Please Help... - Al-Anon Family Group

artygirl · Senior Member

RE: Please Help...

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

artgirl I love your avatar

karma13 · Senior Member

There have been so many good posts I hesitated to reply....but you asked if you are too hopeless ? That answer is no, face to face Alanon meetings, working the steps and support here will help you take baby steps towards positive change in your life. I came into the program for the same thing. I was addicted to a man and so so broken, our relationship was in ruins and he was actively drinking. I have had true addictive withdrawal from him and other men. Sleepless nights, unable to eat, unable to take care of myself, and even the shakes. I got help and support I needed in alanon. I learned how to keep the focus on myself and how to think about myself.I found myself and you can too;) you can beat this and the lovely women and men of alanon will show you how. Welcome to the board and you made a wise decision in reaching out for help.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi again, Jaclyn - do send me a PM if you want - you click up on the right where it says "Logged in as" and your username, and then it should be obvious what to do, although I have to confess I've never managed to send anyone a PM, but I have figured out how to reply to ones sent to me!

I think sometimes we have so much pain accumulated in our lives that the addition of some more, when the A seems to reject us, just seems overwhelming. Sometimes it's one minute, one second at a time getting through it. I spent a long time with the TV on watching my favorite old movies every second of the day that I didn't have to function. That kept me a little bit distracted. But what helped most was throwing myself into my recovery - Al-Anon, reading, meetings, therapy, and just a lot of thought-interrupting. One thing I learned is the three P's - not sure this is an Al-Anon thing, more a psychology thing - but that the hallmarks of depression are thinking that the situation is Personal ("the reason this happened is my own inadequacy"), Permanent ('this will never change") and Pervasive ("this affects everything!"). All of these are untrue and just the depression talking - we are not congenitally inadequate, we can choose new paths; things will change (things always change) and the pain will pass; and our tunnel vision, caused by the depression and turmoil, keeps us from seeing the many good things we still have in our lives, and the many things we can relearn to appreciate. But our focus gets narrowed to our addictive substance (the relationship) just as theirs is all about chasing their own addiction. We can see by looking at them how their lives would be much better if they stopped drinking (or taking drugs, or whatever their addiction is), and how many things they already have going for them. But they can't see it. We're in the same position. Our lives would be just as much better if we enlarged our lives again to see beyond the chaos of the addict, and came to see how many things we already have going for us. Sometimes when I start to fall into the trap of being consumed with thoughts about my relationships, I envision my A heading into that bar, and I tell myself what I would say to him: "The answer isn't in there! It looks as if that will solve your problems, but it's only adding to them!" It's harder to believe it than it is to act on it, but once we act on it, we see how much healthier and happier we get. The rewards are very convincing!

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope your doing better today, just wanted you to know I really care and would take away your pain if I could but only you can make it go away,, be gentle with yourself. You do not need to be perfect or even right in your next step today.. just take a step as best you can, your higher power knows what will happen and he has your back!

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Can't tell you all how much I appreciate you sharing with me. It is the only thing getting me through right now... Question: Is it best to begin new threads or keep one going?

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That is about what helps you understand best. For me keeping the original post allows me to hold on to the thought process that the family shares with me. It helps me stay focused on my original concern and/or interest or issue. Then to you are free to it as you wish. Reduce the confusion might be a focus for this one. (((hugs))) smile

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Thank you, Jerry. Guess I will keep with this thread - at least for now.

I'm really struggling from contacting my ex today... He told me angrily to leave him alone and I have so much I should be doing to help myself... Unfortunately he will NOT get out of my mind/heart long enough to allow any type of productivity, much less peace or happiness.

Update: Yesterday I received a few emails that were clearly spam/virus from my ex's old email address... I forwarded one of them to him, as a courtesy, simply stating that he should be aware what was going on, as I had received several of these emails. He emailed me last night saying, "You're doing shady sh** to my email". That is all it said. I have not replied. How can he possibly think that I am doing this to his email account? This happens to people all the time. You change your password and it's fixed/over with. Why is this my fault too? Does he truly believe that every single bad or inconvenient thing in his life is as a direct result of something I have done or am doing? I have never been anything but unconditionally loving and accepting of him. I don't know what to do...

