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Post Info TOPIC: October 29 - ODAT - Pause


~*Service Worker*~

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October 29 - ODAT - Pause


Today's reading is about how we make choices and decisions. Forethought -- including kindness toward other people affected by the decision -- will result in decisions we can live with comfortably.  If we are feeling angry or agitated, it is wise to wait until the feeling has subsided so that we can calmly consider our decision before taking action.

Today's Reminder: I will remember that a decision I make in a time of crisis might not be the one I would make when the crisis is past. I will not rashly take a step which I may afterward regret.

Quote from Proust: "All our resolves and decisions are made in a mood or frame of mind which is certain to change."

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This reading is timely for me because I have been really trying to practice the PAUSE -- which I think stands for Please Assist Until Serenity Enters -- and for me this means asking my higher power or my higher consciousness to get me to Do Nothing while I calmly consider whether I ought to Do Something.  I have been working on this when I want to respond quickly to an email, or when a service position needs to be filled, or when anyone makes a request of me.

Getting things done quickly can be an asset -- except when it's not.  I once had a manager who told me I was the only employee she'd ever had that she had to tell to slow down. Who knew? Getting that report done two weeks early was not the best idea, because all the data wasn't in yet.

I'm coming to the conclusion that fast and mindless is not as good as slow and mindful. When I jump too quickly, often I find myself regretting the way I worded that email, or feeling stuck with a task I resent, or worse, I might resent a person whose request I agreed to without pausing to think about my own needs.

I am really a work in progress on this.  Sometimes I remember to slow down and pause -- sometimes I don't.   I am hoping practice will bring progress.

MIP friends, are you able to pause before making choices? (And if you are, please tell me your secret.)



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

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Ft, thanks for your service and ESH. Pause is a valuable tool for me. Many times in the past I responded or took action in haste, only to have regrets later. The slogan for me could be Pause and Think! And sometimes less is more. I'm always learning new things....

__________________

Lyne



Senior Member

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Thank you freetime for your service and share. I am learning to give myself what I deserve one day at a time. Waiting is an Alanon tool that often rewards me. I am learning alot about myself and others as I put this tool into action more often. I'm learning to better prioritize and value my own wants and needs and how others are responding to my choice to take care of myself. To Thine Own Self Be True. When you spoke about resisting the urge to promptly respond to an email, it brought to light a longtime friendship that has changed over the last few years. I've found myself making excuses for my friend's lack of attentiveness. Yet my friend makes clear in email the socializing she is doing with others. I'm realizing our relationship is not what it once was. I rarely hear from her and often she doesn't respond to my communication. When I do hear from her, she makes no references to anything I shared in my last email to her. She prattles on about herself and lays out dates for getting together. Most recently she included a health scare and said she would update me the following week. It was progress for me that I chose not to react to her email with concern for her and simply sit on my hands. She said she planned to update me so I left it at that. I received a follow up email a week later wherein she let me know everything was ok with her after all. She suggested I give her a call so she could tell me all about it. Uh nah! I hadn't heard from her in months prior to this recent email. Our friendship has dwindled to getting together maybe three times a year with my catch up emails going unanswered. I don't owe her to listen to health drama over the phone when she's clearly demonstrates she cares little about me. I paused, waited ten days (proud of myself) then responded to her email. I kept it simple. I was glad she is well, postponing getting together due to the recent surge in cases and wished her and her family happy holidays. I'm at peace with this. I'm moving on too now. TT

__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Senior Member

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Thank you FT for your service, today's reading and to you Lyne and TT for all your ESH!!

TGIF MIP Family!!

I always thought that it was a criticism when my boss would tell me the same thing FT, that I needed to slow down smile.

I was always pressed for time, with two jobs, two kids, two cats, school and a house.  All of that would put me into 

hyper-mode because there was still food shopping, the yard and a multitude of other things to take care of!!

I would squeeze in some yoga/meditation in the evening that would help me to slow the mind to a more mindful 

setting, but then tomorrow it would start all over again (the rat race!!).  Al-Anon has helped me to use that Pause

button more often, I do love the acronym "Please Assist Until Serenity Enters".  Old habits die slowly, but am 

working on it!  Grateful Al-Anon member indeed.

 

 

 



__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you for your service FT, and all above for your ESH on a great topic...

In my endeavors, I tend to be task/time oriented over people/feelings oriented. I may unintentionally lean toward being dismissive, but combined with a lingering issue or resentment my communication carries a message different than I intended, and damage to others that is not deserved or easily forgotten.

I and all involved are much better served by the Pause, remembering that pushing out a decision or statement just to cross it off my list is unwise when I am not able to deliver it with the care it deserves.

I so appreciate the reminder that if the decision involves other people, "...it is well to include such ingredients as love, generosity, tolerance and just plain kindness."

So simple, yet easy for my overlook when I am focused on my own selfish goals rather than thinking of the feelings of others.

Grateful for the reminder

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

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