My rigid mother - Al-Anon Family Group

Frustrated Daughter · Newbie

My rigid mother

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, FD. You don't say whether or not you're in Al-Anon? I noticed that you would like to change something that has become troublesome for you that is about you? One of the things I've learned in Al-Anon is that I can't really guess at somebody else's motivations. What I can do is to learn how to look at my own. Your Mom may never stop drinking and that doesn't mean you can't start healing. If you aren't attending Al-Anon meetings for friends and family members of loved ones whose drinking troubles us, perhaps you can find some meetings close to you to help you begin to make the changes you'd like to make for you by learning the steps, applying them to your life with the help of a good sponsor, reading the literature and spending time with people who have experiences similar to yours? Come back here, too. You're in the right place.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

FD - Welcome first off. Secondly, I wanted to state that alcoholism is a disease of mind, body, and spirit. Hence, all the defense mechanisms you see are part of the same ineffective coping as her drinking alcohol. In general, alcoholics don't tolerate reality well. They can't stand living in their own body. They blame others and they drink to alter reality or check out of reality. So yeah...she probably drinks because of the immature way she perceives the world but also perceives the world in this way even more because of her drinking. It goes both ways in a vicious circle and that is Alcoholism. Everything you discussed in your post seems to fall under the umbrella of the way an alcoholic behaves. It's not just a person that drinks too much.

Alanon or ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) would benefit you to continue to understand how growing up with an alcoholic and still dealing with her is affecting you. I definitely relate and understand where you are coming from because the "everyone is jealous of me" is a standard response alcoholics use to push people away that criticize them. It's a way for the disease to protect itself. Often alcoholics/addicts will have nothing and be a mess while slurring and claiming everyone is jealous of them.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

We cannot rationalize insanity. An A especially a using A is insane. Does not matter what they say or do, there are no answers.

Its a horrible disease that takes over every part of someone.

What's more important is you. Getting Them Sober by Toby rice drew volume one is an excellent place to start. you can find it on amazon for a few bucks.

If you can't let me know I will send you one.

Mom is sick honey. They believe whatever they say,no matter how strange it is to us.

I hope you can research addiction, I invite you to read the above book. Read all you can here. Please keep coming~

Frustrated Daughter · Newbie

Thanks for the feedback, yes I have recently been to a few Al-Anon meetings.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Good. Continued and consistent attendance, working the steps with a good sponsor, finding support in the rooms, reading the literature and utilizing it to help yourself can and will make a difference for you whether or not your Mom stops drinking.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I have detached from my Mom physically and emotionally, but once in awhile we will communicate over the phone and if at any time she starts talking about anyone or gets off topic of healthy conversation, I just say that is interesting and steer her back. I have had lots of meetings and practice with people up to this point staying away from gossip or any conversation that doesn't require my energy, which is a lot of them and it took me a lot of time and energy to learn not to take it personally or let myself be steered. I am glad you are here! I am sending you much love and support on your al-anon journey!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.