Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: 10/25/22 C2C Own, Acknowledge, Change


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 862
Date:
10/25/22 C2C Own, Acknowledge, Change


Today's writer acknowledges a character defect in the area of avoiding making, executing, and following through on decisions. Though it was the best they could do at the time, this led to remaining in unhealthy environment for their children.

We can't change the past, but in making amends we can strive to change our behavior. In this case, the writer challenged themselves with the simple, meaningful question: 'Am I taking responsibility for my choices today? Am I making choices I can be proud of...or letting the choices be made by others?'

Reminder: Alanon encourages us define our values and take responsibility for choices we make, make amends where we have fallen short, rather than blaming the universe for conspiring against us when things go wrong. 'Today I can make active choices.'

"Making amends isn't just saying 'I'm sorry.' It means responding differently from our new understanding." As We Understood
-----------------
I don't have children, but as I reflect on this reading I see some huge areas to work on: 

Thinking I have done my part, continuing my ineffective behavior while telling myself I am waiting for them to inform, decide, or act. 

I realize upon meditating on this reading that, while I would like to see myself as a person who is proactive, I have areas in my personal relationship where I am blaming someone else for failure to commit and take action when it is really me. 

Time for amends: sincere apology but more importantly, a change to active decisions and better behavior.

Grateful for the wisdom of the program   

 



__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2481
Date:

Thank you for your service Paul and insightful share. I sure do relate. Tonight is my F2F meeting, still on zoom but surviving. We are holding a business meeting. Two weeks ago we celebrated the 19th anniversary of this group. I've been part of it for 9 yrs. There is a member who can be critical and harsh, and I have been subjected to this at least twice, and witnessed this behavior towards a few others. In a respectful manner, and without blaming this person outright, I plan to address our behavior towards others. It's much easier to do nothing, and this person will know with whom I am talking about, but since I resigned from the Doormat Club, I feel I have some responsibility to speak up. Whatever happens will happen. I, and everyone else in this group, deserve to be treated with respect.

__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 641
Date:

I too thank you Paul for your service, todays reading and to both you and Lyne for

both your wonderful ESH. Making amends and actively keeping in check my behavior when tough

decisions need to be made is a work in progress. I few weeks ago I had to break the news to AH

that our 25 year old washing machine (which has been repaired twice) was leaking water and oil

and upon researching the repair costs, it was very likely that we need a new one. Well, as

expected the chaos began which I just walked away from (immediately). His approach was we

can't afford a new one so we will have to go without (typical all or nothing approach which I am

used to). I acted like I really do not care, and an hour later he appeared in my office doorway

with options to go shopping. Grateful for the wisdom of Al-Anon as well!! Lyne, glad you have

resigned from the "doormat club"!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 120
Date:

Thanks for this Paul. Guilt over staying too long in an awful environment with my child is probably the one thing I haven't even begun to resolve in-programme. I'll ponder this reading further.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.