Newbe who HAS to somehow let go.. - Al-Anon Family Group

Autumn118 · Newbie

Newbe who HAS to somehow let go..

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow what a dilema (hugs) you have to take care of your own needs -taking in a child that u are not able to care for would not be good for anyone and with out the support of your husb damn near impossible. Perhaps a foster home is the anwer for the child and you never know there are good ones out there and child may also get the councelling obviously needed once in the system , I am sure a judge would consider your postion as a grandparent and make sure u have suffient access to the child . So tht u can still be a part of thier life. You don't say if you are attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself I hope u will consider doing so if your not all ready u need support and u will find what u need in our prog. Good luck to you Louise

CJ · ~*Service Worker*~

((((autumn)))) (by the way, my favorite season)

i don't have any words or support, but i'll bet my left foot someone else here has been in a similar situation. i'm very happy that you've come this far and reached out. this website can be extraordinarily peace-giving.

again, welcome, and i'm sorry i have no advice, besides you take care of yourself and let your Higher Power in to give comfort. my love and prayers
cj

Mobirdie · Senior Member

((((Autumn))))

I have never been in exactly your position but close to it. My son is the A/D addict and when he was on his way down that long tunnel with custody of his two sons I knew I had to do something for the children. My son couldn't even take care of himself let alone his sons. The boys were pretty much just existing on pizza and whatever the school served for lunch. Their home life consisted of video games, TV and sleep. At the same time I also knew that I was so insane with his disease that I was not capable of taking them in and doing a good job. Hubby and I discussed it at length, I consulted a physician/therapist about the situation and this was my/our conclusion. If the birth mother was not able to take the boys then I was prepared to put them into a foster home with the stipulation that we have frequent visitation. It was a difficult situation but I knew that anything was better for them than where they were at.

The next step was to convince my son who was in a 24/7 stuper to send the children elsewhere.

Fortunately in my case the birth mother was capable of giving them a stable home with all of the love, attention and counseling that they needed. However, hubby and I were asked to take them to the airport. NOW that was difficult! I knew when I put those boys on that airplane that it would be a long time before I saw them again. They would be a good ten hours away from us. At the same time I knew that what I was doing for them was the best thing that I would ever be able to give them. The oldest of the two boys resisted saying that he could not go live with his mom he "had to stay here and take care of dad". When he said that, I knew what I was doing was for the best.

I can't tell you what to do but I can suggest this---Try to remove your emotions from the equation and do what is best for all concerned. And regardless of your decision keep in very close contact with this child, it will benefit both of you tremendously.

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you go to a church? Maybe they can help. I know there are so many adults out there who would love to have this little girl in their home. I do not personally know much about Foster homes. I hope you can find a way to help this poor child. I wish I lived near you, I would help you. All I can do is pray for you and that sweet child. God Bless

-- Edited by Friendofyours at 17:47, 2006-12-31

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF

Tel: 020 7403 0888

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

Autumn118 · Newbie

Not certain if I am replying correctly. I have given up temporary custody of my granddaughter to the other grandmother. It breaks my heart but that's what was necessary. My daughter came to court showing me a large cut on her thumb from her crack pipe. She was all smiles through the court hearing -- I hate my disease and hers.... My dry drunk husband thought I was asleep a little while ago, took the car and left.

Today is my payday with direct deposit. Trying to decide what to do if anything. Many thanks to this website for providing a reading list of wonderful books. I am learning about AlAnon through a terrific book called AlAnon and How it Works. Many thanks to all for being here.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.