The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been quite some time since I posted on here...The past six months have been horrible for me..I lost my mother in June, and had two more deaths in my family since then~ my aunt and my grandma, then was fired from my job in November...I have had a hell of a time dealing with everything and have become very vulnerable and lonely..The holidays were very hard on me, but I made it...My mom was my best friend and I miss her so much..I have been seeing a lady to work thorough my fears, guilt and loneliness...
I met this guy back in October~a southern man with charm and very nice~he took me out, cooked for me and spent time with me... I was seeing him on a regular basis and we started to care for each other. I then noticed the changes coming out in him~red flags flying everywhere. I was in too deep and ignored them. I know I should have ran but failed to do that and now I am in a mess.
He is bipolar, abuses alcohol and drugs and does not stay on his meds consistently. He has become verbally abusive and on New Year's day he asked me to go to some friends for dinner. The day went fine, but he had been drinking when he got here. We had gone out later to listen to Karaoke and out his mouth came "who knows, I could end up cutting your throat tonite" I was stunned, shocked, hurt, and scared. I then said to him is that what you think of me, but I failed to leave and stayed there. I confronted him a day later when he was sober and all he could say was "I would never hurt you" but I am not sure I believe him. He is very jealous and told me I am all his..Since I confronted him, he has been ignoring me. I am proud of me that I have not ran after him or called him. I did suggest he seek help and tried to refer him to this lady I see who is into natural and homeopathic healing. He got a bit defensive and said I am not seeing any psychiatrist and dont' want no more dam pills. I told him to just think about it...he has not contacted me since.. But I do know this is not my fault and I refuse to take any blame for his behavior.
I did not contact the law as no one else heard the comment he made. Some of my friends told me to report him in case something happens to me. Do any of you have knowledge or information on bipolar?
I do care about him, but I care more about myself. I know what alcoholism does to people and he is a bomb ticking away. I have to work hard to take care of myself at this time in my life. Thanks for letting me get this out as I have been so angry, hurt and upset with myself.
Oh Diane I recognize the vulnerability. When I met the A years ago he was so sweet so devoted and so concerned about helping out. Then he turned. The turning was very very subtle at first. There were the demands, there was a coldness. Then there was the alternation between being sweet and demanding. There are lots of signs. Thank you so for your post. I recognize I did not have for most of my life self protective mechanisms. I do now more so. I can move away when people are not good to me.
I am glad you came back. I hope you will learn how to take care of yourself. I am learning slowly but surely. One thing I do is to go see a counselor just for me. I can imagine the grief you are going through is a lot. Did you think about going to a grief support group. I have turned completely away from the A for any kind of emotional support. That really helps me tremendously.
What concerns me Diane is why you're looking for reasons to stay. I mean, you're seeing the red flags, your stomach is grinding and yet you're asking us to tell you about bi polar?
Girl, listen to yourself! You know what to do! Get out! Let him loose! He needs a one way ticket to a bottom! Not someone to be his whipping post (or worse!).
Looks to me like you are dong the right thing - you have not contacted him, he is not contacting you - look at it as a lucky escape. You know that you do not want to be in a relationship where these things happen. You know that if it happened once it can happen again, if nothing else has changed.
Unless he comes to you with details of the counselling he is going to, and the treatment he is taking, nothing has changed, and nothing will.
Sounds like it could be dangerous - please take care of yourself. Years ago, I dated a sick, jealous man who followed me from one State to another. I had to hide from him before he finally found someone else and I never saw him again.
Be glad if you don't hear from him again and move on with your life. These days, we have stalking laws and restraining orders. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Many hugs.
Personaly, I have a son who has been diagnosed as bipolar/schizo effictive. He also will not stay on meds or see a Dr. He also abuses drugs and alcohol. These go together.
Please know that as long as he refuses to acknowledge his diagnosis and continues to self medicate with the drugs and alcohol, it is not safe to be around him. This was a hard thing for me as my son's mother, but it is true. Until he accepts his illness and the proper medications and treatment, my son is the same way. He is 36.
Obviously you are a very caring person; but us caring people can get so caught up in this disease ..... and we are only human.
We didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. There is someone who has all power and knows all ... and can restore us all to sanity .....trust Him!
Thank you all for your kind words and support~I know I need to take care of myself and do whatever is necessary to protect myself. You are all great people and I am glad to be back ... God bless and hugs everyone!
We haven't forgotten you it is so nice to see you back. You were strong enough last time around to put yourself first - you can do it again. Far better to be on your own and alive I reckon. You have too much to lose your sanity was restored and you could quickly lose it again. Think about what your Mum would want for you in the present circumstances. Keep posting so we know you are okay and don't lose touch. Luv Leo xxx
, and had two more deaths in my family since then~ my aunt and my grandma, then was fired from my job in November...I have had a hell of a time dealing with everything and have become very vulnerable and lonely..The holidays were very hard on me, but I made it...My mom was my best friend and I miss her so much..I have been seeing a lady to work thorough my fears, guilt and loneliness...
