The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all! So, here it is Monday and I am having a rough time of it. I had a fairly good weekend as I went to a meeting with my partner and then out to eat. I had to push my partner, but finally got her out and had a good time with some other people. Sat. night we had another couple over who we are trying to get to know that is in a similar situation. I don't know, I just get very agitated. She has all these wonderful people and I am feeling some sort of resentment. I listen at their meetings and they botch and moan about dealing with life without a drink or any other substance. Sometimes I feel compassion and other times I just want to say welcome to life. I deal with crap everyday and I don't need to pick up a drink.
So, is this normal? Is it normal to be angry and all alone feeling? I am pushing myself daily to make steps in my life, to get to know people, etc... Yet, she has it so easy. Gets invites here and there. I go along, yet I am not in that group. Those people aren't my support system.
I am reading this and I sound like a child just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I am, maybe I am just having a rough time with this.
Life changes, especially big ones take time to adjust to. Sobriety is a BIG life change. For them and for you. Take it for what it's worth, but I hope to grow and work my program reguardless of what my AW does. Today she is still drinking, and I am trying to live my life the best way I know how.
If she stops drinking... do I owe myself anything less? I try to look at my life in terms of me, not anyone else. Do I need more friends or companionship? Do I need more activities? Do I need a new goal.
If her meetings agitate me... I will go to my meetings instead.
I always give myself the short end of the stick if I compare myself with others, and it easily turns into resentments. I have enough of those already.
I guess most of all, give yourself a break and plenty of time. Remember progress not perfection in all these new things. If you can pick and choose which events and new things you take on you will find a rythem that apeals to you. But it may take some time.
Hope that makes sense... it's pretty early in the morning here. (3:15am - don't ask... LOL)
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
first, let me say what has helped me when others say it....this is the fight of their lives....they are making a life or death decision- both physical/emotional/spiritual - and these addicts we love are choosing life and what ever it takes for them to make it is what they have to do right now - especially for the first 6-12 months.
then, let me gripe along side ya.
as much as the support system within aa is a wonderful thing, and it really is beautiful to see these loved ones of ours healing, i find myself very on edge and feel the resentment lurking at all times. my A bf is very social and outgoing and has this whole new recovery community and they laugh and play and pat themselves on the back for not using and i am like.....but what about the hell you put me through? what about me? i still need to go to work and take care of responsibilities?
it is hard to picture being a couple when there are such exclusive groups...i know i don't belong in aa...and it threatens me somehow. then i get down on myself for feeling insecure.... i love my bf so incredibly much and we have gotten through all these difficult times so well...so much love and honesty and open communication. but the feeling of walking on eggshells is still there like when he was drinking/using....i stll wait for the shoe to drop.
is this me being insecure? do i toughen up? just go to my meetings/see my friends.....yes, but what about that eggshell/resentful felling?
guess i vented a bit...sorry if i had not much to offer but my own worries.
i will try and reply later with a more positive attitude....mornings are always the worst for me because i have anxiety dreams at night :(
I think that we call it a pity party but that is ok. I do it too. Even at the AA meetings that I attend now and then they always have decorations for the current holiday and a bowl of candy and they have comfy couches and we have chairs lol. But their recovery is important to them and they really need to hang around with sober people not the barflys that they use to. We have to make a life for ourselves. Our Alanoners go to lunch and call each other. I guess we have to set stronger boundaries. Hope this helps.