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Not sure why you have to do anything? If he is so quick to place blame and accusations on you, mayne the problem isn't "how can he think/act this way when I have been nothing but unconditionally loving and accepting of him"...but rather "Should I develop some boundaries or detach so that I don't unconditionally love people that treat me like this?"

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes when the A's behave angrily or irrationally it is a blessing for us - it helps us remember why we left or set boundaries. Them behaving badly is not the danger. That shows us the insanity they are living in. What is dangerous is when they behave lovingly and well - because then we start to get hopeful. I don't mean when they're working their recovery hard and behaving well - I mean when they're not in recovery and they behave well. Typically it's a ploy to get us to come back and enable them some more. Because without recovery, the behaving well will always change to behaving badly again. That is 100% my experience.

So the fact that he's behaving like a **** helpfully shows you what's going on with him - insanity.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Jaclyn you can only help yourself. Go to meetings and get Support.
You only need to be willing to listen and learn, it all takes time there
Is no magic pill to ease the pain. Thru alanon you will heal from the
Inside out. Learn about self care and self love and accepting yourself
As you are. You can do nothing for the addict they need to want to
Fix themselves with their own higher power. You have your own HP
To help you to grow and change.

This is a tough road loving an addict. Be glad you havent married him
Yet. I know it hurts, time will heal you. You need to help yourself so you
Do not find another addict or fix me upper. Learn good and healthy
Boundaries for you, find good and healthy people to love you as you
are.

This all takes time and effort most of us have been in your shoes one
Way or another. We hold each others hand so please start face to face
Meetings for you not him. I cried just about every meeting i attended
For 2 years. You are not alone in the hurt and betrayal of loving an
Addict. We need to learn healthy tools to protect ourselves.

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Thanks so much, all. I haven't contacted him - but there is literally nothing I want to do more than call and hear his voice. What the hell is wrong with me? I somehow think that the man I know is just going to reappear and all of this disease/darkness will vanish. I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person, but I can't seem to separate the man I fell in love with and who he is now... He looks the same, has the same voice, the same phone number... Anyone have any experience in struggling with no contacting the A?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

We all do Jaclyn...you are doong fine. Keep reaching out for support.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha J...just reminded of what my elder sponsor taught me about communicating with my alcoholic/addict (where the conversations were always mind, mood, spirit twisters) that all telephones have a off switch and that I should not forget how to use it early...or I got had always. Using the off switch for us is the same as the alcoholic putting down the drink or the addict putting down the drug. We are all addicted. ((((hugs)))) smile

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

That craving will fade with time and distance... I imagine it is the same craving they feel for the alcohol. Like, "I know this caused me problems before, but I'm sure it wouldn't this time, and it would feel soooooo good..." I don't have that feeling about alcohol but if I did, I'd need a lot of support to stay away from it too. Just like I've needed a lot of support and practice keeping away from the men who are so bad for me.

Every relapse feeds the disease - stay strong - one hour, one minute, one second at a time - you'll get through this and the cravings will fade. Every time you do something good for yourself they fade a little bit!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

That was great awareness jaclyn! i too wish my good husband would return
But that is not going to happen. Too much bad stuff is in the way of that ever
Happening now! My dry Ah would need to face himself, his demons and
Grow the heck up for any of that to happen. This disease is heart Breaking
to the ones that love them.

Every time i am considerate or decent to my ah i get back his resentments.
Generally every encounter or text his response is a resentment that i am
Not giving in to his will or desires for settlement in the divorce.

