I had to write this to you.  I am in a very new place in my life, i am shocked really. Never before have i trusted myself. I lived most of my life and still do put down by every single person that i know face to face(no exageration). I have never trusted myself to make decisions i always need major reassurance that it is ok to do first. That doesnt always come as you know. I keep going back to the first time i came to mip lately, so must mean it is time for this.  I remember being so out there and so give me an answer and yesturday! So hyper,so angry, so obessed, i lived my life in the past, i had a bad marriage and i didnt know which to share first. My thoughts went to fast however i still shared. It was when my mother was still alive, i was still married and had to little babies. Just diagnosed with depression and on a massive amount of meds.

Today i am med free, God feels like another life time ago to me...it was... I came to mip and shared and shared and vented and vented and spoke to you when i was new all the time. You were not as busy then as you are now lol.  I was in mip for a few years and finally got ti courage to divorce after i spent a year finding out my rights, and going to counceling for marriage, the ppl in the room told me it was ok to do. And so did all the doctors and even my marriage councelor told me to divorce lol. I used to complain all the time what a bad marriage i was in every single day and i never did anything about it then till years later. I remember you giving me a chance to do service work and i was stunned that you did. And eventually you gave me more and more as i told you i had alot of free time.

I left alanon after divorce i have shared before so i wont go into that now. However i took some wrong roads and i left for years. I came back a month before my mother was diagnosed with cancer and was really very angry more than the last time and i vented at everyone, im sure you remember lol. Stuff happened and eventually i lost my internet for a few months and that is when i realized i was all alone. In the beginning i thought hp was saving you all from me. However in reality he was showing me that i was capable to pick up on my own even though i have a recovery room to go to.

Before i came to this room, i was in alanon f2f and that was a social group. My recovery has come from mip. I have been to most rooms in mip and was a member in many. You gave me the courage  to try things, It amazes me how much you do for people like me. By that i mean the ones that are lost, not listened to most of the time, i felt like an invisible person in the world, someone who could be easily forgotten about and i have been most of the time in my life, its the way i felt then. If i didnt have this room i wouldnt of divorced, or gotten threw the death of my mother, or had the courage to face some things in my past.

Thank you for believing in me when no one else has. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to give service. IT is through that i learned i had skills, it was through your service work that i realized i was a efficient person in the work i do.(get compliments often on that) REalized that i am capable of much more than anyone in my life (f2f) thinks and alot more than i thought too.

I havent found the person i want to be yet. I am starting homeschooling next week!!! Never in a million years would i think i could do this.  I have a picture of who i want to be and what i want for me and my children, I dont want just serenity any longer i want complete recovery. There is a ton of more work for me to do. I feel like i have grown up a little since last year and it is you to thank for it.

You gave us all a place to come to and you ask for nothing in return. You have helped 1000's recover from the effects of alcoholism and so much more with all you have done with mip. I for one am very grateful, i want to thank you for every single thing you do for people that have no where else to turn. For the first time in my life i am being true to myself and it feels terrifying and also exciting. thank you for allowing me to recover on my own time, in my own way, without judgement. There are alot more people i could thank however they know who they are. I thank you because without you i wouldnt of met them. The ones that helped me and listened to me vent along the way. The ones that took me to pm when my anger got out of hand, and listened to me go off in pm. The ones that will continue to support me no matter how out there my decisions are. Thank you for the assurance that it is ok to be who i am and where i am in recovery. Without mip i wouldnt be where i am today which isnt as far as i wanted to be years later however hps plan looks better to me now :)

 ((((((((((((((John)))))))))))))

kerry