The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I have been relieved that AH has not been drinking but I find
that I am still angry and frightened whether he is or isn't. If he is eating loudly I feel angry at his eating loudly.
I blame the irritation on him but I need to take a look at myself. (Although it seems ok when I do it).
When he wants me to do something with him (of course I run to do it), I am
angry at him. Then I remind myself that I am angry at me for needing to caretake,
please, control, etc. instead of saying no.
When he yells from the other room, to please come and see if our cat is feeling OK, my adrenaline starts gearing up. I need to tell him please stop doing this. Getting alarmed
makes me feel afraid. Is there something wrong with me or is it him.
When I had my cigarettes and food this stuff didn't bug me so much but now I feel like I all emotions loud and clear, both his and mine and it hurts.
That is a hugh part of what Al-anon is about. And probably why it was started in the first place! When they stop drinking that is for them. And sometimes it seems to magnify our own problems when they start trying to work on theirs!
Keep coming back. Start working those steps! I was sitting in a meeting last night and once again it got so clear in my mind (cuz my mind can't stay clear...it tends to forget those epiphanies it sometimes has ) That being in recovery means we gotta work on us and in Al-Anon that makes working this program to the best of our ability and THAT means going to meetings, reading the literature, talking to alanoners and working those steps!
We get so much gunk built up in us by living around the disease of alcholism. It doesnt just go away when the drinking stops. We have to dig it all out ourselves.
Of course you go through stages of anger and fear. It's a normal part of recovery. Sometimes the way ahead can seem rather cloudy. But it is all progress, a way forward.
I lived in this hazy craze for ages, kept slipping back. It's so painful, I know.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. We are all only human afterall.
renah I think for me, it was hard becuz he was not the same anymore. He was brain damaged. A's tear their bodies up.
Also as they use, we grow up and mature, they do not. When my A got sober, he was like a 19 year old. so in essense we are married to children.
I found it very irritating or sad, when he had no dreams. All he wanted to do was work.Could not enjoy the ocean or a walk in the mountains. Sadly a lot for mine was he has horrible tinnitis, a constant awful ringing in his head.
Anyway, I found when I felt like you describe, it was more something I was missing not really him at all. I was feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.
And also just becuz they do not drink, means zero. Unless they are on a plan of recovery, changeing behaviors,setting goals, reading lit. going to meetings. they are just stagnent. Not very attractive.
So what do you want and need? Are you saying you are out of food and cig.s? did not get that part.If you are, that sure would not help your mood
This would be a great time to get a sponsor and start working on the steps. It would also be a fantastic time to start volunteering down at central office, answering phones, packing and unpacking books, doing whatever they need.
This is the time where you start establishing your life as a seperate entity from his. Like it was said, you take a drunken horse theif to AA and he gets sober, you still have the horse theif; he just doesn't drink any more.
) That being in recovery means we gotta work on us and in Al-Anon that makes working this program to the best of our ability and THAT means going to meetings, reading the literature, talking to alanoners and working those steps!