The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have come to the conclusion that I have an addiction also. I am addicted to Loren. And, believe me, that addiction is just as dangerous and deadly as if it were meth. People die of broken hearts, sometimes looking like a natural death, and sometimes it is not a natural death. But make no mistake, it is just as deadly as any other addiction, and I have to treat it as such. I think about the seduction of booze and the social activities that surround it. I don't really know how someone resists it when it is all around them and they want it so badly, but I have to use the same principles to stop or die also.
Yes I am addicted to the A's in my life - it takes a daily practice of the principles of recovery for me to not be consumed by this addiction.
I never knew how close to death I was during those crazy years of that part of my life - I knew I wanted to die - I knew how many times I prayed, begged that God would let another vehicle hit my car so that I would go over the bridge & be killed instantly. But I had no idea how close my physical and emotional body was ready to give way under the weight it was carrying. Weight that wasn't mine to carry.
Hang in there, snoopy, there is hope - hope for you to live happy, joyous & free. Don't give up until the miracles happen in you.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Yes I am addicted to the A's in my life - it takes a daily practice of the principles of recovery for me to not be consumed by this addiction.
I never knew how close to death I was during those crazy years of that part of my life - I knew I wanted to die - I knew how many times I prayed, begged that God would let another vehicle hit my car so that I would go over the bridge & be killed instantly. But I had no idea how close my physical and emotional body was ready to give way under the weight it was carrying. Weight that wasn't mine to carry.
Hang in there, snoopy, there is hope - hope for you to live happy, joyous & free. Don't give up until the miracles happen in you.
Rita
I too wanted to die. I'll never forget the phonecall. He simply said, "I am not coming back, I'm getting an attorney, and you better get someone to support you through this." I remember getting this gutshot in my stomach and thinking I was having a heart attack. I didn't eat or sleep for I don't know how long, but it's been 7 months and I have grown by leaps and bounds. I do remember thinking that if I just went straight instead of taking the curve in my car that I could end this pain once and for all. He came that close to destroying me. Thank God for my friends, family and children. They saved my life, the same life that my husband tried to destroy. I can't wait until I can get him out of my head once and for all. It helps me to think of this as an addiction, because addictions are never good.
I have felt the same things. I know I am young and I know I could probably meet some one that could treat me much better. I feel I don't have the courage to leave and stand on my own two feet. I feel I have let my H feel he can control me and my emotions. I don't feel worthy of doing well on my own. If I could change anything about myself is that I wouldn't have codependency. I know in time he will change or I will have to fight through my problems and leave. Good to know others think the way I do.
That is so true - I am right in line with you. For me, I think the realization and acceptance of addiction (which by the way kept me from feeling this intense pain) and now finally dealing with the pain in a healthy way are what are going to help me heal. Thanks for your honesty.
Good observation, I know it seems bad but time heals all wounds. I am starting to feel like me again and I barely remember who I was if I ever even really knew to start with. My mother in law always says as long as there is life there is hope. Once you end it, you don't get the chance to see how good it really could have been.
I was addicted to my ex-husband too. When we separated I thought I would die because things were so calm and peaceful. I didn't know what I would do with my life if I wasn't trying to fix him. I was going to a counselor at that time who also told me it was an addiction. This counselor is the one who sent me to alanon. It took me a long time in the program to learn to put the focus back on me.
For me, through this program...and recovering, I have learned what I think love really is. I am in love for the first time in my life to my bf. I would hate to part with him but, I do not need him to survive. Physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. I could go on LIVING without....does not mean I want to...but, I would be okay.
I know I learned to relate addictively as a result of a childhood where I was starved of love and attention. I learned incredibly dysfunctional patterns in order to survive that childhood. I also had "attachment" issues which contributed to the love addiction.
I did go to slaa % and love addiction) for a while. I know it helped. There are many many things I have learned from that. For me my issues are primarily codependence but love addiction is in there.
Right now I only have time to participate in al-anon and a little in overeaters anonymous.
I hope in time to get better acquainted with the love addiction and for me what is called ual anorexia (which is totally shutting down ually).
Wow I just wanted to say YES I was addicted to my MOM who was Alcoholic who died from this dieases.... At one point before her death I told her I would die with her and it was horrible.....
So I understand how you feel!!! I guess you could say I am still addicted to my whole Alcoholic Family and I am still being stupid to think that one day they might change but knowing in my our heart they wont!!!!!
I too am addicted to my husband!! We are ONE....that has been my thinking all along, but in any good realtionship it consists of 2 people NOT 1!! That means that we both have to be individuals!!!! I have to be ME and do things I like and things JUST for ME and He has to be HIM for HIM!!!! I heard on the OC of all places something that goes along with my new found serenity....In order for 2 halfs to become whole, both halfs must be whole first!!!! So that means as with ANYTHING moderation!!!! TOO much of ANYTHING is BAD!!!! So yes, this is WHYwe are all here learning to LOVE ourselfs and define who WE are....not contigent on someone else!!!! I feel like I have grown up and become wizer almost over night....OK....so over a week!!!! :)
