The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to give some hope to those out there who might be new to al-anon. I've been going to meetings for about one and a half years now. I was a real mess when I first arrived and wasn't really sure how it could help me because like most people I was seeking someone to tell me what to do. I left the first meeting with Courage to Change and read page after page several times a day marking so many things that appied to me.
I think my biggest problem at the time was anger. I was just furious with the world and my life. I took those feelings out on everyone. Sometimes I would express it and other times I'd be seething inside my head. It's pathetic how angry I got really over the slightest little things. God forbid anyone who brought me the wrong food order at a restaurant. I would not be a happy camper.
I wanted to share because last night I actually felt happy and I do at this very moment also. I can't tell you how long it's been where I felt happy with myself and my life. I'm actually happy right in this moment. I'm enjoying today. How weird is that? It's a strange feeling for me. It's been so long since I felt this way.
It's been a long hard struggle to get to this point and I'm sure I'll be down again. Maybe tomorrow, maybe by 3 o'clock this afternoon something will trigger me, but it's a huge breakthrough for me and I know that it will continue to get even better from this moment on no matter what my ex-AH does to get my blood simmering or for that matter what ever else life throws at me. That's been a breakthrough too. The blood simmering instead of boiling for days on end. Now my blood pressure raises slightly and I recite some of my al-anon quotes and I'm able to bring myself back down ever reminding myself that I am ruining my day by being angry not anyone else's.
I'm not perfect and I don't have to be. I just have to try a little harder on one small thing one day at a time to improve myself. Those two sentences were revelations to me when I heard them. It's ok to be angry sometimes, but I now focus on the trigger that makes me angry, so I can deal with it instead of letting it get out of control.
To all those who are new. Please keep working the program and listen to all the wonderful people who share in al-anon. I have heard so many wise words that have helped change me into a better person.
Isn't it great when you start noticing that you are feeling different sometimes. I remember not too long ago laying in bed. My thoughts jumped to my A son. I was projecting something about him. I don't remember anymore what is was. Anyway at that moment I got that really anxious feeling in my stomach. (that is where I feel my anxiety) I remember thinking..."Wow, I haven't had that feeling in awhile". I use to have it so often that I guess I thought it was a normal feeling but after not feeling it for awhile it really stood out to me.
I am so glad that you are happy in this moment. May this moment turn into many more moments in the future.
Thank you for sharing your recovery with us. I remember when I had that feeling for the first time and it was great. I felt like me again, before the disease of A'ism came into my life. It those days that keep me going and lets me know that I still have good times to live in my life. Just because someone I love chooses to use drugs or alcohol or rage at me or the kids, doesn't mean that I shouldn't take care of me and enjoy that which is in front of me. I guess I'm learning that even the most dreariest of days can be enjoyable if I choose to change my mindset and how I think about that day or situation while I'm in it.
Peace,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
thank you. As a new member to the group all the encouragment that I can get right now is so much appreciated. I always have my guard up. I let it down for about 6 months while my A was not drinking and now I feel my guard is once again up. I snap at the stupidest things! I am really trying to control myself espcially with my son. I am all too familiar with the anger. Everyone thinks I am such a B... but inside I am someone who is hurting.
Thanks so much for your post! I, too, have been in the program about 1.5 years and just did my 5th step today. Like you, its incredible to look back and see where I was when I started this program and where I am today, with new tools, better attitude, better sense of self and self-care. As we start a new year I feel so grateful and fortunate to have found this program. I know I still have a way to go, but like you I'm a happier, healthier person thanks to Al-Anon!
Here's to your continued happiness and recovery. A happy, healthy new year to you and to all in MIP! Thanks for sharing your experience.
