The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's writer acknowledges a character defect in the area of avoiding making, executing, and following through on decisions. Though it was the best they could do at the time, this led to remaining in unhealthy environment for their children.
We can't change the past, but in making amends we can strive to change our behavior. In this case, the writer challenged themselves with the simple, meaningful question: 'Am I taking responsibility for my choices today? Am I making choices I can be proud of...or letting the choices be made by others?'
Reminder: Alanon encourages us define our values and take responsibility for choices we make, make amends where we have fallen short, rather than blaming the universe for conspiring against us when things go wrong. 'Today I can make active choices.'
"Making amends isn't just saying 'I'm sorry.' It means responding differently from our new understanding." As We Understood ----------------- I don't have children, but as I reflect on this reading I see some huge areas to work on:
Thinking I have done my part, continuing my ineffective behavior while telling myself I am waiting for them to inform, decide, or act.
I realize upon meditating on this reading that, while I would like to see myself as a person who is proactive, I have areas in my personal relationship where I am blaming someone else for failure to commit and take action when it is really me.
Time for amends: sincere apology but more importantly, a change to active decisions and better behavior.
Grateful for the wisdom of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your service Paul and insightful share. I sure do relate. Tonight is my F2F meeting, still on zoom but surviving. We are holding a business meeting. Two weeks ago we celebrated the 19th anniversary of this group. I've been part of it for 9 yrs. There is a member who can be critical and harsh, and I have been subjected to this at least twice, and witnessed this behavior towards a few others. In a respectful manner, and without blaming this person outright, I plan to address our behavior towards others. It's much easier to do nothing, and this person will know with whom I am talking about, but since I resigned from the Doormat Club, I feel I have some responsibility to speak up. Whatever happens will happen. I, and everyone else in this group, deserve to be treated with respect.
Thanks for this Paul. Guilt over staying too long in an awful environment with my child is probably the one thing I haven't even begun to resolve in-programme. I'll ponder this reading further.
