The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now my son has gone bonkers. He is bi polar. The last two days he has called and been awful. Sounding so like the A when he emotionally abused me.
When he called last night I was shocked how awful he was. Does not cuss much but any is too much for me. I won't go into it.
I immediately told my self it is his disease talking. It was so weird. I even was afraid he would come out here. I told him when he can talk to me with respect and honor to call me. Of course he turned it around to me telling him not to call.
No he does not use. It is the bi polar. Been years and years since he was like this.
I know it is all the pressure. He cannot take on too much. marriage, work, friends. so he just cuts me out.
I am doing my best to care for me. Thank hp I got 5 bales of hay and one straw up to the barn yesterday. with this stress my body just collapses.
Am still packing. Decided to move into my little rental and rent this house of bad memories.
I will have almost all my land and barn and all. I can afford to be there. In time my part of the house payment would be only $200. power is nothing over there. I could afford heat. Be so so much cheaper to live. Plus I can add on a big den easily. Or I can redo my cabin at my barn.
Hp has plans, I can feel it. so I am slowly packing and will paint my whole interior and touch up stuff.The plan is to move over there in the spring. I will have to move all my plants....
I am concentrating on all that, not my son. He has it in his head I take advantage of him. I don't appreciate him. told me the only reason he did the rental was becuz he would get paid for it. I said I thought you did it out of love??? I did pay him $600! Plus I gave him A's 4 wheel drive big pickup. nice big chevy truck.
I constantly tell him I appreciate him. It was the disease talking. This is what makes it sooo important for our new ones to post. I am the oldest one here most the time, and I need you. You remind me I am not alone and that you understand. NO matter how long we are in alanon, we need each other.
I am very ok. still sorta happy and one foot in front of the other. Putting up yet another fence for my pot bellied pigs. got to get them out of the mud. for them and me. i hate feeding them back there. almost finished too. Put up a huge heavy long gate. 14 feet.
sad I cannot move the condos over there but it will be ok.
I can so understand your frustration with the abusive son. I have been there more than once. When he called and was blaming me for his addiction (I was too easily manipulated thus I taught him how to manipulate people) I told him that he could blame me for turning out the way he did but HE has to take responsibility for staying that way. No I do not accept the blame for his situation anymore, I did at first but after a lot of time in Al-Anon I have learned that I really did not cause this.
He hasn't told me that it's all my fault again and it felt so good to take my control back. Way too often we let their sickness take total control of us and it's so great to take it back again.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
this program has given me so much, after only a few months, that i'd be a fool not to continue. put aside all the skills and tools ya learn, the gift of fellowship itself is HUGE. i'm finding myself craving to talk with people who have a program. on the flip-side, the "normal" people out there, well, to me they are just all over the place. i think most of them (such as my family) lose sight of any kind of path -- it just gets muddled in the everyday. anyhow, i hope ya'all know what i mean -
with love, always cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry too that your son is going thru a rough time. So many people who have diseases like bi polar have trouble this time of year, not an excuse it just is that way.
I'm proud of you for sticking to your plans and finding a way to make yourself happy. Take care of yourself as best you can. Smooch one of them pot bellies for me, I've always wanted to know what the snout would feel like to touch. LOL I know you will understand my interest in smooching and petting a pot belly pig. Even if most of the rest of the world thinks I am a nut
((((((((((((debilyn)))))))))))) Much love sweetheart!!! I am sorry to hear your son is not treating you well.. Just hang in there your doing a good job and encouraging us all!!!!!
Well thoink you. (c: bubbles did I tell ya my gma and gpa had a fat little fox terrier named bubbles? Who she knitted her a sweater and she tore it up??probably did....
dang the bi polar. I am doing my best to stop the dang memories of what he said as it was all so stupid. Wanted to put ridiculous but is it that or rediculous? I can spell stuupid. haha
Well I just hate to lose him. We were so close. I do understand though, he is doing way too much for his condition. I wish he would have been more adult and said, "mom I am feeling so overwhelmed. I just cannot help you right now." Instead of what he said...
