The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If you have always been afraid of change then making changes doesn't feel so wonderful. I am a creature of habit. I don't like change. Even as a child going to the next grade level gave me anxiety because it was a new teacher, new kids, etc. My AH has always been in constant change and seems to welcome it. He has this feeling that maybe happiness is just around the corner with that new change. I have been comfortable in my complacentcy within myself for so long now, that making small changes within myself seems like an arduous task. It takes more energy for me to even take a step towards change.
In today's Courage To Change it says, "Taking some tiny action each day can be much more effective than weeks and months of inactivity followed by a frenzied attempt to make radical changes overnight". When radical changes happen in my life overnight I feel like I was just robbed or the "rug was just ripped out" from under me. I cried for days when I had to change my kids daycare; because I was comfortable with the teacher's and the care they were receiving. My kids handled it much better than me. LOL!! I would love for change to gradually happen, but its always the unexpected things in life that occur all at once. I think working this program is helping me to change things about myself in a slow and steady process, but I feel like I get stuck and want to revert back to the "old behaviors".
Those habits die hard for a person who has had difficulty embracing change. I am the one that has kept my own healing from happening at times for fear of change and the unknown. So this year I will practice releasing that fear of the unknown and fear of change to my HP. Leaping forward in blind faith if I have to. My HP takes care of me no matter what, but I still feel that fear when faced with challenges. I have spent so much time trying to change that in which I had no business trying to change, no power to change, that I exhausted my energy and had nothing left to change what I could... me.
Just sharing... thanks for listening.
Peace,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thanks for posting about changes. I needed to hear it today. My life is full of changes at the moment. It just all seems to be going on. I have to adjust constantly. A whirlwind.
"Courage to Change" is my bible through it all. I know that in life change is enevitable. Yes, we can make choices, and constantly have to. I think it's important to learn to adapt to change and sometimes just to accept.
I try to put my faith in HP in times of change. I have found that he always sees me through.
Love and blessings to you and your family. Happy new year. AM
I so understand the way you feel about change. I too felt the same way for so long.
It takes a while to undo the responses and habits of a lifetime. And it takes, just like that title says, Courage! I have found that courage in the rooms of al-anon. And I am changing....slowly. I still get that ucky feeling anytime I am about to do something out the the norm for me..but more and more I just ignore it. Because I recognize it for what it is now....fear laced with a touch of self-doubt a belief that somehow doing something I havent done before will result in some failure on my part.
But, I am learning that is just junk inside of me. I don't know where it came from, growing up with an alcoholic father? Grandfather? Passed down in my genes? I don't know. And it doesn't matter anymore. I believe my HP loves me. Wants me to be happy. Wants me to be what He has in plan for me. And I know I just have to trust. Trust in Him. Trust in myself.
It gets easier. I started small with those changes...the first thing I can consciously remember doing different was mowing my front yard in the opposite direction from what I had been mowing it for 10 years. My sponsor suggested that. It made me laugh. How could so simple a thing make any difference? But it did. It felt great! Almost like I was getting away with something....I don't know. But it continues to spread that willingness to embrace change.
Anyway, thank you for posting..I needed the reminder!