He has an AA Gf and chose to leave the home and marriage but not happy about
consequences of His actions. Massive sense of entitlement,ego,arrogance
and on and on. You are not alone! Hang in there and get to meetings they
Will save your sanity! They did mine and i really feel pretty good except for
Dealing with my ah that is unpleasant. We can not communicate in an adult
Fashion. I have tried everything but nothing seems to work. I pray for the
Diviorce to be final so i get the peace and serenity i deserve.

karma13 · Senior Member

You are doing great.. Going to no contact is the best because if you talk he will hook you back in and you will sink more into your addiction to him and your self esteem will plummet again. I know because I made that call plenty of times... Begged.. Pleaded them all to change. Of course that was insane. Every time I called I was feeding my addiction and injuring myself. There is nothing wrong with you.. You are ok and your feelings are valid. I learned how to love in this unhealthy way and I'm in the process of unlearning it. I am thinking about what is in my best interest these days instead of betting on potential. A healthy relationship is serene most of the time, it's comfortable, there is not all the yearning for things to be better than they are. I'm still learning how to be in a relatively healthy relationship.. Neither of us are perfect but we have both made progress and our life is relatively quiet now and there is no more fighting... Which is a big change from the way things used to be.. Fighting, making up, breaking up and do it again. Thank you for letting me share and I'm keeping you in my thoughts n prayers

-- Edited by karma13 on Wednesday 11th of February 2015 04:37:49 PM

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Hi Everyone - I'm doing really badly this weekend... My ex has been extremely clear that he wants to halt communication for now and for some reason - I CAN'T STOP REACHING OUT. What is wrong with me? I sent him some texts today and he just doesn't even respond anymore. I hate that I've become this person - I truly didn't even know I had this in me. It's like, I know he isn't right in the head and that he sees me as a complication to his life right now (that's a quote, btw - alcohol and drugs couldn't possibly be what is complicating things?) - regardless, I keep thinking that if I say just the right thing it will get through to him. I definitely relate to what a few members have written about being addicted to the A, while they are addicted to the substances. I feel stupid and out of control when it comes to this communication. Any help is greatly appreciated.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Jaclyn I would make an asset list and and a gratitude list . Read them over several times ,validate what a great person I am and then ask myself why I continue to want someone who does not want me and why I continue hurting myself in this manner. I would then get to a meeting.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Jaclyn...while his addict/alcoholic thinking may be infuriating and "wrong" on many levels...he is probably right when he says he can't handle the complications of a relationship right now. That is NOT an insult on you. He is a broken person and can't offer what you want. I would try hard not to take that personally.

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Thank you, Hot Rod & Pinkchip.

Pinkchip - How do I not take it personally when it is ME that he is shutting out and pushing away?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

By telling yourself it's because of his problems and his issues and not you. He's an alcoholic/addict with a lot of problems. When you concede that it's not your fault and perhaps he is just not right for you or has too many issues to have the type of relationship you want, it's easier to let go.

Jaclyn · Senior Member

I spoke to my A-ex several times this past week. To be honest, it was all so contradicting and insane that I can't remember a lot of what was said (on his end or mine)... I feel like I've officially gone insane. I know he is/was still on his kick about my being shady and manipulative. He said that he deserves it and just wants me to be happy. Despite my telling him repeatedly that I've done none of the things he's accused me of - he just said it didn't matter and he'd always be in love with me, but that I was too unhealthy for him right now and blah blah. Here is the peak of the sanity... He said he just wanted his friend back but he knows that I really want the life we planned together (marriage, kids, etc). He went on to say that he wants me to be happy so badly that he will do it. Have that life - even though as of now, it isn't what he wants. I started crying and he could not understand why. I tried explaining that I didn't want a hostage, I want the man I fell in love with, got engaged to, built a life with... He just kept saying he'd do it if that's what I needed to be happy, but at this point he just really wants his friend. I FEEL INSANE. Everything he said contradicted itself. Example - I will never not want you or be extremely attracted to you. Next thought... I just want my friend. Another example - You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Next thought... We are just bad for each other and you don't make me better. I could go on, but I'll spare you all - and again, my brain feels fried trying to remember exacts and figure it all out. Can anyone shed light on what they think is going on here and/or can relate? He makes no sense but all I want is to speak with him. Wonderful. Sorry this has been so choppy. As usual, really appreciate your replies/insight.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Jaclyn you can only help yourself here. Count your blessings you
Are not married to him. Go to ftf meetings to help you cope and
Get some serenity. You will learn much about the disease and also
Help yourself rediscover yourself.

alanon is a painful journey of self growth and love but it is so
Worth it. You are worth it if you work it, is a slogan!

To me it sounds like your abf is telling you he is sick and needs
For you to let him go. You have long term ideas he knows he can
not Perform or be good at because of his own sickness.

