbal abusive (again) I've had enough so I've decided to kick him out. He is playing on my heartstring and I feel lower than a snakes belly right now. He says where will I go? I have no place to stay. I want to yel...	Godsgrl	2	419	Nov 14, 2007 by Kim65
	My brain hurts ... I just do not know what to do next! (Preview) This is how I feel. If I sleep my brain won't hurt! I have worked on Step 4 for a couple of hours looking at my inventory. And I simply do not know what to do with it. It seems like I will NEVER ever get past this step as I simply have too much to put right. I just do not know what to do next. ...	Heartbroken	11	720	Nov 14, 2007 by barisax
	Help me Clarify my Thoughts (Preview) I've got a difficult situation to deal with, and I'd like some input on the alanon perspective. It's a long story, but I'd like to lay it out to get it straight in my own mind. My husband's younger sister was a world traveller in her youth, moved back to their home city about 20 years ago, pregnant and sing...	lin0606	8	628	Nov 14, 2007 by greta
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.