The material presented
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level.
This is my first time posting on here. I've been with my husband for 9 yrs. We have 2 children together and he has 2 from a previous relationship. When I met him, he was 28 and an active alcoholic. We would go out together in the beginning and I would drink with him. I wound up moving in with him and his sister about 6 months after we met. After a while, the drinking started to get old and I pretty much started to rebel against it. I would ask them if there was anything else we could do besides drink and he would wind up getting pissed at me and get drunk without me.
Any way, to try to make a long story short, we have broken up and gotten back together countless times in the first few years, mainly due to his drinking. He is a "social drinker" ONLY. He does NOT drink at home and never drinks alone. He has 5 brothers and sisters, all of which are either alcoholics themselves or are married to one. So I am basically outnumbered and cannot compete with this situation. Things have gotten slightly better as the years have gone by. His drinking bouts are fewer and further between but lately it seems that his addictive personality is back again, FULL FORCE. There is so much more to this story than I can type here but I would like to find out if there is anyone out there who has been through similiar circumstances because I cannot go on like this any more and need some advice.
My heart goes out to you. Our situations are different, but the similarities in behaviour with all alcoholics and/or addicts is generally why this wonderful place and Al-anon as a whole was formed.
A few things that will give you the opportunity to realize you are not alone. By clicking on the names of people in here, then "view profile" will pull up both 'topics started' and most recent 'posts'. for most of us, our stories are there. we came here and put our stories in this safe place because the CHAOS, INSANITY, and pain caused by living and dealing with an alcoholic became too great. As with our A (addicts), we hit a bottom or we recognize the problems have become too intense for us to handle alone, so we reach out to gain ESH (that is, experience, strength, and hope) from others that have been in similar circumstances. We do our best to work the Al-Anon 12 step program, and use the tools and skills learned from the literature, our fellowship, and face to face meetings to start a journey of recovery for OURSELVES. In doing that, many many people have found that their lives have improved greatly, and another miracle is that we find that work POSITIVELY affects the life of our addicted loved one.
Alcoholics are notorious liars and manipulators... they are masters of deception; it is called the cunning and baffling disease for a reason -- that no matter who sees it, diagnoses it, treats it, it will never get better until the individual takes the responsibility and the COURAGE to face it and WANT to get better.
YOU are not alone. I truly recommend you find an Al-anon meeting in your local area and attend; what you will find is a safe and secure place where you can release your frustrations, anger, and resentment. Ya know, they say if you attend 3 face to face meetings and you are not satisfied, they will refund your misery!!!
Please, keep coming back and read and post with us. You might not like all of us, but we are here to give love and support, all the same.
with love and brightest blessings cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
wecome! i first posted only a week or two ago for the first time....i am single mom of two little girls...Aboyfriend of the past year in rehab now...he went after i asked him to leave because i was miserable and my life had become unmanageable and i was powerless in the face of alchohol. since reading and posting i have gained such strength,laughed outloud (lol) , seen myself in others writings in ways that have really opened my eyes. i encourage you to come and read and share and heal and learn about yourself. glad you are here. fifi
My story is similar to yours, you are not alone. My husband and I have been married almost 9 years. Unfortunately I am in the process of divorce now. I also have a family of inlaws who have addiction problems. You'll find thru reading the posts that we all have common situations with our A's whether they are spouses, children, boy/girl friends, parents or any other relationship. I welcome you to MIP and Alanon, I wish for you the peace of mind and comfort I have found here. Keep coming back and keep posting. I'm glad you are here.
I drank with my husband too, it was only after I had kids that I stopped the partying and then realized that he wasn't stopping with me. I had to grow up because he had no intention of doing so. Then I was accused of not being any fun anymore.
No matter if you are outnumbered or not - the A will always find a way of making sure that everything ends up being your fault - this is a symptom of his disease, so don't take it personally. If he were surrounded by sober people, then he would 'have' to drink to comfort himself for his isolation! All you can do is learn not to get sucked into his BS, so you can live a life that you choose - whether it is with him or without him.
lin0606 wrote: I drank with my husband too, it was only after I had kids that I stopped the partying and then realized that he wasn't stopping with me. I had to grow up because he had no intention of doing so. Then I was accused of not being any fun anymore.
No matter if you are outnumbered or not - the A will always find a way of making sure that everything ends up being your fault - this is a symptom of his disease, so don't take it personally. If he were surrounded by sober people, then he would 'have' to drink to comfort himself for his isolation! All you can do is learn not to get sucked into his BS, so you can live a life that you choose - whether it is with him or without him.
Welcome, this is the right place for you.
OMG this is MY story to the T. I need a rubber stamp of this when I need to tell my story. It's crazy how the disease manipulates their surroundings almost the same ways. How frustrating.
My only words of wisdom is he needs help and you can not make him do it. Remember the three C's. You did not cause it, you can not control it and you can not cure it. That was my life saving phrase that saved my life! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have no tolerance for my ah. He's about to have a rude awakening (or not) but his loyal and faithful wife is filing for a divorce and moving on. I know what I have to offer and it will no longer be his. He can not be my problem any longer. Stay strong and keep coming here.
lin0606 wrote: I drank with my husband too, it was only after I had kids that I stopped the partying and then realized that he wasn't stopping with me. I had to grow up because he had no intention of doing so. Then I was accused of not being any fun anymore.
No matter if you are outnumbered or not - the A will always find a way of making sure that everything ends up being your fault - this is a symptom of his disease, so don't take it personally. If he were surrounded by sober people, then he would 'have' to drink to comfort himself for his isolation! All you can do is learn not to get sucked into his BS, so you can live a life that you choose - whether it is with him or without him.
Welcome, this is the right place for you.
Sounds just like my tale of woe, too. The drinking got old for me about a month after we got married, 8 years ago, and I grew up. I'm still waiting for my AH to try doing that. He is dry right now, because he was arrested Saturday afternoon for DUI (3rd time in the last 4 years). So he's detoxing in the jail this time. Since this is the 3rd, I'm pretty sure he's going to end up doing jail time. He's certainly earned it.
I decided I couldn't live this life anymore. The kids (I have 3 - 7-1/2, 6 in 3 weeks, and 4 on Friday) and I deserve so much more. My A does too, he just doesn't realize he's worth sobriety. His family is full of addictions and mental disorders, too. Anyway, I packed up the kids, left and filed for divorce at the end of September. He still doesn't think I'm going through with it, though. He seems to live in a world only he can understand.
One of my biggest problems: I still feel responsible for him. I understand that alcoholism is a disease, and if I were dealing with any other illness, I would never consider walking away. I'd take care of him and help him fight it. I took a vow - until death do us part - and I am really having a hard time with that. But this one he has to fight without me. I just don't have the energy left to fight this battle any longer. I'd rather spend my time and energy focusing on building a new life for me and the kids.