I feel for you jaclyn, you can only save you! I have been married
For 29 years and he is dry. His alcoholism and addictions are still
Going strong. I know longer know or understand my husband i was
A good loving wife. I wished now i had started alanon 30 years
Ago to maybe save me all this pain now. I would have understood
Better at what was happening over the years. I thought we had his
Disease beat! Wrong!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I think you are really clinging to a relationship that ia uhhealthy and both of you would benefit from work on self before relationship. Not the answer you want probably but it's my honest feedback. You are worth more than this complicated relationship and trying to convince someone they should be with you.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

J...when I was doing what you are doing I arrived at the reason for it by listening to the fellowship share their experiences in the rooms. What I found out and which was true was that I was trying to get my alcoholic/addict to verify me; tell me that I was a good or very good person and that I had value and worth...maybe not even for her and for me..."Just tell me that I am good and okay and not hurtful and harmful and unloving". I needed to hear that only from her...no one else would been more effective. That was my quest and for sure she would not do that, not because I wasn't that and because that the disease is sooo conflicted with blame, shame and guilt. For her to verify me could mean to her that I was right and therefore she was bad. Personalities is one of the largest problems in this disease...egos abound with them and with us. Might you be attempting to get your pride and ego smoothed? Could be?

I remember a session I had with my earlier counselor after I sought help during the divorce from my first addict wife...He woke me up when he clued me in to the reality that much of my pain came from "love not returned" he went further later on by saying that I believed she was having an affair, which I had never said out loud to anyone and yet the analogy was correct. She was deep into her addiction love and not the love that a married couple should participate in. She was having an affair with "them and it" and not with me. It helps to listen to the perception of others in order to fill in the picture. In support. (((((hugs))))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 28th of February 2015 06:08:15 PM

onesecondstrong · Newbie

Jaclyn,

I can relate a lot to what you have shared thus far, and also everyone else's comments. Mattie's share about the inner thoughts (we were meant to be, etc.) nailed it.

After my AH (boyfriend at the time) cheated on me, his job relocated him to another place 1,000 miles away immediately after the incident. I managed not to speak to him for 6 months. Throughout those six months he sent me flowers, love tapes, letters, etc., etc. without ever hearing a peep from me. I admired his persistence and found it difficult to turn away from so much love, attention, and devotion. He said a lot of the things you are hearing: best thing that ever happened to him, I'm the only one he will ever want, etc, etc. I believed and till believe he meant every word and was acting with good intentions, but there is no denying a disease. I was determined never to speak to him again, but it was a minute-by-minute struggle. I would tell myself, if I can wait one minute of not reaching out, I will decide in one minute if I will do so. Sometimes I could manage five minutes. Sometimes I bargained with myself one SECOND at a time, and watched the seconds tick painfully by. Sometimes an hour. Whatever I felt I could manage. I would also write long letters I would never send. I would call someone I trusted and tell them what I wanted to tell him, instead of contacting him. I also heard a really helpful phrase: "If you're not sure what to do, don't do anything at all." And I would repeat this to myself over and over when I had the urge. From another reading in courage to change (sorry don't remember page number/date), I also reminded myself that when we feel an alarming urgency to do something, it is often self will. When we feel a calm certainty, that is usually God's will. These are some of the things that worked for me. I barely slept. I barely ate. I barely showered or moved at my worst. One day it felt right to finally reach out because I felt the calm certainty. We ended up getting back together. He treated me liked a queen for the next year, only to have him start slipping up sporadically. Either way, we got married, have had the roller coaster, experienced all the patterns you've read herefast forward four years and as of a week ago we are now separated. I couldn't keep taking the slip ups and breaches in trust.

I don't have to tell you how much it hurts, especially to be here AGAIN. Maybe a lesson hasn't been learned and you will go back. That is what happened to me. I experienced all of this with now 6 years in the program, and tried my best to live by God's will each day. I do think it was His plan for me to be where I am today. It is hell all over and really consider that if you do get back together, going through this experience all over again is a very real possibility. But I can vouch for the same advice people have given you over and over: go to meetings, read your literature, talk to positive and healthy people, etc. You will know what is best when you are in a healthy place, but not before.

