I wonder if it would help to start with an online meeting from this site first?  Then if you find yourself overwhelmed, angry, or too emotional, you can just step away from the computer, pull the plug, or whatever, no harm done. Or just read every other line, or view the screen through colored paper, or whatever gives you distance.

What you will find, at 99% of meetings, is a group of people who have way more in common than they have dividing them.  There are very religious people (of many religions) and atheists, conformists and individualists, right-wingers, left-wingers, middle-of-the-roaders and don't-care-at-all-ers, the potty-mouthed and the prim, and all the variety of humanity there is - because we all share something more fundamental: the need for support and understanding, the experience of loving an alcoholic, the pain and the fear, the hope, and the determination to get well.  What we share is so much more important than the details in which we differ.

As the saying is, "Don't leave before the miracle happens."

I hope you'll keep coming back.  There are wonderful things in store - I can vouch for that from my experience.

I found that when the pain of the anger, resentment, self-pity and fear became strong enough and I had no place else to go, Al-Anon meetings, and members opened their doors and hearts and allowed me to walk in--- defects and all.

They suggested that I take what I liked and leave the rest. I was also made comfortable by the suggestions that the meetings were conducted based on the principles of the Traditions and the Steps and that no one would tell me what to do or what to believe. That I was simply asked to respect other members, keep an open mind and heart and keep coming back. This I did and I'm so grateful.

I attended meetings for over a year before I spoke, but I did listen to learn and kept an open mind on all that I heard. My higher power was the group and the philosophy of the program and that worked well.

I must note, that I had my own set of issues prior to being married to an alcoholic, and these are the issues that I needed to address by attending Al-Anon meetings. My making myself invisible, denying my reality, manipulating and people pleasing to get what I wanted, becoming angry, resentful, blaming, criticizing others, and reacting  with anxiety and fear are all issues that are part of who I was before I connected with this disease. I needed Al-Anon many, many years earlier

THANK YOU ALL!!
More! more! Please! I'm tearing up already. It all sounds too good to be true, which tends to bolster my skepticism, but that's just my naturally resistant nature. I'm not intransigent, so please continue.

I'm not a "club" or "group" personality. I've never experienced a gathering of inclusive and non-judgmental people in my 49 years. I can't imagine it.
I've found all groups and clubs that I've encountered to exist for exactly the opposite purpose.

I'm so starved for love and caring that I feel like I might blow away.

I am aware that I have issues that predate my marriage to the AW, but I felt I was, at the least, taking inventory and addressing them until the insanity blindsided me and compounded them all. I'm not blameless by any stretch of the imagination and I feel duped, stupid, and guilty.  I pride myself on my education and perceived intellect, and the feeling of shame at my ignorance of how to handle the situation has left me questioning everything I ever thought I knew.

As the topic says, I'm very stubborn, but I'm here.  Please, more.

Still almostThere and will be for a while.  If you don't give up, I won't either.

deacon

Thank you for your response. That's encouraging. Understanding is probably the first aid that I seek.
I'm so tired of being manipulated into feeling crazy by crazy people and then retaliating by trying to manipulate them into recognizing that they are delusional.
It's such a pointless waste of energy and spirit.

I can understand that the language thing is difficult for you to understand.
A part of it may be gender, to which you alluded, but the rest is a part of a hard reaction to my upbringing.
When you get pummeled daily as a child and adolescent, you learn to push back - HARD.
I was just coming to terms with the idea that everyone in the world was not out to injure me when I married the AW.
It set me back to square one.

Also, I have a degree in literature and have found that punctuating well formed language and reasonably correct grammar with a side of "street cred" really takes someone off their feet.
It's all a defense mechanism.
I have this notion that people who choose to take offense at the language aren't listening to the message.
They are looking for an excuse not to listen and trying to find reasons to be offended.
It's a test of sorts that gauges how invested someone is in listening to my message.

I'm not saying this notion is correct or proper, only explaining the reasoning behind it.

I feel this way about people who assume that southern or urban accents and dialects render a message valueless.
I can curb it in most situations, and will try to, but when it comes to the expression of anger, it will be very hard.
When I go, I'll probably just listen for a while and take my cues from others in the group.

As far as getting out into the world, it's difficult as someone who's hobby is music.
There are bars and bands full of alcoholics and drug abusers, or there are religious gatherings or non-secular bands and shows.
One I'm trying to avoid and the other I don't enjoy.

I do fear that I'm so needy that I'll be trying to use the group as a source for new friends only to find there is no other real connection.
But that's over analyzing isn't it?!

There is Ala-teen for kids, if down the line that looks like a good option.

Take good care of yourself!

You can always go and not say much - that's often the case at our first meeting.

Many of us eventually find that the A does give us push-back about going to meetings.  Because the alcoholism will do anything, anything, to keep itself going, and it sees any change as a threat.  And whenever people change, the people around them who are invested in the old ways try a huge "Change Back!" campaign.  It is out of fear, and it's not amenable to reassurance.  They know they're on shaky ground with their addiction - they know it causes problems - and they've built a fragile structure of denial which they're always vigilant to defend.  So when we change, they will try stuff to see if they can get us to change back.  Since A's are good at being out of control and having extreme reactions, anger and guilt and manipulation are often their tools of choice.  They act like the world is going to end.  In other words, as if their addiction is threatened.  Which is not actually the case, oddly enough.

The great thing is that Al-Anon gives us the tools to let the anger, guilt and manipulation slide off, and to take care of ourselves, and to do what's right for us.  In time the A's see that Al-Anon is not all about controlling them, not at all.  Some of them even come to welcome it because we are no longer on their case and trying fruitlessly to control them.  Some of them welcome it because they see we're getting healthier.  Some of them even come to welcome it because they're inspired to get healthier themselves.

Take good care of yourself!