The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Son called yesterday. He had been seeing his boss' daughter on the sly. She is 17 or 18 but parents don't want her having a boyfriend. A mutual friend of theirs spilled the beans New Year's Eve I guess.
Son spends alot of time at their house and often eats there. Yesterday the mom called him to come over. When he got there she as he put it "wailed on him". It now appears he has lost his job as well as the families help and friendship.
I didn't know what to say to him.
Last night went with A to an open AA meeting. First time either of us had been to this meeting. It was nearby a recovery house. It was a large meeting with little long term sobriety present as apparent by the shares. In fact one of the 1st shares was to advise everyone that a 10 year sober member had picked up again and just took his life.
I left there so depressed.
Everyone struggling big time and few if any strong enough in recovery to sponsor anyone let alone the large number in need there.
Maybe it was just that meeting. I sure hope there are better ones out there which will offer some positive reinforcement. All these guys did was moan and complain. A was pretty quiet after the meeting and didn't seem to want to talk about his thoughts. Wonder if he was as depressed as I was.
If it were me...I would continue those open AA meetings. Granted, that one may have been heart breaking....but only in the rooms of AA was I able to develop compassion for the A. In those rooms, I was able to have hope. I wasn't there to understand the A. I would here my story, time and time again. The part about the wife, the part about the child, the part about the girlfriend, the part about the friend. I learned if they could have changed it, they would have. I learned I wasn't much different from the A....if I could have changed it I would have.
I have watch people come to AA of their own willingness, because a judge tells them to do so, because a wife or husband drags them kicking and screaming. I have watched many not want to be there. Sit there and say nothing or opening say they are just here to please a judge. Time and time again, I have watched those same people crack. They wanted something somebody else had. I have got to watch and see many hit their knees and ask for help.
There are many with several years, there are many with only days. It helps me to remember......this may very possibly be the longest this person has ever been sober in their life. What a joy to be able to watch their growth from the sidelines cheering them on. I love birthday nights. I love watching them all get their sobriety chips.
I have even watched many go back out to drinking. Including my first sponsor who was AA. Some come back and some do not. But, without AA, I wouldn't be where I am today. I attend AA and I am member of Al-anon. I need both to stay sober of my insanity......and I was pretty dawg-gone insane when I came in. The A's just told me to keep coming back and encouraged me to share.
Today, I attend more Al-anon then I do AA. I miss my AA meetings, so I am sure I will be making quite a few more. Thank you for posting this. It has helped me. There had been something eating at me....I couldn't put my finger on it...but now I know....I needed to find some hope. I need to remember to HALT not let myself get to hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.
I sure hope you continue to hit those AA meetings at that same place as well as others, and most of all hope you make face to face Alanon meetings. I have to have both to survive.
Different groups have different atmospheres, don't give up.
I am sad to read of your son. Wow cannot imagine someone telling an almost eighteen year old not to have a boyfriend.
Well at least not without being in groups or at her home. But as I wrote that, maybe it had something to do with religion.
Well I hope your son picks himself up and finds a job. Also hope he does not cont. to see her on the sly. But then I am sure it is not the first time in history or herstory that it has happened.
Sorry about your son. Sometimes when you don't know what to say, it is a time to be silent. Wish I could remember that.
As for your bad AA meeting. Yes they can be depressing. But as A reminds, it's what you get out of it that's the important thing. He has said that as of late the meetings have been on the bit gloomy side. But don't give up on them. It could be the time of year. One of our favorite meetings has had so little attendence that it's been disolved. That's too bad. As for the 10 year vet giving into the addiction and taking their life. That's the sad part of this disease. It knows no boundaries. However when I told A about it, he said that if any good comes out of it, it is the fact that it makes him more steadfast in his determination to stay sober and die sober. Perhaps others will feel that way. Keep looking for other meetings, I know there are good ones out there.
Love and blessings to you and your family. Happy New Year!
Live strong,
Karlynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I agree - the example of what going back out can bring is 'sobering' in the most real sense. If it is possible for you to talk about that meeting with your husband, you may find that he got something very different out of it than you did - a reminder of where he was, and where he could be, without his program. It doesn't have to be uplifting and positive to help, sometimes.