.

All the best,

N

-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 28th of February 2015 07:47:24 PM

karma13 · Senior Member

Prayers :) if you keep going back to Alanon,get a sponsor and work the steps ..you will learn intuitively how to take care of yourself and how to discern what feels right and what doesn't regards to relationships. It will not happen over night, it is a process. Going to alanon and learning how to take care of myself, changing my playground and my playmates was the best thing I ever did for myself. My love relationship has changed there are no longer high highs or low lows..it's pretty quiet and its serene. That's not to say we don't still have problems here and there...the disease still affects us..alanon gives me the tools to deal with life on life terms..life keeps happening. Obsession isn't love it took me 41 years to figure this out. The way I was in my relationships..it's all I knew...change is such a process.If you find yourself, love yourself, the ideal relationship will follow. It might be with him, but the self work has to come first and be ongoing. It's a life time work...self work. In my experience my hp doesn't always give me what I want, but he always provides what I need and that's a good thing..because I'm sure God has a better plan than I could ever imagine.

karma13 · Senior Member

Something else you said resonated for me...I can't remember how many times I tried to convince the man I was with in a different way to change,stop drinking, want to be with me...I was insane doing the same thing over n over again and expecting different results. Alanon will teach you if someone is a fit for you or not. There won't be all the struggle. I had to drop the rope and he had to decide what he wanted. Did he want to be with me as is? Did he want to stop drinking? Those were never my decisions to make they were always his. Men and love are my addiction, the program, prayer and healthy hobbies, friendships and interests are the daily cure and once again.... I had no idea how to have a healthy relationship before program. I thought lust and obsession was love.

Jaclyn · Senior Member

I appreciate everyone's feedback - honesty is absolutely welcomed and appreciated, pinkchip. I am struggling really badly... The bad news (or I should say - one piece of bad news) is that all of this has given me a crippling anxiety and agoraphobia that I have never experienced. I've always been social butterfly, center of attention, etc. Not anymore... This panic ensues whenever I try to get dressed and get to a face-to-face al anon meeting. I've been to several meetings and everyone just seems so happy, which is great but really difficult to relate at this point. Did anyone experience this in trying to get into the program? Sorry I'm such a mess...

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Jaclyn i just sat and listened i was at rock bottom.
I was not there for the social life. I was hurting but
I kept going back to help me get better.

It all takes time so many newcomers stop going to
Meetings. It is so important to your recovery to
Keep going. There is no easy fix or miracle pill to
Make things better.

Most newcomers i see, Just sit in silence,cry, and
Then they leave in silence. I was one of those people
Too. That is rock bottom you are in utter pain and
Hurt and there is only one way and that is up.

Keep showing up for you and your own recovery!
You do not need to say a word till you are ready.
It took me almost two years before i was comfortable
To speak from my heart and soul.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

This too shall pass. You WILL get better and see happier times. It seemed very dark when I broke up with my ex-A after 7 years together. I was anxious and depressed for a while. I'm ordinarily very social too but I was so depressed and then that made me anxious to be that depressed in public. I think I returned back to being more extraverted within a few months. I felt like that relationship left me too broken to be fixed.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

J...keep in mind that the disease is mind and mood altering. When you find life changing negatively often the disease is doing its thing. Yes what Pink offers "This too will pass" is reality...I've experienced that a lot and then too understanding this disease helped me so much letting me know that it wasn't me and the disease doing its work. The literature, meetings, sponsorship, and all of the other tools especially the relationship with my HP gets me thru each and every time. Hang with the family.

Part of what I experienced was questioning myself, becoming uncertain about how to live my life on a daily basis. I would isolate more and keep others at arms length. The problem I found out was an increase of fear. F alse, E vidence, A ppearing, R eal. Left to its own devises my mind was creating stories and then buying into them.

With program loyalty and honestly working it as I believe it was being suggested..."this too will pass" also became the reality.

((((hugs)))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 1st of March 2015 09:42:13 PM

LedfootJenny · Senior Member

I remember once, crying ( hard - the ugly mascara snotty nose kinda cry ) and saying "I can't TAKE it anymore"!!!

