The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just begun MY recovery and am learning a lot. Boy, let me tell you - reading your posts makes my mouth just drop wide open as that is MY life! I just wish for one moment, my A, DH, could be in my shoes to read what I am going through on a daily basis.
A little about me, I have been married for 14 months. I guess I knew something was wrong before we got married, because all he could talk about was "the time when I was drinking"....and I specifically told him I wouldn't marry an alcoholic and "were we going to have a problem??" Well, I did and we are, lol.
We have 4 children total together and we have been trying to conceive our first together since we got married (we're older and didn't want to wait) but now that is on hold in my eyes because of his alcoholism. I can't rear any more children by myself or try to explain to my children why their dad is dead from alcohol in another 10 years. It breaks my heart thinking about the what ifs.
I wrote him an email today and I think it will help. If not him, me. He doesn't want to go into recovery, he doesn't want to change. But, I told him that I have and will continue to change. Whatever that means for the future is unknown.
I don't think any one of us wants to be here in this situation. I'm a little angry at him for even having to seek help, but that is just one of my grieving processes that I will have to go through. I know it's going to such a long road and I'm scared to death. I feel confident that I know I'm doing the right thing by helping myself. I am able to realize that when he says things such as I'm being selfish for focusing on me or turning things around, finding something to blame me about - it's not the man I love, it's the disease.
Hello, TX! Welcome! I would like to encourage you to look up alanon-alateen.org and look for "regular meetings" in your area. You think how neat it is to not be alone here? Wait'll you're in a room FULL of people like us.
I know too well how you are feeling. I wanted another child soooo badly! I just could not bring another baby into an disastrous alcoholic marriage. I got myself fixed this month...with no relationships in sight for me(been divorced now 3 yrs)and that ole age creeping upwards. It just isn't feasible for me to leave myself open to that issue. My heart and my head do not always communicate well! I would love to tell you how easy it is now. But it isn't. I am lonely and exhausted and I have only 1 child. What I did that worked for me and what I would suggest you do...keep the focus on you. Go to as many f2f meetings as you can possibly get to. Post often. Read the courage to change and find a sponsor! Someone who can help you fix you! I promised myself my daughter would have at least one sane parent!
Welcome, welcome, welcome! Congratulations on finding your way here. Just keep coming back and you are already sounding pretty good. Take care of yourself and we are here to listen and share our experiences, strengths, and hopes! Find some face to face meetings, those will be beneficial as well!!!
Thank you! I have been to two online meetings so far and even those were beneficial. I also called Al-Anon this morning, first thing when I got to work to find a F2F meeting. I feel in my heart that I need it so badly.
I am just grateful that there are options out there for me. Thank goodness.
Sounds like you are really ready to prioritize you, your life, your happiness....your children's will follow. I sure understand the feeling of realizing something is worse with your partner than you suspected. I am a mom of 2 and my Aboyfriend is currently in rehab....so many questions ahead for us...but i am so incredibly intent on trying to not let the disease get the better of me. This board has been an incredible part of my recovery and a great place to laugh,learn, share and remember to take care of me.
Welcome! You have taken the first step and that is coming here. I am fairly new with Alanon as well. It has helped me and my A. Although my A wants recovery as he found out that divorce was in fact happening and that is something he does not want. I attend 1-2 f2f meetings in my home town. I also go to f2f AA open meetings every Friday with my hubby. I look forward to the open AA meetings. It has really opened up my eyes about the A's. Their stories are not much different than mine.I am also realizing that they are people to and they have feelings and their faults. I at the beginning hated to be around this group but I am learning a lot from them and my own group. I encourage you to go to as many f2f meetings as possible.
