The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so can i feel sorry for myself here? i HATE to do that.
i just dropped off my kids at their dad's house....the kids are there one night a week only....it was all nice and cozy and cleaned by his new partner....i come home to my house - big,messy,full of toys,laundry,dishes,papers and the anxiety of me doing it all here. i feel overwhelmed and wish my life was neater. i want a partner to clean and be with happily and to help with childrearing....instead i have a boyfriend in rehab who comes home to who knows where and has no job and is in early recovery....and as one of you said...unable to keep a plant alive for the first year of sobriety!!!
what am i doing?! yes i love this person and despite the effects of the disease, he has brought joys and changes into my life i could never have dreamed of. he also played a role in me making it to alanon...which i think i might have needed before meeting him, now that i see myself and my codependancy so clearly.
i am one who counts blessings constantly and sees strength and beauty in all this mess - and i know my house is filled with mostly love - not just clutter. BUT tonight i embarassingly feel sorry for myself and wish my boyfriend was not such a mess and was better able to be the partner to help me manage this house.
i know i have to count on and focus on me....but i don't want to do it alone either.
Hi Fifi... I'm sorry you're feeling down tonight. Believe me, I've soooo been there. When I'm feeling low, everything is an enormous, overwhelming task!!!
In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to sit and wallow... the important part is to not stay there too long. Get back up and get stuff done... it makes you feel WAY better!!!
Keep your chin up... and take care of you!!!
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I am in the same boat... my wife called me mr mom. LOL You know what, there is a certain beauty in all that stuff scattered around your house and mine. It is life happening without the chaos of A'ism residing here for me. It is almost a pleasure to pick it up without fighting over how it got there, who's going to pick it up, why it represents some deep hole of self pity in my AW.
I acturally enjoy doing it today. I hope you see that you are not alone. I may not be picking up beside you, but I am picking up the peices of my life along with you... we all are. You have us all the time.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I can relate to your glum-ness...My husband, now a sober A, doesn't usually take any responsibility for things around the house. Lately, though, I do have to give him kudos for doing laundry without me asking him to, and for unloading the dishwasher on his own...lol. His business (he's self-employed) has been very slow for the last month or so, and he's around the house TOO MUCH for my comfort, so he does try to do some things. But for the most part, I am the one who remembers the things that need to be done for the household to run smoothly. (I also have my own business, which has been slow lately too.) He doesn't want or seem to want to take responsibility. For instance, the basement has a water leak from outside (it's an old house), but he doesn't care about it. I often imagine our foundation just collapsing because of it, lol, but he never thinks of it.
He hates to do yard work. He hates to do work inside the house. He just never thinks about things. Unloading the dishwasher, I ask him in a nice way to please stack the plastic bowls in the cabinet, so there will be more room, and he'll say, I will do my best. Next time he unloads it, guess what? He forgets to stack them...Most times I let things go, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore. Obvious things, not just stacking the bowls...lol.
Sometimes, though, it's like he can't remember me asking him. I wonder if the alcohol killed a few of his brain cells...? I've asked him once before, nicely, is that comment, "I will do my best", an "out" of sorts, so that if he forgets to do things again, he can say he did his best? The funny thing, on New Year's Eve, we had AA and Alanon friends over and played this game called '80's Trivia. Guess who knew all but one of the answers, even when it wasn't his turn? THOSE brain cells weren't dead. Everyone commented on how he could know all the answers? Those were some of his heavy drinking days...lol.
Anyway, I think I'm husband-bashing, lolol. Sorry for that, just wanted to say that I yearn for him to be involved in day-to-day things. I don't want to be the only one who thinks of these things. It's not like I was born knowing what needs to be done. I had to learn, and I think he's capable of learning too.
He hates to do work inside the house. 
Unloading the dishwasher, I ask him in a nice way to please stack the plastic bowls in the cabinet, so there will be more room, and he'll say, I will do my best. Next time he unloads it, guess what? He forgets to stack them...Most times I let things go, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore. Obvious things, not just stacking the bowls...lol.