And then, quietly someone in a meeting looked at me so gently and with such a tender smile and empathy and he said "But you can, because you are and you're here - and you're ok".

He was right. My emotions were a hot mess - but I was taking it, and managing because I was in a meeting and I did that despite every feeling in my body.

I made a CHOICE to go, even when I didn't feel it.

I made a good choice.

And I was ok :)

(((hugs)))

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

Someone saying "you are gonna be Okay!! " saved my life too.

and now we are saying it to you YOU are going to be Okay!, Your gonna be better than okay, your going to be who your highter power wants you to be, your going to be better than the "social butterfly" you were before. Your going to be a social butterfly who may present differently than before but a social butterfly that has learned from past experience and now feels stronger and more able to cope. A butterfly that loves herself first and no longer gets that sinking feeling in her stomach when someone else "rejects" her, because she loves herself and truly feels it is their loss, not in an ugly hateful way but in a way that says too bad... we could have had fun together but wasn't God's plan so I'll just keep working on me and wait to see what awesome plan comes about in my life... YOU are going to be better than okay!!!

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Hi All -
Thanks so much for your replies. They are the only thing I am hanging onto at the moment. Haven't heard from my ex in almost three weeks and I'm heartbroken/terrified. I don't want him to forget me. I also don't want him to hurt himself like this further. I know I sound like a broken record. I also know that I can't control either of the things I just mentioned... I don't know, just feel so lost and broken. Have made it to a few face-to-face meetings recently... Not easy, but never regret going. How long did it take for those who have experienced a similar situation to start feeling 'okay' again? Not every waking though was about the A?
Again, thank you for being here.
xo

ladybugnessa · Senior Member

Hi Jaclyn, I came her after your first post.

I can tell you that as a newcomer who is still with her qualifier it's very hard. I have been going to 3 or more f2f meetings every week as often as I can since about mid January and using the chat room here in the mornings for meetings. It's just in the last week or so (when I had to miss my f2f meetings due to illness) that something clicked.

I keep saying you fake it till you make it. Three weeks of no contact in a a normal healthy relationship that is ending is not much time at all. Three weeks in a dysfuctional alcoholic relationship is less than no time at all.

give yourself time to grieve your PERCEIVED loss

have you started readings? Can you get a copy of the Alanon for family and friends of alcoholics? it's helping me a lot to do my readings, go to meetings (I go tuesday wednesday and friday to meetings plus the chat room here most weekday mornings) do your readings... one day at a time and give yourself permission to feel crummy and heal....

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Jacklyn keep showing up to your ftf meetings
For you and your own well being. Alanon is
Not about him but you healing and getting
Better. Just go and listen,learn and absorb.

My heart is broken too and i have allowed
Myself to grieve but i am also in recovery
To help myself grow stronger. Hopefully there Will
not be a next time of choosing the wrong
Partner. I do not plan on anyone new for
2-3 years till i am healed and whole.

You will get it when you start to really listen.
You will begin to change,grow and let God in.
It all takes time and effort to work the
Program. Get the 3 daily readers they are
12-14 dollars each. Make as many meetings
As you can.

Right now in my life if i had time i would
Go to a meeting a night. It is pretty intense
But God is patiently holding my hand.

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Thank you for your responses, ladybugnessa and mirandac... If he is never again going to be the man I fell in love with, all I want is to stop missing him and thinking about him all day and all night. I am dealing with a lot of health problems that the doctors believe are primarily due to prolonged stress and anxiety. I won't subject you all to the details, but the symptoms are many and extremely debilitating. I am trying my hardest, I am just so scared I'll never stop feeling this way. Anyone ever have that fear?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I had some pretty harsh beak ups where I didn't think the sun would figuratively shine again...but it always did. Listen Jaclyn, it would be best to be fine just on your own, but sometimes it helps to remember there are other fish in the sea. This is just one imperfect guy out of millions. Parts of being single are fun. Try hard to refute your own negative thoughts and forcibly remind yourself of positive things. It is still codependent to say this but heck...you can.find a better man when your ready. It's going to be okay. This guy wasn't ever perfect. Take him off the pedestal and climb up on it yourself.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.