The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
happy new year everyone so i am trying so hard to focus on me and take care of me and my life while A boyfriend is away at rehab getting sober, but it is HARD WORK. getting doctors and dentist appointment for me and the kids, having fun with them (we flew a kite today and the joy in their eyes...ahhh), seeing friends i avoided while he was here, taking walks...but it all seems to take so much energy. i find it exhausting to do all this. i think about all i did while he was here, and i think i was running on adrenaline from all the upset/drunkeness/etc. now that it is for me - it seems like an effort. i want it to be natural! i am also exhausted because my mind can't get off issues about him....i wish my mind would settle. i wish it was easier to take care of myself. i guess its cause i'm new here....i haven't built up those self care muscles yet.....
then i am scared because am i strong enough to do all this when he comes back....even with him sober...can i hold onto myself and my self care? and do it gracefully? who knows...but i sure will try.
i continue to gain strength from you all every day.....thank you for being here! fifi
it's very refreshing to see how quickly you grasp on to the program!!! keep up your strength (uhm, you'll need it after Hs rehab....) and keep coming back and sharing, your weaknesses are OUR common bond.
much love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Resting is part of self care too - take it easy. I understnda about the 'holding it togehter with adrenaline' bit - sometimes I am just amazed at how much I used to get done. But, you know, most of it didn't really NEED to be done - it was just me proving how good I was, trying to make up for all the deficiencies that I thought I had, or my A told me I had....
Fi it is my experience that the best thing is to take things as they come. Take things slow, one thing at a time. do not look too far ahead.
Remember, you are sick also. You may need to take time to just nap. refresh you. Get into a good routine of resting. It is hard just being a mom uno?
Are you eating right? drinking water? taking vitamins?
Sobriety is miniscule in the whole picture. Using is only a symptom of the whole disease. When he gets out, AA recommends ninety meetings in ninety days. They learn to not be manipulative, to be polite again, not to lie, to face awful truths, to make amends, to give, to listen to care about others.
We develop our own program. I do my best to not cuss, tell the truth, follow the law, look at myself in a positive way, set boundaries.
My boundaries are, or some, treat me with respect, honor me as your mother, wife friend, as I do you, do not bring any drugs to my home, My home is a sanctuary for animals and people. NO living thing is to cause any hassle or drama or evilness here.
anyway I sure hope he does well. But the focus is on you. How can we make you feel better?
debilyn...thankyou. those words just helped alot. A is a disease where drinking is only a symptom...i guess that is what is scaring me right now. thank you for reminding me i am sick too and need care and rest. today i just want to cry.
You know that is ok too. Right? As you learn to be strong you don't have to erase your feelings. I am a guy... from Texas... and I really haven't allowed myself any of those mushy emotions. It's healthy to push through your fear, sadness, anxiety and lonelyness. Someone told me here that feeling them is normal and a good thing... staying there too long can cause issues.
Feel sad, cry and release those emotions and move on, and do something good for yourself.
The saying "when I got busy I got better..." is so true for me.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Have you ever been to chiropractor? It's a very exciting experience. As they snap and crack your bones, you go through all these different feelings. You even get a pamphelt. In it, it discusses the various stages of recovery in chiropracty.
The first stage is called, no joke here, dead serious, Detox. Because your body has become so used to functioning in a catch as catch can manner, as it adjusts to the fact that it doesn't have to do that, it becomes stressed: it's trying to catch up on all those years when it couldn't get blood to the proper places, or get enough. It's draining all the crap out. It's cleaning out all the crap.
And you feel like sh****!
You, my dear, are in detox. You're acting as if. You're faking it till you make it. Nothing wrong with being tired. Nothing wrong with wondering what the next right thing is.
But you also know the solution. Easy does it. First things first. Just for today. Let it begin with me. You know what you're doing. Just do it.
i hear that! when i got busy i got better.....perfect. i just had a busy morning after a few tears and things make a little more sense...or at least seem to. i have wondered, what do men get to do with those feelings of loneliness,sadness,fear? i am curious. i don't know many that are able to have a good cry. i am thankfull that this place exists for you all to express some of it...we all have to have the means of healing.
i get so much strength from you all....thanks for the permission to feel,cry,rest and get busy.
i go to a meeting, chop wood, retreat into my head, ask myself why i can't let it out, be miserable... then, okay, this is hypothetical... probably not true... i'll deny it if you tell anyone... possibly, i let it out in the shower. i guess i face it, naked (noo, not so i can easily find something to laugh at afterwords). and if i cry, well, heck, i'm already wet, noone will know. and the hot water makes me feel better, too.
feel free to enter your caveman comments with love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
