The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have shared before about my DIL coming here every day for lunch. It is now going on 3 months and I am having lots of anxiety about it. On Friday I was just waiting for the "Big Blow" afraid I might say something I would regret. She came 25 minutes late with a bouquet of flowers for watching the DGK. So here it is Sunday evening and I am already afraid of this coming week. Her mother was killed in a car accident 7 years ago-so perhaps I am her "surrogate" (sp) Mom to her. She is very quiet so it is hard for me to always think of something to talk about. Perhaps this is a "safe haven" for her at noon-she does'nt know anyone here in town-but Gosh I never retired to stay here at lunch every day. I really feel at this point I cannot talk to her about it-I am afraid--(people pleaser)Bonnie
Maybe you could ween her slowly from coming everyday. Is there something that you can do outside the house a couple of days a week? If you don't have the nerve(and I completely understand that lol) to just tell her that you don't want to be tied down every day to have a lunch date with her...then start slow and have something to do at lunch time a couple of days a week.
It is hard...especially if she is feeling like you are standing in for her mom but the resentment will eat you up in the long run if you keep doing something you really don't want to be doing.
Hate that you are feeling you still have to walk on "egg shells" Maybe the next time she drops off the kids you can say "I hate that we are going to miss our lunch tomorrow, but I have tons of errands to run all day tomorrow. I wanted to let you know so you can make other plans for lunch - then we can have the next day for our time together"
Hopefully that not only reassure her, but also give her a chance to cultivate new relationships with other people (co-workers, friends) over lunch.
Hoping you & your DIL develop a healthy & happy relationship,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
