The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have started to date...actually, I've really only begun to think about dating. Everyone that I am meeting for a potential date has not really been acceptable to me.
I am comfortable living alone right now. I am learning to feel comfortable with my isolation, although I know that is not healthy either.
So, I have signed up on an online dating site. The first man that asked me out spoke with me tonight. I told him that my ex-husband is an alcoholic. He said that he likes to drink beers. He asked if we could meet for a drink. I suggested Starbucks for coffee. He said he wanted to meet at a bar for a drink. Now I don't want to meet him. My red flags are flying. They are telling me this man is inconsiderate. They are telling me that potentially this man has a problem.
The last man that I went out with drank an entire bottle of wine by himself. When he want to a bar with friends he drank 4 beers. That was enough to end my interest in him.
Now I am wondering if I am too sensitive to drinking.
I wonder how long it will take me to find my balance.
I think you are smart in not going out with Guys that all they want to do is drink!!!! I too would ask them to meet at starbucks(I love the place)... You are taking care of you!!! :) IMO Is you are setting a healthly boundaries for you You have already been there with your EX-AH...
I married a man that could take drinking or leave drinking So like he might drink a beer at night but no more then that or a glass of wine but not a bottle or a 12 pack... My Hubby likes Scotch but only a GOOD scotch and only once in awhile.... So maybe if you could find a guy like mine you might be ok!!!
But sweetheart do what is in your heart.. Go with your gut feeling!!!!
You will find the balance as you keep the focus on you and your HP!!!! Let HP guild you to a GOOD man...
i think you are making terrific decisions. if you tell a guy you'd rather meet at starbucks, and do not want to go to a bar... and he says i want (i want, i want, i want) a bar. what future is THAT guy gonna give you, where YOUR needs get met... plop plop plop
if it sounds like plop, and it smells like plop... plop it is... bullplop even.
much love ... and good luck with the MANizing (hey... if we womanize......)
cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I agree with Bubbles and CJ. You are setting healthy boundaries for you. If being around drinking is uncomfortable then don't do it. And, in my opinion, if he was meeting you the place shouldn't have been that important.
You also said....
I am comfortable living alone right now. I am learning to feel comfortable with my isolation, although I know that is not healthy either.
I think the key is to learn to feel comfortable with yourself, not with the isolation.
I agree Ditto you don't have to do it if you don't feel right about it. If he didn't want to go to Starbucks (whatever that is?) I am an Aussie lol he could have compromised and said well I would like to go to a bar and you would like to go somewhere else how about the movies, picnic, etc etc. Life is about choices. Luv Leo xxx
(((DITTO))) Good for you for making the right decision. You are number one and you are reconizing the signs of a potential alcoholic. You have already been down that road and you do not need that any more. Keep strong and some day the lucky man will come your way.
I am in early recovery and it took me a long time to realise this. I think in early recovery we are still very vulnerable. Somehow we still attract As into our lives. I know this is what is happening to me anyway. It's as if the radar is out!
are you learning to feel comfortable with isolation, or are you just learning to feel comfortable with your own company? I think it's very healthy to be able to spend time comfortably alone. It can be a time of growth, and a necessary time to refocus.
It's important to take time to be happy with yourself and appreciate your own worth. Nurture yourself. Spend time with your friends and spend time on your own hobbies and the romance will come into your life when the time is right. This is the key to finding your balance.
Relationships are about compromise - not always giving in - a mutual, convenient and comfortable place for both of you is my thinking. I personally don't like to go to a bar. I go with a group of friends for special occasions - but it is few & far between. If it makes you uncomfortable, I think you have the right to explore your options for other choices.
Do what is right for you.
Best wishes,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Ahhh yes...learning to be comfortable alone...and dating issues! I can relate.
Bottom line for me as far as being alone is concerned - I want to want...not need someone in my life. Check and balance on expectations is required often...to keep myself on track for this one.
Bottom line for me as far as dating is concerned - I deserve to be picky on all levels. I've been there, done that from the other side of things, and I prefer not to settle for second best. :)
Honey, when people are looking for others to date generally they put their best foot forward. You told the "gentleman" about your past marriage circumstances, that you were not comfortable meeting in a bar for a drink, offered an alternative for a first meeting and yet he was not comfortable meeting without a drink. If this is his "best foot" then you have a right to be wary.
You also have a right to not be around alcohol if that is what you choose for your life.
Sounds like you are finding that balance my dear.
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
(hey... if we womanize......)
