What Al-Anon taught me was that I was where I was because of what I had done...I was living my consequences of conscious and unconscious choices.  This wasn't about the alcoholic...it was about me turning my life over to chance.  I had negative consequences that I could not blame or even mention the alcoholic in and in some cases I did blame her for things that she had no part in.  In part the Al-Anon declaration became even more important for me when it says "I am responsible".  I was born and raised in the disease of alcoholism and to that part where I wasn't aware my responsibility was to become aware which is what I am doing in recovery.  Was it possible for me to go back to the ex alcoholic/addict spouse who was now sober...I didn't entertain that question to long as what I entertained was why did I marry her when I was thinking not to.  I didn't want to marry her and I did which was my responsibility.  Al-Anon is a program in part of amends which I learned was about making change and corrections to behaviors which caused me trouble not helpful to a life of peace of mind and serenity.  My sponsor told me, "If and When you find that you have made a mistake in your life it is your responsibility to go back and change it or correct it" and I hold on to that truth still.   While my wife and I were separated and she was still drinking and then we were in divorce court and more I was learning about myself and my errors in thinking and behaving.  I was also learning about unconditional love and acceptance and we divorced.  Some short time later I was coming home to Hawaii and just by chance met her in a Target store.  It was a joyous meeting and we embraced and kissed and shared some conversation and I understood at that moment it was as our first meeting except I had no feeling of need for her or any other person for that matter.  The event was profound in many ways and told me that I could be happy and glad for another persons condition in life and that the was a power greater than myself who I could trust and rely on now and in the future with very opposite consequences than before.  I learned to be responsible for my life and my choices and to own them and the outcomes and more.  I only have memories of her now and the most beautiful being the last one.  I have hope and compassion and empathy for her and no desire to check into how she is living her life.  I know that she and I lived thru hell and hell is a bad place to live for anyone.  Choose well and use the program when doing it.    Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))