The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A is in the hospital for the 5th time in 2 months because of his drinking. He was very, very sick & escaped a heart attack again but he's getting close to no-escape. At home I can detach, & deal with my A husband when he tries to cause an argument, manipulate me etc. by separating the man & the disease and just not participating. In the hospital, I see him with the nurses that are trying to make him more comfortable. He treats the situation as though he was in some sort of hotel asking for all kinds of outrageous things. I can tell sometimes they are confused by his behavior & don't know how to respond to him. It makes me so angry, I am ashamed. I feel that my presence & witnessing of this is somehow suppporting this behavior. Then I feel I have to try to reason with him, which of course doesn't work( then I look the idiot for even trying to reason with him) I don't know how to handle this situation & I hate seeing innocent people hurt.
My opinion/observation may or may not be correct, but I have a hunch that a lot of nurses are married to alcoholics. I wish they would know more about Alanon in their training.
He's the one who should have the anger and shame, yet you are experiencing it for him. Let it go, surrender. Detachment with love. You can't control his behavior and you're not responsible for it.
Also, I think the nurses are stronger than you think. They are used to dealing with sick people, of all stripes, and won't let him walk all over them forever.
Anyway, he is not you. You have no reason to be ashamed of what HE does - do you think HE is ashamed when you act badly? His actions do not reflect on you. If it really is bothering you, you know what? Don't visit him. There's no law says you have to.
what he does is no reflection on you. The nurses are professionals, they have seen worse believe me. It is not up to you to try to protect them.
What he does is him hon. We cannot take care of anyone but ourselves. If he is an idiot to you, then he is. I would just let it go. As you saw, you cannot change it. Imagine if he told you what to do, or if he told you, you were acting stupid.
No one likes to be told what to do.
Part of our journey in alanon is to learn to completly let go of trying to control another person. It cannot be done. We cannot fly like a bird, do we try to change that? It is just as rediculous to try to change an A to make us comfortable. Or try to make them not look stupid.
My A, geez, we went to the emergency room and he is telling the nurse he can find a vein and put his own iv in. Acted like it was so cool of him. Made me want to throw up. He of course did not realized how very sad that was, what a loser it made him sound like.
Since they would not get him narcotics, he pulled out the rv and just left. I was livid. I did not say a word, just contemplated if I could get him to open his door when we were going about 55 and shove him out....LOL not really.
I know how you feel. I get so sad and sick when I think back how retarded he looked drinking. Here was my husband who used to have so much integrity and pride. Now he is a drug addict living with a prostitute who is dieing from cancer, using her drugs...sick. I wonder who he has lined up after her. He will find someone to suck dry. Maybe not, he is not handsome anymore.
So if he is acting in a way that bugs ya, leave the room and go look at the babies, or go sit in the waiting room. go to the cafeteria. I know the one up here at OHSU is horribly good...
I used to check out all the gift shops too. Just to get away.
