The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a lot to say. I'm glad this group exists, as these message boards have been helpful. We were together over 14 years. We were engaged & lived together (house in my name due to his credit). Brief highlights- open container a couple years ago, lost job, out of work while I paid bills, drinking continued for some time.
Two weeks of rehab- relapse. DUI a year ago, jail twice, rehab over jail again (just barely), AA for 2 months out of rehab, then none. He'll have a year tomorrow. Dry, right? Irritable, no meetings, no amends, irresponsible with money, didn't help with half of bills/house responsibilities, acted like he didn't owe anyone any kind of apologies- just wanted forgiveness and everyone to forget things from the past & not talk about them.
He sent a flirtatious message to a girl on fb prior to the last time in jail before rehab. I saw it last summer & ended things. Then, he had been done so well in rehab/AA, I foolishly thought we should start again 9 months ago.
He ended things a month ago, bs reasons- translation, I don't want responsibility or to apologize for anything. He cheated but won't admit it. Run like hell. Don't love a BPD alcoholic. He is a toxic leech. They will only betray you.
-- Edited by Gladitsover on Monday 19th of September 2016 05:28:34 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 19th of September 2016 09:04:36 PM
Welcome to MIP Theresa. Glad you found us and glad that you have shared. Keep coming back - there is help and hope in recovery...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can completely understand your anger and pain. It sucks when you put so much time and energy into a relationship and you stand by the alcoholic because he has a disease and because you love him just to have him end the relationship and blindside you when he finally decides AGAIN to get sober.
Hopefully someday you can chalk this up to "lesson learned" and move on to someone who will truly appreciate a kind, caring and loving person like you!
Welcome Theresa I hear your pain and resentments. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that not only affects the person who consumes the alcohol but also the entire family. Please search alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend .
It is here that I was given the support that I needed as well as new constructive tools to live by . You are not alone.
I don't understand why you can't edit your own posts- it's nice to vent here, even when angry. It's really hard to deal with something like this, especially when you loved someone, & they were reckless enough to hurt you so badly. I feel so upset that he could do this- it's like he was hiding who he was from me. I cared about him which just feels foolish at this point.
Theresa - you can edit your own content. I believe that anything other than your post has to be edited by a moderator. I am sorry for your pain - keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I completely relate and understand your frustration.
When things end and everything is so raw it's hard to verbalize exactly what is going on inside my own brain and feelings, especially in the throws of all of the feelings that come up with being betrayed by someone you have stood by through the good and the bad times.
Good news .. it's a feeling not a fact. Bad news .. it hurts for a while anyway.
I hope you find a face to face meeting to help with your healing. It was what saved my life. My XAH and I are no longer together and the hardest thing to get rid of is an A .. good grief it has been a LONG time coming.
If you can't find a face to face meeting please come back here and vent, read, learn and grow .. public venting is more verbally clean than private messaging .. lol .. no worries there.
Do keep coming back and allow yourself to heal at the pace you need to.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I didn't get the part of editing and sure got the rest of it. Alcoholism is about pain. It is an incurable disease that affects the mind, body, spirit and emotions and if not arrested is fatal to those it touches. It can and will be arrested by total abstinence and that takes the help and support of many others and a power greater than the alcoholic including a program or recovery. Best place for me was in the recovery program of Al-Anon which ended with me getting my life, peace of mind and sanity back. Keep coming back here and look for and attend face to face meeting groups of Al-Anon. ((((hugs))))
