I felt the need to touch base with the literature available on the roles of family members in alcoholic families, ie: the hero, the scapegoat, the lost child, the mascot, the golden child, cheif enabler and addict. Reflecting on the nature of the dis-ease and it's rippling impact accross generations. This I think will remain my challenge, to step out from that conditioning. I can see touches of those roles in my own little ones. Mostly my little hero, who pushes herself, is outstanding in all areas but it's never enough. She is so much like me whilst also being 110 percent herself. I have to find a way to adapt my parenting style to the manifestation of my parenting influence up to now. But the roles in the family I was thinking more about adulthood. I played cheif enabler, hero and scapegoat but mostly the first one. I married a scapegoat. We are still married, though living apart. It's working for us. Things got pretty toxic we were both sick. It's quite I don't know, eye opening or shocking to see how the real life examples of roles work. Especially when someone challenges the designation. One is not allowed to change or challenge the family order because this throws everybody else out. Losing the family scapegoat must be the most terrifying challenge because who would want to take the scapegoats role as carrier of the families scorn? Additionally when you no longer have the "bad" one to blame, the only place to look is back at the remaining members .This could mean breaking denial and that must never happen. The hero is now fallen, to become addict and mascot, the lost child sides with the golden child, cheif enabler now martyr. I'm sure everyone wants to be the hero. We all are our own heroes on this recovery journey. When i met my husband I was early sobriety. Except that sobriety was not really sobriety because I didn't know I was an alcoholic, I had accepted only that alcohol was not always good for me and may cause me to lose control. I had decided not to drink. I was a control freak but I was also lost and uncertain, battle scarred and searching. I did see in him the potential for rescuing and his reputation was for being one of the worst. But I didn't really accept that and I'm glad I didn't. Just a classic scapegoat fulfilling his role, said me, I will get you out of here and somehow we will together ascend. Well it's been a trip! I no longer feel a need to rescue this guy. It's pretty clear he resents it and after a while so did I! But we made it to here and now I'm looking at what I want and what I can be responsible for in a healthy way. He is committed to working and providing, knows he can't drink but is waiting until that decision is made for him. There are some very strong warning signs from his body. I support by not enabling. I listen. I tell him we would like him around for at least another twenty years. Beyond that what can I do? Nothing. I'm here looking at my own family roles and not liking them. I'm considering washing my hands of the whole toxic affair and risking starting over AGAIN, not for material security, but inner peace. Life's interesting. Thanks for reading if you got this far and have a beautiful day.