The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am newly married, and my new husband is an alcoholic... I knew that he drank occasionally when we got married but i had no idea how bad his drinking was until we moved in together. I believe alcoholism is an illness and i dont believe in leaving someone just because they are sick, but i honestly dont know how to help... I try everything, and the only advice i seem to get from people is if things get out of hand call the police, but thats not the answer to my problem...i need to know how to live on a daily basis keeping things as calmly as possible..I just dont know what to do... I called around my local area for numbers on support and im from a small town and theres nothing really here accept one al non group that my mother attends and I really dont think its a good idea for us to see eachother there... basically i just need someone to talk to who has been threw what i am going threw...I cant talk to my family...And i certianly cant talk to my friends about this either....I feel so lost and things are just so bad right now..
well you are in absolutely the right place with this group. I've been here two years this place has helped me immeasurably. A's (that is short for alcholics) are pretty good at hiding the stuff for a long time. Be nice to yourself, be kind don't beat yourself up for being here.
I encourage you to share often and reply to posts.
((((Sandy)))), Glad you found us, and I would like to welcome you to MIP.
Alanon has helped me so much. I am a much better person because of it.
It is possible to find serenity while the alcoholic is still active in their disease. I do so by working the program and taking care of me. I don't focus on him. He is going to do whatever he does regardless of my feelings about it.
Yes I love him, and yes I would like him to be clean and sober, but that is not what he wants right now.
I attend meetings, I chair meetings here, I participate in the board (when I can), I have started walking with a friend from work 5 nights a week, and I am doing things that I enjoy.
Keep coming back, this is a great place, and the recovery here is awesome.
We have meetings twice a day everyday here. So there is a possibility of you attending meetings.
Hope to see you around.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
You are at the right place. If you can find an Al-Anon meeting near you, I would recommend you give it a try. You will meet people who have dealt with the same problem and learn how the handled it, also keep coming to this site and you will learn good information.
I feel for you, and know what it's like dealing with an A. Just hang in there.
We have meetings here as well that you can come to. I didn't realize my husbands alcoholism was really an issue until after we got married. I've been in it for eight years. My A eventually became angry and hit me in the eye, he was NEVER violent before. It was horrible. I had to get him removed out of the house. At the time I had an 18 month old and twin five month old babies. I found out the reason I stayed for so long...........I was so in love with the thought of having a family. I was willing to fight for it. For eight years I did everything under the sun to help him get better, to no avail. It was the hardest thing I had to do was to let go of the idea of the "family unit" It was just NOT going to be. Soooooooooo....I let him go to find recovery on his own.
I started at a really great church and found strength. I found groups to get involved in a kept my way of thinking on a positive route. I had to let go of the idea of helping him. I could not be his savior. I loved this man, but I had to love me more. Now that I had children involved they came even before me.
If I had to do it all over again, I would NOT have picked an alcoholic for a father for them. It's horrible and it breaks my heart to see my children hurting because daddy lied again. Or daddy is sick again. :(
Is there anyway you could ask your mom to rotate meetings with you? Let her know that you are just not ready to speak in front of her? She might understand if she's been there herself. Just a suggestion. Good luck sweets. We are always here for you. PLEASE keep coming back.
If your mom has a strong alanon program, I can't see her having a problem with you.
If mom is there, can one assume that dad or another family member is an alcoholic? If so you qualify on that basis alone.
I think your mom might be an excellent resource, if your scared you might be able to broach the subject by asking her if you can borrow some of her literature. LOL
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
So sorry for your pain...I hope you continue to post...drop the shame hon, not yours to carry....sometimes we just have to love the person for what and who they are....this is a great resource for help for you...a tremendous amount of loving and evry educated people here who have lived in the world of addiction....
For now...keep coming...keep posting, remember dear friend...it's his addiction...you can only help you....my prayers are with you......
Living with addiction can be hell, I got tired of sharing my husband with his addiction....it was so very lonely...only he can fix him....only he can seek help for himself...you have to seek help for you...you have taken the first step.
